Reviewer : Ellyz (KsJinz)

Author : bookowl1234

Title : Bumper Cars

Description : (3/5)
Based on the description, it isn't really interesting to me, plus, it's really long! The description actually doesn't really tell anything about the story plot. It's like a meaningless long description.Try adding a bit of the climax plot into the description so it can attract the readers and shorten the first three paragraphs.

Cover : (4/5)
The cover is absolutely fantastic! It's so pretty and attractive. Though, it doesn't really match the theme of the story.

Title : (2/5)
I don't understand why you put "Bumper Cars" as the title. The book is more about Aisha wanting to escape from her current life which is a disaster. However, when I read more into the story, I can't really find out the reason why you put the "Bumper Cars" as the title into the story. Do you get what I mean?

First Impression : (2/5)
Not gonna lie, my first impression on this book is a racer love story because of the title and the cover book. It changes though, when I read the description. I never thought the story was actually different from my thoughts. So, I recommend you to change the cover and title. Because, both of the points lead to the description sentence, "two lost souls searching for a home". Based on this sentence, it looks like two characters are working to achieve the same goal.

Readers Interaction : (8/10)
The reason why I increased the mark is because the readers of this book are pretty active! They didn't stay silent, instead, they commented pretty much on the story and the characters which are very good! Keep this up!

Story Plot : (8/10)
This book's plot is actually cliche. The concept isn't that cliche but the characters' personality and background is kind of cliche. However, it isn't boring like most of the cliche stories. I can't predict this book's story line and that is what I call cliche but unique.

Plot Twist : (4/10)
Yes, this story doesn't contain a unique plot twist which can make me jump. However, there's one though, because I really thought that Ashton would be Aisha's enemy and again, I was wrong! I recommend you to make a rare and unique plot twist that you, yourself won't think that isn't actually logical because a unique plot twist is what attracts readers.

Grammar : (5/10)
The grammar here definitely needs improvement. Stay on just one tense. If the story is happening right now, use present tense and if it's happening yesterday or in the past, then you need to use past tense.
{ "Eli came in when I put a spoonful of Nutella in my mouth and said come in" } In this sentence, it is stated that Eli is already in the room but then, you put the "said come in'' into the sentence which ruins it. Why do we need to give permission to someone who already does that thing? Either you remove "Eli came in '' or "said come in' from the sentence. Another thing, "spoon full" isn't the right word here. It's supposed to be, "spoonful".

{ He smiled at me "Mind If I sit a bit." } This is the most common mistake you always make. The first one is, you forgot to put a comma after "me". This is wrong, there are many times you forgot to put it. I wondered if it's intended or a mistake. The next one is punctuation. "Mind if I sit a bit." This sentence is more of a question in this situation. So, put a question mark before ending the sentence.

Another thing is, don't be confused with commas and periods. Especially in dialogue tags situations. Comma is used in dialogue tags either when the dialogue is before the dialogue tags or when the dialogue isn't fully complete. { "Hey! You're pretty good-looking," She said. } or { "I'm gonna tell you something," He paused, "I like you!" } These are some examples of commas used in dialogue tags.

For periods, either when the sentence is complete or the dialogue tag is placed before the dialogue. { Hana pouts, "I hate him." } or { "As a matter of fact, I don't. } Understand now?

Emotions and Feel : (2/10)
You need to improve on this. Most of the scene lacked emotions and feeling except the one where Ashton protects Aisha. Try adding yourself into the character and express your emotion into them.

Character Development : (1/10)
Since the story is still on-going, I can't talk much about the character development. However, I do hope you add some in the future.

Way Of Writing : (5/10)
Your writing is descriptive yet messy. The way you describe every detail that is happening in the story helps your reader understand more but it's messy. Try to describe first or later. Don't describe it while the dialogue is starting. Keep it up!

Overall (7/10)

Total (52/100)

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