14
VERY DIARY

𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐤𝐲,
𝐀 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐯𝐚𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐰𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐥𝐲.

•••

“Miss! Are you staring at me…”, he asked her while his eyes were still over his sketch and hands were working smoothly. She stumbled over her chair and came out of her very thoughts.
“Um. No! Why would I stare at you?”
“Really, I can sense it.”
“Your senses are not working well, drink coffee again.”

“Oh!”
“So, you were that person who gave this chit to Chan… Um... To the maid?”, saying, he took out his wallet and took a piece of paper from one of the pockets.

"تو اپکو انتزار کروانے کی ادت ہے، پروفیسر زابیان۔"

"Yes! I gave her… and it’s the truth.”
“Hmm! Why did you come there?”
“To apologize”, she replied frequently with the speed of light.
“Then apologize…”
“What!”
“Apologize!”
“Han!!!”

“You said you went to my place for an apology. But you couldn't get the chance. So, you can apologize now. Say sorry!”
“No, I cannot apologize now. There is another thing for which I want an apology too.”
“What?”

She placed her bag on her lap and dived into it to find something. After a few seconds, she took out the dairy, yeah that diary which she almost stole. So, she took out that diary and placed it on the table just in front of him.

His eyes widened momentarily, a flash of crimson rage flickering within them. Yet, he swiftly regained control, reigning in his emotions and calming himself. He went to that room but didn't notice that the diary was missing after that day.
Noor noticed him and planned to say something so that she could get rid of his doubts, questions and rage.

“When I was in that room and got tired, I sat on the stool. But I stumbled over the stool and fell on the floor. Me, my bag and this diary. I was afraid that if someone would come here what would they think? So, in a hurry I gathered my scattered things and put them back in my bag. And my mistake I put this too. I got nervous and I went back home.”

"So, I'm really for everything…”
“Have you read it?”
“I am sorry but when i reached home i couldn't find my key knife so i took all things out and i found this diary in my bag. Honestly, I opened it too but it was maybe written in Urdu or Arabic so, i couldn't read it even i am still struggling with my written Urdu. I hardly wrote that chit too.”

Zaabian realized his incompetence on the day that he had read the chit written by her.

She was brutally lying to him and he was listening to her, thinking she wouldn't lie. He could not even doubt her that she was lying, and she didn't even stop thinking that she was lying to someone for the first time in her life. And it was no other person than Zaabian Khel.

She continued after a little pause, “It was almost too late to come back and return you so I put it back and decided to give it to you in university.”

“I’m telling you, there will be a separate reckoning of such people on the Day of Resurrection…” Her conscience-ness was reproaching her. “You will get stuck in this swamp, very badly.”

“It's okay! Well, it’s not Urdu and Arabic, it’s Pashto.”
“Wow! Do you know Pashto?”, she asked.

“Not much.”
“Ahan!”
He was, now, writing something on the chit she gave to the maid.
“This is the right sentence. No, this one you wrote.”

"تو اپکو انتزار کروانے کی ادت ہے، پروفیسر زابیان۔"
"تو آپکو انتظار کروانے کی عادت ہے، پروفیسر زابیان۔"

“Hehe!”, she laughed hesitantly.
“If you will pay a little more attention to your written Urdu, you will surely get better at it too.”

“I'll try it.” she said shyly.
“You should. After all we need to praise someone through the chits also, it will be helpful for you”, forcing on the word ‘you’ he completed his sentence and passed a sincere smile. Then he took that diary and placed it with his wallet and cellphone.

“By the way, you are a businessman so you may also have rivals and components.” she said, placing the bag back to the chair. He straightens at his place and bulges, “yes, I do have and everyone has rivals. You may also have.”

“Me?”
“Yes, you everyone have… you are not any angel that you won’t have any rival.”
“Hmm… how do you know you have a rival?”
“By their…”
“Hm...”

سترګې
“Eyes?”
کلمې
“Words?”
کړنې
“Actions?”

She repeated every word by heart that came out from his mouth at that time. She learned the words. She remembered every lesson given.
“What are these?”
“Eyes, Words and Actions.”
“Eyes, words, and actions.” she repeated after him for further details.

“Yeah! you may see there is fear in their eyes but still they smile to hide their insecurities. They will do every possible thing to stop you from achieving your goals, you may find their words sweet but when you find them standing against you, you’ll understand their meanings.”
“Oh! I don't find anyone my rival.”
“You’ll find them.”

“What?”
“You know who can be your biggest rival.”
“Obviously whom hates me.”
“No, a rival is never a person whom hates you… it's the most nearest one’s.”
“What!!! The most nearest!!”, someone's name just echoed in her ears.

“Yes, the one who knows your secrets.”
“My secrets?”
“Hmm!”
She stopped for a second by an analysis over her life, secrets and dear ones.

“I've been working on another new piece. It's inspired by the sunrise over the city skyline. The way the light hits the buildings, that’s just magical.” he said excitedly while trying to hide her expressions and wipe the thoughts off her mind.
“Sounds captivating. You always find beauty in the ordinary.” he said, smiling at her. Their conversation started again. Noor beams at the compliment once again, her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm.
“And what about you, Zaabian? Any new projects on the horizon?”
“Actually, yes. I've been brainstorming ideas for that sustainable housing project. It's challenging, but I think I'm onto something.” he said thoughtfully.
Noor leans in, intrigued.

“I love that you're passionate about making a difference. It's inspiring. Can I help you if you want me too?”
Zaabian's expression softens, and he meets Noor's gaze with warmth.
“You can?” he confirmed.
“Yeah!”
“It requires ideas…”

“I have a lot of ideas on my Pinterest board. Let me show you.” She took out her cell phone and started pondering it. Her eyes were squinted.
“Look! This!”
“Hm”, he hummed while holding his cell phone.
“I wouldn't have it any other way. What's the point of designing it and what if it doesn't leave a positive impact?”, said sincerely.
“I completely understand where you're coming from. It's important to think about the consequences of our designs and how they affect people and the world around us.”

“Exactly. I want to make sure that what I create actually makes a difference, you know?”
“Absolutely. Designing with purpose and considering the impact is key. It's about using our skills to contribute positively in society.”
“That's exactly my mindset. I want my work to leave a lasting, positive impact.”
“And I have no doubt that it will. Your dedication and mindfulness in your design process are truly commendable.”

Their conversation is interrupted by the arrival of a waitress, who sets down a plate of pastries between them which they ordered. (ordered between the chapter gap *-*)
“Fresh pastries, compliments of the chef.” the waitress said by a wide smile.

Noor's eyes light up, and she reaches for a croissant.
“Thank you!” said gratefully.
As they indulge in the pastries, their conversation continues, the café buzzing with the promise of a new day. This scene captured sharing a moment of connection over coffee and pastries in the tranquil ambiance of the café.

“Noor, there's something I need to ask of you. It's important.” Zaabian said in a serious tone with the same expressions, soft but direct.

“Ask?”
“Yes”
“Okay”
“Where are your parents?”
“What?”
“Where are you parents?” he repeated his question again to her.
“Why are you asking?”
“Dance karnai kai liyai!” (for dancing on it!)

The answer was a single word but Noor was exaggerating the question.
His temperament was going to cross the limit but Noor chuckled at his answer. He went somewhere in his thoughts back in times that remind him of something really nostalgic. He came out of his thoughts when Noor waved her hand in front of his eyes.
“They are in Pakistan.” she said with smiley eyes.

“Noor, what I'm about to tell you is confidential. I need you to promise me that you won't breathe a word of it to anyone. It's sensitive, and it could have serious repercussions if it got out. Can I trust you to keep this between us?” Zaabian said leaning in closer to her direction with his expression earnestly.

“Don’t worry, you can trust me.”
“Noor, you know I value our friendship deeply.” she lost in the word ‘friendship’. A person who she is meeting almost for the first time is saying he valued her friendship. He continued, “This is something I'm entrusting to you because I know I can rely on your discretion. Please, promise me that you'll keep this between us. It's crucial.
“You don't need to make any promises to me”, she said.

“Noor, I need your word on this. It's not just about me—it's about you, your dear ones and protecting someone else's trust as well. Please, promise me you won't tell anyone. This secret is ours to bear, and I need to know I can rely on you to keep it safe.” Leaning in, he said in an urgent tone.

“Why are you suddenly serious and asking me this weirdly?”
“Can you get serious for a single second?”
“Yes, why not? One… done”
“What?”
“You said can't I get serious for one second so i get serious for one second.”
“Uffff!” she chuckled over his expression.

“Noor, it's important. Be serious.”
“Okay! I’m”, she said sitting in a straight position but still with non-serious behavior.
“I’m not going to tell you if you are not going to be serious." he said annoyingly.

“I’M S-E-R-I-O-U-S”
“AND I’M S-I-R-I-U-S”

They both started laughing. After a round of laughter Zaabian said to her, “you should gotta go now!”
“But what about that for which you asked for a promise.”

“You didn't promise. So, I'm not telling.” he said with a high neck.
“Promise!” she almost shouted the word. Noor saw Zaabian getting up and said, “Tell na!”
“It's your punishment that I'm not telling you now.”

“No, please tell me I'll be serious this time.”
“You have to find it all by yourself now… go back to your motherland as soon as possible.”
“What ar…”
“You'll find what you are searching for and you'll know what I meant when you will go back.”
“Whh…”

“Goodbye! Take care, little princess!” saying this he headed out and she was stuck in the same place as someone holding her feet. His last words echoed in her mind again and again.

He said goodbye in the beginning. What hit her she didn’t understand. He came to go and he was going in front of her very eyes. Leaving an insecurity in herself. Leaving behind empty handed with silent pleas.
“Goodbye”, she whispered without words coming out.

She looked at the empty seat like herself where Zaabian was sitting a minute ago and the things he left there. A paper with a sketching of some place in it. A blank point. A pencil. A black eraser. A scale. And a little chit.
Chit. Where he corrected her.
She held the things and packed them in her bag. Nothing was hers. Everything was his. He left but she took. She found those things another reason to meet Zaabian. Somehow, she knew Zaabian was another main character in her story. And he’ll lead her to the end but there were not the thoughts that were hurting her but getting alone once again was tearing herself deep down.

She was on her way to university with an upset mood when she recalled a part of the discussion that they had.
“What do you hate the most?”

“Men!”
“What? Men?”
“Hm!”
“Like seriously!”
“Yeah! Why are you overreacting?”
“If you over act, I have to over react.”
“Oh, please!”
“Just once. Tell me again.”
“I hate men.”
“Men?”

“Men, boys, males…. DO YOU want more clarification of the word.”
“No… I just couldn't believe it.”
“Hm!”
“Is there a specific reason?”
“Yeah! there is.”
“What?”

“Why would I tell you?”
“I don’t know why you would tell me. I just want to know why a young little girl doesn't like men and even hates them.”
“Except some, I hate all.”
“Hm!”

“On social media, we see too much content about harassing, rapes, insulting women or girls in the south Asia but i think men are same all over the world.”

“I wonder what makes you think about it.”
“When I was 18, I thought that here men are different but then…”