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𝑬 𝑽 𝑬 𝑹 𝑮 𝑹 𝑬 𝑬 𝑵
❝ 𝚐𝚘 𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚋𝚢 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛, 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚕𝚢 ❞

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ㅤ𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐖𝐎𝐋𝐅 from the suspects list, May was given instructions from Hotch to accompany the man back to the reservation.

Hotch realized from the get-go that the long-haired man was a lot less harsh on May compared to everyone else, most likely because they have a common 'friend', Billy Black. So, he allowed her to leave and to hopefully gain more insight about the unsub, and why exactly this particular one seemed to be laser-focused on Native American culture.

Upon entering John's quaint little house that reminded her so much of her own childhood home—and weirdly enough, the Clearwater's—she instantly felt safe. It had décor that showed off John's culture, along with his hobbies, which included an extensive knife collection.

The small home—which, according to John, had two rooms and two bathrooms—made it very clear what kind of man he was. Other than the décor May had noticed first, she realized how clean the place was. It was organized; everything had its place. Cords were hidden behind furniture, pillows were fluffed, dishes all cleaned. It was...neat, literally and figuratively.

"It's not much," John excuses, shrugging his jacket off and hanging it on a coat hanger.

May shrugged. "It doesn't matter. It's your home. And it's lovely."

Walking further inside, May took note of the open plan. Upon walking through the door, you're met with the living room. To the left, the kitchen. The only thing somewhat separating the two divisions was the kitchen island. And situated by the island were two stools, most likely where John would eat his meals. The granite countertops were nothing special, and the kitchen cabinets were a dark brown that complimented the beige walls.

If May were being honest, the entire house was bland.

Not because it was boring, but it was just monochromatic; brown cabinets, beige walls, grayish-cream carpeted floors...it was simple. She figures that color will only get introduced once he gets himself a partner who cares about interior design, or maybe when he gets kids who love colors.

She perked up when she saw something familiar sitting on top of his center table, a Go board.

"You play?" She asked, immediately making her way towards it. It was clear of stones, which were placed on two bowls right beside it; one for white, and one for black.

"I haven't gotten around to learning yet. Got the board as a gift," John admitted, following after her after closing his front door. "Don't you have to head back to the precinct?"

"Nah, Hotch trusts me enough to create my own profile through other people. Other people meaning you."

"A profile through me?" He frowned, mirroring her movements as she sat on the ground. The Go board was now in between them.

"The unsub seemed oddly...attached to your culture in particular," she said. "Something tells me there's more to it than fixation because of your identity as an Apache. You're connected to this somehow," she lifted up the two bowls. "Which color do you fancy?"

John stared at her, contemplating. "I go first, you teach me along way."

Smiling slightly, she handed him the bowl that carried the black stones.

"So," surprisingly, it was John that started the conversation, picking up a stone and looking down at the board as he fiddled with it. "A shapeshifter?"

She let out a breath. "The famed white wolf," she shook her head, eyes firmly trained on the board. This entire situation took her back to her childhood, when it was her in John's place and Old Quil in hers. He was the one to teach her how to play the game, but she was the one that decided she wanted to learn further.

The second Old Quil realized May's talent, he convinced Billy to take her down to Seattle every weekend to spend some time with other Go-playing kids her age. There, she was able to hone her skills and earn herself a reputation as a prodigy. She continuously competed in the Seattle Go Center, before discontinuing her membership upon moving states. She stopped playing, until she met Gideon.

Eyes lifting from the board, she followed John's hand as he placed his stone smack in the center.

Speechless, she looked up at him with her mouth ajar. "You're..."

"Is that- was that bad?"

"Go is...all about building territory, houses," she explained. "You start at the end, at one side or a corner, before you move towards the center," she carefully pushed his stone towards one of the star points. "You continuously build territories, making sure that they're guarded while trying to take over your opponents'. As you make your way towards the center, you have to slowly tighten your defenses until your opponents' entire territory...is captured.

"You see, each individual stone is useless. But Go teaches you that by working together, they can get deadly. It's like colonialism, but on a board."

"Colonialism, fun," John deadpanned, rolling his eyes. "Are there any rules, tips and tricks?"

"I'll tell you as we go," she said.

"So, the famed white wolf?" He followed up, frowning in thought as he watched her place a stone on the opposite side of the board, mirroring his. "What's that about?"

"'Meant to suggest that the pack it has joined will be large and powerful, and will bring forth a significant change in the community' or whatever Old Quil said," she sighed. "A true alpha that will lead with the warmth and strength of a mother. It's..."

"You don't like it?"

"Not exactly what I pictured when I thought of my future. Your move, John."

"Right," he hesitated, mulling over her words about how you start at the corners, so he placed a stone right across from hers; same placement, just on different quadrant. "That good?"

"You're learning."

"Why did you not see yourself becoming a member of the pack?"

Sighing, she shook her head. "There has never been a recorded female shifter in the entire history of the tribe. It's always been men. So, I was only prepared to take over my father's place in the council, never as shifter. When I transformed, everything just...changed. I don't like change."

"But you wanted to be in the FBI?"

"At first, no," she chuckled a little, finally placing another stone on the board. "I wanted to be a psychiatrist, a doctor. But I attended one of Gideon's seminars at my school for fun. It...it inspired me to take a different path."

"So you...changed?"

"Yes, but on my terms, and on my time. I wasn't forced, I chose to switch career paths. Becoming a shifter, I...I didn't want this. Not only that, I'm a freakin' spirit warrior, who--"

"You can travel?" John sounded breathless. "Into the spirit world?"

"I'm supposed to, but I can't do it on my own," she sighed. "I'm shit at it. Can't do it on command. Not without Taha Aki, but that man's been silent since I left La Push. Other than him, I've got no one to teach me. The only time my connection to the spirit world got triggered was when I witnessed someone die."

John hummed, placing another stone, right beside the stone he'd first placed. "Is this right?" He wondered. At May's nod, he continued to speak. "What have you been doing since you shifted? You're a long way from home, so..."

"Nothing's changed...much," she shrugged. "I am a lot more physically active though, going to the gym every week and getting some hand-to-hand training done with one of my co-workers. Then, more yoga to help with focus because apparently that's what I need to travel. You know, when I think about, it feels like I don't really contribute much to my team, you know?"

"How so?"

"Well, I'm not a genius like Reid, not experienced like Gideon," she began to list, "I'm not immovable like Hotch, I'm not--"

"You wouldn't be a part of their team if you weren't bringing something to the table," he cut her off. "Your place is there, no matter what you think. You may not know your purpose yet, but there is something that sets you apart, why you were chosen. You just have to figure it out."

"Hm," she hummed, unsure of what to say, placing a stone right near John's forming territory, attempting to capture it as soon as possible; she is an extreme aggressor kind of player after all.

"How's the pack, then? Is it as large as it once was?"

"Well, currently there's me, Sam—who shifted way before anyone else—then Jared, Paul, and a new edition, Embry. I haven't even seen Embry in action yet. But I'm hoping to visit home soon, just to see how it's going. So, we're not that large, but we're growing. There's...something's in the air, I just know it."

John hummed. "Have you imprinted yet?"

She let out a breath. "You know way too much."

"So that's a yes."

"Yes."

"Who?"

Breathing out through her nose, eyes still trained on the board—mostly because she refused to look up at the older man and show her slowly reddening cheeks—she watched him place another stone. She wondered whether it would be a good idea to tell him, but decided--

"I'd rather not," she said. "He doesn't even know. I...I don't know how to tell him. But I'd like to tell him first, before I tell anyone else."

"Nobody knows?"

"I only told dad, don't know if he told anyone else."

Tracking her hand as it placed yet another stone on the board, he finally asked, "You happy?"

"I think so."

There was a beat before John placed another stone. "Now, the profile?"

Quickly counteracting his stone with another placement of one of hers, "Well, like I said before, there's somewhat of a fixation on you. It could be you as a person, or you as an Apache. But there's something about you that practically triggered all this."

"Think I actually did something to kickstart these murders?"

"No, no, I doubt you had a direct connection. I'd wager that your only connection is the fact that you're indigenous. When I saw the crime scene, though I don't have the same supernatural senses as you, I knew there was something off. It didn't feel genuine. Sure, war rituals, but it's like they didn't know what they were doing."

"Frankly, they're perverting our beliefs," he heavily sighed through his nose, placing a stone. "I doubt whoever's doing this is native themselves. It's like...they learned about all these different cultures and thought they were cool or something."

May hummed. "That's true. They thought it was cool, thought to replicate it somehow. But I wonder what led them to choosing Apache beliefs to fixate on the most. Maybe that's where you come in."

He scoffed. "Seeing people appreciate my culture is flattering, but appropriating them and twisting them to fit their own narrative? That's offensive. And the fact that they're using it as a cover for their killings..."

"Whoever's leading needed a mask. They needed something to..." She pursed her lips as she placed another stone. "To use as a front. They had the desire to cause a mess before, but never had anything to push them to do the inhumane. They found this push in Native American culture."

"...fuck them."

May once again met up with some members of the team, specifically with Hotch and Elle.

She first had a short meeting with Hotch, explaining the theory that she came to upon spending some time with John. Based on the way he played Go—though, still, as a beginner—and their conversation, May believes that the fixation is on the culture and not the people; not John Blackwolf. The unsub must have a sort of connection to Native American culture, but not as an indigenous person themselves.

Hotch nodded as he digested her words, before giving her a "good job". He then went on to explain the goings-on while she was away, telling her about the missing girl, Ingrid Griesen, and her father. How the girl was missing but was never reported as such. They had the father, Peter, do some press conference to appeal to the kidnappers.

But Hotch was quick to admit that there was something off about Peter, he just didn't know what.

Before any new assumptions were made, they received an unexpected phone call.

"We've got a caller on the line," Elle announced as she walked into Ingrid's room, where May and Hotch had been conversing, all while scanning the place from top to bottom to understand Ingrid's psychology.

"Has Griesen been prepped?" Hotch asked.

"Caller doesn't want to speak to Griesen. In fact, he um, doesn't want Griesen to know that he's even calling."

"What? Why?" May wondered, frowning as she shared looks with the two. Elle could only shrug before handing the phone to Hotch.

As soon as the phone was in his hand, Hotch placed it by his ear. "This is Special Agent Aaron Hotchner." Because he didn't put it on speaker, Elle and May could only guess what the kidnapper and their boss were talking about. But after a quick exchange, Hotch was quick to end the call and exhale in what seems to be exasperation.

"What is it?" Elle asked.

"Peter Griesen paid these men to kidnap his own daughter."

By sunrise, after everyone's had some rest—albeit a short­ rest, enough for a quick nap and a shower, eating snacks along the way—they followed the kidnappers' instructions. While Elle, Hotch, and Derek met up with them, she and the rest stayed behind to wait.

Her situation with Spencer hasn't gotten better, nor has it gotten worse. They were in an awkward stalemate that they couldn't get out of. There were uncomfortable silences, uncomfortable eye contact; everything was uncomfortable. And as much as May wanted to have it all end, she wasn't about to break and tell him everything just because of this.

May will always, always stay true to who she is; who she was born to be. And despite her continuously denying it, it's always been apparent: that she's an alpha, the alpha. And she's headstrong, brave, and always striving to be the best version of herself. As much as she loves Spencer, as much as she considers him part of her family—of her pack—he isn't allowed to change her, as much as he isn't allowed to know everything.

Wearing a plain outfit consisting of a white tee paired with black pants and some sneakers, she ignored Gideon's knowing look that shifted between her and Spencer. None of the team had taken notice of what was transpiring—or at least, none had shown any signs of knowing—except for their mentor. Though he hasn't spoken up, it was clear he wanted to. But it was also evident how much he wanted them to fix it; he didn't want to intervene.

But May was stubborn, and so was Spencer.

May knew that the only way Spencer would let go of this mess is if she told him everything. And Spencer knew that May wouldn't say anything unless pushed to the limit. So both were suffering while making the other suffer.

She let out a sigh, massaging her temples in indignation. But the stress in her body quickly evaporated upon making eye contact with Derek, who'd just gotten back with Hotch and Elle. He gave her a smile, unlike the usual smirk he gave everyone else. There was also a noticeable lack of mischief in his eyes; though there was still a hint of it there, it was overpowered by look of adoration that he reserved only for her.

Smiling back, she bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from full-on grinning, her heart fluttering in her chest as swarms of butterflies wreaked havoc in her stomach.

"You doin' good?" He asked her, his voice as sweet as honey and equally as smooth as butter. It was music to her ears. She hates how much she likes it.

"I'm okay, I guess," she huffed. "Just...hits too close to home, you know?"

Derek could only nod, unsure of what to reply. Luckily, May opted to change the subject as to not make it awkward.

"Catch me up to speed, then."

"Okay, so..."

author's note: for some reason, i couldn't finish this goddamned chapter T~T

like it just never felt complete but at the same time felt like it was dragging on for too long. so i tried to figure out the best place to stop and i hope i made the right choice on the matter.

anyway, i do have to apologize for delaying the updates! it's supposed to be my break, but as a member of my school choir, apparently i still have to go to school. also, i'm moving apartments (a bigger one, thank god) so that's been going on as well. 

but i do hope y'all enjoy this chapter! it's on the longer side and definitely added more character into john blackwolf than what the show portrayed. i just feel like i needed to shine a light onto him to somewhat push may's character forward. not by using blackwolf per se, but sort of as a stepping stool to explore may's background as an indigenous person. 

i'm just hoping it didn't drag out too much. AND!! i had to learn a bit of go to sort of make their go-playing scene a bit more realistic. did some heavy research and even played the game myself to immerse myself in it. spoiler: i suck at it. but it's fun!

i love you all <3