For an hour they just lay in bed together, his arms wrapped tightly around her to give her a sense of protection he hasn't been able to give her lately, always making sure he touched her back as little as possible. Every time she winced painfully, anger rose in him againᅳ an anger that built up more and more in him.

The fact that he couldn't take that anger out on Steven made it difficult for him to deal with the whole thing himself. In his eyes, this guy deserved a lifetime of pain, which wasn't possible anymore. He was still glad that Madison had killed him though. Above all, she knew now that he was really dead and could start a new life without constant fear.

Not being able to protect his own Old Lady from this still scratched on his ego, but Happy also knew that the brunette lying in his arms didn't blame him at all. Now all he had to do was learn not to blame himself.

“Happy?” Her soft voice sounded tired and yet it was impossible for her to get any sleep, she had told him that before already.

“Yeah?” he rasped.

“Can you help me take a shower?” She slowly sat up with his help and carefully stretched her back, her face grimacing. “At least with dressing and undressing, I should be able to do the rest myself.”

“Did Tara say that you can take a shower already?” he asked to make sure and stood up, walked around the bed and carefully helped her to her feet. “Because of the wounds, I mean.”

His arm slipped around her waist as she leaned against him for support and nodded. “Yeah, she said I just have to change bandages afterwards. I definitely need your help there.”

One look was enough to see how uncomfortable she felt, how embarrassing it was for her that she needed help for doing such simple tasks. For him, however, it was normal that he would help her, there was nothing she had to be embarrassed about. He also felt safer when he was there when she was taking a shower for the first time after the hospital. The risk that she was still too weak and that she could slip or faint was too big.

“That shouldn't be a problem. Did she give you bandages or want me to ask her if she can bring something over?”, he asked while he went into the bathroom with her and motioned for her to sit on the edge of the bathtub, which she did.

She shook her head slowly and let him help her take off her, well, his shirt. She shivered slightly as the cool air from the air conditioner hit her skin, which was only covered by her underwear. “Tara gave me enough stuff and she'll come back tomorrow to bring more.”

“Okay.” As he let his eyes wander over her body, he clenched his jaw hard and he hadn't even seen the wounds yet.  In the hospital he had only seen her in the hospital gown and now for the first time he saw the injuries Steven had inflicted on her.

A few cuts, most of them already healed, were spread across her body. Burn scars, probably from cigarette butts, adorned her thighs and her ribs were covered in green and blue bruises with some dark purple spots in between.

“It's okay, it's over, Hap.” Again it was Madison's soft voice that reached his ears, trying to calm him downᅳ but it didn't work.

Instead, he turned around and swept the two small flowerpots and a room scent from one of the shelves along the wall, sending the items smashing on the floor, causing the brunette to flinch violently for a moment. After that it was silent in the room for a moment. Her hard, dry swallow was so loud enough even Happy could hear it.

“IᅳI'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked for your help.” His head quickly snapped towards her after he ran his hands over his face and shook his head.

Fuck, he really needed to control himself better in front of her. The last thing he wanted was to scare her. But the anger inside him sometimes made him think after he had already acted and not the other way around.

“Stop that shit, little girl”, he said immediately, carefully taking her hands to help her to her feet, guilt showing on his face. “I'm sorry, okay? But to see all thisᅳ”

When he stopped to let out a snort, she placed a hand tenderly against his cheek and nodded in understanding. “I know, you don't have to explain yourself baby.”

At the moment there was nothing left of his usual stoic nature. He didn't seem calm and composed as usual. Madison felt every muscle of him tense as she ran her hands lightly down his arms and then down his bare chest. And it hurt her to see him so agitated and overwhelmed. But the worst part was; she didn't know how to help him.

“I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I'm so fucking sorry”, he apologized through clenched teeth after cupping her face in his hands, digging his fingers deeply but gently into her skin.

Happy Lowman wasn't one to apologize often, and if he did, he only did if he meant it. He blamed himself for the kidnapping, after all he hadn't been there to protect her even though everyone knew someone was watching her. And one prospect wasn't enough to protect her.

“No”, she looked at him in agony, her throat feeling tight as a big lump formed in it and tears welled up in her eyes again. “You have to stop this. You have to stop blaming yourself.”

“And how, huh?” he snorted, the desperation not only in her eyes but also in his own.

“I don't know”, she swallowed quietly. “But it's not your fault. It's nobody's fault but Steven's.”

The worry spreading across her face was a sign for him to pull himself together. He couldn't worry her any more, she had enough to deal with at the moment. The SAA tried to get his breath under control and finally slowly pushed her towards the shower, which was next to the bathtub.

“Do you want to take that off too?”, he asked, pointing at her underwear, and she nodded.

Sighing, she watched as he freed her from her underwear and tried to keep a straight face. She wasn't stupid, she knew he was doing this to not get her more worried than she already was. But
Madison was worried about him and seriously wondered what her kidnapping had done to him.

However, she decided it was better not to ask him about it right now and decided to give him time to collect himself.

ᚔ

“You're doing great!” Madison's delighted voice echoed through the apartment and the scent of freshly baked apple pie filled Happy's nostrils as he approached the kitchen. He leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed and lifted a corner of his mouth when he saw that not only Madison but also his nephew were covered in flour.

Izzy had had the idea that Rico might be a good distraction for Madison and Happy shared the same opinionᅳ which is why he had asked Izzy last night if it would be okay if they could spend the day with Rico today. Of course, the younger Lowman hadn't had a problem with that, and she had to work anyway.

“Looks like you two are having fun”, Happy smirked, who slowly walked towards them and wiped the flour off the tip of Rico's nose, who smiled widely at his uncle.

“We made apple pie”, he announced, giggling. “And now we're making cinnamon rolls!”

“I hope that's all for me”, he winked at the little boy, who laughed and shook his head.

“No! It's for everyone”, he nodded eagerly, putting his hands on his hips. He'd definitely inherited that from Izzy and his grandma, who did it all the time when they were scolding someone.

“But you'll get most of it, of course”, the brunette winked and stole a kiss from Happy's lips as he put his hand on her tailbone.

“I hope so”, he mumbled contentedly and kissed her again before he eyed her carefully. “Are you okay? Do you need more painkillers?”

“I'm okay, Hap. The pills are working wonders”, she assured him gently and leaned against him, her arms still close to Rico, who was standing on a chair in front of her so that he could reach the kitchen counter surface. “Besides, this is really distracting me. Thanks again.”

Happy just shook his head. “Not for that, little girl. I'm glad you got some distraction. Who's coming over?”

“Jesse, Mom and Jax are coming over. The three of them weren't thrilled when I sent them home yesterday and asked for alone time with you.” Her soft laugh that slipped past her lips made him smile slightly.

Hearing her laugh, seeing her distracted and happy was definitely a better sight than seeing her scared and sad. And for the next few weeks he would make sure that she would get enough distraction.

“Mmm..I see. I wouldn't have been thrilled either”, and he really understood Jesse, Jax and Gemmaᅳ but he and Madison needed that evening alone last night and he was grateful that the three of them had given them the chance to talk.

“They were just worried. So I thought it would be a good idea to invite them over. That's okay, isn't it?”, she asked, biting her lip, hoping that Happy wouldn't mind.

“Sure, they're family”, Happy answered with a grunt and ruffled Rico's black hair, who giggled and stretched out his arms to Happy.

“Are you gonna help us bake, uncle Happy?” Rico asked with a smile after Happy picked him up and let him snuggle up to him.

“This would be fun”, the brunette said teasingly, and was immediately pulled into Happy's arms, who smirked and raised an eyebrow at her.

“Oh yeah? I bet I can do this just as well as you”, he said challenging, at which Madison chuckled.

“Show me. We let the jury decide later”, she whispered challenging and planted quick kisses on his and Rico's cheek. She definitely needed days like this more often from now on, it would be a great help for her to get over the past events.

For the rest of the morning, Happy actually agreed to help the two of them, which was really sweet and incredibly funny to watch at the same time. Of course Madison could tell that Happy had probably never baked before in his life and only did it to amuse her and Rico, but that was the nice thing about him. It showed how lucky she was to have someone like Happy.