As the strong rays of the sun hit her skin, she threw her last bag into the trunk of her old car and took a deep breath, her hands on her hips. It was only after a few more seconds that she turned around to her brother, who was standing next to her with his hands in his pockets kicking a stone away with the toe of his shoe, and wrinkled her nose.

“Come on, Jesse, don't make me feel bad for leaving”, she sighed, her tone almost whiny. “I promise I'll come back as often as possible. And you can visit anytime.”

“You don't even know if they want you, yo!” Scratching his temple, he looked up and eyed his sister with concern. “What if they treat you like shit?”

“Thanks for the reminder”, the brunette muttered. She knew Jesse didn't say that to hurt her, she saw the real concern in his eyes and his body language gave up how nervous he was. They had been always a great team, inseparable. But she had to leave, there was no other choice if she didn't want to end up behind bars. “Look, she can't be worse than our parents.”

“You know what I mean”, he sighed before pulling her into his arms, giving her a tight hug. Her comment about their parents was right. They never hit them or did horrible stuff like that, but they were judgemental assholes and always abused them emotionally. “Call me when you got there.”

“I will”, she promised with a hum and wrapped her arms around his torso, taking in his scent one more time before she would leave and probably wouldn't see him again for the next for weeks, maybe even months. “Take care of you. And don't do anything stupid, alright?”

“You know I can't promise that”, Jesse said through a laugh, only to hide the sadness in his tone but Madison wasn't stupid. “Love you, Mads. Don't be a stranger.”

“Just try, please”, she let out a sigh, shaking her head. “And I won't, I promise. Love you too, Jesse.”

With a heavy heart and a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach, she got into her car and started the engine. She glanced in the side mirror again only to see her brother waiting for her to leave the street with a sad expression on his face. Leaving him was the only thing that was really difficult for her, but when she asked him to come with her, he only said that he couldn't leave Albuquerque at the moment because of an important job. He had never mentioned exactly what kind of job that was though.

Sighing, she pushed the sunglasses that were sitting on her head on her face to cover her eyes and protect  them from the sun and finally drove off, after all she had a thirteen hour drive ahead of her.

⸺

Luckily her father had never made a secret of who her biological mother was, otherwise she would have no idea where she had to look at all. While Adam and Diane insisted that none of the neighbors or anyone else found out about Adam's affair, the two had been honest with her about Gemma Teller.

Especially when she was in her teens, she had to hear often enough how similar she was to her mother. The looks, the stubborn behavior, the self-confidence. She knew Diane could never really accept her because Madison resembled her birth mother too much. The Pinkman woman tried but she never developed real mother feelings for the girl. Instead Madison was always a reminder that her husband had cheated on her.

Madison had been a completely normal teenager. Of course she had her tough times, just like other teenagers, too. She just didn't want to sit in church every Sunday like her parents did or go to neighborhood meetings. Rather, she wanted to hang out with Jesse and his friends, do cool stuff, and enjoy a joint every now and then. Their parents were distracted with their little brother anyway, who was now twelve and mom's favorite.

Sighing, she shrugged off the thought of her parents as she crossed the Charming town sign. Was she nervous? Sure. Would she like to turn around and drive back to Albuquerque? Definitely. But was she curious? Pretty much.

It took fifteen more minutes before she pulled into TM and parked her car in a free spot. Taking her sunglasses off, she threw them on the passenger seat and slipped out of her car to take a look around. It seemed like a quiet afternoon.

Some people were working in the garage but other than that no one was around. There was a line of bikes so the brunette assumed more people were inside the building across from the garage. It was obvious that it was a motorcycle club, she would be surprised if not.

Now her curiosity was aroused. Madison has always had a soft spot for Harley's and her dream has always been to ride on the back of one. She didn't want to drive herself, she definitely preferred her car. But it had to be a great feeling when the wind blew through your hair and you could just wrap your arms tightly around someone. A small smile crossed her lips at the thought of finding her home here.

“Can I help you?”, a guy in his early thirties with a mohawk and tribal tattoos on the sides of his head asked after he approached her, a friendly smile on his lips.

“Hi!” Madison faced the man and put on a friendly smile, holding her hand out to him. That's just how her parents raised her⸺ to always be polite. “And yeah, you probably can. Can you tell me where to find Gemma Teller?”

Juice was confused at first and lifted a brow but eventually shook her hand. Not many people were this polite, especially not young people like her. But he liked that, she seemed sweet.

“Hey, I'm Juice”, he smiled before pointing at the door next to the garage. “She's in there. You're here for the job?”

Madison wasn't sure what to say but she sure knew that telling a stranger the reason why she was actually here would be weird as hell. And who knew if her mother even wanted other people to know. Her eyes landed on the door to the office, a thick lump forming in her throat. Then she spotted the sign 'We're hiring.'

“Juice. That's  a special name..”, she smirked slightly. “I'm Madison. And yeah, that's why I'm here”, she replied eagerly.

“Yeah, it's.. unique”, he answered with a chuckle and waved her with him towards the office where he knocked before pushing the door open. “Hey Gem, there's someone who's interested in the job. You got time?”

Gemma looked up from all the paperwork, her glasses resting on her nose. She was curious about the person who was interested in the job. They were searching since weeks and no one called yet or stopped by to introduce themselves. She needed help around here since she wanted to spend more time with her grandkids and family.

“Thanks Juice, I'll take over from here.” Gemma stood up and walked towards the door, patting Juice shoulder. She watched the young man go back to work before her eyes landed on the young woman waiting in front of the door.

Gemma noticed that she played nervously with her hands and generally seemed quite tense. It was only when Gemma's gaze happened to get stuck on the young woman's chest that her stomach sank. The brunette's dark hair, facial features and body type in general resembled Gemma. But when the matriarch saw the scar, she knew immediately who she was looking at. It was the same scar she got after needing a surgery.

The older woman found it difficult to even find words. Madison was a part of her past that was still a painful memory to this day. The day she decided to leave Madison with her father was just as painful as the day Thomas died. It had felt like she was losing another child⸺ which in a way she did.

“Hi”, Madison spoke up, her voice soft as she noticed the shock on Gemma's face. Was there a chance the woman already know who she was? “I'm Madison, I'm your⸺”

“I know who you are”, Gemma snapped before she dragged her inside the office by her arm, earning a painful hiss from the young woman. Sighing, she gave her an apologetic look. “I'm sorry, I'm a little..surprised. Sit down.”

“No reason to hurt me”, the brunette muttered but did as she was told and sat down at the small couch, her eyes taking in the small office before they locked with Gemma's dark brown eyes. “How do you know who I am?”

“The scar”, Gemma pointed at her chest and pulled her chair closer to take a seat. Silence fell over them for a long moment and Madison didn't dare to say a word, not while Gemma was staring at her like she had three heads.

Gemma sat back and studied Madison from head to toe a few times to make sure this was really happening. A thousand questions swirled in her head and she didn't know which one to ask first. Why was her daughter even here? Was she here to tell her how miserable she felt that her own mother never called to ask how she was? Did she need help?

“So you inherited the family flaw”, she said with a sigh, a troubled smile on her face. “I was hoping that you wouldn't inherit it. When did you need the surgery?”

Madison frowned, a little surprised that that was the first thing Gemma brought up. But by now she had also noticed the scar on Gemma's left breast, which was about the same length as hers. Her father never really knew where her heart problems came from, now she did.

“So, that's where it comes from”, Madison said more to herself and scratched her eyebrow, shrugging. “I was ten or eleven, I don't really remember any of it anymore. Everything happened pretty fast.”

“I'm sorry about that. I know how scary that must've been”, Gemma said sympathetically, yet she was relieved that Madison survived the surgery and everything afterwards. She was her daughter after all. Strong and ready to fight. “Why are you here? And why now?”

“It's fine, I'm fine”, she lied to the woman who rolled her chair closer to her. Madison wasn't fine, not even close⸺ but she wouldn't rant to a woman that gave her away twenty five years ago. “I'm here because I need a place to stay far away from Albuquerque and because I wanted to get to know you, find out why you gave me away.”

“Why? Something happened to you? Did anyone hurt you?” Even though Gemma didn't even know the woman before her, she was immediately alarmed when Madison, who was still her daughter, said she was looking for a place far away from Albuquerque. You only did that when you were in danger, right? Her first thought was an abusive partner, it happened all the time. Superficially, she checked Madison's body to see if she could spot any bruises or injuries, but there was nothing.

“No, no one's hurting me”, Madison replied with a faint smile. Would her own mother judge her if she knew the truth? Well, that didn't matter because Madison didn't plan on telling her or anyone. It was enough that her brother knew about her little secret. “It's just some personal stuff, you know? Had to get away from my parents and their restrictive attempts to make me the daughter they would like to have.”

It wasn't a lie, but also not the whole truth. Her parents were a part of the reason why she wanted to leave her hometown but they weren't the main reason.

“They didn't treat you well?” Gemma raised a brow, feeling her blood boil. She had trusted Adam, hoped that he would be a good father to their daughter and give her everything she needed.

“Could've been worse. But also could've been better”, Madison shrugged nonchalantly and got her pack of cigarettes out of her bag. After asking Gemma if it was okay to smoke in here, she put the cancer stick between her lips and offered the older woman one, too.

“Thanks”, Gemma said before lighting up her cigarette, holding the lighter out for Madison to take it. “Any chance you'll tell me about it? More about you, how you grew up and all that?”

Gemma hated looking vulnerable, but right now it was impossible to look strong. All she wanted to do was giving Madison a hug and tell her how sorry she was for giving her away. But she was afraid. Afraid of being rejected. Getting rejected by her own child would break her heart.

“Do you even want to know?”, Madison asked after she blew out a cloud of smoke, her eyebrows furrowed. “Can I ask you one thing?”

“Of course I want to know. I wouldn't ask if not, Madison”, Gemma stated firmly and felt her heart pound against her chest at her daughter's next question, but she nodded slowly. “You can ask me anything.”

A glimmer of hope rose in the young woman when she heard that Gemma was genuinely interested in how she grew up. But why did she gave her away in the first place then? And why did she never call? Not even on her fucking birthdays.

“Why did you give me away?”, she asked curiously, no judgement or anger in her tone. She just wants to know.

“I thought this would be your questions”, Gemma nodded slightly before taking another drag of her cigarette. Putting out the rest of the cigarette in the ashtray, she leaned forward a little and carefully took Maddie's hand in hers. She noticed that the brunette flinched at the surprise of her touch, but Madison didn't pull her hand away.

“After one of my sons got sick and didn't make it, I pretty much lost myself. My marriage fell apart, I was broken and still had to raise another kid. I met your father at a bar one night and one thing led to the other. We kept in touch, met almost daily”, Gemma paused for a moment, a sad smile hushed over her face. “I knew he had to go back to his family and that's  what he did. After he left I found out I was pregnant. I was so happy at first but at the same time I was afraid and sad. I just lost a child, I wasn't ready for a new baby that would remind me of my precious Thomas every day. Believe me when I tell you that giving you away was the hardest choice in my life, because it was. But I knew it was the best for all of us at that time. And when I started to feel better I called Adam, wanting to know how you were doing. It was your fourth birthday. He told me to leave them alone and never call again, told me it would be better for anyone. I don't know why but I believed him. I truly believed that you'd be better off with them.”

Madison took a sharp breath and swallowed hard. Tears stung her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Gemma's words seemed sincere and the brunette didn't think any of it was a lie. Fact was that Madison genuinely understood her mother and couldn't even be mad at her. She didn't have any children herself yet, but losing one must be the most horrible thing that can happen. She had just been born at the wrong time and Gemma did what she thought was best for her daughter. What hurt Madison more was the fact that her father made sure Gemma stayed out of her life and never even told her about the call from Gemma.

“I'm so sorry about your son, that's horrible”, she mumbled, squeezing Gemma's hand gently. It was also her half brother whom she would never get to know, which also made her sad somehow. “I didn't know that you tried calling, dad never told me.”

“It's okay, he's always with me”, Gemma smiled briefly, a warm feeling spread through her chest as Madison squeezed her hand gently. “Why don't you wait outside? I'll finish up here and then we can keep talking in the clubhouse and find a solution for all of this here.”

“Uh, yeah, that would be nice.” Madison cleared her throat, slowly pulled her hand away and got on her feet, giving Gemma a small smile before she left the office and closed the door behind her. Once outside, she gulped in the fresh air und closed her eyes. This went better than she had expected.