"Frank, it's me... I... So much has happened today..." I said in a small, shaky voice on the phone, the name slipping out of my mouth mechanically.

"Gerard, calm down! What happened?"

"Patrick...is dead. It's... me... Solazzo... I betrayed him. Oh God, that can't be true, what have I done..." I plaster my hand on my mouth, forcing myself to stay calm and breathe deeply.

"...I am sorry, Gerard. Don't worry about that though, it's just fate. He got unlucky."

"Sorry, I... For Christ's sake, I thought I was prepared, but... it all became so serious..."

"You did your best. At least you got out of this all safe and sound."

I nod. Mr. Iero... Solazzo, he knows. He knows that Frank is spying on him and conspiring. I suddenly feel the urge to make sure that Frank will be alright. If I couldn't save Patrick, at least I can make sure that Frank will not meet the same fate.

"I... I really want to see you..." I request.

"Alright. But after what happened to Patrick, we must be even more cautious."

Frank thinks for a moment before giving me his solution. "Take some extra clothes when you go out tomorrow. If somebody asks, you are going out for lunch and you have to drop those extra clothes to a laundry on the way. Go to the Salumi, on Kinney street. Order something, then call me from the public phone near the counter. Will you remember all this, Gerard?"

Frank's meticulous planification soothes me. "I will remember it."

"Don't worry. No matter what happens, we will get them. See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow." I manage to smile at the perspective.

I leave the phone booth and walk back to the Sparrow Hall. I can't really register anything as I walk in the nightly streets. Everything feels like collapsing around me, and the light fades away to leave room to obscurity. Just like my life, everything is dull and sad.

______

The next day.

While I am preparing the clothes for the laundry, I am thinking about the way I am going to tell Mr. Iero about what happened yesterday. Patrick's death...my mistake...the truth...it's too much.

I have to stay calm. I must not raise suspicions. I encounter no problem to leave the Sparrow Hall. No one asks me where I am going. No suspicious individual follows me. Thank God, trouble is the very last thing I want today...

I get a cab that drives me to the Salumi, a reasonably fancy Italian restaurant. It's a quite convivial, family place. I order something and sip my coffee absentmindedly. Since my life became an absolute chaos, I have no appetite, even for the most marvelous feasts. I just hope for a bit of help, or to have the opportunity to confide in someone. With a bit of luck, I will be able to in a matter of hours.

I head for the public phone to receive my next instructions. I call Frank and wait, until I head the familiar sound of him, picking up the phone. "Frank- Mr. Iero, it's me. I am at the Salumi."

"First, enjoy your lunch, Gerard. In an hour, go at the back of the restaurant and take the taxi which plate number ends with 323. It will take you to a safe place."

"Alright."

"Don't worry, Gerard. We will meet again soon. See you."

I can only nod gently. With a heavy heart, I eat up my lunch. I glance at the clock agitatedly, hoping for it to tick faster. An hour later, I grab my bag of clothes and leave by the backdoor. I spot the taxi with the plate ending with 323 which is waiting for me.

*I walk to the car. The driver is smoking. He looks up and down at me and honks. "You are going to the laundry on Kenny's street, sir?"

I freeze for a second and glance back at the plate before I nod. He motions for me to get in the car. The man drives off. He doesn't look like one of Frank's men.

Cautiously, I attempt to figure out his part in this. "How... how did you know where I was going?"

"Hmpf. Somebody already paid the ride and gave me the address." He answers.

"May I know who paid?"

The middle-aged man sighs. "Sir, my job consists in driving a car and be paid. I can't tell you more."

Lovely. I don't feel like asking anything else, so I stay quiet until the car stops before the laundry. I get out of the car, which drives off quickly after I set foot on the pavement. An enthusiastic employee welcomes me to the laundry and leads me inside.

"Leave those to us, Sir," she says, taking my extra clothes. Puzzled, I hand them to her. Then I am led to another room. The lady tells me that I can leave through the backdoor after changing clothes. Someone is waiting for me.

Today's course allows me to fully live the experience of being a spy; but that doesn't appease me much. I exit through the backdoor and find Pete, waiting for me.

"The boss is waiting for us, Mr. Way." He grins at me. He seems so friendly, but I know that those are mostly matters of appearances and circumstances. I have the feeling that Pete Wentz is not any less loyal than Patrick. My heart squeezes at the thought of him.

"Alright. Do you know..."

"About Patrick?" Pete completes as if he read it in my eyes. He takes off his fedora, a sign of respect I presume. "I know, Mr. Way. This isn't your fault. Patrick was a very good guy, but he got unlucky."

"Did he? Maybe... there is a better way..." I trail off.

"What we do is dangerous, Mr. Way. If it hadn't happened yesterday, it would have happened tomorrow. That doesn't leave us much time to enjoy ourselves."

I understand what he is trying to say. Not yesterday, maybe tomorrow... Is this my fate? Is death going to be waiting for me at every street corner, from now on?

Time goes by and I sigh deeply. I finally arrive to Frank's current residence. I am not surprised to find out that he had to move. He is a cautious man. Pete's saying in mind, I reckon that this is what has been keeping him safe and sound so far.

Frank is looking at the glowing embers of a fireplace, and turns around when he hears me close the door behind myself. He gives me a small smile and waits for me to step forward. All the pent up anxiety and stress along with the recent event overwhelm me at the sight of his comforting, poised silhouette.

My features twist and then I let out a sob. Frank's smile is replaced by a compassionate expression with an everlasting hint of severity and melancholia in his demeanor.

"Frank... I..." I shake my head and wipe my tears. It was the first time I cried since I shot Patrick. I can barely accept that appalling reality.

"Gerard, relax, you are safe here. Drink a bit of water, calm down," Frank says gently. He gets a pitcher for me and hands me a porcelain teacup full of water. "Sorry, I only drink in teacups, as you may have noticed."

I smile humorlessly, holding the cold cup. I sip some water and take a deep breath. "Sorry. I'm alright. It just happened so suddenly... I tried to question Solazzo on his brothel, and he didn't seem to mind. But when I mentioned D'Avanzo, he reacted violently and became suspicious. This led to what happened yesterday... It's my fault, I... I shouldn't have used Patrick as a coverup, I..."

Frank takes my hand in his and comforts me. I smile at him and resumes my story. "I thought I had fooled Solazzo, but I was wrong... He discovered that Patrick worked for you, and he forced me to... He forced me to hurt Patrick..."

I feel the tears rising again. Frank shakes his head. "This isn't your fault. It's Solazzo's. Patrick will not blame you from where he is, so stop blaming yourself, alright? Can you do that for me?"

Seeing the determination in his eyes, I feel myself getting a little bit stronger and I nod. "Frank, I want to avenge Patrick..."

"What do you want to do?"

"I have Solazzo's testimony, I can expose him... I can go to a police station and talk to a detective!"

Frank lets out a small laugh, interrupting my passionate speech. "What are the pieces of evidence that you have at your disposal? Do you have anything besides this 'testimony'?"

"I... I... No. I don't," I confess sheepishly.

"You have an open path ahead of you, Gerard. Only our solution exists to punish him, there is no other way. Do you understand?" He is wearing that two-steps-ahead smile again.

"Frank, this is not what I want..." I mutter, helpless. Frank sighs and walks to the fireplace. I follow him as silence settles for a moment.

He grabs the poker and mindlessly stirs the embers through the flames, making a few spars fly up.

"You must know that law can do nothing against us, Gerard," Frank speaks up, thoughtfully peering at the fireplace. "The only difficulties that we have to face are fiscal. As to the blood on our hands, we need even more blood to cover it." The fire reflects in his glimmering eyes.

"It is time you stop being so naïve." He looks up at me. Despite the heat, I shudder faintly. Frank doesn't scare me for he isn't threatening in the slightest, but the depth of his soul and intensity of his being are enough to intimidate me.

"I just want him to pay the price, Frankie..." I look away.

A small smile appears on his face like a temporary ray of sunshine through the thick clouds on a rainy day. "Death is the fair price."

I can't make up my mind, but Frank makes me look at him, charming me with his beguiling voice.

"I know that you want him to suffer," says he, "whether it is for Emily, the missing girls or Patrick."

"He deserves it... he deserves it!" I nod.

"Whatever the method, we will make him pay." This time, his smile is frank and sincere. Whatever the method? I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and open them again. This decision will change my life for good. There is no turning point.

"You are right, he has hurt so many people... he must be punished for his crimes so their soul can be at peace!"

Frank places a hand on the base of my neck. "That's my Gerard. Believe me, we will punish them together."

I nod. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...

"Alright." Frank lets go of me. "Let's see the plan. We must assassinate Solazzo before the Assembly. I checked. He contacted two other families to get prepared for a drug traffic operation on wide scale. The other families are interested in the massive profit that this operation can represent. If we don't eliminate him as soon as possible, Solazzo will become too powerful. He will be out of reach and New York will be invaded by drug. That's important, Gerard. Do you understand?"

What a despicable man!

"I understand."

"That is where I need your help." And here the smile comes back. But it is in no way reassuring.

"You want me to assassinate Solazzo?" I gasp.

Frank laughs softly while patting my head. "I would never let you do anything so dangerous. No, you will only have to tell us his location. Can you do that?"

"Of course!"

"Brave little boy." He nods in satisfaction. "But to ensure your safety, I will teach you how to use a gun, alright?"

"A gun? I... I already...used one before..." I shudder when I have the feeling to hear once again the detonation that came after I pulled that trigger, yesterday. That sound will haunt me forever, I fear.

"That's different. It's for self-defense, for your security, alright?" Frank uses a softer tone when he sees that the idea makes me uneasy.

"Alright..." I accept with a pout.

"Let's go, then." Frank leads me to a large balcony.

It's night outside. The summer evening is pleasingly warm, with a night breeze. I take off my suit jacket and roll up my sleeves to enjoy it. Frank hands me a gun and sets an empty bottle of water on the rail of smooth stone. I start aiming and pull the trigger, but it seems that the gun is broken. It's not working.

Frank shakes his head. "Wait, first, make sure that the safety catch is off, but only before shooting. Otherwise it must always be on to make sure to prevent accidental shot."

"Alright, I got it." I take off the security catch.

Frank places himself a couple of feet behind me. "Raise the gun, aim at the target, don't shake, and pull the trigger."

I raise the gun, holding it with both hands, and I shoot. Missed. My heart pounces when I feel Frank right behind me, adjusting my arms and posture. His gloved hands correct my elbows, then the axis of my hands.

"I said 'don't shake'..." He says softly. I can hear the smile in his voice. His breath tickles my neck and the leather of his gloves feels like clinging to the skin of my hands.

I pull the trigger and within a second, the bottle shatters. I turn around, beaming. Frank nods, satisfied. "When shooting at someone, do it in their direction while receding, okay? Your safety is more important than the chance of harming them."

"Okay..."

"Firearms have a kick, be careful about that."

"I understand."

"This gun will be used for self-defense, I will therefore not teach you how to reload it. Three more shots and then we can stop the training, alright?"

"Alright."

After a moment, we walk back inside. "Gerard, you have worked well today, but it's late... You should go home."

I nod. "Very well. Goodbye, Frank."

"Don't forget..." Frank loads the gun for me and hands it to me. I take it cautiously and I take care of putting the security catch on. Frank nods, severe as a professor, though I can see his corner smile he is repressing. "When the time comes, protect yourself. Please."

I firmly nod at Frank and make this promise to him. I hate to see this glimmer of concern in his eyes. This man is already going through way too much stress to be worried about something else.

Pete takes me back to the laundry and I discover that they actually washed the clothes I gave them. I go back to the Sparrow Hall. No one finds it odd that I spent the whole day on a laundry.

I lay down in bed for yet another restless night.

______