❛ Nothing is okay. ❜

chapter twenty six.

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      FOR OBVIOUS REASONS, Scarlett wasn't going into work today, and wasn't expected to do so by any. She'd had a short checkup call from Juice and Chibs, where she had just listened to them wish her the best. Camille had returned to the studio to distract herself because Luke would be at the clubhouse all day discussing the previous nights events.

Sleeping through the night was impossible, so she ended up slipping out of bed, managing not to awaken Cami. She went and sat on the freezing front porch in her blood soaked clothes with a cigarette pressed between her fingers. She stayed out there on the wooden slats for the entire night, not once feeling the need to go to sleep. She watched as the sun rose and as soon as she heard movement from inside the house, she returned to her room.

Since last night, Scarlett hasn't heard a single word from Jax. Her phone hasn't been buzzed or rang once by his number. She only wanted to speak to him to distract herself, but obviously he was elsewhere. She couldn't help but feel upset and somewhat angry that he'd placed her in her room before disappearing again, not that she could blame him. She was a mess from what she can remember clearly. She knew he cared but maybe he just didn't want to stay with her throughout the night. To a certain degree she forgave him.

She stares at herself in the mirror after jumping out of the shower, the blood now thoroughly washed from her skin and hair. She searches her own eyes for some sort of emotion, but all she can see is Donna's dead eyes glaring right back at her. She whirls around in terror, blocking her view of herself and she steps out of the bathroom, retreating back to her bedroom to get changed.

Once she's changed, she relaxes on her bed once more, dropping her head into both of her hands as a lone tear streaks down her cheek.

Suddenly, her phone begins to ring on the sheet beside her. Not caring much for whoever is on the other side, she slowly raises her head and picks up the device. She doesn't check the contact and instead just accepts the call. Hopefully, who ever is about to speak to her can distract her from her own thoughts for at least a few minutes.

"Scarlett?" She hears her younger brother's voice speak lowly.

A small gasps escapes her and she sits up straighter, brushing her wet hair behind her ears, "Jamie?" She replies quietly, unsure if she recognised him correctly.

He lets out a loud sigh of relief before a chuckle rumbles his chest, "Holy fuck. You're so lucky I remembered your number. Look, I only have four minutes so I'm just checking in."

"Oh my god," She splutters, beginning to cry again, "You have no idea how nice it is to hear your voice right now."

"Yeah, the same goes for you, Scar," She hears him shuffle slightly, before speaking again, "Everything okay?"

She ignores the question, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm good. Let me tell you, jail is easy if you only did a boring petty crime," He laughs, "Well, I did get beat up quite a lot the first month. Now it's all good, though."

"Beat up? Jesus fucking christ, J," She groans.

He clicks his tongue, "Nothing to worry about. You doing okay? And don't deflect my fucking question this time."

She rubs her free hand on her jeans as a form of fidgeting before she says, "I'm back in Charming."

There's a few moments of stunned silence before a loud cackle of laughter erupts from the other side of the phone.

"You're one stupid cunt," He snorts, "Why'd you go back? For Jax? For our parents?"

"Never for them," She grinds, "I came back for Cami, alright?"

"But. . ." He leads on, sensing where this conversation is heading.

"Jax and me are—"

"You are a stupid cunt," He huffs, "Jesus christ, Scar. He better be treating you right while I'm here. Best believe I'm coming straight there to give him a speaking to."

She smiles gently. For the first time since she was in the truck whilst Donna was alive, she smiles. It's only small and short but she recognises the little flourish of happiness inside her.

"You're eighteen," She reminds him.

"All these new tats make me look at least five years older. . ." He trails off, and she's hears him lowly curse at himself, "I wasn't supposed to tell you about 'em. I wanted them to be a surprise."

"You're getting tats done in jail?" She sighs in disbelief, "Are you serious, J? They'll probably get infected and look trash."

"Says the woman who got Jax Teller's name tattooed on her," He mutters.

She swallows thickly, repositioning herself awkwardly on the bed as she decides to change the topic to calm her motherly mind, "When exactly are you getting out?"

He gasps, "You saying you don't have it wrote on every calendar?" He chuckles, "Kidding. A few more months, I think. Not entirely sure," She hears as he speaks to someone away from the phone, "Hey, I gotta go. Some other dude wants the phone. I'll speak to you at some other point."

Her face falls slightly, not liking that they're first conversation in a while is coming to a close, "Okay, J. I love you. Take care of yourself."

"Love you too. Stay safe. And don't miss me too much," She can tell that he's grinning ear from ear as he speaks, "See you in a few months, Scar. Bye."

"Bye," She manages to rush out before the lines goes dead and she lowers the phone from her ear when she's thrust back into the silence of her room.

Then a loud knock rattles the front door, shaking her from her thoughts once more. Quickly, she exits her room and makes her way to the front door, her brows furrowing at the sight of a female silhouette through the glazed window on the door.

She pulls the door open, her face pulling up in disgust when Wendy Case is revealed to be stood on the porch. She's smirking with her hand curled around her hand bag strap and Scarlett notices the large amount of baby products nestled inside.

"Why are you here, Wendy?" She sighs.

"You seriously don't look too good, Scarlett," Wendy sees the bags under her eyes and her fallen face, "I just stopped by to say your attempt at making me jealous of you and Jax failed. Because he came home and slept with me. I really think I have a shot at making him love me again."

Scarlett's heart folds in on itself. She knows Wendy is most likely telling the truth. Jax left her alone last night to just return and fuck his ex-wife. What a cunt.

Too exhausted to reach forward and punch Wendy across the jaw, Scarlett just folds her arms over her chest, pushing a careless expression onto her face, "You enjoy reading my name tatted onto his body every time he fucks you? Does that remind you that he will never love you while I'm still around? Because if not, I'm reminding you now," She steps back and clutches the door before slamming it shut in Wendy's face, leaving her to stand stunned on the porch.

Scarlett waits until she's left before turning around and dropping to the floor with her back to the door. Tears start to overflow and cascade down her cheeks like waves. She rakes her hands through her hair, trying to understand why Jax would do such a thing.

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LATER, Scarlett is sat back out on the front porch, waiting for Camille and Luke to return. She's been crammed in the house all day by herself and she couldn't bare it any longer. Being outside helped her relax slightly, but all she wanted was her best friend so they could forget the night previous together.

Instead, Jax Teller rolls up into the driveway.

Instantly, she raises up from the step and whirls around to head back inside.

"Scarlett!" He shouts after her, "What—"

Her hand falls from the door knob as she spins around quickly, "No! You do not get to show up here right now, Jax. Do you think I have no self-respect?" She yells, causing his brows to furrow but before he can speak, she continues, "I'd just witnessed my best friend get murdered and you left me here alone! You left me here so you could go back to your house and fuck your ex-wife! All while I was here having panic attacks and on the brink of fucking psychotic episodes! What the fuck is wrong with you? Was I that much of a mess that you couldn't even be bothered to stay until I fell asleep?"

"No!" He replies, moving closer, "I left you because I couldn't deal with seeing you like that. Covered in blood and shaking. It destroyed me. I know what I did was wrong. I fucking know, and it's been wrecking me all day. I got home and Wendy was just there, okay? I barely even thought about it! Jesus christ, Scarlett. I'm sorry," He steps up the porch steps.

Her lip wobbles, "I fucking needed you."

He squeezes his eyes shut as he slowly pulls her into his chest. He presses a soft kiss to the top of her head before mumbling, "I know."

"I don't forgive you," She sniffs.

He sucks in a deep breath, "I know."

She scoffs, continuing to speak into his chest, "That's all you've got to say for cheating on me with the same woman I told you I was jealous of?"

"I'm sorry," He pulls away, before motioning to the steps she was previously sat on, "Come on, just sit down."

Wiping under her eyes, she does as he says and he relaxes beside her, his foot immediately beginning to anxiously tap. Her hands fiddle in her lap as she stares out across the street, trying to ignore how his gaze is burning into her face.

"How are you holding up?" He asks simply.

She grinds her jaw, "Shit. You?"

"Better than you, I'm sure," He runs his hand over his hair, "I spoke to Ope today, if you were wanting to know about him. He's struggling."

She hums. She knew Opie would be struggling the most. Him and Donna had just back to what they used to be. "The kids?"

"Ellie's been crying all day," Jax says, "Kenny doesn't quite get it yet."

Scarlett squeezes her eyes shut, feeling a huge amount of sympathy for the two children. She could imagine what it was like to lose such a loving mother so early on in life.

She swallows, desperately want to move away from this topic, "I'm sorry about shoving you last night." Honestly, after hearing about him and Wendy, she felt a lot less bad about their argument last night, but she wanted to be the bigger person and apologise.

His hand lifts to rest on her knee, "It's okay."

She moves her leg, causing his hand to fall back to his side. She bites her lip, "It's not okay," She chuckles, the sound full of pain, "Nothing is okay. The last few weeks. . . I— I tried to do what you do. Like find a box just to shove all my shit. But, turns out, my box is a bit full of shit already. And it can't hold all this new shit happening with us. I hardly sleep. I mean, Jackson, we got away with murder. I— what does that make me?" She looks at him.

His eyes roam her face, "A survivor."

She hums lowly before turning her head away again, her gaze dropping to her lap, "I think you're a good man with a big heart. I know you try to do as much good as you can, but. . . I can't live this life anymore."

His head shakes and his hand cups her cheek furthest from him to turn her eyes back to him.

"Jamie called me today," She sniffs, "Hearing his voice again made me realise that I'm not sure I want him coming back here and getting mixed up in all this shit. Club shit, our shit, family shit. All of it. I don't want him near it."

His hand falls and anger falls over his face as he punched the bridge of his nose.

"Don't you get tired of it?" He scoffs, "Running?"

"I'm not running," She says calmly, "I'm just returning back to the city."

He steps off the porch, pacing the space of ground in front of her, "Call it whatever the hell you want. Your life is a series of hit-and-runs. The minute someone makes you feel uncomfortable, tests your loyalty, little Scarlett Miller packs her bags and leaves."

Her nostrils flare but she keeps her tone simple and calm, "Last night, Donna was murdered right beside me, Jax. That's a whole lot more than feeling uncomfortable."

He ignores her completely, "Well, I guess you got what you wanted from me, right? Used me to forget all your shit? All the shit you refuse to tell me about!"

"That's not fair," She raises her voice.

"Not fair?" He steps closer to the bottom step, "You wanna know how many women I've slept with over the last eight years? Hundreds! Maybe more, I don't know."

She folds her arms and allows him to continue.

"I barely see their faces! I married Wendy because I was lonely. Because I got tired of the endless disconnect. It was just a sad time-out. Because when I'm inside someone, there's only one face I see," He snarls before running a hand over his face to calm himself, "When you came home, it was like some kind of sign to me. Like my past coming around giving me another shot to do this different. Better. And now that chance is running back to San Francisco."

She raises and steps down onto the same level as him, "You don't get to cheat on me and act like it's my fault that this is going so wrong!"

His reaches forward, both of his hands catching her face and pulling her into a kiss. She relaxes into it, her palms relaxing on his waist. Before he can deepen it, she pushes him away gently, causing him to frown.

"Take care, Scar. I mean it," He pushes a tight smile onto his lips before turning and returning to his bike.

She watches as he pulls out of the driveway slowly, "Fuck you, Jackson Teller!" She calls after him.

He doesn't bother showing her any sort of reaction or response as he rides down the road away from the home. Leaving her alone at the house once more.

. . .

a short chapter cause why not
scarlett isn't going to forgive him easily by the way

word count,
2602

not fully proof read