𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘—𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄, open wounds

      𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐈𝐒 𝐍𝐎 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐎 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐍.

      Mental, physical, emotional — she's experienced all at least once in her life, formulating her to be the person she is today. Tough exterior, suffering on her lonesome, teeters on the edge of a mental breakdown every once in a while. It's who she is, someone who has experienced painful things at a young age. It has forced her to become who she is now, and sometimes, she has a brief though that maybe, just maybe, she shouldn't be satisfied with who she is today.

      Her family hasn't always been the best. It seemed like from the start, she was doomed to suffer with the burden of having shitty parents, who don't seem to enjoy her presence. Her rations were used for their own benefit, forcing her to learn to steal. Words hung over her, a burden forced upon her from a young age.

      But, at some point, she stopped caring.

      What would it matter if her parents believed she was a piece of shit? If she could change the way they see her, would it change how her life goes? It wouldn't change the fact that her parents had addictions, and would need her rations to get what they wanted. It wouldn't change the fact that they were the poorest of the poor, living in what she likes to believe is the dumping ground for hopeless cases and druggies, Factory Station.

      Factory Station was a surprisingly united community, at least amongst the youth. Every child seemed to know everyone else — creating strong bonds, which reflects in the delinquent population on the ground. Everyone told each other everything, barely anyone being able to keep secrets. It's a surprising feat to keep one within the walls of Factory Station, with so many children having the biggest mouths in the world.

      She never got to experience that.

      She never got to experience a foundation of the lives of the youth within the walls of Factory Station, which was meeting in the middle of the structure after meal times, and talk. Talk for minutes or hours, whichever one was best suited with the subject of conversation. It was a daily habit for many to do this, and even occasionally split rations that they had kept from their previous meal and give it to others.

      She had tried relentlessly to become part of this, to gain a social life on the Ark, to have friends — but her efforts were useless, and she never was included in conversations when she attempted to start some. She'd go to these meetings with the youth, she'd smile, she'd laugh — but nothing she ever did would bring others to look at her. To talk to her. To engage with her.

      But when she got ignored, rejected, and laughed at, she cowered in a corner and cried to herself. She would wipe her tears on her tattered long sleeve and rush back to her family's compartment, where she would cower in the corner and hope she wouldn't be yelled at.

      And when she tried making friends with other kids, people who lived on other stations, she practically got the same reaction. But it was different these times, where they would act like her friend, treat her as if she were one of them, and then toss her away like she was trash. Every time she reached out to a member of the youth of Alpha Station, she would get the same treatment.

      And that's when she learned.

      She learned that most people don't like her. And she's accepted that. Her emotions don't matter to them, being disregarded and not even having a place in their brains. Her wants and needs are put on the bottom of the list of priorities, her parents caring more about drugs and alcohol to prioritize her.

      And she's buried it deep down, and has stopped caring.

      She was once hesitant to become friends with Makayla for this exact reason. She has grown up being tossed away like trash, and for someone to welcome her in like they've been best friends their entire lives was odd to her. She thought there was a trick, a ploy, some sort of action that would be taken to harass her, make fun of her, ruin her reputation once again. She never thought that the girl was being genuine until she made it clear, and showed true interest.

      Her only friend before her had been Octavia — the bond between them only being created because of their close proximity. She would sacrifice the brunette for the world, but she wouldn't have met her in any other circumstance. If the girl had been allowed out, allowed to roam around the halls of the Ark like every other citizen, they wouldn't be who they are today. There would've been a high chance of her being another child to cast her out, send her away, laugh and harass her, adding onto the weight of every other comment she got from the children of the Ark.

      The brain is a curse, one bestowed on those who use it to conjure up the worst of scenarios. She has been cursed to carry this burden, her thoughts eroding her self–worth, destroying her positive thoughts for negative. Her brain has conjured up so many scenarios that she has come to the conclusion of her being, her existence, being built upon the fact that she's tethered to someone.

      And if she loses either of them — she would become a shell of the person she is.

      An emotionless, body of cells floating through space. Someone unrecognizable. Someone who doesn't behave the same way as she once did, someone who forgets what made her who she is.

      "You really need to start watching out for yourself more" A voice says, and she turns her head slowly to see the figure of Makayla walking towards her. Her friend, one that grounds her to reality, one that keeps her sane. Her friend who has tired eyes, who has worked so hard to make sure she's okay. 

      Her friend that took part in saving her life stands over her, blue eyes looking down at her. The tiredness seems to be slowly going away, her concerned expression being replaced for one that is light–hearted and sweet, her normal expression when she comes to people for conversations. She's missed the peace, the experience of being calm, since the last time she was properly awake and aware of her surroundings being right before she was stabbed.

      She lets out a light laugh. "And how am I supposed to do that?".

      "Maybe don't go on dangerous missions?".

      She smiles, slowly picking herself up off the table, maintaining eye contact with her friend. "Yeah, well, keep my friends away from Grounders and maybe we can talk".

      She glances around, seeing the friend she's referring to asleep on one of the seats they stripped from the walls of the dropship. Her hands sit in her pockets, eyes closed, but a determined look on her face still. There's cuts that have yet to heal still on her face, showing remnants of her time in captivity with the Grounder. Knowing that the girl went through a traumatic experience with someone they are unfamiliar with makes her sick, especially since she's one of her only friends.

      Her brain reminds her that this girl is the tether she has to her humanity, each bond she creates with people that truly means something — bonds that are so fragile, bonds so easy to break. Bonds that feel like they cannot be broken, or she will be broken.

      "I'll wake her up in a bit. She's taking a stand against her brother" The blonde explains, moving over to the side to grab some bandages off the roll. The brunette frowns, not understanding why the girl is 'taking a stand' — she can understand if it's against her brother, because he's Bellamy, but she can't help but be confused. What did he do?

      "What did he do this time?".

      She watches the blonde freeze for a second — just a second — before shaking it off and continuing to unroll the bandage. She seems hesitant to explain, hesitant to give details on whatever happened the night before, but she wants to know — she believes she deserves to know, especially if it was somehow connected to the damage that was done to her.

      "He, uh, brought a Grounder back" She explains, but the brunette swears she can see the guilt on her face, the guilt that shows that she has a burden on her back. She hasn't known the girl for long, but her expressions are extremely readable. Her hesitation to continue explaining what happened isn't comforting, and only adds onto the sickness she feels in the background from all the things that have happened.

      She frowns. "The fuck do you mean he brought a Grounder back?".

      The blonde sighs as she turns towards her, new bandage in hand. She puts her hands on the table, leaning in closer as if what she's about to say is a curse, one that if it gets out, everyone would be ruined. "Look, he brought back the Grounder and, uh, he — he tortured him. I tried to stop it, I really did, but he just wouldn't let up".

      The torture part doesn't sit right with her. How could he willingly torture someone? There's consequences to his actions, and she would rather have died than doom the camp, some of the people she cares about eternally, to dying at the hands of a Grounder in the middle of a war they can't win. She knows she's not the smartest, but she knows damn well that he won't enjoy the consequences that come with what he's decided to do.

      Nobody will enjoy them, for that matter. They'd all be dead before they could blink, their camp being burnt to the ground by an army of Grounders.

      She bites the inside of her cheek, not enjoying the fact that a Grounder was tortured to save her life, and Finn's. How could someone morally do something like that? How can someone sit by and know it'll be on their conscious? How could the rest of the camp sit by and let it happen?

      "You've got to be shitting me, right?" She questions, almost in disbelief. She's met with disappointment when the blonde shakes her head. It makes her sick to her stomach, knowing that a human being was tortured to save her life — even if it did benefit her in the end, she doesn't understand how the members of the camp have gotten to this point, torturing people for someone's benefit.

      The blonde lets out a huff as she moves to switch the bandages, saying soft apologies as she hears the brunette wince as a result of the movement of the bandage. "I tried to stop it, I really did, but —" She begins explaining, sucking in a breath as she moves onto the more gruesome details in her head. "Bellamy wouldn't stop. And it did benefit you in the end, but —".

      "It's wrong. He shouldn't have done that just to save my sorry ass, or Finn's".

      She watches the blonde frown as she secures the bandage around her wound. "I know. It'll have horrible consequences, and I don't think Bellamy's registered that". Makayla looks at the entrance of the dropship, as if she's making sure the man doesn't walk in to criticize her words. "He's a fucking idiot for thinking that people would sit by and let it happen, and we didn't even get the antidote for the poison through his actions".

      She gives her a very confused look, not understanding what she's saying. If Bellamy went to the lengths of torturing a man to get an antidote, shouldn't he have gotten what he was searching for through the torture? Shouldn't he have been able to reap the rewards of his actions, even if they were wrong?

      "So then how'd you get the antidote?" She questions, almost hesitant to hear the answer. She's thinking of the worst possible actions, things that there would be no return from — no coming back, no regaining morals, no regaining a healthy conscious. 

      "Quinn woke up and you didn't tell me?".

      Octavia rushes over, giving Makayla a small shove to the shoulder, expressing her small amount of frustration. The blonde smiles in response, moving back to give the two space as they speak. The blonde moves to organize the pile of random supplies that's scattered across the main table, letting the two speak to each other in peace.

      "I'm so glad you're safe" She begins, pulling the girl into a hug. It's felt like years since she's been able to speak to Octavia, as if they had lived many lives within the span of roughly twenty–four hours.

      Octavia laughs into her shoulder. "Me? I'm glad you're safe — you scared the shit out of me!".

      "It was just a stab wound —".

      "'Just a stab wound' doesn't acknowledge the fact that you almost died, twice" Makayla adds, turning back towards them with a knowing look on her face. She didn't know that she had almost died, and it was her own body. All she could remember was the extraction of the blade, and having a short conversation with Sam, but that was it. She assumes she was completely knocked out, having succumbed to the pain and remained unconscious for most of the event.

      They both glance over at the girl, bewildered looks painting their faces at the news. She wants to question the blonde's words, but Octavia beats her to it.

      "I mean I knew that she stopped breathing, but I didn't know she almost died twice".

      She watches as Makayla nods, and as she places her hands on the edge of the table to balance her weight. "Yeah, I had to do some really shitty CPR on her to keep her ass alive" She looks between them, continuing on. "It's honestly a miracle she made it out the first time, since I learned how to do CPR only a few seconds before".

      Octavia looks back down at her, grabbing her arm. "Yeah, you're never leaving camp again".

      "Says you! You got kidnapped, held hostage, and you want to tell me that I can't leave camp?" She counters, trying to prove her point. She gets an eye–roll and a small bit of laughter in response, but Octavia's smile drops when an irritating voice echoes through the first floor of the dropship.

      "You're still here?".

      The voice comes from none other than Bellamy, who takes a few steps forward towards them, his question directed at his sister. She doesn't know the full extent of what has happened between them, but she figures it's not good, since she can sense the tension in the air.

      She can easily recall all the times that Octavia praised her brother, sharing affectionate words about him with her while they were stuck in their cell on the Ark. She would tell endless stories about how he tried his best to entertain her, give her the best life she could have even if she was stuck under the floor. She had never met Bellamy — even though she probably crossed paths with him, once or twice at least, since they lived on the same station — but she had always thought of him as a great guy. The stories Octavia once told painted him in this way, but the figure in front of her doesn't match with what she's been told.

      "I'm not leaving until you let me up there to see him" She begins, putting her hands in her pockets, turning towards him. "And Quinn's awake — or am I not allowed to visit her, either?".

      She's clueless on who this 'him' is, not knowing who Octavia's talking about. But the upset look on Bellamy's face makes her think it's the Grounder that was once being tortured, forcing a thousand questions to swirl around her head.

      She doesn't understand why the Grounder is still inside their camp, or how people are just okay with it. Maybe it's because they're afraid of the repercussions if they try to do something against what Bellamy wants, or maybe it's because they have a plan forming on what to do with the Grounder. She's surprised that the man hasn't been killed yet — with so many people, including herself, having forming hatreds towards the Grounders because of their acts against the delinquents. 

      She also doesn't understand why Octavia wants to visit the Grounder — the same person who held her hostage, and kidnapped her. The same person who had her chained to a wall. The same person that kept her away from her friends, and family. She doesn't understand it, and she doesn't think she ever will, given the fact that she seems to know less and less about what goes on in the camp every day.

      "Get comfortable waiting" He says in response, his voice firm as he doesn't let his sister defy his rules. She watches him turn to leave, but he turns back, fighting words forming in his mind. 

      "I let him live. Isn't that enough?".

      "He saved my life, and yours" Octavia spits back, and Quinn can't help but bite her tongue, wanting to point out how her life was threatened, along with Finn's because of the same Grounder that's locked away within the walls of the dropship. She can blame the Grounder's actions on self–defense, but she doesn't understand how anyone's lives were saved. Does the girl forget that she was kidnapped and chained to a wall?

      Bellamy scoffs. "I know you see it that way, but —".

      "That's the way it is" Octavia argues, and she can sense that she has good intentions with wanting to see the Grounder, but she can't get behind the idea of the Grounder saving both of the Blake siblings' lives. She still can't see how, or why either of their lives would've been saved, and when that would've happened.

      "He's still dangerous".

      "Only because of what you did!".

      "Whatever twisted connection you think you have with that animal, forget —".

      "He's not an animal" Makayla interjects, interrupting him midsentence. That is something she agrees with, rather than saying that the Grounder saved anyone's lives — if anything, he damaged more than he helped. She knows why Makayla would think this, that the Grounder is not an animal — because he isn't. He's a human being, who didn't deserve to be tortured.

      Bellamy glares at her, disbelief written on his face. "Excuse me?".

      The blonde crosses her arms. "He's a human being, that you tortured, and you didn't even get the result you wanted".

      All she can do is sit there as they argue around her, and she doesn't exactly care to know who's in the right, even though she finds herself siding with Makayla. She wants to get back to living her life like normal, and she would appreciate if the subject could move away from the Grounder and the torture, and the injury that knocked her out. She wishes it wouldn't hang over their heads — mainly wishing that it never happened — but she can't do anything about that. She didn't ask for any of that, and she's not sure if she can sit by and listen to people argue over something that was partially caused by the injury she sustained.

      "I seem to remember you standing aside and watching because you needed the antidote" Bellamy argues back, annoyance lacing his words. She's frustrated — placing her head in her hands and trying not to groan out loud. She's tired of it all — tired of the pain she's felt, tired of the drama that's been caused because of the torture and the injuries. She's tired of having to sit to the side and listen to them argue about something she wasn't there for, and had no say in. She's tired of a lot of things, and especially Bellamy's voice.

      Octavia scoffs. "She tried to stop you — we both tried!".

      "Can all of you shut the fuck up, please!" She interjects, growing tired of the arguing that's happening around her. There's no need for the arguments, when it's essentially been established that Bellamy won't agree with anyone unless they think exactly what he believes, and Octavia has an odd connection with the Grounder, and by the looks of it would throw her own life on the line for him. "At least go argue somewhere else".

      Her head is out of her hands now, and all she can do is wait for someone to say something, the only thing any of them are doing is glancing between each other. There's obvious tension, the different opinions about the fate of the Grounder, or if the actions taken just hours before to gain access to the antidote were right or wrong hanging over everyone's heads. She doesn't want them to keep arguing, but from what she's learned, they will anyway, and since she isn't physically well enough to walk away, she'd rather them go argue somewhere else.

      Bellamy sighs. "You don't get to see him. End of conversation".

      She watches as he leaves, and she can feel a wave of relief wash over her. She was growing tired of them arguing, and even though she's had time to rest, she doesn't want to be stressed out anymore. Between the injury and Octavia going missing, she feels as if she's felt enough stress for a lifetime. She wants to go back to conversing with her friends, experiencing a brief happy moment in a world full of dark ones.

      And then they begin arguing, once again. "Why do you even care if I ruined your life? You should want me to go up there" Octavia begins, determination in her eyes. "Maybe you'll get lucky and he'll kill me, problem solved".

      She bites her tongue, noticing how their demeanor towards each other is not the same as she once knew it was. Once upon a time, she knows for sure that the siblings had a strong relationship, an unbreakable bond that was formed through love. Octavia had once only spoken highly of her brother, the stories the girl would tell being ones where she praises her brother, rather than arguments where she mentions the ruining of his life, or his problems being solved with her death.

      She's only left to assume that she's missed a lot.

      "Octavia, you know I didn't mean that" Bellamy explains, and he's only met with silence. She watches as his sister stares back at him — unspoken words itching to fall off of her tongue — and eventually glance away.

      She never thought she'd see the day where the two Blake siblings start destroying their bond, letting the string that connects them erode away. She was convinced that the two siblings would love each other forever, especially with the version of Bellamy she was told about on the Ark. Octavia once described the man with only love, her previous situation before her life in the skybox giving her the bond with him that would cause admiration–filled tangents, stories that would last for hours on end as the younger of the two girls would go on and on about small moments in her life.

      She was once envious of their bond — wishing she had something like that, a strong familial bond that could stand the test of time. Her mother and father aren't good applicants for this — giving her very few options for a 'family'. And now it's odd for her to be sitting on the sidelines, watching the bond she once admired fall apart.

      The curtain blocking the sun from coming into the dropship is pulled open, and Clarke enters the dropship, just as Bellamy begins leaving. His words towards the girl are like venom, and Quinn swears that she can feel his anger and frustration radiating off of him as he speaks. She tunes him out, turning to Octavia.

      "What the hell did I miss?" She asks, her voice low enough where the girl's brother wouldn't hear her. Octavia shrugs in response, hands in her pockets.

      "Just my brother telling me I ruined his life — and him torturing the Grounder that stabbed you" She explains, her expression still showing defiance and annoyance, her anger towards her brother showing through.

      She doesn't see how those words could be true — the stories that Octavia told always depicted their relationship to be strong, built on the need to protect their secrets, and their love for each other that could only come from being siblings in a small corner of Factory Station. 

      She never had the strongest connection with her parents, the connection always being more negative than positive, so maybe it's her lack of understanding of a true family relationship that makes her not see how Octavia's words can be true. It could be her perception of it all, having only heard of their bond through stories rather than witnessing their childhood years together herself. But something doesn't seem right about the girl's words, something else infecting the way she describes what happened.

      "How could you have ruined his life? I don't get it".

      Octavia shrugs once more. "By being born".

      "Octavia, that can't possibly be true" Makayla adds, and she doesn't blame her for saying this — the blonde girl beat her to speaking those words, but adding a voice of reason that is much needed. "We've all seen how he cares for you — he's your brother. If anything he said that because he had some emotions that he had to get out, but he shouldn't have said it in the first place".

      "Yeah, well —" The brunette begins, but her voice trails off, as if she's distracted by another conversation. Quinn notices this, watching as the girl's gaze slowly but surely drifts over to the entrance of the dropship — without making it too obvious to the two members of the camp standing there — her focus turning towards their words, rather than the two girls' that are standing right next to her.

      She listens to the two speak, their conversation definitely not being one that's meant to be discrete. They're discussing a trip, one where they could get supplies. Supplies that could help them survive through winter, and with that knowledge, she hopes there's proper weapons wherever the two are planning on going. It may be personal bias, but she'd like to have a better method of defending herself against Grounders the next time she's forced into an interaction with them.

      Bellamy moves to leave, and Quinn itches to turn her attention back towards the conversation she was previously having — wanting to understand the true depth of the factures in the siblings' bond, wanting to understand how Octavia's existence could've possibly ruined Bellamy's life — but her hopes for continuing the conversation are ruined as Clarke begins to speak once more.

      "Makayla, can you come with us too?" She asks, directing her words towards the blonde standing against the table next to her, who stands with her arms crossed, hair finally tied back, stress washed away from her face.

      "Am I that awful that I'm one of the people you don't actually like?".

      She sighs. "No — that's not why. I just thought you wouldn't be doing anything, and I could use an extra hand".

      "Don't you need someone to check on Quinn and Finn?" She questions, her arms still crossed. The girl seems reluctant to join her, maybe it's because of the people that are going, but she can't place why. She's missed too much to properly understand how interactions have changed between people recently, and how much tension has been added into the air between people.

      Clarke shakes her head. "No, they just need to rest. Quinn should be fine soon, Finn probably a little later".

      She swears she can see the blonde next to her weighing her options, and Octavia looking antsy for her response. She doesn't understand why the girl is anxious for the response, not understanding how the blonde's decision can possibly affect the girl.

      "I'll go. But I'm supposed to talk to my dad soon — that'll have to happen first" She explains, and Clarke nods in appreciation before walking out.

      Quinn glances between the two girls, only to bring her attention back to Makayla. "Since when have we been able to contact the Ark?" She questions, not knowing that any sort of connection has been established.

      "Sam and Raven got the radio working after you were brought in. It's how we got to know how to operate on you and Finn" Makayla explains, noticing the confusion lacing the girl's face. "Now we're using the radio to contact our families".

      She nods along, not knowing how to feel. There's a benefit to having the radio working, giving them the opportunity to contact anyone they care about and get beneficial instruction from the Ark about what to do to survive the Grounders, or the winter. But there's also the negative, which in her opinion, is the fact that they're one more step closer to having the Ark come down — and by the Ark, she knows it'll be the members of Alpha Station, and the Council. 

      She's not ready for her life to be controlled by the Council once again, specifically not ready for the overbearing rules that they'll place over them, as if they know more about the ground than the kids they sent down to die do.

      A boy comes into the dropship, one that she recognizes to be Dax. He seems to be looking for someone, or something, until he finds the blonde leaning on the table.

      "Makayla, it's your turn" He says, waiting only a second before disappearing behind the curtain just as quickly as he appeared. 

      As the girl leaves, she turns her attention back towards Octavia, still wanting to know the depth of the deteriorating relationship of her and her brother. But she seems distracted, more focused on something else, rather than being present, or wanting to continue discussing her issues with her brother.

      "What's actually happening between you and your brother?" She questions, still curious. But the girl doesn't seem completely interested in giving an answer, her mind being in two places at once.

      Keeping her hands in her jacket pockets, she shrugs, leaning against the table. "There's nothing else to it — he said I ruined his life, and he won't let me on the third floor". She glances between her and the ladder, and Quinn continues to take note of her distracted demeanor. "You should listen to Clarke though — get some more rest. Can't have you staying injured for too long".

      She stammers over her words, almost accepting that the girl has something on her mind, and before she knows it, Octavia's walking out of the dropship, calling back to her that she should get some more rest. She lets out a frustrated huff, and lays back on the table, staring up at the ceiling.

      Upset that she's missed so much, she closes her eyes, reluctantly getting the rest she keeps being told she needs.

      𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 —

quinn is BACK and i foreshadowed something big in this chapter that has an effect on a LOT and im so excited about building up to it

i realized while editing that the timeline has like a two day skip in between the episodes, so based on what i wrote, like it sounds like she's been asleep for two straight days but for the sake of my sanity just imagine she would wake up and fall back asleep a few times

anyways shit's about to kick into full gear (ive said this before but i mean it this time i promise)

xoxo!!

𝟓𝟑𝟒𝟑 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒