[ take my hand - iv ]

[ season 1, episode 3 ]
[ tell it to the frogs]

          As the day progressed and the suns relentless torment started to dwindle, dinner was in fast preparation. Bitterly, Zoe remained on the inside of Dale's RV reading a war-torn copy of Lord of The Flies, avoiding having to help.

She wasn't really paying attention to the book because she still hadn't managed to read past the first page. Her mind was too occupied, like it had given itself the job of driving her crazy.

She thought about Lori's words and her false "understanding". Zoe understood that people lost their families or just didn't know what had happened to them and that that's what most people were going through. That's what everyone was going through.

But Lori knew the truth of her situation. Lori was there that night. She held Zoe as they buried Phoebe and made sure Ryan drank and ate when he just sat around camp and wouldn't talk for the first few days after.

Zoe wished it had been herself that night. And as much as she loved her daughter, she knew Ryan needed Phoebe more.

But there were two sides to that coin, one where she would be at peace, maybe standing and waiting for Phoebe at the pearly gates. Knowing that Ryan would do everything in his power to keep her alive, who he would become to protect her. Knowing that would have been enough, eventually.

Or the other.

Where she lived a life without her, in hell. Living day by day reminded that the only way she would see her daughter again was death. Her anger festered. The simple frustration.

Maybe Lori had been right, and all the rage and anger that shook her bones and made them brittle, begging to break everything around her, made her unbearable to be around.

If she couldn't hurt the things around her, she would shatter from the inside-out.

Maybe that was why Ryan distanced himself from her. Why he was forgetting her. Because her words were thrashing and violent even if she wasn't. Even if it wasn't what she meant.

But people only believed what they saw, and what they saw was Zoe slowly become a heartless creature. She had earned the names they whispered behind her back. The dirty looks around camp were engraved in her mind. A circling memory, like a hawk stalking a field mouse. People didn't take well to her personality.

One day, the way she grieved and who she was now was going to get her killed.

Zoe stared off into the distance as her fingers flipped through the pages of the book, aimlessly. Even as the shade was starting to take the camp, the temperature inside the R.V. made it feel ten times hotter than outside. Holding the book with one hand and fanning herself with the other, a faint noise made itself clear. The almost silent roar of an engine and the continuous honking of a car horn bounced off the quarry walls.

A thin piece of paper sliced itself on the pad of Zoe's index finger, she winced slightly. The cut was the least of her worries as she threw the book to the side of her and stood, rushing out of the R.V.

By the time she reached the door, everyone else in camps attention was caught, waiting anxiously as a red car drove up the dirt path. Right into camp.

"Is it them?" She asked.

"Not sure, I doubt all of them could squeeze into that." Jim answered, gesturing to the wailing red sports car. The vehicle stopped and Glenn Rhee stepped out.

Alone.

"Holy crap, turn that damn thing off!" Dale bellowed from the top of the R.V, slowly making his way down as Zoe used her hand to block the bright sun from her face.

"I don't know how!" Glenn exclaimed, opening his arms wide as if to louden his voice.

In an instant there were a million different voices yelling at the boy to open the hood and some persistently asked about their family. Glenn answered to all.

Lori hastily walked toward the young man as the group inched closer.

"Are you alright?" Placing her hand atop Glenn's shoulder, Carl in tow.

"Yeah, fine. Everybody is." His face darkened slightly as his eyes connected with Zoe's. "Well, Merle not so much."

She was relieved. As much as everyone thought she cared about Merle, she didn't. The only thing she liked about him was his supplies. He wasn't a good person and even to Lauren that was clear as day. But Glenn's confirmation that everyone else, including Ryan, was alive was nerve soothing.

"Are you crazy, driving this wailing bastard up here?" Shane leant against the hood of the car. "Are you trying to draw every walker for miles?"

"Just- hold on a minute." Zoe interrupted. "Everyone's okay, I think that's what matters." Nodding, her eyes briefly met Lori's.

"You call being stupid okay?" Shane pressed further. Zoe never really liked Shane, she made small talk when needed but, she didn't purposely try to be around him. He always input when it wasn't needed, and his persistence in the ignorance of others was crude.

"Well, the alarm was echoing all over these hills." Dale added, trying to dilute the situation. "Hard to pinpoint the source."

Shane looked to Dale in annoyance, clearly this has happened before. The older man was a good samaratin, he often played devils advocate. And most of the times, he was right.

"I'm not arguing. I'm just saying." He defended himself before looking to Glenn. "It wouldn't hurt you to think things through a little more carefully next time, would it?"

"Sorry." His smile was less than visible as he murmured his half-hearted apology and shrugged. "Got a cool car."

Zoe supposed that maybe Shane was partially right pertaining to the way they lived now. Maybe that was something to be scared of. Loudness in a place that was meant to be permanently quiet.

They all turned their heads as a second vehicle approached, a truck. This must have been what the rest of them drove in.

Ryan was quick to open the back of the truck as he felt it come to a rolling stop, wasting no time in grabbing their supplies and handing them to the others to carry back. As everyone made it to the front of the truck, enveloping their loved ones in hugs and showering them in love, Ryan leaned against the back of the trailer, dragging his hand across his face. A shudder ran through his body.

It had finally hit. He was alive. Rick was alive. All their efforts were not for nothing, they had supplies and food to last at least another two or three weeks with all of the people that went.

He was grateful. Especially to his fellow survivors that made it possible to get out of there alive. Grateful to have found Rick and still reeling from the fact. Ryan turned around to face the front of the truck where Rick still resided. He sat alone, staring at his lap and that's when it hit him.

Ryan forgot. All consumed in his almost life-ending endeavors, his reuniting with the man he looked up to most, and all that it took to get back in one piece, he forgot to tell Rick that his family was alive.

Rushing to the passenger side of the vehicle, he opened Rick's door for him.

"Come on, I got something you're gonna wanna see." Ryan nodded his head, pointing in the direction he knew everyone would be standing.

Although confused, Rick reluctantly followed Ryan as Morales made eye contact with the both of them.

"Hey, helicopter boy! Come say hello." A smile laid on his lips as the pair rounded the corner, coming into view of everyone. "Guys a cop, like you." Morales added, as he stared at Shane.

Shane was the first to notice. Then Zoe, both of their eyes widening. Nobody else knew what was about to happen.

Lori and Carl had trailed a few feet behind the rest and at the silence, they turned their heads.

It was fast. Ricks hand reached out to his blood, disbelief falling into the cracks of his face. A lump grew in his throat. Full of deafening noise and tears. He choked on it.

By now Carl had noticed just who was in front of him and his eyes sprung to life, a yell erupting from his chest. A yearning that could be heard from around the world, a sons love for his father lacing the letters together.

"Dad!"

They all but fell to the ground, Rick reeling from the impact of Carls hug. Struggling to reach his wife.

Yet, he prevailed.

Ryan smiled. And despite the implications in his face that he was happy, glad that Rick had his family. Truly grateful for them to be reunited, he envied him.

A fire buried deep, deep inside of his soul burned with a hatred he had never felt. A distaste. It was sour on his tongue and it burned his lungs with so much overflowing sadness that he wanted to sink into the ground where his feet stood.

It wasn't fair in the slightest.

It made him angry. At Rick? At the world? God? That wasn't fair, either. This displaced anger wanted him to turn his head away. Away from his mentor and one of his best friends.

He would never let that happen.

No matter what happened, people were important to have. Ryan hadn't quite decided what he would do at the expense of others. He did know that whatever his gut was trying to elude, he didn't like it.

He didn't like the way it made him feel, the way he unwillingly cast judgement on others, and surely not the revulsion that grew when he looked at the family he had spent a little over a decade growing with.

This was supposed to be a good moment. One to remember and look back on when life was becoming too insufferable.

Willingly, he tore his eyes away from Rick, Lori, and Carl to see Zoe walking briskly towards him. Unexpectedly, her body enveloped his. Something must have changed since they last interacted.

Whether it was him still riding the high of adrenaline, or the effect of his newfound guilt, his arm slung around her. His fingers dwindling on the small of her back.

"I'm glad your safe." She whispered through his shirt, Ryan swallowed dryly.

"Yeah," his hand moved ever so lightly— rubbing against the back of her jacket, "me too."

——————————

Nightfall had come and engulfed the camp in dark corners and whispers, a fire centering those that sat around it. Soaking up the warmth. The days in Atlanta were long but the months seemed short and colder days would be coming soon. As they approached the fall hesitantly, the heat was scorching when the sun was high and the nights were cool. The fire-pit was beginning to serve more of a purpose.

The camp had been quiet, talking to mostly those directly next to one another or just sitting in silence. It stayed this way for much time after dinner until someone gained the courage to ask Rick the questions everyone was thinking.

"Disoriented. I guess that comes closest." Ricks gravely voice spoke softly, his face illuminated by the fire. "Disoriented." He repeated.

Ryan sat across from Rick and his family, distancing himself. His feet were placed near the pit of the fire, keeping them warm as Zoe's head laid on his lap.

She had been not far from him since the groups return. Honestly, Ryan didn't mind it. It gave him hope that maybe she was turning around in a way that he had always wanted her too. Maybe their time apart had opened her eyes.

The groups trip into the city today had been the first time in 2 months since Ryan and Zoe had not been within a mile of each-other. While they were divorced years ago, they shared nearly half of their lives with each-other. That's a closeness that can never be compared.

In the world that exists today, it's smarter to keep those people close. That was something they both could recognize. When parenting became a split job, and weekends were delegated between the two, they still longed to be a family.

When Phoebe was alive, it was important to Ryan that she didn't see their relationship as broken or loveless. She had not yet the full story, they weren't sure they would ever tell her.

The hurt and suffering Zoe had put Ryan through when Phoebe was merely an infant wasn't due to lack of love. Ryan always hoped that there would be another chance for them, but Zoe failed to prove it true in the slightest.

Until now.

Although the change was sudden and he didn't have a clear answer for it yet, Ryan would talk to her eventually and then he would know.

"Disoriented. Fear, confusion— all those things but... disoriented comes closest." Rick concluded.

The sky had been covered by clouds all day, making the air humid and hellish. The darkness above them roared, filling the silence. A storm would be coming soon.

"Words can be meager things. Sometimes they fall short." Dale placed the cup in his hands onto the ground.

"I felt like I'd been ripped out of my life, and put somewhere else." Ryan looked up from the dancing flames as Ricks eyes shifted to his.

Expecting his eyes to be filled with intrigue as his companion listened to the story he told, Rick was met bitterly with the exact opposite.

With the flames cast on Ryan's face, the dancing colors shifted and brightened no particular feature but Rick could see the lines of age woven around Ryan's eyes since the last time he saw him. It was not intrigue in the detail of his iris's, it was disinterest.

Like he had heard this story before. Or seen.
Or even lived.

"For a while I thought I was trapped in some coma dream, something I might not wake up from ever." Ricks arms squeezed tighter around his wife's shoulders, moving past the look in Ryan's face.

"Mom said you died." Carl mumbled, lifting his chin to look at his father. Ricks hand held Carl's cheek. Ryan looked back at the fire.

"She had every reason to believe that." He spoke sincerely to his son, a certain solace in his voice, "don't you ever doubt it."

Zoe watched as Lori's eyes flitted to Shane's and then in surprise to Zoe's again as if they had been caught.

Lori was scared. Maybe Zoe knew about the things she had done. Grief does different things to people, she wasn't sure if Zoe had even recognized she wasn't the only one to experience loss.

Lori was disgusted with herself the moment that Rick showed back up at camp. Not that it made things better, but anything that had happened between her and Shane happened twice and that was the end of it.

If Rick were to ever find out, it would end her. But hopefully that would provide some peace. That all Shane did was try and comfort her. That it was done. So she would hold onto that.

She blinked rapidly, looking anywhere and trying to think of anything.

"When things started to get really bad, they told me at the hospital that they were gonna medevac you and the other patients to Atlanta, and it never happened." Lori spoke aimlessly, trying to make sense of their situation and her mind.

"Well, I'm not surprised after Atlanta fell." Rick agreed, easing his wife's worries. "And from the look of that hospital, it got overrun."

"Yeah, looks don't deceive. I barely got them out, you know?" Shane's addition to the conversation made Zoe sit up, Ryan readjusting where he sat. His hands held the back of his neck as a knee propped up towards his chest.

"Shane and Ryan have done a fine job keeping us safe. Made sure we were alright, had everything we needed. Still do." Lori's words were followed by a quick, soft smile.

"I can't begin to explain how grateful I am for that." Rick noted, looking upon his dutiful friends.

"Yeah, they've both kinda of been like our leaders." Amy said, earning distasteful looks from members in the group. "Of-of course we all contribute, I just mean that-" Andrea placed her hand atop Amy's in hope that it would cue her to be quiet.

"It's true." T-Dog acknowledged, looking from Rick to Ryan.

"They've made a nice home here. A safe place." Glenn agreed, gesturing to the camp with his hand.

"A haven." Zoe muttered aimlessly, staring at the fire. She didn't mean it really, but she didn't want to add insult to injury.

The loud crackling of wood caught the attention of everyone as Ryan's eyebrows laced together in confusion and he lowered his arms to his sides.

As late as it was, everybody knew that it was too late to keep the fire burning. Heads turned and it became apparent that the self made exception was Ed.

Ed Peletier was probably scummier than Merle had been, bottom of your shoe, scum. The type that if something bad were to happen, you don't feel bad about it, scum.

He had been the ass end of the many arguments the camp had witnessed and unfortunately his wife Carol had seen the force of his hand due to his short temper.

It wasn't anything that went unnoticed. The bruises were visible, it was too hot in the day to wear a cover up and makeup had just stopped having a purpose. Most people with eyes knew what they were from.

"Hey, Ed, you want to rethink that log?" Shane's eyes connected with Ryan's as he spoke, if it came down to it Ryan had already deduced he would have no problem dealing with him. And neither did Shane.

"It's cold, man."

Unfortunately, being a cop didn't change Ed's actions when Ryan had calmly brought the topic up when the two were alone the first and last time Ed was ever on late-night patrol.

"The cold don't change the rules, does it?" Shane spoke, unmoving. "Keep our fires low, just embers so we can't be seen from a distance, right?"

"I said it's cold. Why don't you mind your own business for once?" Idiocy persisted.

"Is this you volunteering for your second night shift?" Ryan questioned as him and Shane approached the Peletier's campfire.

"Are you sure you wanna have this conversation, man?" Shane whispered.

"We all remember what happened last time." Ryan followed, his head turning from Ed to his wife, Carol. He nodded and smiled at her tightly as she sat idle on the edge of her camp chair.

Ed looked from Ryan to Shane and deduced that he would prefer going to bed.

"Go on. Pull the damn thing out." His eyes shifting to Carols as she tried to get up.

"I got it." Ryan said, putting a hand out to stop Carol. "Just sit down and stay warm." His hand already reaching towards the burning embers as he tossed it to the ground and Shane stomped it out.

"Sorry about the fire." Carol mumbled shakily.

"No, no apology needed." Shane sighed.

"Have a good night, okay? Get some sleep tonight, don't let the bedbugs bite." Ryan added, giving a childish wink to Sophia as she tried and failed to hide a smile.

As a thunderstorm rolled in and small specs of rain pattered down upon the faces of the many survivors, the group dispersed to their beds and Ryan remained at the fire alone.

"I know what the world out there looks like." Ryan looked over his shoulder to see Rick slowly approaching from the tree line where the bathrooms were found.

"Hm." Ryan hummed, resting his feet closer to the fire, relaxing back into his chair.

"I came across these," he paused. "two individuals after I woke up. After being hit with a shovel, they showed me the kindness I remembered from before."

"Learned that things have changed, didn't you?" Ryan questioned, thinking what importance could this conversation be rather than spending every waking moment with his family.

"No- no. Quite the ...opposite." Ricks eyes focused on the blazing burning flames that begun to diminish. His face looked somber.

"Rick?"

"Yes?"

"We both know what this world was and what it now is, after you witnessed the events of today at least." Ryan sat up in his chair.

"I know that people have lost things. Gone through- unimaginable pain." Ryan looked up finally, locking eyes with Rick as he leaned closer to a conversation he didn't want to have and wasn't near close ready to. He could tell- Ryan hadn't said a word about it but he could tell that Rick knew it wasn't good. "For a brief, brief, moment— I felt that. Like I'd lost everything."

He knew that if there was going to be any hope left it would be evident in his friends face but yet, there wasn't.

"Rick-" Ryan's eyes glossed over. He wasn't ready.

"What happened?" Rick tilted his head ever so slightly, sincerity laced in his words. His actions sought out answers the world had yet to recover. A portion in Ryan's life, in Laurens, that he hadn't had time to understand. He paused for what seemed like forever. Finding the courage.

"I don't know." Ryan's eyes burned. Rick took the seat next to him.

He couldn't ignore that Ryan hadn't said a word about his daughter or the fact that she was no where to be seen. He wanted Ryan to reach out. To take his hand and ask for help. Yet, to the naked eye, Ryan seemed fine.

Rick didn't believe him. He knew better.

"Where's Ph-"

"I think it's time you go be with your wife, Rick." Ryan interrupted, standing as he tossed the water from his cup into the fire, washing out the last of the flames. The last of the light other than the reflection of the moon that patterned itself across the hills of the quarry, diminished.

They were both standing now, and as much as there was understanding of who they were, this was only 1 day out of 67 since the world changed. Since the unimaginable tortures of the world began, where chaos flourished. Where things that Rick Grimes didn't know, happened. One thing was for sure,

Ryan Torelli had changed with the days that came.

a.n.
RICK HAS FINALLY RETURNED HOME
im so excited to delve into this dynamic and im so excited for the coming chapters because more characters are coming!!

we have 2 more character intros this season, and then none for a long time. (season 3)

but i think i prefer it that way because it gives me time to develop the 4 that i have and set them up for future things so that i don't have to always talk about who they were and they can just BE present.

how crazy is it that the first day rick is "back" and ryans already thinking that he doesn't deserve to have him back like- my poor baby. WHO HURT YOU??

lol it was me.

anyway— any questions?
i PROMISE ryans backstory is coming. just wait.
is there any dynamics you dont usually see in fics that you would like to?
there's going to be a LOT of oc x oc conversations, friendships, relationships, etc. probably not more than canon x oc but that's going to be different at least.

hope you enjoyed!! don't forget to vote and comment to let me know if you liked it.

ta ta, T.