CHAPTER TWENTY THREE: JUST TELL ME, DAMNIT!

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"i don't feel like hearing you two banging one another," kie mumbled after dropping off pope at his house. it was decided that the three of us were just going to head back to my house; after all, my aunt was still away for another week. besides, if john b was back at his place, it'd be better off for him to be alone right now to cool off.

"well go home then," i retorted bitterly, completely over all this bullshit. with that, she stopped complaining. her parents were not going to be happy, and she didn't feel like dealing with that this late at night. "that's what i thought."

"elsie," jj remarked, telling me to stop being sassy.

"sorryyy. look, kie. i don't want to be on bad terms. and i didn't mean to be bitchy earlier. it's just, pope actually has something going for him. that was handled terribly, and i apologize i guesss," i slurred my words as jj drove the boat back to my place. to be completely truthful, i didn't regret anything i said.

a hint of surprise came across her face; i assume she wasn't expecting me to apologize. usually, i wouldn't do so, simply because i don't like to change my standpoint on certain things. but at a time like this, it was better if we were all on the same page.

"same, i guess i've just been stressed," kiara answered, which is exactly why i would've expected her to lash out. i offered her my vape, but she gratefully declined.

of course i couldn't get what she was feeling. whenever something that would worry me comes up, i turn to my unhealthy coping mechanisms. with that, i grabbed the final beer out of the cooler.

"elsie, i think you've had enough," kiara suggested, but i simply shook my head. "okay, whatever you say."

"i can't wait until tomorrow," i smirked, "john b will be better, pope will be done with his interview, and we can divert our intention to the g."

"you mean attention?" kiara asked.

"what?" my eyebrow furrowed.

"you said intention. i think you meant attention," she clarified.

"oh, yeah that."

"that is, if the gold is still there," jj objected, to which i groaned loudly.

"i swear to fucking god! if he gets that gold i will take your gun and shoot somebody, and i'm not kidding," i raised my voice, and kie covered my mouth to quit me from rambling. the blonde boy took a look back at me, and it seemed like something came back into his mind. what could it be?

oh shit. the fucking gun. was he onto me?

no, i was probably just imagining things.

"hey, hey, angel," he spoke, "you can't say that shit too loudly."

"i'm sorry," i pouted. "ooo! home sweet home!" my mood changed quickly when i saw that we were back at my house at the cut. jj hopped off first, and then kie.

"alright, darlin', your turn," jj held a hand out for me.

"you good, elsie?" kie questioned, noticing that i was stumbling slightly. i continued to walk in an alcoholic haze.

"yeah i'm-" i began, but my sentence was cut short by me throwing up.

"darlin', i told you to stop drinking," he pulled my hair back for me. once i was good, i gave him a shaky thumbs up.

"fuck. all good now, let's goooo," i continued walking until we reached my house. "i guess i should get a shower," i decided, talking to the two.

"leave the door unlocked," jj instructed.

"why, you thinking of coming in?" i winked, pretending to be seductive in the light state of mind that i was in.

"no, i-" his cheeks changed to a tinted pink color. "just in case you fall or something."

"i was just teasing, j, i seriously don't care if you come in."

"alright, i'm just gonna leave you two. i'm gonna sleep on the couch, okay?" kiara interrupted.

jj and i walked to my room so i could get some clothes to wear.

"you should join me in the shower," i quietly suggested again as i grabbed an oversized t-shirt.

jj shook his head in disapproval, "i'm not going to do that gorgeous."

"and why not?" i inquired.

"you're not thinking straight. besides, i know you're not ready for that yet, and it's okay."

"alright, i'll be right back then," i sighed in defeat, heading into the bathroom.

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i trudged tiredly back to my bedroom, where jj was laying on the bed.

i sat on the edge of the bed, brushing my hair out. "can i ask you something?" he shot up and looked me.

"uh, yeah," i replied, caught slightly off-guard, "what's up?"

"where did you go with the gun earlier?" jj asked me with nothing but seriousness in his tone.

"i uh-"

"don't even make an excuse, elsie. i wanna know, and i wanna know the truth," he barked rather harshly, which was something that he rarely ever did, let alone with me.

"j, you're gonna kill me," i insisted.

"what, did you go to another guy's house or something?" he inched closer to me as i remained silent. how was i supposed to tell him i went to visit his own father, luke maybank?

"just tell me, damnit!" he raised his voice as he threw his hands up in frustration. as a result, i flinched at the boy. as soon as i did so, a solemn expression crossed his face instead of an angry one. "did you think-"

"no, jj," i interrupted him. it wasn't that i feared he was going to hit me, i don't think. he had just intimidated me.

"did you think i'd hit you?" he paused as he teared up, pulling me into a loving embrace. "angel, i would never."

"i didn't think you would," i shook my head, "and i would never cheat, i can't believe you'd ever say that."

"i was just frustrated, i know you wouldn't baby girl. please, just explain to me. whatever it is."

biting my lip in nervousness, i was debating on how to say it upfront. "i visited your dad."

"you, what? the gun, elsie, i- why would you do that?" his eyes met mine immediately after i told him.

"babe, i didn't do anything bad. i put him in his place, that's all. nobody else would ever do anything about it. jj, you're my top priority." i clarified for him as he scanned my body briefly; i'm assuming for bruises or something.

"did he hurt you?" he frowned.

"no, jj. he didn't. it was a relaxed conversation."

"funny joke, elsie," he responded.

i moved a piece of hair away from his face, "i'm being dead serious. jj, i think you're right. i think there's someone under there."

jj smiled weakly at the words that came out of my mouth, "really?"

"yes, blondie, really. he just needs help, i'm telling you. he can't do it on his own, but you can't be the one to help him."

"i just wish you would've told me that you were going to go," he admitted.

"if i told you, you wouldn't of let me go."

"i guess you're right. but it means a lot that you would do that for me," jj smiled.

by this point, i think it goes without saying that i would do anything for my friends, no matter the damage it does to me. i'd die for any of the pogues. we're family. john b and pope were practically my brothers. and kie was like a sister.

and then there was jj, the kid that i had by my side for as long as i could remember. we were always partners in crime, and then we were together. "hey. visiting your dad was the least i could possibly do. i'd do anything for any of you guys, you know that right?" i inquired, and the blonde nodded his head instantly. the truth is, nobody else would do that for jj. they all have too much to lose. but me, nothing.

"jj, i'm all in for you," i added, adjusting myself to be in a comfortable position to sleep.

"it sounds really fucking good to hear you say that. but sometimes you gotta make yourself a priority, darlin."

"that's not how i roll," i said.

"i know that is. but your health is important, and unless i'm with you 24/7, i can't control you getting drunk and shit. not that i blame you, it's just-"

"jj, i want to better myself for you. you give me a reason to want to improve," i stopped him, expressing how i felt.

"i'm glad to hear you say that."

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{1511 words}

so i finished writing this story tonight so updates will stick to every other night from now on!!

ally