𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟕

𝙏𝙤 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙚'𝙨 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩

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╰┈˚ · ° .   FOR ALL I COULD, I TRIED TO REFRAIN MYSELF from thinking about my family— my human family. It wasn't easy and it brought me shame to acknowledge the feeling that those thoughts and memories brought me. Anger and love.

I shouldn't be angry with them, but I was. It wasn't their fault and still, I was holding resentment in my heart. But after all, it was my love for them that made me who I was today— the love for them was the reason why I was still alive. Breathing and fighting. And only for them I endured everything in my past.

Sometimes I would frown when those sparks of anger would lightning my chest at the thoughts of my sisters. I tried to repeat to myself that it wasn't their fault, they had nothing to do with the fact that I used to blame them for still benign alive, to still be the subject of mental and physical torture from the League and Braken.

And then the Night Court happened, Azriel, and Cassian and Mor and Amren— Rhys— they had taken that sheen of death from my heart, and helped me build the will for a life that was worth living.

And so I was ashamed. I was so ashamed of my feelings. Of what I had felt before.

How had we become like this? I used to wonder.

The days in the Archeron cottage were hard, the atmosphere icy cold even on the warmest summer day. But there was still the love cutting through the words, used as a blade, because at the end of the tiresome days, we were still a family. And we were broken as one.

I yearned for the mindless days where I was free to be who I wanted to be. A simple child with wonder and curiosity. That child was long gone. When I came back from the four years at The Temple, Braken's viscous teachings had branded my soul with an incandescent iron, leaving traces of him even with the distance that separated us.

Love is weakness.

The phrase always echoed in my mind whenever I caught the sight of one of my sisters. I couldn't have been the same person from before. And even if my heart ached everytime I dismissed one of my siblings with cold words and freezing glances, it would have been more painful to watch them die in front of her eyes knowing that it would have been my fault. Because if I had faltered more than a step, Braken wouldn't have thought about it twice in killing my weakness. And my weakness has always been my love.

I could vaguely remember Nesta's words, once upon a time uttered during childhood. You love hard, Mai, that's why it hurts. You should never be ashamed of it. Never.

So different from what I had learned to believe later on.

My sister's words were of consolation. A stupid fight with Feyre about something silly, and I couldn't have stopped crying until Nesta had come to comfort me.

With a restless mind I found myself walking aimlessly through the corridors of The House of Wind, until I ended up in the sitting room. Knowing that I could use all that energy for something useful, I snapped my fingers together, awakening my magic. Books appeared,and with a movement of my hand they opened on the various pages where I had previous left off my reading. The house was empty other than Nuala and Cerridwen, who I had no idea exactly where they were.

Using blood magic had quickly become one of my favorite things to do. It felt like breathing after having starved my lungs of it. It was fun to learn new techniques, seeing what I could with even a drop of blood.

The crimson liquid flowed around the room at my command, I loved having it moving in the space around me. The hunting knife was suddenly in my hand, the handle in my palm. Following what I had read through various books, I manipulated the blood in to cover the entire blade, coating it like a blanket, sharpening it as if it was made of the deadliest metal. The first steps into creating full blood weapons— I could only hope that one day I would be powerful enough to conjure those beautiful weapons made entirely of crimson. I just knew that the depiction of it that I had seen, gave them no justice.

There was a particular painting that I had once seen, of Amaya— the previous bloodinger connected to Rhys's father— and from all I have read of her, she had perfected the art of blood weapon to the perfection.

Maybe one day.

I gave all my focus to the task, keeping the blood in the perfect position, continuing to feed it magic. I was so concentrated that I completely missed the two people entering the room.

A small shriek escaped from Feyre's lips as a blood tendrill passed infront of her.

My eyes snapped open at the sound, my head towards the entrance, and there, my sister stood with wide eyes, Rhysand next to her with an unimpressed eyebrow raised in my direction.

I tried to contain the blush that was quickly spreading over my cheeks, and with a sheepish look, I moved the blood away from the duo.

"What are you doing exactly?" Rhysand asked while looking around the room.

"Practice." I answered with a grin that gave away my excitement.

"I saw you using your magic before but this..." Feyre breathed out, eyes trailing over the blood still circulating the room.

I grinned widely as my sister extended a finger to poke the flowing blood, who once again floated towards her.

"Is it–"

"Blood?" I cut her off with a chuckle, "Yes."

"Alright." Rhsy clapped his hands together, "I have something to do here and Feyre wanted to talk with you." He gave me a nod, "I will be upstairs in my office." and as he walked away he added, "Try to not traumatize your sister with more tricks."

I rolled my eyes, muttering under my breath, "Prick."

"I heard that!"

"Good." I chuckled, rolling my eyes at his back as he walked further away.

I collected the blood floating around the room with a snap of my fingers, the red liquid compressing in a few drops that I returned back to the crystal hanging around my neck turning the material back to crimson with its presence.

"Sit with me." I eyed my sister, offering her a soft smile as I patted— rather awkwardly— the empty space on the couch right on my left. "How are you feeling? You know, with everything that's happening." I asked after a beat of silence that rang quite obnoxiously and thickly around us.

"I don't know how I feel, if I have to be honest." Feyre sighed, shoulder deflating from the stiffness that held her back ram-rodded. "Everything here is different from the Spring Court, from what I was just starting to get used to."

"I know." I told her. I could empathize with her, I was her not long ago. Everything that this court, the Inner Circle, had shown me, was so much different from anything I had ever experienced before. I offered her my hand then. "Come."

Slightly reluctant, with furrowed eyebrows, my sister took my offered hand, getting up from the couch, intertwining her slender fingers with my scarred ones.

"Where are we going?" She asked once with confusion, but the more time passed between us, the more she started to relax more and more.

"I should've shown you this before." I said, the words not exactly directed at her, more to myself as I opened the double doors of the balcony.

"I don't understand." She said, "What do you want to show me?"

"This." With a breath that loosened my muscles, I replied. Velaris. The city below shone with life. People's laughter and words and warmth arriving like echoes to our ears, the Sidra turquoise water splitting the city and ending at the sea twinkling at the horizon. "I can feel it." I started, closing my eyes to just feel. "It's like a hum in my blood. It resonates with everything in me. That I am." A small smile tugged at my lips "And it's the most beautiful thing that I ever felt."

"What can you feel?"

"Velaris." I stated. "The Night Court altogether, I can feel it like it's engraved in my soul. But here, this city, it's like we are one and only." I tried to explain. "I could try to show it to you because I do know that words could never fully explain how I feel. I never did it before so I don't know if it will work but..."

"We can try." Feyre said, eyes twinkling with excitement. I was giving her a piece of me, of the new me, and with everything in myself, I hoped that it would help us repair the bridge of our fallen relationship.

"Okay." I nodded. Remembering the words in the book that I'd read, of the ritual explained there, I started to speak, "I'll have to do a small cut on your hand and if it will work. I'm pretty sure that it won't last more than a few seconds but I still hope that it will be enough for you to understand it. To understand a bit of the new me, because you weren't the only one that changed that day."

Feyre swallowed her nerves before she showed me her palm, "Alright then. Show it to me."

Without wasting another second, I took Feyre's hand, and with my knife, I made a shallow cut of her palm as quick and painless as I could, before repeating the same action on my own palm. The two cuts slightly bled, blood mixing as I connected our hands together. I closed my eyes, focusing on Velaris and when goosebumps formed on both our skins, I was sure that it was working.

A gasp left the golden-brown haired girl, eyes widening with amazement. Her smile brightened her features and my heart warmed at the expression.

It was over before the both of us would have liked it, but the astonishment still marked our faces.

"That was..."

"I know," I chuckled at her breathless tone.

"Thank you." She said, "I will never forget it." But her smile dimmed as realty sinked in, and before she even spoke, I knew what she was going to say, "Are you really okay with using our family estate?"

"It's what we have to do." I replied with a heavy sigh," I miss them." I confessed through a whisper, "I miss them very much but... I don't know if I'm ready to see them again."

"It will be okay. Mai." Feyre said, latching her arm around my shoulder, placing her temple against mine, "We will be okay."

✎

˗ˏˋ 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 ˊˎ˗

Hello everyone!

In this chapter I wanted to have a bit of a family moment that is sweet and loving before the chaos of the following ones because we are going to the mortal land next!

Prepare yourself my friend, the ride is getting WILD.

What do you think about Feyre and Maiven.

And yes, there is some foreshadowing in this chapter, let's see who can spot it!

Thank you for reading this chapter, I'll see you on Tuesday!

˚ · ° . 𝐔𝐩𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐞 . ° · ˚

𝐓𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐝𝐚𝐲

𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞!

– 𝐋𝐨𝐥𝐚 ☾