There is a theme of relapsing via alcohol written throughout this chapter, with discussions about mental health, anxiety and meltdowns. Please avoid reading further if these topics are sensitive to you.

⸻✧ ༺ ∞ ༻ ✧⸻

Wooyoung sits on the floor of his old bedroom for twenty minutes, staring at the empty bottle of soju resting in his palms. He had finally stopped crying, feeling the sting of alcohol sink into his pores as he felt himself start to get slightly dizzy. He hadn't eaten anything since this morning, allowing the soju to act on his body a lot quicker than normal, but now also taking advantage of his low tolerance.

San still hadn't called him back, presumably busy finishing at campus before returning home, but Wooyoung had no idea when the elder would even be back. It's only then that he realizes that he needs to get rid of the evidence and hide all of this away, trying to avoid having a conversation about why he had hidden liquor to begin with. Begrudgingly, he stands up, putting the bottle back up into his closet and closing the door, heading into the bathroom nearby to brush his teeth and his tongue, hoping to get rid of any trace of alcohol lingering in his breath.

He's partially angry at himself, but also partially thankful, just relieved to be done dealing with tumultuous thoughts that threatened his sanity. He really tried to love his life and what he was building with San, but the more of reality that sinks in and threatens every ounce of joy in his life, he finds himself wishing he could run away from everything.

"Young'ah-" San barely shouts from the front door. "I'm sorry I missed your calls!"

Wooyoung pokes his head out from the bathroom, wiping the remnants of water away from his lips as he makes eye contact with San. He didn't even try to hide the redness held within his gaze, fully knowing that San would be able to see right through him anyways. San blinks twice, slowly sliding his shoes off before studying his partner as he fully leaves the doorway of the bathroom. "What's wrong?"

Wooyoung chews on his lower lip, gaze avoiding, feeling tears surging back towards the edge of his ducts. Dejectedly, Wooyoung walks forward, hearing San's footsteps surge to meet him halfway near the kitchen, fingers carefully pushing his chin upwards so he could meet the younger's gaze. Wooyoung knew he wouldn't be able to hide the truth about his job for long, not that he wanted to, but all he wanted to do was melt into San's touch. He didn't want to think and he didn't want to speak, hopeful that his perceptive boyfriend would pick up on that easily.

"Young'ah," San sighs sadly, heart breaking at the sight of him. "C'mere."

Wooyoung wraps his arms around San's neck, feeling San's arms wrap right back around him tightly. He couldn't have avoided the onslaught of tears if he even tried. San always made him crack like this, making it extremely easy for the younger to cry out whatever anxiety was plaguing his mind. As much as Wooyoung didn't want to cry anymore, something about this type of emotional release made all the pain drift away from his chest.

"We don't have to talk about it." San mutters quietly. "Wanna watch a movie instead?"

Wooyoung sits still for a minute, swallowing more tears as he tries to stop crying before he hears San mumble an additional thought to his offer. "Might help you relax and get your mind off of it."

"Okay." Wooyoung manages to mutter, gently pulling away from San and moving to wipe his tears off of his cheeks, but San beats him to it. He sniffles and looks at San sadly, feeling the elder's thumbs wipe away at his cheeks to remove the stains from them. Wooyoung was incredibly grateful that San was so understanding and just always knew how to react to his meltdowns, taking everything in stride and giving his partner whatever he needed in that instant.

Wooyoung follows him to the couch, letting San sit down first in the corner of the couch before settling next to him and leaning into his body. Wooyoung rests his head on San's shoulder, feeling San's right arm rest over his shoulders, fingers soothing over his skin in gentle strokes. Wooyoung watches San use the remote as he messes with the television, looking through the desired application before finding one of Wooyoung's comfort movies; Harry Potter.

Thirty minutes into the movie, Wooyoung's phone buzzes on the couch next to him. He leans away from San momentarily, grabbing a hold of his phone before answering the call with a quiet voice.

"Hi Hwa."

"Hey. You doing okay?"

"I'm fine. San is home now, so I'm not alone."

"Good. I was worried about you."

"I'm alright. Thank you for caring, Hwa."

"Of course, Woo. I care about you a lot. Joong was worried too when I told him what happened."

"I didn't ruin your guys' dinner, did I?"

"No, you didn't, don't think like that. We're just about to leave the restaurant, actually, but I was worried so I figured that I'd call."

"Where'd you guys go?"

"To that nice sushi place down the road from our apartment. Joong was craving it."

"Tell him I said thank you for caring, too."

"I will. Get some sleep tonight, okay?"

"I'll try." Wooyoung says as he listens to Seonghwa hum and hangs up the line. Wooyoung puts his phone back down on the cushion next to him, leaning back into San's hold comfortably.

"Was he checking in on you?" San asks quietly, arm returning to rest on Wooyoung's shoulders.

"Yeah. He didn't wanna leave me alone here until I calmed down earlier."

"Oh? So he was here when it all happened?"

"Yeah. I didn't tell him, though. I don't really wanna talk about it."

"That's fine." San hums. "I'm sorry I wasn't home fast enough."

"It's not your fault. I can't expect you to be there every time I have a fucking meltdown like a baby."

"Hey-" San says a bit firmly. "It doesn't make you a baby for reacting like that. I'm happy that you feel comfortable enough in wanting me present for stuff like that, or just feel more comfortable when I'm around. But it's okay to break down every now and then. I've definitely had my fair share of anxious cries in this apartment."

"I hate how reliant I am. I want to be independent, but I really struggle with being alone. I just feel like a kid sometimes."

"Jagi, it's okay to feel like that. You've always been a people person. You're not someone who's alone and likes the loneliness associated with it. You've always chosen to be around someone, even if it was just one person. Please don't ever feel like you have to deal with things alone anymore." San turns his head to kiss Wooyoung's temple, remaining there momentarily. "You can always lean on me."

"Okay." Wooyoung settles for, even though he'd rather continue to express his pent up irritants with himself. San didn't deserve all of this chaos associated with his mental health, and the more Wooyoung spiraled, the more guilt he felt trapped within his stomach.

Two hours pass. Their movie finishes and Wooyoung wakes himself from his slightly dazed state. San had risen from the couch, leaving to go to the bathroom after coming to the agreement that they would head to bed together. Wooyoung leans forward from the couch, grabbing the remote and pressing the power button, watching the screen flicker into darkness. He felt regret lingering on his tongue, something laced with the remembrance of downing an entire bottle of soju settling into his pores as he sits there, staring at his reflection in the television.

He hates himself. He's adamant on that.

Everything about his downward spiral to get to this point feels suffocating. There's no escaping the thoughts that drown him, toying with his self image and his respect for himself, knowing all too well what emotions would come to follow. He'd sink back into the dark pit he's grown to know all too well, laying in bed for hours at a time, staring up at the ceiling and wondering how the fuck he had ended up here.

The depression he had gone through months ago felt like a pit of hell. He didn't have the motivation to do anything, wrapped up in San's hoodie and soaking his pillow in San's cologne, bundling a blanket to his chest to suffocate the thoughts at hand. He'd lay there and allow Seonghwa to come and lay with him, listening to the elder play his game mindlessly as they laid there, words succumbing to silence. Wooyoung would eventually turn over, watching Seonghwa's game to pass the time until the elder had to go to work or until San came home, switching shifts in watching over him protectively, just to make sure he wasn't alone.

Maybe this was where Wooyoung's will to always be with someone stemmed from, comforted by the companionship of two people he loved dearly. But, maybe it goes even deeper than that.

In highschool, Wooyoung's parents divorced. Something about work conflicts or being behind on the mortgage; it was just something Wooyoung never bothered to ask about that broke his parents apart. Back then, Wooyoung was closed off to all of his friends, struggling to talk about anything to anyone. San was always present, as usual, giving silent company until Wooyoung broke down and admitted to everything that was wrong.

That was the moment Wooyoung began confiding in San, and only San, choosing to trust the male with everything without any reason to doubt his sincerity. San didn't mind, he never did, always texting and calling the younger to make sure that he was coping okay. Eventually, Wooyoung began reaching out to Seonghwa and Yeosang, finally finding close friends to attach himself to, giving himself peace of mind in knowing that San wasn't burdened with all of his troubles by himself anymore. He could lean on anyone if he needed to.

Maybe it was then that Wooyoung realized he needed someone to talk to, even though he's always hated relying on someone. San had always been different compared to everyone else. He understands why now, but back then, he was more confused than he ever had been in regards to the male.

He never wanted to admit to being so affected by his emotions so openly, but that was something he never had to explain to his friends. Seonghwa was the first to pick up on how much Wooyoung had felt, and how deeply he internalized everything, trying to understand his feelings the best that he could. San, on the other hand, knew all of this too, but never quite understood why Wooyoung internalized it all.

Wooyoung had always been one to try and solve problems by himself, but now the situation feels flipped in a way. The universe is laughing at him, mocking his complete switch of personality as he now struggles to cope alone rather than with someone. He openly admits to anything bothering him now, within reason, giving in to the will to be held and to be doted on. He liked physical affection, that's never changed, but it was only stronger now the more he chose to feel his emotions rather than hide from them.

Now, Wooyoung feels a sense of shame in realizing that he chose alcohol over his boyfriend. The dreaded thoughts of waiting another half hour shame his mind consistently, wondering if he'd feel the same ounce of guilt if he would've just stayed abstinent. But he failed. He gave in to sinful desires and completely lost himself, downing the bottle of soju without an ounce of regret. He knew he needed help, or a hug, or something; but he felt so desperate then. He just hoped that if the truth ever left his lips, that San would forgive him without a cent of resentment.

"Ready?" San mutters with a stifled yawn, swinging around the edge of the couch with his hand held out. Wooyoung snaps his eyes away from the figure staring back at him within the reflection, blinking up at San with reddened hues. He nods, unable to speak, wordlessly standing up and trapping his palm within San's.

San pulls him into the bedroom, not bothering to turn on the lightswitch as they cross the boundary, feeling the flooring change from hardwood to carpet. San moves to his side of his bed, pulling the covers down and sitting on the edge of the mattress, feeling Wooyoung's body weight dip into the bed behind him.

Wooyoung is staring into the floor, gaze glued and boring holes into it, breath caught in his throat as he contemplates on being truthful. He knew he couldn't live with the guilt of all of this, feeling a familiar sinking feeling create a massive crater within himself that only builds a fire to drink more. It's what he had always done in the past to begin with. All of the wound up emotions stemming from sleeping in his best friend's bed and accidentally kissing him while drunk off his ass spurred the problem on further. Given, it solved literally none of his problems, but having his feelings mushed into nothing for the time being was well worth the unforgiveness that plagued his soul the moment he was sober.

"Hey." San's voice is quiet, snapping Wooyoung out of his haze. "You okay?"

"Hm?" Wooyoung turns around, facing San, eyes tired and partially avoiding. "Oh, yeah-yeah, I just. . . got lost in thought."

San watches him carefully, words stuck on the edge of his tongue as he watches Wooyoung timidly shift around on the bed, hesitating on laying down fully. San wasn't sure what to say, feeling the tension swirl around them like a cold breeze. He's never felt so cut off from the younger before, so helpless. He takes a breath, shuffling down the bed as he lays down, taking Wooyoung's wrists in his hands as he pulls him down towards him encouragingly. Wooyoung complies easily, giving in to pressure without issue as he lays down too, melting into San's warmth once he finds it. San holds him against his chest, arms snaked around him tightly as he fears the sadness welling in Wooyoung's core. He isn't sure what's wrong or what he had experienced hours earlier; he just wanted it to all go away.

Morning breaks without a flutter of words, melting into the warm sun that rises over the curve of the horizon. Clouds hang loosely over the city, breezing past to leave the day partly covered with an overhang without the threat of rain. The curtains were barely open, letting through hardly any sunlight as the sky's brightening star rose further into the atmosphere. Wooyoung wakes first, eyes pulling open with his back facing the windows. San was behind him, their backs just barely touching as they faced away from one another. Wooyoung felt the guilt still pooled within his gut, remaining present even after a night of sleep.

He wasn't completely sure when he fell asleep or how long he had slept, but he knows today is going to be a rough day, to say the least. Wooyoung carefully pulls the covers away as he sits upright in bed, turning his attention towards San as he watches the elder sleep peacefully. Wooyoung feels his heart swell, though he isn't sure of the meaning behind it. Something along the lines of adoration and love, but hinted with dread.

He slowly gets out of bed, rubbing at his eyes as he exits the bedroom, strolling out and to his right, making way towards the bathroom. The light is flicked on, eyes greeting the mirror as he stares back at his reflection once more, curiously searching his own gaze. He was tired, exhausted more like, wondering why the more he looked at himself he began to hate what he was looking at.

His stomach twists, curled with something he doesn't understand. He can't remove his gaze from himself, heart thumping against his chest as he begins to feel dizzy. An internal panic, onset from the likes of nothing, but it was the most uncomfortable feeling he had the displeasure of letting sink into his mind.

He painfully tears his eyes away, teeth sinking into his bottom lip as he takes a breath, going about his morning routine with avoiding eyes that look away from the mirror. Before he knows it, he's searching through the cabinets, stomach growling as he pursues through their lack of options for breakfast. He spots little to nothing, closing the cabinet again before deciding it was best if he just went to the store. He really didn't want to, but with all of the hell he had put San through as of late, he figured it was the least he could do.

He changes his clothes quietly, slinging a hoodie over his torso, walking around the bed to eye San curiously, sighing in relief as he spots him still sleeping contently. He decides against waking him up, exiting the bedroom again as he heads towards the front door and pulls his shoes on, walking out without worry. He decides to text San, figuring that the elder would be worried the moment he woke up, leaving a longer message so that he wouldn't panic when he noticed that he was gone.

Choi San ♡

I went to the store to get food. I'll be back home soon. You were sleeping so soundly that I didn't want to wake you. Call me if you want to.♡

The walk to the store is relatively comforting. He doesn't think like he expected to, moreso enjoys the silence of the quiet morning as he strides towards the store in hopes to free himself of the burden weighing down his shoulders.

The automatic doors slide open with a quick breeze of fresh cold air, brushing Wooyoung's hair back slightly as he strides inside. The lights are white and brightening, illuminating the tiled floor as his eyes automatically scan the nearby shelves. He grabs a convenience basket that was a few steps away, walking towards a dry food section to meander through the aisle.

Nothing of interest pops out at first, leaving him with an empty basket and a growling stomach. So he moves onto the next, almost immediately grabbing a few bags of salty crisps that catch his attention as he walks past. He continues walking, grabbing a few more items within the aisle before turning down the next aisle, feeling his phone buzz away in his pocket.

Choi San ♡

I wish you would have woken me up. :(

Wooyoung holds the handles of the basket in the crook of his elbow, using both hands to hold his phone as his thumbs type away on his screen incessantly.

I wanted you to rest, Sannie. Plus, I'm fine. I'll be home soon.

Choi San ♡

I just worry about you.

I know you do, jagi.

Wooyoung sighs as he looks around the aisle he was in, eyes widening as he realizes where he was. Lines of alcohol bottles stare back at him, gently lit by the overhead lights as they shine back at him. Wooyoung's stomach drops into the epitome of hell, taking a deep breath as he looks back down at his phone, reading the next message from San.

Choi San ♡

Did we have nothing in the apartment?

No, Sannie. I didn't want to eat cereal without milk.

Choi San ♡

Ah, I see. Well, be careful on the way back. I'll be waiting for you.

Wooyoung looks back up, feeling suddenly small within the lengthy aisle filled to the brim with single bottles and cardboard packages filled with multiple bottles. He takes a shy step forward, swallowing haphazardly as he eyes the familiar bottles of soju just ahead of him in the aisle. He passed by bottles of vodka and fireball, biting his tongue as his phone vibrated again. Momentarily he ignores it, gaze distracted by the green bottle that sits ahead of him, glimmering beneath the shine of the lighting that beams down. He hesitates in front of the shelves of soju, staring at the labels that he had read many times before. He wants to grab it, but his phone buzzes again at the reminder of a missed message.

Choi San ♡

I love you!

Wooyoung bites down on his lip, quickly typing a reply before reading the message in his text box, indicator blinking back at him as he hesitates.

I love you more.

He sends it, shoving his phone back into his pocket without another thought. He takes a breath, walking back down the aisle from where he came to circle back around, shaking his head slightly to refocus.

He meanders around again, going aisle to aisle, purposely avoiding the third aisle as he finishes his rounds, lingering within the middle of the store with a nearly full basket. He eyed the contents of his held basket for a second, making sure everything was checked off of his mental checklist, now realizing that had forgotten to grab milk. Unfortunately for him, the quickest way to get there was through the aisle he had been avoiding, leading him directly towards the cold, refrigerator section that held the final item in his quest. So, he takes a steadying breath and walks through, gaze glued to the floor. He flicks his eyes upwards, gauging where he was within the isle, now suddenly realizing that he was back within the middle, right next to the soju again.

His heart sinks. He knows what he wants desperately, but his heart aches for another choice. He could do anything different to avoid this and he could argue with himself for what felt like hours on end; but his mind was made up. He wasn't sure if he could've avoided his decision even if he tried.

"San'ah," Wooyoung chimes when he arrives home, closing the front door with two totes in his hand. He kicks off his shoes, locking the door behind him before trudging into the kitchen, setting down the totes carefully before listening to shuffling emerge from the bedroom.

"Hey," San greets softly, raking a hand through his hair as he approaches the kitchen counter. "What'd ya get?"

"Some more of the usual," Wooyoung hums, curiously watching San inspect the tote closest to him. "Did you need something specific?"

"Just you."

Wooyoung rolls his eyes at his boyfriend's unrelenting will to flirt, smirking as he begins to pull items from the tote. "I'm sure you do, San'ah."

"Did you end up sleeping alright?" San's will to pry never bothered Wooyoung, but something about thinking into yesterday night was suddenly uncomfortable, leaving Wooyoung to just shrug. He didn't want to discuss the events of the day prior, leaving it all to float away into hopeful nothingness. But San seems persistent. "What does a shrug mean?"

"I mean. . . I slept." Wooyoung eyes him worriedly, watching San raise a brow at him.

"Do you know how long or?"

"No." Wooyoung takes a few bags of crisps out, folding the tote down as it now remains empty. "Probably more than five hours, I think. I don't know, I'm not overly tired."

"I just wanna know, is all. I know your insomnia has been acting up again, so I just wanna make sure you're resting okay."

"That's sweet of you, Sannie, but I promise I'm okay." Wooyoung flashes a smile at him, grabbing the folded tote and handing it off to him. "Put this away for me?"

"Fine," San smiles at him, taking the tote. "But I am always gonna worry about you. Kinda comes with the contract you signed."

"I don't remember signing a contract?" Wooyoung tilts his head, palms pressed into the counter as he leans into it.

"Oh, you signed it alright." San affirms, shoving the tote into their ever growing stack of bags they refused to throw away and insisted on reusing (though they never did).

"Can you remind me of what it said, by chance?"

"It's the boyfriend contract." San muses, watching Wooyoung pull more items out from the second tote. "I get to love you, take care of you, pester you and worry about you, even if you don't want me to, because you get to do the same for me. Remember what I said to you a while ago? If I let you worry about me, you have to let me worry about you?"

"Yeah, I know." Wooyoung's gaze turns away, but San is quick to redirect him.

"I'm gonna worry about you regardless. Your mental health isn't a joke to me. I just want to be sure that you're okay, and if you aren't, then I can do everything I can to help you through it."

"I'm just a lot sometimes, Sannie. I don't expect you to always walk me through every problem I face."

"But I want to. I want to help you, jagi. Just let me in. Please."

"I'm trying to be more open, San'ah. It's just hard." Wooyoung closes his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. "I promise you that I'm doing my best."

"I don't expect you to tell me everything. But I can tell that you're trying."

Wooyoung pulls the last item out of the tote the moment he opens his eyes, taking the bag within his hands to fold it down. "I'm not sleeping well, that's why I've been reading more often. Reading tends to make me sleepy, but it's just not having the same effect lately."

"Okay. That's a start." San smiles at him, moving around the edge of the counter to walk up beside him, wrapping a careful hand behind his neck softly. Wooyoung leans into him, head resting into the crook of his neck, melting into his warmth. "Do you wanna try to take a nap?"

"I don't know if I can, San'ah." Wooyoung leans away, eyes avoiding as he looks back over to the countertop.

"Let's try. Is it okay if we try?"

"Yeah, yeah." Wooyoung nods, grabbing a few bags off of the counter. "Just help me put this stuff away really quick, please."

"I'll put it away, Young'ah. Just go lay down and wait for me."

"Are you sure?" Wooyoung looks at him, brows slightly pinched.

"Positive." San presses a kiss to Wooyoung's cheek before leaning away to grab the items from Wooyoung's hands. Wooyoung doesn't bother to argue, smiling at him as he turns away towards their cabinet.

Wooyoung turns on his heel, quickly walking into his old room as he pushes the door open. His eyes dart around the room, listening to San continue to rummage about in the kitchen, making way towards his closet as he carefully opens it. In the depth of his hoodie pocket lay two plastic bottles of soju, one unopened and one completely empty. Wooyoung impulsively had snuck the bottles into his shopping basket back at the store, reminding himself that he needed a new security blanket since he downed the one he had back at the apartment. The unopened bottle feels heavy in his hands as he pulls it free, eyes shakily looking at the label as he licks his lips absent mindedly. He swallows, biting back the urge to take a drink again, quickly placing the bottles onto his shelf, right next to the bottle he had drank last night.

He closes the closet door, hands pressed against it once it's fully closed, taking an uneasy breath to study his actions. He can't help himself as the anxiety pours back in, finding it hard to admit how far he had fallen from his sober pedestal. So, he leans away, biting his tongue, staring at the closet before making his way back towards the kitchen.

"Did you lose something?" San asks curiously, putting the last bag into the cupboard.

"Oh," Wooyoung shakes his head, smiling nervously while glancing down. "No. I was looking for my favorite pair of sweats, but I guess they're in your dresser afterall."

"Ah." San hums, none the wiser. Wooyoung takes a breath as he walks past him, listening to San's footsteps trail him as they walk into the bedroom. Wooyoung moves towards the dresser, opening a few drawers before audibly remarking in feigned excitement once he pulls the pair of gray sweats from the drawer. San watches him with a smile, leaning over the bed, pulling the comforter back as he slides beneath it. Wooyoung discards his jeans and pulls his newly deemed favorite sweats over his legs before sliding into bed with San.

Wooyoung turns to his side, feeling the male pull him by his waist, colliding chest to back comfortably. San moves closer, sliding a leg between Wooyoung's, pressing soft kisses against the back of Wooyoung's neck.

Wooyoung's brow furrows in thought, teeth tentatively chewing on his lower lip as a question plagues the forefront of his mind suddenly. "San'ah?"

"Mhm?"

"Remember when I brought up going back to the beach house?"

"Yeah."

"Why did you seem so unsure?"

San sighs, hugging Wooyoung's waist tighter. "I just don't think it's a good idea."

"I can understand why you think so." Wooyoung mutters. "I just want to be a part of the group again."

"I know you do, Woo." San leans away from the back of Wooyoung's neck slightly, leaning into his pillow. "Are you sure you're ready to face what happened there?"

"No." Wooyoung sighs. "But how can I move forward from it if I don't face it head on?"

San leans back and rests his head against Wooyoung's neck again, fingers curling into Wooyoung's hoodie gently. "Okay."

"Okay?" Wooyoung's hand reaches down, cupping San's timidly. San returns the gesture immediately with his other hand.

"Yeah. Okay." San kisses the back of his neck again. "But the minute you start getting uncomfortable, we're leaving."

"Deal." Wooyoung closes his eyes, squeezing San's hand gently, trying to allow himself the peace of mind to fall into a quiet stupor. "I love you, Sannie."

"I love you too, Young'ah."

Mingi

Are you sure? I mean, I'm not saying no, I just know with what happened last time, I'd wanna be sure that you're positive.

Yes, Mingi. I'm sure! I've talked to hell and back about it with Sannie. He and I have agreed on this. Let's just get back together for the weekend. Please? What do ya say?

Mingi

Fine, fine. Only because you asked so nicely, Woo.

Make sure you tell everyone. Or make a groupchat. I don't care.

Group chat it is!

Wooyoung had woken from his short-lived nap an hour ago, now resting against the headboard with San sleeping next to him. He didn't want to wake his boyfriend, nor worry him, finally catching more than two hours of sleep in a single nap session thanks to the help of his dutiful partner. The first thing he thought to do was try to go back to sleep, but gave up nearly twenty minutes after he began. So he laid in bed, scrolling through Twitter until he finally thought to text his friend about their plans.

He was thankful that Mingi was also worried, but he wished everyone would stop worrying so much. He knew he was fragile at times and a bundle of anxiety, but he wasn't weak by any means. He could be strong. He could persevere. He could do it if he had the support of those he loved to finally rid himself of the horrid memory.

He doesn't think about her that often, nor does he wish to. Having hands of some unfamiliar female groping onto his hips and thighs isn't a popular memory he wishes to revisit, but in order to overcome the anxiety associated with the beach house itself, he finds the need to conquer it head on. Maybe to also prove something to himself, too.

Welcome to the new group chat :)

I made this because we are all going to the beach house this weekend, no if, ands or buts.

Mingi is hosting again, obviously.

You guys can drink, please don't worry about bothering me or my sobriety. I just want us to feel like a group again.

Wooyoung patiently waits for the text messages to bleed through his screen, biting his lip until he sees the first response appear.

Yeosang

Of course I'm in. Wouldn't miss it.

Wooyoung breathes a sigh of relief, waiting for his four other friends to reply.

Seonghwa

Joong and I will be there. We'll ride with you and Sannie again!

Yunho

Mingi informed me of this right before you texted, lol.

Of course I'll go. Someone has to keep Mingi in check.

Jongho

I'll clear my schedule just for you Wooyoung, but only because I'm feeling nice.

Wooyoung feels like he could squeal with excitement, but he stays quiet, listening to San mumble about something in his dream. He was thankful, as he usually is in regards to his friends, finding it hard to rid himself of the smile that plagued his lips the more his friends texted through the group.

Mingi

Aw, our maknae. So humble. So sweet.

Seonghwa

He won't be sweet for long if you keep talking to him like that.

Yunho

I will not protect you this time when he comes for you, Mingi.

You guys are chaotic.

I've missed all of you.

Yeosang

I can't wait to see everyone this weekend. I need to decompress with the help of vodka.

Yunho

Are we having an actual party this time? Or is it just gonna be us?

Mingi

We'll see. If Wooyoung doesn't want us to have anyone over, then we'll just keep it to us.

I appreciate you <3

Seonghwa

Joong says that he wants to play some drinking games, so everyone better bring their ping pong balls and prepare to get their asses kicked!

Yunho

Tell him to grow some balls and type that himself, lol.

Uh oh.

Hongjoong

As I was saying, Yunho.

Prepare to get your ass kicked.

Yunho

That was oddly fast. But, sure. We'll see who's doing the ass kicking this weekend.

"Young'ah-" San groans, turning to face his partner.

"Oh, jagi, I'm sorry. Did your phone wake you?"

"Yeah," San scoffs, rolling over and pushing himself to lay his head on Wooyoung's lap. "It's okay. What are the messages about?"

"The beach house. Mingi insisted that I make a group chat, so I did. Nothing special."

"Ah." San peers up tiredly to gaze at Wooyoung's phone, reading the messages that continue to buzz through every other second. "They are responding really quick."

"Yeah," Wooyoung smiles. "It's nice. Reminds me of high school, in a sense."

"If you're happy, then I'm happy." San hums, snuggling closer into Wooyoung.

"You make me happy." Wooyoung assures, tilting his head down. San turns his head and looks up at the younger, smiling as his eyes gaze around his features. The sun was shining through their windows, just barely highlighting the peaks and rises of Wooyoung's face, gently caressing the color of his russet hues. Everytime San saw Wooyoung as sun-kissed as this, he felt his heart melting in an instant. Wooyoung smiles down at him, feeling San's left hand reach to gently hold the back of the younger's neck, pushing down carefully until they collide their lips into one another. It's slow and tender, but San feels like something is off. Something tastes off. He doesn't mention it, half-thinking that he's crazy, but a hint of soju lingers beyond the taste of Wooyoung's lips. He's nearly memorized the way the younger tastes by now, considering the hundreds of times he's found himself licking into his mouth and biting his lips. Something was off, but he decided against mentioning it.

"Sleep okay?" Wooyoung asks as they part, hand raising to move strands of hair out of San's eyes.

"Yeah. Did you?"

"I did sleep for a bit." Wooyoung smiles when he sees San visibly relax, almost with relief. "I feel better."

"Good." San swallows the thoughts at the back of his mind, wondering if his partner broke his promise or if he was just crazy. He smiles through it, trying to act as if nothing was wrong.

"I'm excited to see everyone." Wooyoung admits, biting down on his lip.

"I'm just excited to sit in the pool with you." San's thumb runs across Wooyoung's cheek, eyes completely fond.

"We can sit in there as long as you want."

"I can't wait to make new memories there with you." San beams, watching a sudden flush rise to Wooyoung's cheeks. "We're gonna replace all of those bad ones with good ones. Okay?"

"That's the goal." Wooyoung smiles, leaning into the palm that's still pressed against his cheek. San just watches him, heart swelling more by the second. Wooyoung tilts away from his hand for a moment, pressing a few kisses to his hand before leaning back into his hold, reaching his hand up to meet San's. "Thank you for agreeing to it."

"You don't have to thank me." San hushes quietly. "Your happiness is all that matters to me, jagi."

"I'm gonna thank you anyway." Wooyoung leans down and kisses him again, chastely this time, leaning away with a hum. "Let's make lunch together."

"Whatever you want." San smiles, once again tasting soju on his lips. He sits up as Wooyoung leaves the bed, exiting the room, and San just sits there, coming to terms with what he hoped hadn't been real, was an unsettling truth.