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⸻✧ ༺ ∞ ༻ ✧⸻

Sunlight breaks through parted curtains the moment Wooyoung finds himself pulling away from deep slumber. His back slightly hurts, his eyes foggy and mind coming to, taking in the room ahead of him that he's woken to several mornings before. The light beaming from the windows was hued in a gentle orange, somewhat hinting that the sun was in the process of still rising, most likely freshly waking from the horizon. Wooyoung lets a deep sigh roll through his chest as he blinks further awake, turning to lie on his back from his previous position of being on his left side. San had his arms snaked around his waist, as usual, whining in distress the moment he felt Wooyoung shifting around. The moment his spine straightens, he really begins to feel how bad his back did hurt, letting a groan of annoyance roll through his lips.

"What's wrong?" San mumbles, pulling the younger closer to him, nearly laying on top of him at this point.

"My back," Wooyoung winces, closing his eyes, turning his head to face San. He watches San's brows furrow, but he smiles nonetheless, curious as to what thought had rung through the elder's mind. "What?"

"It's my fault your back hurts." San mumbles again, sleepily.

"Well," Wooyoung turns his head back, gazing up into the ceiling. "In your defense, I wanted you to do that."

"Stop making so many promises then," San chuckles, and Wooyoung scoffs.

"Fine, we'll just never have sex again, is that what you want to hear?"

"No! Stop being so dramatic, Young'ah." San smacks the younger's chest lightly before pressing a few kisses to his shoulder. "You're just irresistible, so when you make a promise, I'm gonna follow through to make sure you do too."

"But I like watching your face when I challenge you like that," Wooyoung teases quietly. "It's cute."

"Stop it," San muses, pulling Wooyoung even closer. "D'you work today, Young'ah?"

"Mhm." Wooyoung's hands move to settle on San's arm, rubbing the skin there gently. "I close."

"So, you don't have to leave for a couple of hours?"

"I don't have to be there until eleven." Wooyoung corrects, turning his head to glance at San again. "Why? What are you up to?"

"Nothing, I just wanna stay in bed with you."

"You don't have class?"

"Today is supposed to be my dance practice day, but it's not like I have to be there at a certain time. I just have to log my practice hours."

"Sounds like we have all the time in the world then."

"C'mere," San grumbles, using his hands and arms to try and coax the younger into turning back over to his side. Wooyoung complies, turning back over, but this time facing San, eyes wandering over the elder's tired features with a dazed smile.

"Seriously though, I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No, San'ah." Wooyoung wraps his arms around San's waist, watching his eyes flicker open tiredly. "You really didn't. I promise. It was bound to happen, alright? I'm just sore."

"I'll be more careful next time," San leans forward and presses his lips to Wooyoung's jaw, kissing twice before settling back into his pillow. Wooyoung's heart flutters.

"I don't want you to be careful." Wooyoung watches San's eyes open wider at his attempt of flirtatious tease, and something inside of Wooyoung feels awfully smug. San raises his brow, curious, leaning a little closer than before.

"You sure you have time, Woo?" San wraps his hand around the back of Wooyoung's neck, fingers gently curling into the locks of his long, messy hair. Wooyoung bites down on his bottom lip, eyes completely fond.

"Sannie-" Wooyoung chuckles, feeling the elder pull closer and start kissing the skin on his throat, ghosting his lips over fading hickeys and love bites. "Stop it! You're such a tease."

"I'm the tease?" San laughs against Wooyoung's skin, gently shifting on the bed until he's rolling Wooyoung back onto his back, towering over him with a steady knee placed between his thighs. Wooyoung looks up at him, cheeks flooded with red, pliantly allowing San to do whatever he wants with his body. "You're the tease, Woo. Did you not hear what you said to me?"

"And look at you now, hmm?"

"You're a shit," San leans back down to kiss his skin again, but Wooyoung redirects San's head and connects their lips instead, slotting together blissfully as if they hadn't been bruised from sloppy kisses and teeth the night before.

"Seriously though-" Wooyoung tears away. "My back does hurt."

"I know." San kisses him again. "D'you want me to make you breakfast?"

"Yeah," Wooyoung smiles, sinking a little further into the bed. "I gotta shower and get ready for my shift."

"Mkay. Take it easy and don't hurt yourself."

"I won't Sannie. I promise." Wooyoung's hands gently find San's chest as he pushes him upwards, leaning up slowly, feeling San's hand linger behind his back preventatively. Wooyoung really wanted to push San off the bed, because he really could manage himself, but the gesture made his face burn with heat and his heart burst, so he allowed his boyfriend to dote on him a little longer.

"I love you," San mutters, hand pressing to his back to run smooth lines down his spine. Wooyoung hums and smiles, kissing his lips one more time before placing his hands back on San's chest.

"I love you too. Now, go make us food. I'm hungry."

"Yeah, yeah." San finally pulls away and slings himself off of the bed, smoothing out his shirt before walking towards the door. Wooyoung reaches for his discarded phone that he doesn't remember placing on its charger last night, tapping the screen awake to see a text from Yeosang.

Yeosang

Wooyo, I have a question for you!

The text was sent nearly an hour ago, and Wooyoung wonders why his friend was up at nearly seven in the morning, especially since Yeosang usually worked night shifts, but he digresses.

What's up Yeo?

Wooyoung decides to not wait for an answer considering how awful Yeosang was at responding back in a timely manner, shutting his phone off and leaving his bed carefully. His hand reaches towards his lower back, pressing there gently to soothe his aching muscles. Even still, he heads to his closet, grabbing out a black cardigan and a gray tee, matching the ensemble with ripped denim jeans. He exits the bedroom and sneaks off towards the bathroom, closing the door behind him before setting down his clean clothes near the sink.

He opens the shower door, turning on the water and breathing a sigh of relief once he finds himself inside. Warm water smoothes down his spine, cradling the aching muscles from his night spent at the mercy of San's hips, and Wooyoung flushes at the memory.

San has always been so perceptive, so gentle, catering to every wish that tumbled from Wooyoung's mouth without the slightest thought. So, to have San crazed like a starved animal, rutting against him with aching motions and an urgency he hadn't felt before was different. He really did not dislike it by any means, but he could sense the possessiveness radiating out of him more than normal. He wasn't sure if it had anything to do with the drinking fiasco spurred on by his friends, but San seemed different. San was always protective, at least more recently than he ever has been, and it only drives Wooyoung to think that his sobriety has everything to do with it.

Again, he really did not hate that San cared about him that much, but it also drove home the thought of San overthinking and worrying, which only made his own anxiety worse. He loved him with every fiber of his being, but the last thing he ever wanted San to do is worry about him more than himself. He knew relationships came with the agreement to worry about one's partner, but Wooyoung didn't want to be worried about. He wanted to be free of this weight on his chest that sobriety brought with it, though he didn't want to go back to the stammering, drunken version of himself that always got into trouble. San always had to save him then, and it feels like it was still true now. San was always there, saving him and doting on him, reckless and unwavering; Wooyoung couldn't hate him for it.

His hand reaches for the shower handle, turning the water off with a quick motion of his wrist. The water stops, a few final drops swivel to the bottom of the shower head before leaking off, dropping towards the bottom of the shower, sinking further towards the drain. Wooyoung stands there, breathing deeply as his mind tumbles to a halt, quieting his anxiety before stepping out of the shower.

Thankfully, the warmth of the water helped his back stop from aching, soothing the dissipating ache the longer warm water had passed over. Wooyoung presses a hand there again, feeling his tortured muscles without wincing this time, breathing through a thankful breath as he wraps a towel around his bare waist.

He strolls back over to the countertops, tapping his phone awake to see that Yeosang had finally texted him back numerous times.

Yeosang

So listen. I have an idea to run past you.

I met some cool guys at my new job recently, and they invited me out for drinks.

Jongho will not go with me and I really want to impress these guys because they're higher-ups at my job and I'd love to get a promo, y'know?

Can you please come with me? Bring Sannie if you want to, and you do not have to drink!!

I'll drink for the both of us. I just really want someone I know there so I won't be so nervous.

Wooyoung sighs, biting his tongue. He knew he shouldn't go, but Yeosang was his best friend of over ten years, it felt like the least he could do after being so distant the last couple of months.

Alright. I'll go. Who are these friends anyway?

To his surprise, Yeosang texts back almost immediately.

Yeosang

You're seriously the best!!

Their names are Soobin and Yeonjun. Soobin is basically my manager and Yeonjun is his assistant. Don't tell them I told you, but I think they've got some weird fling going on.

God, okay. I won't tell them, idiot.

What day are we going?

Yeosang

It's on Thursday. You work don't you?

I do. But I can try to get off early. Working at a library has its perks sometimes.

Yeosang

I'll let you know the details when I see them again today.

Seriously though, thank you.

<3

You're welcome. :)

Wooyoung hates that he agreed, given that they were likely meeting at some type of bar or nightclub, but he chooses to ignore it for now. Yeosang did say that he could bring San, so he uses that excuse to propel himself into acceptance.

Wooyoung takes roughly twenty more minutes to get ready, drying his hair and changing into his new clothes, tying up his long hair with a short pony while his longer bangs loosely hung from the frame of his face. He strolls back into the bedroom to place a couple of silver rings on his fingers, pairing a longer silver necklace to match his rings before looking at himself in the mirror, humming contently.

He breaks back out of the bedroom to see San standing near the stove, eyes focused on whatever was sizzling within the iron pan. Wooyoung walks over to him, wrapping his arms around his waist, resting his chin on San's shoulder while moving to his tip-toes, eyes scanning the food cooking in the pan ahead of him.

"You smell good," San smiles, tilting his head back slightly to rest against Wooyoung's shoulder.

"What you're making smells better." Wooyoung presses a kiss to San's temple before stepping away, eyes looking towards the sink that held a few dirty plates from their impromptu dinner late last night. "Why did we make such a mess last night at two in the morning?"

"We were both tired," San laughs. "And hungry."

"Clearly." Wooyoung rolls up the sleeves of his cardigan, grabbing a hold of the dishes within the sink.

"No, Woo-" San turns off the stove, setting down the spatula that was in his hand. "Let me do it."

"Seriously, San'ah, my back doesn't hurt that bad."

"You're always doing the cleaning, let me do it."

Wooyoung wants to protest as San gently pushes him to the side, taking the plates from his hands and turning the faucet on. Wooyoung breathes through the worry and doubts that start to creep from the back of his mind, but chooses to hush them, shoving them back into the depth of his dark subconscious. Instead, he leans forward, one hand reaching to wrap around the side of San's neck, the other grabbing his chin, pressing his lips to his cheek to kiss him twice.

"I don't deserve you." He mutters before kissing him a third time and leaning away, moving towards the forgotten pan that held a mix of eggs and what looked like a type of bacon.

"Quit saying that," San mutters, hand moving to gently tap the younger's ass, turning to face the sink again. "Go eat. Don't wait for me."

"I'm gonna help you, so just hush, San'ah." Wooyoung tosses back, grabbing another pan that San had must've used earlier, gently setting it down into the sink. Wooyoung grabs a hold of the pan containing their breakfast as he moves towards their hanging cabinets on the other side of San, opening the door and grabbing out two plates, setting them down on the counter carefully before reaching for the spatula resting in the pan. "Is it okay if I just split it?"

"Whatever you want," San agrees, eyes focused on cleaning the dirty dishes within the sink. Wooyoung splits the meal in perfect portions, pushing the plates slightly away from the edge of the counter before handing the pan off to San, letting go once the elder took a hold of its handle.

Instead of choosing to sit at the table like a normal person, Wooyoung hoists himself onto the counter, ass greeting cold marble as he reaches for the drawer to his left, pulling out his utensils before closing the drawer and reaching for one of the plates. San turns to look at him from over his shoulder, scoffing once he sees the younger sitting idly on the counter, legs slightly swinging and humming contently. Wooyoung starts to eat, raising his brow at San as he watches the elder finish scrubbing the last pan, rinsing off any remnants of soap before setting it aside in the drying tray. San dries his hands then turns, walking towards Wooyoung and willingly ignoring the plate set on the counter next to the male, planting himself in front of Wooyoung's legs, hands finding his thighs with a smile curling to his lips.

"What?" Wooyoung mutters, shoveling more eggs into his mouth with his brow raised.

"You're cute." San smiles and Wooyoung rolls his eyes.

"Eat your food," Wooyoung smiles, pointing to the forgotten plate with his utensils. "How am I cute when I'm eating eggs? There's no cute way to eat eggs."

"I disagree-" San mumbles, but is quickly cut off by Wooyoung pressing his finger to San's lips.

"You're such a fucking flirt." Wooyoung laughs, retracting his finger and resuming to eat his meal. "Eat. Please."

"Only if I can eat you," San teases and Wooyoung bites his bottom lip, holding a smirk at bay.

"God, you're literally insufferable." Wooyoung messes around with his food, grabbing a large portion of eggs before holding the bite in front of San's lips. San sighs, taking the bite without hesitating anymore, but only to avoid the deadpanned glare from his boyfriend. "Mm, by the way-"

San, still chewing, cocks his brow, curious and listening attentively. "Yeosang wants me to go out to this bar with him so he can impress some of his friends, or his boss, I don't really know. But I wanted to tell you because I'm gonna go, but I'm not gonna drink."

"Are you sure you wanna do that?" San watches Wooyoung pause, sighing and turning to set down his nearly empty plate and utensils.

"I don't know. But I feel bad because I haven't seen Yeosang in a long time, and he's supposed to be my best friend. I just haven't really been around him since. . . y'know, and-and my depression was really bad, but now all I want to do is be out again and live a life outside of my job and this apartment."

"I understand, Woo, you don't have to explain yourself to me. I just worry about you. I know that even having an open bottle of soju in front of you makes you feel uneasy, so it makes me worry about you going into a whole ass bar."

"I know, but Yeosang said you could come with me, and I think you should. Having you there might help keep me grounded and avoid my harassing ass brain."

"What day are you supposed to go?"

"Thursday."

San sighs, hands slightly gripping Wooyoung's thighs. "I can't go, then. I have a meeting with one of my professors about my internship."

"Are you sure? What if I tell Yeosang to move it later so you can come?"

"I don't know how long I'll be there, Woo. I think you should just go but don't order anything. If you order anything, let it be just water, alright? You can always text me and call me, but Yeosang will look out for you too."

"I know he will. You just know how to calm me down quickly, so I dunno-"

"It'll be okay, Young'ah." San gently pushes Wooyoung's knees apart, pressing closer until Wooyoung's legs wrap around his waist, arms lazily hanging around his shoulders with a hand toying with the hair on the back of his head. San watches Wooyoung's gaze turn calm and fond; relaxed.

"You trust me?" Wooyoung asks, eyes searching San's expression.

"Of course," San's gaze doesn't waver. "Whole heartedly."

"Then I'll go. If I get overwhelmed, I'll ask Yeosang to take me home."

"It's been almost three months since you've really been in a bar. Just take it a step at a time. You don't have to stay there if you don't want to."

"I know. Yeosang isn't gonna pressure me into anything."

"Right. So just take it all in stride, okay?"

"Okay." Wooyoung leans in and kisses him, using his hands on the back of San's neck to keep him placed against him, only breaking away to breathe. San's hands drift from Wooyoung's thighs to his waist, pulling the male closer, until his stomach audibly growls.

Wooyoung starts cackling, head tilting back with a hand raised to cover his mouth, unable to control his laughter. San eyes him with a smirk, clearly embarrassed, but can't help his own laughter as he listens to Wooyoung struggle to gain his composure.

"Are you gonna eat now?" Wooyoung teases, watching San roll his eyes and nod, hands leaving the younger's waist begrudgingly.

"Fine."

"I gotta finish getting ready anyways, San'ah." Wooyoung watches the elder curiously as he pulls away and reaches for the once abandoned plate, using Wooyoung's utensils to eat his own meal. It's grossly domestic, and Wooyoung can't bother to hate it.

"I'll drive you to work. No bus for you today." San mentions, contently eating his luke-warm eggs.

"If you say so." Wooyoung hops off the counter, strolling away towards the bedroom again, stepping through the threshold of the door frame before making eye contact with their unmade bed. It was only then that he realized that neither of them had bothered to undress the bed and clean the sheets, especially after two rounds spent at each other's throats. Gross. "San'ah! Can you wash the sheets before you leave for practice?"

"Yes!" Wooyoung smiles at his ever doting boyfriend, taking note that he yelled back with food still in his mouth, a habit that the elder still hasn't gotten rid of. Wooyoung shakes his head, ignoring the messy bed for the moment, walking over to his dresser to pick out a few earrings to match the silver jewelry he already had around his neck and his fingers.

He debates against putting any makeup on, glancing at himself in the mirror nearby, fixing his hair momentarily before walking back out into the living space, eyeing San at the sink again, most likely cleaning their plates from earlier. Wooyoung lazily swings himself towards the couch, sitting down and leaning into the cushions, trying to pass by the time before he had to go into work. Now with less pressure to catch his bus on time, Wooyoung finds himself scrolling through channels mindlessly, waiting for anything of interest to pop on. Nothing ever does.

Wooyoung spends the next few days twirling through the same routine, until he opens his eyes to greet Thursday morning. It was a typical morning, one spent convincing San to stay in bed an hour longer before he had to leave for class, making the elder pin him to the mattress instead of leaving for the gym like he usually did three times a week. Now, Wooyoung was alone, reaching for his phone beneath the covers of his lonely bed, unable to convince himself to get up. He decided against going to work, shyly asking his boss for the day off to which she agreed, thanks to Wooyoung's newly found ability of wanting to actually show up to these shifts.

He had talked to Yeosang for countless texts about how nervous he was about this, but the male always reassured his friend with a simple 'I've got your back! We've got this.'

Somehow, Wooyoung still remained uneasy. He's meeting two random new people with his best friend, no boyfriend in sight, and at an unfamiliar bar with the overwhelming scent of alcohol floating around his senses. He wasn't exactly sure if the night would end up being considered a failure, or just out right embarrassing, but he decided to go regardless. Yeosang was truthfully one of his closest friends, but Wooyoung couldn't help but feel distant after his sobriety led him astray for the sake of his mental health. In his defense, he withdrew from everyone, clinging onto San like a blanket, soaking in every ounce of willpower and strength from his lover to make it through, day by day. Wooyoung wouldn't go through it again, not a single moment of it.

Insomnia was the biggest struggle he's ever come head to head with, but alcoholism was damn near close to topping that. He could handle not sleeping or sleeping very little, settling into the same hazed stupor that he dealt with for days on end that would string up into several months, all stirred from a familiar place of anxiety caused by overbearing responsibility. Wooyoung had no fight, he was all flight.

Before he started dating San and realized what his feelings meant, he found himself unable to find control. He was just doing whatever he wanted, impulse by impulse, giving in to every waking desire that his mind would conjure up. San ended up being one of those. He had always felt guilty about dragging San into his mess of a life, but sometimes it felt as if San was going to be there regardless, claimed as a best friend or boyfriend; either way, Wooyoung nearly had no say. San was his ride or die. Wooyoung had loved him for years before this, maybe not as intensely, but it was always there. Kissing him just made him realize how blind he had been.

Now with the fear of going out without San for the first time in a while, Wooyoung finds himself glued to his bed, wondering how awful the night could truly go. A cursed overthinker, riddled with anxiety and sleeping issues makes the perfect concoction to stir a possibly good night out into something horrible. Wooyoung was always worried, always holding his breath, waiting for some aspect of his day to go wrong because of his own doing.

Yeosang was convinced that it would be a good night out, but Wooyoung remained unsure. So, he rustles around in bed for another hour before getting up to wash his face, spending several minutes looking at himself in the bathroom mirror, trying to think of what to do with his hair or his outfit in general. Should he dress up? Dress down? Dress casual? He couldn't be fucked to figure it out.

Yeosang'ah~

Do you mind stopping by before we go? I need you to help dress me.

Yeosang

I was just about to ask you if you wanted a ride there!

Sure thing though, I'll be over soon.

It's still early in the day, so Wooyoung figured they could talk and hang out before even heading out, given that they had around four hours to mingle in his apartment. As he continues to stare at himself in the mirror, palms pressed into the countertop, phone unlocked and illuminating the space above it to his left; Wooyoung finds himself seeking comfort. So, he calls San.

He knew the elder wasn't in class anymore and was likely heading to the gym now or getting something to eat, so it sounded like the perfect time.

"What's going on? You okay?"

"Hi to you too," Wooyoung scoffs. "I'm okay. I just wanted to hear your voice."

"You only ever say things like that when you're nervous, Young'ah. What's wrong?"

"I'm just nervous about tonight."

"You've been anxious about it the whole week. Are you sure you want to go?"

"I do, I do, I just-" Wooyoung sighs. "It's a lot of pressure, I think. I feel like I have to act normal around all of this stuff, and I don't know that I can. That's what I'm worried about."

"I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Take a step back and look at the whole picture."

"But what's the whole picture?"

"You're going out with Yeosang. Enjoy your time with Yeosang and don't worry about talking to these two mystery guys or even partaking in the drinking they're probably going to do. Try to just exist and live in the moment, don't worry about what could or won't be."

"You make it sound really easy." Wooyoung rolls his eyes, but San laughs at him.

"I'm just saying, Woo. You don't have to take my advice, and you also don't have to go. I really wish I could go with you, trust me, I do. The minute you get back, I will be at the apartment waiting for you, alright?"

"Promise?"

"Promise. We can decompress anyway you wanna when you get back. Just try to focus on Yeosang, alright?"

"Okay. I'll text you when we leave."

"Call me if you need me. Don't just text me, okay?"

"I will, San'ah." Wooyoung hums. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

The call ends and Wooyoung looks back up towards the mirror, eyes scanning his reflection with an ounce of stress dissipating from his chest. He sighs again, taking his phone into his hand and leaving the bathroom, turning the light off and closing the door.

Yeosang doesn't show up for a painful thirty minutes, leaving Wooyoung to wander around his apartment aimlessly, pulling out possible options from his closet and laying them over his bed, hoping Yeosang would have better input than his own frazzled mind.

Yeosang

I'm coming up the stairs. Open your door!

Wooyoung makes his way to the front door, turning the lock and opening it slightly, peeking out into the hall to spot his friend turning the corner with a smile beaming across his lips.

"Need me to pick your clothes?" Yeosang asks when he approaches. Wooyoung steps away from the door, allowing the elder to walk inside before locking the door shut.

"Yeah, I can't decide how to dress. I don't know if I should dress up or how I should wear my hair, if I want to wear eye makeup, I just don't know."

"Well," Yeosang points to himself, wearing a skintight gray top with longer sleeves and ripped jeans, accessorized with a loosely hanging belt, a few silver rings and smudged brown eyeshadow on the corners of his eyes. "I tried to dress up a little, Jongho was insistent that I dress more conservatively since he can't come with me. Do you think Sannie cares about what you wear? Or?"

"No, he never usually does." Wooyoung shrugs, timidly taking a few steps towards his room. "I laid out a few things, but I really just don't know, Yeosang. I just need you to pick for me and for the sake of my anxiety."

"It's gonna be just fine, Woo. Don't worry." Yeosang follows Wooyoung as he leads him through the open bedroom door, raking a hand through his un-styled hair nervously. He walks to the end of his bed, pointing to the two options settled out, nervously chewing on his bottom lip as he watches Yeosang look at both outfits ahead of him.

"Hmm," Yeosang hums, hands reaching down to gently touch the fabric of each shirt. "I think you should flip flop them. Take this shirt and put it with these pants-"

Yeosang takes the form-fitting black tee and matches it with the opposite bottoms, lifting the other shirt away to show his vision. "It'll look a bit more casual, but you'll be dressing about the same level as me. That way attention isn't drawn to you."

Wooyoung nods, fully supporting the idea of blending in and keeping the attention on him to a minimum. He glances at the other discarded items of clothing, then back towards his apparent outfit, biting his tongue. He doesn't hate the clothes, but it needed something.

"You are really quiet today, Young'ah." Yeosang reaches a hand over, gently touching Wooyoung's shoulder.

"It's my first time out in awhile. It just seems so unfamiliar to me now, y'know? I wanna go, I want to hang out with you and leave this suffocating ass apartment, but I'm afraid I'm gonna get cold feet."

"Remember that thing that Sannie always says to you? Something about steps?"

"One step at a time." Wooyoung smiles, breathing deeply through his lungs.

"Right. Put that into action today, yeah? If you really do not want to go, then you don't have to come with me."

"Okay. Help me do my hair, please? Now I can't decide if I need to part it and tie it up or just leave it."

"Nah, leave your hair down. Sannie likes it when your hair is down." Yeosang smiles at him, and Wooyoung can't help but smile back.