Sam's Outfit

I sat in Chipotle with Alex, Dana, and Jade. Alex had officially been off his grounding for about half an hour now, and the first thing I did was make him tagalong with me to hangout with my friends.

School hadn't been as bad as I expected it would be after what had happened with Ethan. Every time we were in the hallway, Alex had stayed beside me the whole time and that made me feel really safe.

The one bad thing about school was that I'd get really bad panic attacks sometimes, especially when I saw Ethan in the hallway when I wasn't with any of my friends. No one knew about them, and I planned to keep it that way. I didn't want to be victimized because of this, and I was happy to just have this kept between my friends.

"I have to say, I forgot what you looked like, Alex, since I haven't seen you in so long", Jade said sarcastically.

"You saw me at school on Thursday", he said.

"Oh c'mon, you know what I mean!" Jade said.

"Okay, seriously, you two are so cute! Like I knew you were cute, but I kinda forgot since I haven't seen you two together in so long, Dana said.

"It wasn't that long!", I protested.

"Have you talked to Leo yet?" Jade asked.

"No. I love him so much and he's such a good friend. I'd love to just talk to him, but I'm afraid to tell him what happened because of how close he still is with Ethan. He's also always with Ethan in the hallway", I said.

"You shouldn't be afraid to tell him. I know him. I know that he'd stop hanging out with Ethan as soon as he finds out what happened," Jade said.

"I don't want to ruin a friendship Leo has had for a long time with my bullshit," I said.

"It's not bullshit. You were assaulted, Sammie," Alex said.

Dana nodded, "Yeah, don't call what you went through bullshit. Let's not do that", she said.

Alex's phone went off with a notification, "We should go, Sammie. That was my mom telling us to get home so we can celebrate Elena getting her license", he said.

"Ooh, yes! I'm so proud of her!" I said.

"Aww! Tell Elena I said congratulations!" Dana said as we got up.

"For sure!" I said.

Once we were outside I let the smile fall off my face for a second. When I'm around Dana and Jade and even Alex, I kind of feel like I need to act like my old self because I don't want them to worry about me, and I don't want to feel like a victim.
"Are you okay, Sam?" Alex asked.

"I'm fine, I promise," I said.

"Okay, well, if there's something wrong, you can always tell me" he said.

We turned to walk into the apartment building and Alex spilled the rest of his drink in his shirt.

"Damn, and I thought I was a klutz", I said.

"No no, you're still a klutz", he said smiling.

"Well thanks! Let's head to the laundry room before we head up to your apartment, because that'll definitely stain," I said.

Once we were down in the laundry room, I began setting up the washer and paying for it, while Alex was taking his shirt off to wash it. He bumped into the table in the middle of the room, and there was a grunt from the other side of the table.

We both jumped and I hid behind Alex as we looked to see what it was.

And, there in the floor, was Schneider laying there not wearing pants and with a half empty bottle of alcohol next to him.

"Holy shit," I whispered.

"Schneider?" Alex asked.

"Hey! Are you doing a load, cause I think I threw up on my pants," he said.

"Dude, what happened?" Alex asked.

"I think I ate something that didn't agree with me," he said.

"You're so full of shit. You're obviously drunk," I said, glaring at him.

"What? No!" He said.

"I thought you quit a long time ago," Alex said.

"Well, I recently quit...quitting," Schneider said.

Tears started falling down my face and Alex put his arm around me.

"It's alright. I'm just going to...go upstairs...take a shower, and I'll be good as new," he said.

"Are you sure you're gonna be okay?" Alex asked.

"No, he's not going to be okay, because he broke his promise to me. When he told me what happened to my birth parents, he promised to never put me through shit like that ever again, and that's exactly what he just did," I said.

"I think we should call my mom or someone," Alex said, getting his phone out of his pocket.

"No!" Schneider said, shoving Alex.

Alex fell back against one of the washing machines.

I rushed towards him and held his hand tightly. I was more afraid than I'd ever been before. The person who was supposed to protect me had just put Alex and I in danger, and that was unforgivable.

"I'm sorry. I just...it's not that big of a deal. It's not gonna happen again, so don't tell your mom you found me down here," Schneider said.

Schneider slammed his hand in the table, "Come on!" He said.

"Alex, she's just going to freak out and overreact like she did when you smoked a little weed. I mean, how long did she ground you for?" He asked.

"...Almost four months," Alex said.

"So you get it?" Schneider asked.

"No, I really don't. I don't get you going back on your promise to me. You're supposed to keep me safe, but you just put me in a shit ton of danger. I can't believe you. Do you not have anyone to stay sober for? Is my safety not important to you? I know you must think you're going through a lot right now, and yeah that's true, but I was almost raped and you don't see me falling down drunk in a laundry room. I don't even know if I can trust you anymore after this. I can't believe you!" I said, tears falling down my face.

Alex held my hand and led me out of the laundry room.

"Can... can we stop?", I said as we reached the stairs. The tears were falling fast, and I could barely see.

I slumped down on the bottom step and Alex sat next to me.

He put his arm around me and just let me cry.

And that's when the panic attack started.

I was a mess. I didn't know what was going to happen. What if something happened to Schneider? Then I'd be orphaned all over again. What if Alex thought that me and my bullshit were too much for him and he didn't want to be with me anymore? What if everyone decided that I was such a fucked up problem that they didn't want to waste their time with me anymore?

I was sobbing by now and couldn't even focus on anything.

Alex grabbed both my hands in his.

"Sammie, take a deep breath. Just breathe. Tell me three things you can see", he said.

I took a deep breath and faced him, "The stairs. A door. And your eyes", I said.

"Good. Tell me three things you can hear", he said.

"Your voice, the elevator, and a door closing", I said.

"Okay, good. Do you feel a little calmer now?" He asked.

And, I did. What Alex had asked me to do had helped me focus on something else and feel more in control.

I nodded.

"Good", he said, hugging me.

And I sat there, on the bottom step, with his arms around me, and I felt safer than I had in awhile.

Author's Note: Hi! This chapter sucks and is kinda short, but I've been really busy with AP tests and all that fun end of the year jazz and have been studying sooo much. I'm sorry for being slow with updates! This chapter made me cry like three times while writing it, but I still hope you guys enjoy it! The good thing about my quarantine is that I finally got one of my best friends to watch One Day At A Time, and she loves it almost as much as I do. She's been texting me all the time asking me questions about the cast and stuff lol. Here's one of her questions I didn't know the answers to: Were Marcel's braces early on in the series real or just for the show? If you know, please answer, because now that she asked I kinda wanna know too. Well, that's all for today! If all goes well, I'm really hoping to have an update out in the next few days!

Lots of love, Beth ❤️