A/N:L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. from Phineas and Ferb anyone?

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Audrianna's POV

"Why would he want us here at midnight on a Thursday?" Henry asked as we all paced around the room

"I don't know. But if this is because he had a bad dream again, I am not gonna sing him a lullaby this time." I rolled my eyes

"I'm sleep deprived, why do I have to be here?" Kelly groaned on the couch

"Ray said he wanted ALL of us to be here." Charlotte responded

"Maybe it's an emergency. Like maybe he-" We all turned around to see Jasper step out the elevator with curlers in his hair

"I'm here." Jasper stepped out the elevator as we all look at him in bewilderment

"That's an emergency." Henry pointed to Jasper's hair

"Are you-" I furrowed my eyebrows

"Why would-" Charlotte pointed to his hair

"Curlers?" Kelly tilted her head

"What? You thought my hair was naturally curly?" Jasper scoffed

We heard the tubes beeping as my dad got shot down.

"Heyyyy." my dad said in a daydreamy
tone

"Dad. I told you that catnip is for cats ONLY."

My dad ignored me and stepped off the tube pad "Hello, friends. Welcome. And of course, my daughter Dria.. welcome." he smiled softly at us "Welcome.."

"Uh."

"Okay?"

"Yeah.."

"Sure.."

"Hi..?"

"Did you eat the catnip even though I told you not to."

"And now, I wanted to introduce to you guys to someone very special.." The tubes started beeping and some woman wearing gothic clothes got shot down.

"Who's that?" Kelly whispered to me

"I don't know." I whispered back

"Looks like a woman." Henry whispered

"Yeah." Jasper nodded

my dad kissed the woman and helped her off the tube pad "Everyone, this is Gwen."

"Hi, guys." She smiled

"Uh.. hey."

"Hi."

"What's up, Gwen?"

"Hi..?"

"What the fu- Hey, dad can I talk to you for a second-"

"Oh, I'd really rather-" before he could finish, I dragged him away, smiling sarcastically at Gwen.

"She's so pretty.." my dad slurred out

"Are you crazy!?" I yelled

"What?"

"You can't just bring some stranger down here in the Man Cave!!" Henry chimed in

"Oh, Gwen's not a stranger."

I glanced at Gwen before turning back to my dad "How long have you known her?"

"Almost three hours.." he rested his head on my shoulder

"3 hours!?" I threw him off my shoulder "What!?"

"Oh, that reminds me! I gotta tell her you're Kid Danger and Danger Girl!" my dad smiled widely

"Wha- no, no, no! You can't--"

"Hey, honey!"

Gwen turned around "Yes?"

"I bet you'll never guess who these lovable knuckleheads really are." he wrapped an arm around Henry and I

"We're nobody- we're nobody-"

"Ray, don't do it."

"No-"

"Ray!"

"Kiiiid Danger and Danger Girl!" my dad chuckled

"Dude!"

"What the fuck!?!?"

"It's okayy. Gwen even knows that I'm Captain Man." my dad tried to reassure us

"Ray!"

"What are you doing!?"

"What the actual fuck!?"

"Raymond Manchester!!"

"And guess what else.." my dad walked up to Gwen and wrapped his arm around her waist "Gwen and I.. We're getting married." he smiled in a daydreamy way

EXCUSE ME!?!?

Schwoz walked in "Heyy.. What's been.. Happening?"

"Ray's getting married to a woman he met three hours ago." Henry said blankly

"Without my consent." I added

"Whaaaaat!?" he turned to Jasper "I- why does Jasper have those things on his head?"

"Because his hair isn't naturally curly." Charlotte replied

Schwoz turned to Jasper in shock "Whaaaaaat!?"

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"Dria..?"

"Yeah?" I lifted my head up as Henry and I continued pacing around

"This plant is intimidating me.."

"Dude. We got way bigger problems right now than- plant thirst." Henry sighed

The plant screeched in response.

"I mean- why would my dad wanna marry a lady he's only known for three hours? Like-" I scoffed

"Maybe she has a trampoline." Jasper suggested

"I hope she falls off the trampoline and pulls off a Gwen Stacy." I crossed my arms

Henry rolled his eyes and wrapped an arm around my waist.

The plant screeched again which made Jasper flinch back.

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"Come on.. Smile for me." Jasper said in a soft tone as he stroked the plant

The plant spit out something on him.

"Ahh! He globbered me!!"

Henry rolled his eyes and grabbed a towel "Alright, alright.. It's not that bad." he wiped the snot off his face

The door opened and Gwen stepped in.

Skank.

"Henry."

I turned to her with an annoyed look. 

"Jasper and Audrianna." she glanced at us

"Hey, Gwen." Jasper said blankly

"Uhh, Jasper. Why don't you go to the bathroom." I said, still glaring at Gwen

"Cause I'm empty..?"

"Then go into the bathroom and use your phone to listen to your Celine Dion playlist." I gritted through my teeth

"Done!" Jasper beamed as he ran to the bathroom

"Y'know, Audrianna." She glanced at me "I got the feeling last night that you don't want me to marry your father Ray."

"Huh. Well I'm glad you got that feeling." I smile at her sarcastically "Cause that feeling is exactly what I want your feeling to be. Ya feeling me, bitch?"

"I'm sorry one more time?" she turned to me

"Bitch." I glared at her

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"We know Ray. There's no way he'd meet you and ask him to marry you on the same day unless you--"

Gwen turned to look at Henry.

"-unless you did something." he added

I was sitting on the couch and let Henry do the talking so I don't let myself punch Gwen in the face.

"You know, Henry and Audrianna. I was hoping we could be friends. Now I'm sorry that I.." Gwen pulled out a box of muffins "Made you guys these muffins."

"Jokes on you, I don't like muffins." I muttered

"Mu-muffins?" Henry looked at her in disbelief

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Henry ate the muffin, despite my protests.

"Oh, what is this? Banana nut?"

Gwen nodded.

"The banana nut muffin?"

"Henry! Don't swallow that muffin!!" Charlotte, Kelly, and Schwoz ran in and tried making Henry spit out the muffin

"Henry it's dangerous!" Kelly yelled

"What is going on!?" I got up my seat

"Use the soap duster!" Schwoz handed Kelly the machine

"Wait- what!?"

Charlotte shoved the duster up Henry's mouth and tried to suck the muffin out.

"Get- get it out of your mouth, Henry!" Kelly exclaimed

"Hey! Let him eat the muffin!" Gwen yelled

"You back up!" I grabbed Henry's arm and pulled on it

Gwen pulled Henry to her side until Henry accidentally bumped on a table and a statue fell on his head and knocked him out.

Shit.

"Oh my God!" Kelly yelled

"I know mouth-to-mouth resusication!" Jasper took off his jacket

"What!? I'm not letting you kiss my boyfriend!"

Gwen tried to pull Jasper off of Henry "I need to kiss him!"

"I'm especially not letting YOU kiss my boyfriend!" I tried to pry Gwen off of Jasper

"I'm his best friend!" Jasper yelled

"And I'm his girlfriend you whore!" I pushed her off Jasper

Jasper immediately breathed air into Henry's mohth while Gwen was distracted.

I gagged "I never thought I'd see this.."

Henry slowly woke up and started coughing as I ran up to him and Jasper and I helped him up.

"Hen, Hen. Are you okay?" I cupped his cheeks

Henry turned to Jasper "I.. I love you.."

My eyes widened. Jasper's smile dropped. And Kelly and Charlotte looked like they were about to gag.

What the fu-

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"I- quit it!" Jasper tried to get Henry off of him but he was holding onto him for dear life

"No- Henry- this is not a good time to hug- Audrianna get your boyfriend off of me-"

"I haven't even processed this.."

"You have such pretty hair." Henry stroked his hair

"This is the weirdest shit I've seen." Kelly shook her head

"Henry!" Charlotte scolded

"Great. See what you did?" Gwen glared at her

"What I did?" She glared at her

"Yeah!"

I turned to Kelly "Where's my machete, Kelly?"

"I don't know-"

"Kellyanne Haven you give me back my machete!"

"I don't have it!"

"I'm not the one who's been bopping around here with a big box of mystical muffins!" Charlotte argued back

My dad walked in "Gwen.." his face lit up at the sight of her

Gwen held out her arms.

"I was just dreaming about the first time we met." He held her hands

"Hello, my sweet man." she smirked

I walked back in holding a katana I found and was just about to swing at her but Kelly lifted me off the ground and held me back.

"Ray, no!" Charlotte yelled

"Quit it!" Jasper got out of Henry's grip

"Aw, I can't quit you.." Henry hugged him back

"Kellyanne Ross Haven, you let me down, now!"

"You're too young to murder someone!"

"Ray, you don't really love her!" Charlotte put a hand on his shoulder

"Ray," Schwoz stepped in between them "She gave you a bad muffin-"

Gwen and my dad leaned in closer to each other, squishing Schwoz in between them.

"She tricked you!" Charlotte yelled

"Yah!" Schwoz got out of their embrace "And she tried to do it to Henry too!"

"Except Henry fell in love with Jasper by mistake!" Charlotte added

"Kelly please let me go!" I begged

"I'm not letting you murder someone Dria-"

"But she deserves it!" I gave up and stopped squirming as Kelly slowly let me down

I was panting heavily and I was so overwhelmed with rage, confusion, disgust, and sorrow all at the same time.

"How about we put this down.." Kelly grabbed my katana

"Awww. My baby's so smart." my dad stared at Gwen in awe

"Alright- Hen- Hen-" Jasper tried to get Henry off of him

"Can you please make all these people leave so we could be alone?" Gwen pleaded

"Alright everybody out." my dad demanded

"You bitch!" I tried to lunge at her but Kelly picked me up again and dragged me outside while the others tried to protest inside.

"Audrianna."

"That motherfucki-"

"Audrianna!" Kelly glared at me

I stopped dead in my tracks and just started tearing up like a fucking coward "I'm sorry. I just- I can't do this anymore. Last night I heard Gwen and my dad making out in the other room and all I heard was them flirting with each other and kissy sounds!" I ranted

"Dri-"

"That's not even the worst part! I heard them doing IT last night and I can't get it off my mind! I just wanted to die right then and there in my room because they were being too loud and I just wanted to scream in my room to try and drown out the noise and I did but my dad didn't even care! His daughter could've been dying in her room but he cares about that bitch more! And now my fucking boyfriend fell in love with his fucking guy friend because of her!"

"Oh, Dria.." she rubbed my arms ".. I'm so sorry babes.."

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We arrived at Henry's porch as Henry tried to hug Jasper again. 

"No-no, no- stop." Jasper demanded as he pushed the door open and we all went inside

"No, no, no. You can't come in." Charlotte stopped Schwoz

"Why can't I go in there?"

"Because, what if Henry's parents are home?"

"Wha- I can't stay out here by myself."

"Sure you can."

"No! What if someone tries to take me?"

"Who would want you?" Kelly glared at him before making me sit on the couch

"Wha- I-" Charlotte closed the door on him before he could finish

"Okay, tell me why Gwen would use tainted muffins to make Ray fall in love with her?" Jasper asked

"'Cause she's a bitch."

"Audrianna." Kelly stared at me

Charlotte sighed "'Cause, think about it. If Captain Man, Kid Danger, and Danger Girl are so in love, they can't fight crime then they can't stop Gwen from doing whatever evil things she wants to do."

"Then I think we need to figure out how.. How.." Jasper trailed off as Henry massaged his shoulders

"Aw, how come he never does that for me?" I furrowed my eyebrows

Jasper moaned "It feels so nice." he said as Henry massaged his face

"I'm disgusted.." I gagged

"JASPER!!!" Piper ran down the stairs

"Oh, hey, Piper."

"Did you go into my bathroom and take my curling iron!?"

"Yeah, but I-"

"Hey!" Henry yelled "Don't you yell at my Jasper."

"Ew." Kelly crossed her arms "Your Jasper?"

"He jacked my girly curly!" Piper pulled on Jasper's eyelashes

"Ahh!" Jasper got up "She yanked on my eyelashes!"

"Piper! You just hurt someone I love!" Henry yelled

"Yeah! And I'm just getting started." Pier flicked Jasper's forehead repeatedly

"Piper-"

"Uh."

"No! Stop!"

"I.. Uh.."

"Piper quit that!" Henry demanded

She flipped Jasper on the other side of the couch.

"No!!!!" Henry yelled

I noticed Henry twitching and leaning onto the couch and I immediately ran up to him.

"Henry!? Are you okay!?"

He fell to the ground.

"You okay!?" I immediately helped him up as soon as I saw him try to get up

"Uh- yeah.. Yeah.. I'm fine babe.."

My face lit up.

Babe?

Henry turned to Jasper "Oh, Jasper-"

"No more hugging me.." Jasper begged

"Hugging you?" he asked "Ew."

"Ew? Wait-" Charlotte turned him around "Aren't you in love with Jasper?"

"In love with- what? No. no- I love Audrianna-"

"Okay, okay this is awesome!" I smiled widely

"What is? How come Henry doesn't love me anymore?" Jasper chimed in

"I think cause when Piper started harassing you, it made Henry feel really angry." I began

"So?" Henry asked

"So.. when you feel strong emotions your body releases chemicals into your brain." I explained

"Ohh, o- okay, so like- when Henry felt anger, it drove out his feelings of love?" Jasper asked

"Yeah. I think that's what happened."

"Okay- okay, so now.. All we gotta do is make Ray be like insanely mad so he'll fall out of love with Gwen." Henry said

"Well, how are we gonna get him mad enough?" Charlotte asked

"You could pick a fight with him." Jasper suggested

"Yes." I turned to him

"Come on, Ray could kill you." Kelly said

Henry said "You can't pick a fight with Ray."

"Well one of us is gonna have to do it."

"Not it." Everyone else said

"Exactly, so as his daughter I definitely know how to make him mad."

We all shrugged before stepping outside and seeing Schwoz getting dragged by some kids.

"Hey!"

"Hey, come on get out of here!" Henry and Jasper shooed them off

"Pick on someone your own size."

"Delinquents!"

Schwoz got up "Jerks!" he threw a stick at them

"Come on.. Pet's get to the Man Cave."

"Huh. Turns out someone did want him." Kelly whispered to me which made me snigger and smack her arm

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I got up from my hiding place "So. Henry."

"Yeah, babe?" Henry got up

"Who do you think should win the Most Attractive Guy in Swellview?"

"Most Attractive Guy in Swellview?" He crossed his arms

"Yeah."

"Hey." Kelly jumped out of her hiding spot "What about Henry's dad?"

Schwoz and Charlotte jumped out "Yeah. Henry's dad is hot."

"True that." Charlotte nodded

Jasper popped up from out of nowhere "Agreed."

"Yeah."

"Totally."

"Well, that's an interesting way to look at it."

"I mean- he did manage to have a hot son."

"Yeah."

"Facts."

"W-w-wait a second you guys." my dad chuckled

"Yeah?"

"What's up, buddy?"

"Sup?"

"Hola."

My dad stood up "Just a.. Friendly reminder. I've won Most Attractive Guy in Swellview for the past twelve years so- got this in the bag."

"Well.." I walked up to him "Yeah but.. You're kinda old now."

My dad's smile dropped "I'm old?"

"Yeah, I mean what are you like- over fifty?" my smile turned into a smirk

"fif- did you just use the f word?"

"Hey, look I'm just saying-"

He put his hands on my shoulders "I'm thirty-five, Audrianna. You know that." he chuckled

I glanced over to Henry, Charlotte, Jasper, and Kelly and they all pointed to their hair.

I turned back to my dad "Well, you're starting to lose your hair a little bit-"

"What did you just say to me?" He immediately turned to me

"Hey. Where's Gwen?"

"Gwen happens to be getting ready to go rob a bank." he glared at me

I nodded "Or.. Maybe she's not going to rob a bank."

My dad stared at me in confusion.

"Maybe she's going to meet some other guy." I sat down on a chair in front of the monitors

"She's going to rob a bank."

I turned to my dad with a mischievous grin "Or.. Maybe she's going to meet some guy named Rob... Banks."

"That's stupid, that's not a guys' name!"

"Yeah it is." I nodded teasingly before I got up my chair "Just face it, dad. Gwen doesn't want you. She wants Robert J. Banks. You know why?" I leaned in closer to his ear "I bet he's way better looking than you.." I whispered

"Not possible!" he turned to me

"Yeahhh. He's probably in his early thirties."

"That's enough." my dad pointed at me

"Yeahhh. I bet he's gonna kiss her sooo good. 'oH, oH gWeN yOu kIsS lIkE a pRiNcEsS. oH, oOh. yOuR lIpS fEeL lIkE hOt pIe.'." I mocked

My dad screamed before grabbing my shirt and throwing me across the room.

"Dri!"

I got up "It's not my fault if she likes younger guys-" I said in between pants but my dad grabbed my collar

I ruffled my dad's hair "Oh, is this some gray hair? Is this some gray hair?"

He threw me on the floor.

"Keep going! You gotta make him madder." Kelly whispered to me

I glare at her "Yeah. I'm working on tha--" my dad dragged me away before throwing me on the floor again

"I'm pretty sure this is child abuse!" I yell "C'mon, you ain't so bad!" I got up

My dad tried to throw another punch at me but I grabbed onto him, until he pushed me away.

"This is so cool to watch." Henry smiled widely at me

"I'm glad you're having such a good time." I glared at him and he backed up a bit

"I love you..?" he looked at me in fear

My dad grabbed the back of my shirt and slammed me onto the staircase.

He tried to punch me again but I pushed him away with my knee.

I got up "She probably.." I panted "Makes muffins for lots of guys.. Oh, my legs are killing me."

"She only makes muffins for me!" my dad grabbed me and threw me behind the couch

"Dri!" Henry and the others helped me up

I saw my dad grab a blaster.

"Ray!"

"Ray, she's your daughter!"

"Ray, don't!"

My dad tried to shoot me, except he was twitching.

"I think you did it, it's working!" Charlotte pointed out

He fell to the ground.

I was the first to run up to him and help him up.

"Dad..?"

"Ray?"

"Ray can you hear us?"

"Ray are you okay?" we helped him sit down on a chair

"What happened?" my dad groaned "I was in love... With a woman." my dad snapped his fingers "Uh.. Gwen."

"She gave you a love moofin." Schwoz explained

"Yeah and then Dri had to make you really mad so your feelings of anger would overpower your muffin induced feelings of love." Henry explained

I groaned "My whole body is killing me."

My dad nodded "That makes sense. And I'm so sorry muffin.."

The sprocket opened.

He gasped "Guys, quick. Go hide."

We all went back to our hiding spots.

Gwen stepped out the sprocket "Okay, Ray. I'm about to leave. It should take me about mmm.. Twenty minutes to rob the bank."

My dad got up "That sounds great."

She turned to him "Oh hey, how do you like my ponytail?"

"Ah, I love it." my dad walked closer to her "I mean, it's really cute and just so-" he pulled out her ponytail

"OW!" Gwen gasped "You iust ripped my ponytail off my head! You're not in love with me anymore.."

We all got out of our hiding places. 

"No shit." I spoke up first

"Yeah.. e's not." Henry added

"Sorry, Gwen." Charlotte crossed her arns

"How you like them muffins?" Jasper teased

"And now, Gwen. I'd be honored to escort you to prison-" my dad held out his hand

"Ah!" Gwen pulled out her phone

"Look out!" Charlotte yelled

"She's got a phone!" Jasper added

"So?" my dad asked

"Who cares?" Henry continued

"You better care. Cause if I tap right here, it's gonna send a post out telling the whole world that Ray Manchester is Captain Man, Audrianna Manchester is Danger Girl, and that Henry Hart is Kid Danger." Gwen slowly got on the tube pad

Jasper raised his hand "Anything about me?"

We all stared at him.

"You let me go, and I'll keep your secret. Deal?"

I glanced at my dad "Dad you have to.." I whispered

"But-"

"Ray.."

"Do we have a deal or don't we?" Gwen spoke up

"Yeah, we've got a deal! For now.."

"But someday.. You're going to jail." Henry added

"And you will rot in hell.." I continued

"I doubt it." She smirked as the tube encased her "Ba-bye boys and girls." she looked up but nothing happened

Gwen cleared her throat "Up I go!" she raised her hand

Kelly sniggered "Awkwardddd.."

"Okay. What words do I have to say to activate the tube suckage?"

"Oh yeah, just yell 'diamonds, rubies, lift me.. Tubies'." Henry lied

"Diamonds, rubies, lift me tubies!" she looked up but nothing happened

We all burst out laughing. 

"I will tap this button I swear I will tap it." her finger pointed to the button

We all stopped laughing.

"Just say 'up the tube'." Charlotte instructed

"Up the tube!" She got shot up

"Whew. This whole day was insane." Kelly rested her head on Jasper's shoulder

"Yeah, no kidding." I rolled my eyes, my whole body still aching as Henry gently massaged my shoulders from behind

"Well, atleast we all learn something valuable." Schwoz chimed in

"What'd we learn?" Jasper asked

"We all learned, no matter how strong love is; anger is stronger."

...

"It's true." I mumbled

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YAY EARLY UPDATE :DD

IM SO SORRY IM SO LAZY SO NO EDITS OR MEMES BUT HERE'S SOME RANDOM MEMES I FOUND

Thoughts? Comments? Questions?

If you've made it this far, comment with cakes 🎂🍰

3821 words
Edited: 01 - 21 - 24