All of Alaska confidence disappeared when she snuck into the LaRussos backyard that night, walking up and down the stairs of the dojo. It was dark out, thirty past eleven. Thirty minutes until her birthday, thirty minutes until she was a year older.

This was the first year she wasn't having a sleep over with Eli and Demetri.

The dojo's doors opened, making Alaska let out a gasp and nearly fall off the porch. Robby looked at her oddly, blinking, "What are you doing?"

"Pacing." Alaska said back honestly with a deep breath, "What are you doing?"

"Well, I was planning on how to get the raccoon off the steps." he said, eyeing her oddly and looking around as if he was on edge that someone else would show up.

"I'm not a raccoon." Alaska said as he cracked a grin, "I wanted to see you."

"Is everything okay?" he asked her, watching as she breathed heavy and nodded eagerly, "So you just wanted to hang out?"

Alaska hesitated. A million through he raced her mind. She was mad at Hawk, mad about him and Moon, mad about the new tattoo he got. Robby was beautiful, standing infront of her, already expressing a interest in her back at the Beach Club, "Not exactly."

Robby nodded his head, waiting for her to go on. Alaska crept closer with gentle eyes, "Do you remember when I came here that day? And... did all that shitty stuff?"

Robby adjusted as he sighed, "Yeah, I remember."

"I've been thinking a lot about something I said." Alaska said, standing right infront of him now as her whole body heated up, "I was hoping you have been too."

Robby stared at her a moment before giving her a small nod, "I have."

Alaska's hands came up fo grab his face, rubbing her thumb across his cheek. Robby watched her, she felt his face heat up under her hand, "Today's been kinda crazy, I think i've felt nearly every emotion in the history of emotions."

Robby cracked a grin, reaching forward to run his finger tips over her lower back softly, "You wanna come in for a bit?"

Alaska nodded her head with a shaky breath, being pulled into the dojo as Robby shut the door behind them. Alaska looked around the dojo, grinning at the calming manor it had, "This is where you guys train?"

Robby went silent as Alaska turned around with alarmed eyes, "That was just conversation, not me digging for information."

Robby gave her a small laugh, locking the doors back, "Maybe we shouldn't talk about karate."

"Good idea." Alaska agreed as she sat on the edge of his bed, gasping as it began to move.

"Oh, it's a air mattress." he said quickly, laughing at her sudden panic and walking over to sit by her side, "Sorry."

"Like a water bed." Alaska said with a hum, leaning to lay on her back, "I had one for a while, it made me really nauseous."

"Well, maybe this'll be different." Robby said, looking down as her. Alaska grinned, grabbing his arm to pull him to lay next to her, "Why was your day crazy?"

Alaska took a second to look as him good, laying so close while he turned to look at her, "If I even began trying to explain, your brain would probably turn into worms."

"Worms?" he questioned with a grin as Alaska hummed, smiling back at him. Her hand grabbed his suddenly, Robby gave it a small squeeze, "Somethings wrong."

"Kinda." Alaska said honestly as he nodded, letting her go on, "I just would rather not talk about it."

"Fair enough." he answered, adjusting his head on the pillow to avoid neck pains from looking at her, "What do you want to talk about then?"

Alaska wasn't sure what she wanted to talk about, she didn't even know if she wanted to talk. Alaska wasn't even sure why she truly came here, "Whats your favorite color?"

"My favorite color?" he asked, almost as if he thought she was joking.

"Does it look like i'm joking? I'm as serious as a heart attack." she said honestly, letting his hand go to touch the hair that framed his face. She was jealous of how healthy and shiny it had been.

"Brown." he said as she snorted, "I'm serious, I really like it."

"I like brown too." she said, letting his hair go as she laid there, "But green is my favorite."

"What kind of green?" he kept on, not letting silence take over them and ruin it.

"All green." she said honestly, turning to look him in the eyes again, "I took a trip out of the country with my dad when I was eight, his grandparents are from there so we went to visit while mom had business meetings. They lived in a small village, it had a huge garden that I fell in love with, completely green."

"Did you like it there?" Robby asked with a hum, turning on his side as Alaska did the same.

"I did, we haven't gone back in a while." Alaska said with a small frown, "Dads been avoiding it since his grandparents passed away, now we just visit London to see his parents."

"What about your moms family?" Robby asked as Alaska gave a small sigh and bit the inside of her mouth.

"She has a sister, my Aunt Talia and her wife, Rose. They adopted a set of twins a few years ago and live over in Malibu." Alaska said with a small smile, Robby smiled back at her, "But my moms parents started being really cold to her after she was seventeen, once she graduated she got out of there pretty quick."

"What happened?" Robby asked, Alaska laughed as he gave her a look, "What? Am I pushing too much?"

"Nosey." Alaska teased, pushing his nose as she shook her head, "My mom got pregnant in high school and they were really disappointed in her, once she gave him up for adoption when he was born, they really lost respect for her."

Robby sighed as he nodded understandingly, "Have you met him?"

"No, we don't have any contact, Mom prefers not to because she sometimes regrets it. She lived in a really back area in LA, it was the last place she could raise a kid in." Alaska said honestly as she hesitated but couldn't hold herself back, "I sometimes think she hates me for it. Like, I know she's my mom and she loves me. But, sometimes I think she hates that she got to keep me but not him."

Robby moved closer to pull Alaska closer to him, "Your mom loves you, I saw it that night. She spoke so highly of you, like you were the only person on earth. Does she ever think of reaching out to him?"

"All the time." Alaska said, her hand rested on Robbys ribs as his arms stayed around her body, "She's just scared, she doesn't know if he'll hate her or if she'll hate herself."

Robby nodded his head as if he understood exactly what she was saying, "Can imagine that's hard."

"What about your family?" she asked, watching as his face flattened and his eyes suddenly went sad and pained, "I don't want to lie to you so I should probably tell you that I know my sensei is your dad."

Robbys body went stiff, making Alaska wrap him in her own arms, pulling closer, "Is that why you're here? Did he ask you to be?"

"No, no, I swear." Alaska said quickly with wide eyes, her palm laying on his back and rubbing slightly. Robby softened up under her touch, "I'm done using people, it's not who I am."

He exhaled, "Well, my dads never been involved in my life, never been around. My mom loves me, I guess, but she likes her boyfriends that last three days more."

Alaska's eyes softened, feeling bad for thinking her parents situation was messed up, "Who takes care of you then?"

Robby shrugged, Alaska rubbed the back of his neck gently, "Poor baby."

"I'm okay." he said with a small grin, "I'm here now anyways."

Alaska smiled, adjusting her body as she slowly leaned over. Robby got the hint, leaning in as well. Their lips brushed, just centimeters away from touching before Alaska pulled her head back quickly. Robby opened his eyes to give her a questionable look, clearing his throat.

"I'm sorry, it's not you." she said with a long sigh, sitting up and running a hand through her hair stressfully, "I should go."

"Wait, Alaska." Robby said, standing up with her quickly, "Don't go, what's wrong?"

"I don't want to use you again." she said honestly, "You deserve better then that."

Robby patted the spot next to him, Alaska hesitated before sitting down with a sigh. Robby held his hand out as Alaska took it, "Whats actually going on?"

Alaska sighed as she looked down, "You're a great guy, I like you. And, maybe we'd even be good together. But neither of us deserve to be a second choice, you know that just as well as I do."

"Is this about Sam and that... haircut guy?" He asked, Alaska nodded her head with a small sigh, "Do you like him more then you say you do?"

Alaska was silent for what felt like centuries before her mouth finally opened, "Yes."

Robby nodded his hand, rubbing his thumb on the back of her hand, "Why aren't you two together then?"

"Because it would mess absolutely everything up." Alaska said honestly with a sigh, finally feeling a horrible weight on her chest lifted, "I don't know if I can afford that."

"That's how I feel about me and Sam." Robby agreed as Alaska nodded understandingly, "You were right, what you said, about us."

"Well, at least we have one thing in common." Alaska said with a small grin, "Wanting our first choices even if we're their second."

Robby had to laugh at her with a nod, "Can we still talk sometimes?"

"Yeah." Alaska grinned, eyeing him softly, "And whos knows..."

She didn't finish her sentence but he understood, nodding his head, "Who knows."

Alaska gave a final grin, looking at the clock, "I should head home, my parents are throwing me a surprise party but I have to pretend like I don't know."

"Your dad invited me." Robby said as Alaska's eyes widened, "Once I got the guest list I figured it wouldn't be a smart idea."

"I can control them, but if you feel too uncomfortable you don't have to." Alaska said as Robby nodded his head, smiling. Alaska hugged him quickly, wrapping her arms around his body and rubbing his back, "I've got to go."

"I'll walk you out." he said, standing and helping her up. As he opened the door, Robby grinned at her once more, "Happy early birthday."

"Actually-" Alaska began as she looked at her watch, "You're right on time."

Robby looked to see it was midnight, flushing as he nodded to her, "Happy Birthday."

"Mom has cookouts even Sunday if you want to come by." Alaska said as she began walking off the steps, turning to look at him again, "If you're good, i'll even give you some of my wings."

"Can I finally get your number? We've got to stop meeting like this." Robby spoke with a laugh as Alaska gave a small laugh and skipped down the steps.

"Where's the fun in that?" Alaska asked, leaving him with the question, walking back down home.

•

kylie speaks

im gonna let y'all
in on a secret...
this whole chapter
was foreshadowing.
but, you didn't
hear that from me.

"if you're good" alaska,
please rail me.