The smell of hospitals.

Alaska had gotten use to it by now, gotten use to nearly everything here. She could walk through the halls with her eyes closed, knew the nurses names and what colleges they went to, know what time they left for lunch. The beeping of heart monitors was constantly imbedded in her mind now, even when she hadn't been at the hospital. But the smell, the smell lingered constantly.

"Alaska?" a new voice caught her attention. Alaska looked down the hallway quickly and found Beth, Alaska's sponsor. Beth was three years sober and had kept Alaska afloat most of the time, being the only reason she'd learned to handle bad situations without turning to drugs. While Carmen was what always brought Alaska back when she had a bad day, Beth helped her prevent them.

"Beth." Alaska said quickly as she stood up from the chair in the hallway, "What are you doing here?"

"I just left an AA meeting, wondering where you were." she said, her red hair falling around her face as she stood before the teenage girl, "How come you didn't come?"

Alaska sighed as she ran a hand through her hair, "My friends in the hospital, i'm just worried about him."

"You've been occupied, I understand that." she said with a nod, her blue eyed flickering toward the chairs as her and Alaska took a seat, "Is he doing okay?"

Alaska shook her head slowly, "He's not waking up."

Beth held Alaska's hand as the pair sat together, "Aside from worrying about your friend, are you feeling okay?"

"You mean do I have urges?" Alaska asked, Beth sighed at her bluntness but nodded, "Yeah, but at the same time I don't. I want to take the edge off and not feel a single thing but I know if I do then i'll just be leaving Miguel."

"Miguel's yours friend in there?" Beth asked as she nodded toward the door across from them. Alaska nodded as she looked down at her hands, "I don't know him, but i'm sure the last thing he'd want you to do is turn back to drugs."

"I know he wouldn't, I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I did that to him again." Alaska shook her head as she let out a sudden huff of disbelief, "He had to deal with so much of my messes, constantly. The amount of times I've shown up in the middle of the night at his house, sobbing and having withdraws. He should hate me for what I put him through, but he doesn't, he really loves me actually."

Beth stroked Alaska's hair, seeing the tears form in her eyes, "You clearly love him too if you've been spending all day here in these back acing chairs."

"He's like family to be." Alaska said with a sad look toward the closed door, "He is my family."

Beth watch Alaska's every move, "What else is going on?"

Alaska gave a sad laugh, "I'd probably have you running for the hills if I told you."

Beth gave her a grin, "Try me."

Alaska sat up straight with an inhale, "I can't sleep because i'm having the worst nightmares about the accident, one of my best friends is in a coma while the other threw me into a trophy case so we haven't spoken, my moms been lying to me for months about being in contact with her kid, i'm supposed to be treating him like we're some fucking bill board family, I haven't been able to reach Sensei Lawrence, Sensei Kreese took over the dojo and is probably going to turn all my friends into absolutely monsters, I miss karate, Aisha had to switch schools and her parents won't let any of us see her, I'm realizing my only other girlfriend is kind of terrifying, I feel guilty for shoving Sam into the fight because if I hadn't then maybe she or Miguel wouldn't have gotten hurt, I have no clue where Robby is and i'm terrified he might be dead somewhere and even though i'm really angry at him, I still care and i'm just so scared. And to make everything worse, i've been the absolutely worst girlfriend in the world and we've only been together for a week now."

Alaska inhaled as she finished her sentence. Beths eyebrows were raised as she listened, "Sounds like your going through a pretty big bump in the road right now."

"I'm just so tired of fighting it all." Alaska said honestly as she looked at the hospital floors, the lines something she'd memorized, "I keep wanting to cave in and the only thing keeping me from doing so is because I can't do that to my friends again. You didn't see their reactions when they found out, I saw it all. And now... now all four of us aren't even the same anymore and it just makes everything so much harder."

Beth grabbed her hand as Alaska looked to her, "Which friends?"

"Miguel, Demetri, and Eli." Alaska said as Beth gave a nod, "I spoke about them in group a while back."

"I remember." Beth nodded her head, looking at Alaska's hand that no longer had her badger ring, "Have you tried telling them how you're feeling?"

"Well, Miguel's in a coma and I can't so much as mention Demetri infront of Hawk without him basically having steam flying out of his ears." Alaska spoke with a sigh, her cheeks puffing out before flattening, "I don't even know if Demetri and I are friends right now. He threw me into a trophy case and we got into this huge argument over something I didn't even realize was effecting both of us."

Alaska felt some what better finally being able to speak, finally being able to get every little thing off her chest to someone who understood, "Why is it when things get hard I think drugs will make it all better? They absolutely destroyed my life, my body is ruined, why do I want to go back so bad?"

"Because they numb you, they made you feel nothing for a small bit on times. When things get hard you want to feel nothing." Beth said with a sad smile Alaska's way, "You're stronger then most are, not everyone can admit that they ruined them and have a anchor keeping them away from it."

"What if i'm losing part of my anchor though?" Alaska questioned as she looked toward Miguel's shut hospital door, "What happens if I loose all three of them in different ways?"

"Do you think you will?" Beth asked, a look in her eye that was meant for Alaska to be completely honest.

"I know I will." Alaska said as her eyes watered, "I can feel it."

"Alaska?" Eli's voice called for her as he walked into her room, the extra bag he packed, "Al?"

"I'm out here." Alaska said as as she peaked her head out from the balcony. Hawk grinned immediately when he saw her, frowned as she disappeared onto the balcony again. He shrugged his bag off, walking out to sit with her. The sunset had began, making the view from her backyard look a lot prettier then it actually was. Hawk leaned down to kiss her forehead before taking a seat by her side, "How was school?"

"The worst." Hawk complained with a huff, "Some girls said something about me wetting the bed and being thrown into the trophy case."

"Aw, i'm sorry, my love." Alaska said as she rubbed his back slightly, "I still think you're cool."

Eli grinned over as he scooted closer to her, Alaska dropped her head on his shoulder with a sigh, "Do you think i'm a bad girlfriend?"

"What?" Eli asked quickly as he attempted to look as her but failed from the way she was leaning on him, "Alaska, you're like my dream girl, shut up."

"Yeah, obviously. But I mean recently, like the past few days. I know i've been a bitch lately which is horrible timing. We're suppose to be going through the honeymoon stage of our relationship, instead it feels like we're right in the middle of a divorce and deciding who gets the dog." Alaska gave a pout as she sat up to look at him, slapping him in the arm as he only smiled.

"Okay well for one, Cedric would choose me over you any day. And two, a lots gone on. It's shitty timing but it's not like we planned it that way. We're both upset over Miguel, we just show it differently." Hawk explained to her, looping his arm around her shoulder as she leaned into his touch more, "Its not like i've been a great boyfriend either."

"You pretty much moved in with me just to comfort me for two seconds once a night, I think you qualify as a pretty good boyfriend." Alaska said with a knowing look, earning a laugh as she grinned at the noise, "When things fall into place better we can start over, maybe not get in the middle of a huge school fight just eight hours after we make it official in the backseat of my old car."

"Yeah, maybe we shouldn't do that this time." he agreed with a smile, Alaska's legs flew across his lap as her hand took his gently, the other on his neck that still had a very vague A mark in a very light red shade. She stopped herself from leaning forward and darkening it again, "What do we even do in a relationship?"

"What? You've been in a relationship before." Alaska laughed as she gave him a look of disbelief.

"Yeah but we've pretty much already done all that couple stuff when we were just friends." Eli said as Alaska realized he was right, nodding her head as her eyes danced around in questioning.

"But it's kinda different now." Alaska said as he gave her a odd look, "Like when we were just friends and held hands, it's different when we hold hands as a couple."

"In a bad way?" Hawk asked quickly, adjusting himself to look at her better.

"No!" Alaska said back quickly, brown eyes wide as her hands flew up quickly, "It's just like..."

Alaska waved her hands around wildly as she trailed off, "Like that now."

"How was it before?" Eli questioned, holding back a laugh at her hand motions.

"Like.." she trailed off, using her hands in a much slower way but still wild, "Like that."

Hawk grinned as he held her hands softly, his eyes doing the innocent look she always liked. He looked like just Eli for a moment, nervous. Alaska sensed his anxiety, a hand pressing to the side of his face with worried eyes, "People at school... what if they start-"

"They're not." she cut him off quickly, knowing he was talking about how students started making fun of him for the water bed situation, "I'm not gonna let them."

"Are you coming back to school?" he asked her hopefully, head tucking into her neck. Alaska flinched slightly when his hair stabbed her in the eye, twisting her head to get a better position for the pair, "Please? I miss you."

Alaska had to smile, his voice gentle rather then the forced anger and hard tone he'd gotten into the habit of using. Alaska left him hanging a moment, hoping the moment would last a little longer as she stroked his back, "Yeah, i'll come back."

Eli didn't say anything, just moving closer so she could hold him better.

•

kylie speaks

yes, the
chapters are
going to be
filled with as
many canon
couple energy as
possible considering
episode five will
creep up on us and
i'm already missing
this.

alaska finna go
wild about robby
next chapter, prepare
yourself.

BONNIE WRIGHT
IS 100% THE
FACE CLAIM
FOR BETH AND
STEVEN YEUN AS
ZANE AND LAVERNE
COX AS GINA!