CRUEL SUMMER
018 | ache

ACHE, Renee's body ached: her eyes from how tightly she had scrunched them together as she cried herself to sleep. Her legs aching from the force in which she fell onto them last night. But her heart had the greatest ache of all, because a massive part of it was now missing.

After JJ left was a blur. She remembered Lennon, her new white knight — she remembered Lennon sitting on the floor of  the chateau holding her hands as he helped his little sister.

" what happened Ren?" Lennon would ask, hovering close to the girl who was still crying as she shook her head.

" JJ-" is all she could say. Blubbering between words as she rocked herself back and forth
" we broke up"

Renee's body ached — aching for the one thing she couldn't have any more. The sheer sheet of a duvet sat over her as daylight broke.

The light splintering from her window, a slight comfort until her mind allowed her to remember the times JJ had climbed through those doors.

A half drank glass of water on the side table beside her as she sat herself up and took a sip, it was still cold as she let it run down her dry throat.

She felt alone, a feeling she had encountered before but it felt like she was drowning in it now.

Renee missed the feeling of his body beside her, his fingers running through her hair. She missed him and it had been hours since they spoke last.

She rubbed her eyes and exhaled. Reaching for the phone that was connected to a charging lead on the floor — an influx of missed calls and unread text messages but none from the one person she wished they were from.

CONTACT: kie❤️‍🔥

kie❤️‍🔥
girl r u ok?
(4:21pm)

kie❤️‍🔥
let me know ur alive please ❤️
( 6:53pm)

kie❤️‍🔥
hey, do you know what's going on with JJ?

kie❤️‍🔥
we just saw him  and he's not good
( 9:45pm)

kie❤️‍🔥
what? u guys broke up?
(10:04pm)

kie❤️‍🔥
where the hell are you Ren?

Ren🫶🏼
at home

kie❤️‍🔥
she's alive!

kie❤️‍🔥
wtf why are you not at the chateau?

Ren🫶🏼
Lennon picked me up

kie❤️‍🔥
need me to pick you back up?

Ren🫶🏼
I think I'm just gonna avoid the chateau at the moment, think I need to spend some time here

kie❤️‍🔥
what? on figure eight?
Ok, let me know if you need anything

Ren🫶🏼
thank you

kie❤️‍🔥
love you

Ren🫶🏼
<3

CONTACT : lennon🧍🏼‍♂️

lennon
trying to give your space or whatever but can you text me you're alive when you wake up?

lennon
I don't know what happened between you two but he's an idiot

lennon
love you

Renee slipped out of bed, turning her phone off as she reached for a sweater that didn't belong to JJ — before walking out of the bedroom.

She looked at the living room where Lennon sat on the sofa, then glancing at the girl who sat beside him. Maisie Matthews sat in one of his college hoodies with her head rested on his chest.

" so this is back on again I see?" Renee hummed, catching their attention as Lennon straightened his posture. Renee flashed the elder Matthew's child a smile which the mousy blonde soon returned.

Maisie looked at Lennon who nodded " yeah, it is." he hummed, although the girl on his chest didn't hear the hesitance on his lips. Like his sister did who nodded and walked into the kitchen.

She opened the refrigerator door, reaching for the orange juice. Noticing the heavy footsteps of her brother approaching " hey, you good?"

Renee turned her head, met by the concerned look that lingered in her brother's eyes in a similar way it did in her own. She just pushed her lips together " yeah, I'm good."

She spoke unconvincingly, the makeup under eyes still smudged by her waterline, her nose still red. the skin under nose raw and her throat too.

Lennon tilted his head " Ren, come on- talk to me." he said, the girl exhaled and looked at him shrugging " we broke up, the world will continue to spin like it always has."

Lennon's eyes squinted, watching as his sister just took a sip of her drink. Something different about her, although she didn't wear it on her sleeve. It was obvious something had changed.

Maybe it was in her eyes — they didn't have that spark they use to. Whatever flame had ignited in them since birth had well and truly lost its energy.

Renee shook her head, " I'm gonna head out for a bit, hang out with some people I haven't seen a while." she said, placing down her glass and beginning to walk towards the staircase.

" what if I need to get ahold of you?" Lennon huffed as Renee exhaled " I'll be in the neighbourhood don't worry."

This made the boys brows furrow even further " wait? you're hanging out with kooks?"

To that Renee let out a laugh, " don't act so surprised." she hummed like it was no big deal.

RENEE WRAPPED THE JACKET TIGHTER AROUND HER, folding her arms as she pulled her hand away from the doorbell.

Her eyes inspected the house, she couldn't remember who last lived here — she hadn't been keeping up with the whereabouts of the kooks for the last couple years.

Her eyes widened in response to Jaylee walking towards the door, eyes watching the blonde who stood on the porch. Renee pulled her lips together to make a smile as the door opened.

" Renee, hi!" Jaylee smiled, the slight surprise in her voice evident as the blonde pushed some hair back.

" sorry, I know it's early but I just—" she took a breath, "wanted to hang out or something?"

Jaylee tried to not let the confusion she was feeling contort her face. But it did slightly, Renee could see the furrow of her brows or slight scrunch on her nose.

The brunette nodded " yeah sure, come in." she smiled; stepping aside as Renee walked in. The house was pretty, a few unpacked boxes sat in the corners but for the most part it looked like a home.

She exhaled, following Jaylee through the house. Until reaching the other three people who sat around a dining table. A normal and seemingly happy family. They smiled as they noticed Renee who gently smiled back.

" moms, this is Renee Lowe." she introduced to the two middle aged women who already knew who the girl stood awkwardly in their living room was, " she lives down the street and goes to school with me."

Renee lifted her hand and waved, " hi, nice to meet you guys." she said, the woman still smiling.

" nice to meet you too, any friend of Jay's is a welcome guest here any time." One of them said, dark curly hair that was half up and half down. She was in a blue long dress.

Renee smiled, genuinely this time. As Jaylee took her by the arm and lead her to the kitchen island where any array of various pancakes and toppings sat displayed as Renee couldn't help but let her stomach rumble.

" you hungry? ." Jaylee spoke, " mom went a bit over the top today so plenty for you." she said as Renee smiled and even let out a small amount of laughter.

" I forgot to have breakfast before I left, but I couldn't impose." Jaylee gave the blonde a look.

Nudging her shoulder gently " don't be silly, half of this will be leftover anyways."

" I do feel like I could eat anything at this point." she told the raven haired girl who chuckled.

" feel free to have it all."

RENEE WALKED DOWN THE MAINSTREET OF KILDARE. it felt nice, getting out of the house. It felt nice doing something other than something in the pursuit of the gold or ward or Rafe.

It felt nice to just walk around, with no real purpose or objective. Jaylee walked beside her, as they stood on the front of one of the stores.

Renee hadn't thought this through, the after effects of the break up that being.The pogues were a family and JJ and herself had ripped it apart.

Could she even be a pogue anymore? They were JJ's friends first it was JJ's thing first. And Sarah, would most likely take the pogues side considering she was still dating John B.

Her breakup with JJ felt like a one way ticket back to figure eight and exile from yet another one of her friend groups. Maybe she just wanted to make it look like her own idea to return to figure eight before she was exiled to it.

" so what do you want to do?" Jaylee hummed, skimming through whatever streaming service she was on now.

" retail therapy sounds like a good idea" Renee stated, exhaling as Jaylee smiled.

" my mom owns the new boutique." Jaylee hums, " apparently it used to be some coffee shop but the owners moved away."

Renee flickered her eyes to the store, " I didn't even realise that placed closed." she said, having not really been paying attention to the news of Kildare for a while.

The last few months she had been preoccupied, her mind too busy to even think about anything other than the pogues and the gold.

There was as a buzz in Renee's pocket, she could feel the vibrations of her phone. It wasn't the first time it had gone off since leaving her house this morning.

A part was avoiding it because she didn't want to be there at the moment, knowing she'd have to be with JJ. And the other part of her was kind of enjoying not being on a gold hunt, a part of her actually liked just being carefree.

Jaylee looked at her " maybe you should answer it." she hummed " it might be important."

Renee exhaled, picking it up and seeing a few unread texts from Pope, " uh- it's Pope." she told Jaylee who nodded.

The blonde smiled flatly as she took a few steps ahead of Jaylee, swiping the phone.

" finally! I was starting to think you'd been kidnapped." Popes voice was exasperated, Renee shaking her head.

" nope, just nursing a broken heart." she hummed, hearing the momentary silence on Pope's side.

There was a soft exhale " is that why you're not answering because of whatever is going on between you two?" he asked.

The blonde huffed " there is no 'us two' anymore, from now on me and JJ are two completely different entities."

"Look, I know the chateau is like a no-go for you at the moment." she heard him breathe out, almost hesitant to say anything.

" Heyward, spit it out." she hummed " I'm a big girl, I can take whatever it is."

Another moment of silence " John B's here, released on all charges allegedly— to be honest I don't think he's entirely sure what's going on either."

" look Pope, if this is some ploy to get me over there and lock me in the bathroom with JJ-" Renee hummed, soon cut off by whatever distant sound Pope had reached his phone to.

It was cracking, but it was him. So clearly the voice of John B as Renee can feel her lips curve up in a wide smile as she realises she was on the wrong side of the island entirely.

" be there as soon as I can." she hummed, hanging up as she looked at Jaylee.

" I-I have to go-" Renee stuttered, Jaylee looking up from her phone at the blondes sudden urgency , " everything ok?" Jaylee asks.

" Family emergency, but thank you so much for the pancakes and letting me come over." She grinned, looking over to Jaylee who looked slightly saddened by her quick exit " thanks Jay, for everything I'll text you later on." she offered as Jaylee smiled.

" yeah that's good, I heard there's a party tonight if you wanna come with me?" she offered as Renee nodded.

" yeah-yeah I'll keep you updated." Renee called back as she quickly to the cut.

THE ATTENTION THAT SURROUNDED JOHN B'S NEWFOUND FREEDOM, was soon deterred to the absence of his right hand woman which anyone was yet to mention.

" ayo, where's Ren at?" John B noticed the thick tension clouding through the three pogues, JJ's smile dropping as well as awkward glances shared between Pope and Kiara who exhaled.

" she ain't been around." JJ muttered, John B squinted his eyes in confusion that Pope soon cleared up for them all.

" Ren and JJ, they uh-" John B looked even more confused than ever at what happened in the three days that he had been gone " they broke up."

His eyes widened whilst JJ's went glassy although he dipped his head " what? When?" he questioned.

" Last night." JJ coughed up, his hands tucked into his pockets. " I called it off." he lied, sniffling like it was nothing.

Like he hadn't been missing her all day, he had come back to the chateau that night — insistent to make it work. But when he stormed in calling out for the girl he loved, she wasn't there.

He had spent the last twelve missing every single little thing about her.

John B furrowed his eyebrows " what? You've been in love with that girl for years what could have happened-"

" It doesn't matter!" JJ snapped, the wound still fresh over his heart " it's done bro, me and Ren it's finished."

And as if summoned, the blondes aching feet subsided as she approached the gravel drive to the chateau.

" oh my god!" The familiar voice called from up the drive, John B turning as everyone's eyes met Renee — even JJ who felt his stomach churn slightly, growing more and more anxious.

She picked up her pace and quickly jogged towards her best friend who grinned back at her.

" when I heard you were out, I thought it was some sort of sick joke but I just had to see it for myself." John B smiled at his friend who was tearing up in front of him.

" oh my god." she repeated, bringing John B into a hug — tightening her grip on him as the familiar scent of Renee's mango shampoo stung JohnB's nostrils. John B laughed as he lifted the girl up and spun her around.

" man, I've missed you so fucking much!" she told him, repeating her last actions and pulled him into another hug, " please don't be accused of another murder again." she exhaled as John B nodded.

" you know, I didn't really intend for it to happen the first time." John B smiled as Renee shook her head and looked back to the others.

Eyes almost immediately falling to JJ. He was looking at her with the same amount of hurt that she was giving him. Both sets of eyes watering before Renee broke the eye contact.

" Pope said you've been hanging on figure eight." JJ hummed, Pope nudged him as Kiara looked between JJ and Renee.

" yeah, I live there." Renee hummed, as JJ nodded his head.

" so what,you a kook again now?" he asked, Renee looking at him with eyes that made him regret what he said almost instantly.

It was clear how much this was already effecting the whole group, it was all so awkward — nobody knew what to say anymore; what they could say.

" you know what? I'm just gonna go the bathroom." she exhaled, her voice shaky slightly. Patting John B on the shoulder, " be right back."

Watching as the blonde turned, avoiding all eye contact with JJ as she walked with a steady pace towards the house. Her pace picking up as she reached the steps to the back porch.

It was coming. Another round of tears — her hands shaking as her breaths were increasingly becoming heavier. Reaching the bathroom her fingers clenched around the sink edge. Her head bowing as the sobs exited her mouth and the tears dropped into the basin.

She moved one hand to hover over her mouth as she silenced her sobs that were gaining noise with each one that slipped past her lips.

Renee hated this, the hurt that piled in her chest that sent sharp pains whenever she breathed, her heart literally feeling as if it was broken from the inside — breaking down in the bathroom.

The collision of knuckles against the door made her stand up, wiping her bloodshot eyes as she exhaled.

" yeah?" she called out, trying to not sound like she had been obviously crying only made it more apparent that she had been crying.

The door opened, and the curly haired brunette stepped in. Her lips downturn as she noticed her best friend who looked completely different when compared to the one she knew.

Kiara didn't need to say anything, taking the blonde in her arms as Renee fought back yet another round of tears. Tightening her grip on her friend as a shaky breath left her lips.

Neither didn't talk. They stood under the twitching light of the single bulb of John B's bathroom, one holding the other tight enough that she didn't fall apart.

Kiara would ask, what exactly happened between her and JJ — so bad that it had broken them apart. But not right now. Right now, she would hold Renee a little tighter than she usually would.

AUTHORS NOTE.
Renee's a mess rn but she's my mess <3

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