CRUEL SUMMER
021, SINGLE CLEANSING

" I FEEL LIKE A ONE-NIGHT STAND." is what Sarah says when she notices Renee slipping back on her clothes from last night, leaving the pajamas of Sarah's she borrowed neatly folded on the chest of drawers.

The blonde turns around, looking at her friend who sniffles and wipes her nose again. Renee shakes her head " I didn't want to wake you, it's a miracle you even fell asleep last night." Renee hums.

Sarah sits up slightly " well, did you sleep when your dad died?" Sarah says, taking Renee by slight surprise as the blonde shakes her head.

" um, I think I stayed in a motel for a week, I couldn't sleep at home." She tells Sarah. It was horrible, stiff bed, most likely roaches crawling in the walls. It wasn't the ritz by any means — but it wasn't down the hall from the room where her dad used to sleep, so she could sleep. It wasn't a good sleep, but she could at least sleep.

And Renee tilts her head " and then, I crashed with John B at the chateau- and as we know," she softly smiles " the rest is history."

Sarah nods, another sniffle " are you going over there?" she says, Renee looking away from Sarah as she shakes her head.

" I think I need time away." Renee tells her, not looking at the furrowed brows of Sarah's face although it doesn't matter when the girl from the bed hums a " why?"

Renee turns her head " I kissed JJ yesterday." Noticing the slightly widening of Sarah's eyes " it was on the cheek, nothing R-rated but-"

She takes a breath " I've built everything around him, he's my safety net — every bad thing that has happened to me I run to him for, when I think of safety I think of him and stupid chunky boats and his hats and the scent of that stupid surf wax he drowns his board in, how safe I feel with him."

Sarah notices the shaking in her voice that Renee doesn't as she shakes her head " and he can't anymore, he's not my boyfriend so he can't be my safety blanket."

" so you're just going to stop being a pogue?" Sarah asks which forces a scoff from Renee's throat, as she looks to her friend.

"I don't think you can just stop being a pogue" she tells her, " we just need time, time away— I need time away from it all."

Renee notice how Sarah nods her head, " that's actually not a bad idea." she hums.

Renee keeps her shoes off, climbing back onto the sheets of the side of the bed she slept on. Muttering a ' come here' to her friend who snuggled herself in the arms of the blonde.

" you know I would stay-" Renee exhales as Sarah nods " don't worry, I don't want to be in the same house as Rafe either." she tells her.

Renee squeezed her arms around her friend, burrowing her head into the crook of her neck, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

" I love you." Renee whispers as Sarah sniffles again,

" I love you more." she says, and Renee smiles "and I'm here, if you need anything."

Sarah nods her head again, as the sound of the door slamming shut makes a slight shiver run down Renee's back — " I better go." she says, letting go of Sarah.

She nods, watching as the blonde slips on her shoes and walks over to the bedroom door.

Opening it as she turns, " really, if you need anything-" she tells Sarah who jokingly rolls her eyes.

" please go and do your single cleansing." Renee laughs softly as she nods, doing a playful salute before sliding out.

She knew Tanny hill like muscle memory, walking down the steps and past the kitchen. Her body stopping as she notices his frame in the doorway.

He's got a bottle of beer in his hands, despite it being only ten in the morning. Renee can see the tear tracks that lead from his eyes, cautiously stepping closer.

Her arms fold against her chest as she exhales, " I'm sorry about your dad." His head turns to look at the blonde who lingers in the hallway.

Rafe scoffs " I bet you're glad he's dead." he hummed, " you and your friends hated him."

Renee steps closer, shaking her head " don't say that. I would never wish for someone to lose their dad, and I'm saying that from experience."

Rafe lifted his eyes watching her, sniffling before lifting the bottle back to his lips — he didn't say anything', instead he just watched her.

She stepped forward, lifting a hand as she hesitated to place it on the material of his T-shirt that covered his upper arm, " he was proud of you Rafe, and I know half the shit he did because he loved you."

She watched as his gaze softened slightly looking at her, yet he didn't say anything — Renee nodded her head, slipping past his body in the front door.

Renee didn't turn back around when she walked towards the open gates of Tanny Hill — but Rafe didn't take his eyes off of her until she was out of sight.

Slipping into her own front door, Renee letting out a small sigh of relief that nor her brother or mom were in. Slipping off her shoes as she walked up to her room.

The bed unmade, the crumbled tissues still lying on the floor of the bathroom. JJ's belongings still scattered around the room — her hands palm her face as she exhales.

It feels like a crime scene — his shirts on the floor, his shower gel in her shower, his caps on the dresser. Renee felt as if she was treading on treacherous ground. Like she's not meant to be here, like she's  meant to just close this door and never come back to it again.

Renee can't deny that  the watering of her eyes isn't allergies as she moves to her closest — immediately being able to see his clothes piled on the floor. Because when JJ technically moved in he didn't want to take up closet space. So a pile of his belongings just sit on the floor, in his best attempt to keep it neat. But JJ's messy, and until today he's always been her mess.

Her movements closer are hesitant, eventually crouching beside the pile. fingers pinching the material of one of his shirts — lifting it to her nose and inhaling. Unable to hide my disappointment when it smells more like the Landry detergent that her mum uses than it does him, her safety blanket.

" stupid stupid." Renee mumbles lowly  to myself, throwing the T-shirt back down — tilting her head upwards as she blows out a puff of air.

Eyes clenching shut as she mentally prepares herself for what's she's about to do, interrupted by the sound of her brother's voice.

" you know you don't have to move on yet?" Lennon hums, his little sister turning to look at him, " it's been what? three days?" he hums as Renee shakes her head.

"No, I need to." she assures herself " being with him all the time and having all his stuff here isn't helping me move on."

Lennon leans into the doorway " and is that what you what? to move on?" he asks as Renee feels the downturn of her lips.

Renee nods her head, gathering as much of his clothing as she can as she stands up to face her brother " yes, yes I do."

Pushing past and placing them on the small sofa pushed against the wall. In their unkept state they all tumble slightly as Renee turns around flashing her brother a smile who still looks unsure at her.

She lets out this exasperated exhale " Lennon, I am fine." she says in an effort to convince herself as well as her brother, " I'm seventeen, breaking up with your boyfriend is normal!"

He stays silent, still furrowing his brows — able to see the way that Renee's smile twitches in the corners like a glitch in the mask that she's wearing. Unlike Renee who actually believes herself as being fine.

But instead of fighting her on it, he just nods " if you're so fine, I'm guessing you're going to the bonfire tonight?" he hums, leaning up from the doorway.

Renee furrows her brow, mentally trying to figure out when exactly it became the night that the bonfire happens — it happened every year, the same weekend. But still, the sensation of time slipping from her became apparent as she just looked at her brother with a smile.

" since when have I ever missed the bonfire?"

AUTHORS NOTE.
so...ren, JJ & fletch at the same party? definitely no drama here 😙