𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐒.
chapter forty-nine; Parental Authority
" The thing about kids, Dixon. . . you're gonna have to break their heart a million times to keep them safe. "

  IT WAS SO quiet. Uneasily quiet. The only sounds left in the forest this late were the occasional leaves brushing together, and an animal scurry or chirp. No walkers. No people. No gunfire or voices.

  Vex had only insisted she keep watch for this. For the silence.

  Feeling the loneliness clawing at her chest was fine here. On the front steps in the dark.

  Feeling it when she was inside, surrounded by people she knew and cared for was brutal.

  She was lost in thought, staring out into the dark trees, her nail running in the scratches on her rifle.

  Vex was brought to attention when a twig snapped loudly, announcing a presence.

  She stood, lifting her rifle, peering through the same scope that had framed threats to her country.

  Now those familiar crosshairs were pointing to a man she knew. Despite the distortion of color and the leaves still in front of half his face.

  She knew it was him from the way he walked, from the outline of his shoulders. Vex knew it was Daryl by the crossbow hanging in his hand, by the vest on his frame, from the slightest movement in his face.

  And the second he emerged from the thick forest, he knew it was her pointing her rifle at him in the dark.

  "You're caught in my crosshairs again."

  "You just like lookin' at me."

  Vex lowered her gun, looking at him without a filter this time.

  He was there. Returning to her, like perhaps he always would. He looked tired, a little less full of life than he had become, but Vex noted the way he looked at her.

  Like he finally found the thing he was searching for, like despite it all he had a little bit more comfort now.

  It took her seconds before she let go of the rifle, letting it hang at her side as she ran to him. She swore she saw his lips tug upward as she collided with him, her arms wrapping around him tightly.

  Daryl didn't hesitate to lift his own around her waist, holding her in a tight hug.

  "You coulda left a damn note," She grumbled, but her voice was tight with emotion.

  "Didn't have time," Daryl breathed.

  Vex scoffed, pulling away but leaving her hands on his shoulders. The woman looked him over for injuries, before meeting his gaze again.

  "Carol?"

  Daryl's expression tightened, looking back to the forest as his hands slid away from Vex.

  "Come on out."

  The figure that emerged was not Carol, but an unfamiliar boy. He was young and lanky, he looked tired, perhaps injured.

  "This is Noah," Daryl said, his gruff voice stealing Vex's attention away, "He was with Beth in Atlanta."

🗡

  Zeppelin had been glued to Daryl Dixon's side since she woke up that morning to him whispering with her mother. She had little shame for the childish action, and even less care once she heard the conversations transpiring between the group.

  About the hospital. About Beth. About Carol.

  Every new detail made Zeppelin sink further into Daryl's side, protesting the idea of reality once Rick and her mother departed to start talking about a rescue mission.

  "You can't leave again."

  Daryl glanced down at Zeppelin who was curled into a comically small ball under his arm, her own wide eyes staring up at him.

  "Got to," Daryl said. "For Beth and Carol."

  Zeppelin pursed her lips into a tight frown, averting her gaze and resting her head on his collarbone.

  The man himself frowned, unsure of what else to say. The group had already dispersed, picking apart the church to reinforce security outside, so he couldn't give Vex a questioning look to step in.

  It wasn't that Daryl didn't want to talk to Zeppelin, or that the conversation was a daunting one.

  It was the simple fact that Daryl didn't know how to deal with a kid looking up at him like he hung the moon. He'd been around Carl for years now, been around Lizzie and Mika and Sophia-- hell, even Beth was a kid in his eyes.

  But he had never taken on a bigger role, especially following Sophia's fate.

  He kept his distance. He tried to, at least.

  But Zeppelin had crossed that distance a long time ago. She wasn't just some kid that he traveled with and looked out for. She wasn't even a kid that had recently wormed her way into her heart the way Beth Greene had.

  Zeppelin was about as close to family as Daryl Dixon had ever felt.

  Not to say that Rick wasn't his brother, or that he wouldn't call Glenn, Maggie, Carol, Dean, and everyone else in that church his family. Just to say that Zeppelin was different. She would choose to sit with him, always. She would go to him for comfort and advice.

  She would ask him to say, even though it was selfish, just because she liked him.

  And he wasn't sure what to say, because a part of it felt like he was getting too comfortable with that. Too comfortable talking to Zeppelin like she was his kid, instead of a kid. It wasn't his place, he would remind himself, to chastise her for sneaking out of bed at night and watching out of windows. It wasn't his place to teach her to shoot a bow and hunt squirrels in the woods. It wasn't his place to raise her, to shape her views and opinions. It wasn't his place because he wasn't her father, and even if he was, he sure as hell didn't know how to be a good one.

  "I'm comin' back."

  Zeppelin looked up at him again, her wide eyes full of an innocent sparkling hopefulness Daryl had only seen a few times in his life.

  "Never lost."

  Daryl's chest tightened as she waited expectantly for him to speak the words he had only heard her share with Vex.

  "Always found."

  Zeppelin smiled, curling impossibly further into his side.

  Daryl figured one day it would get ruined. One day, he would screw it up. But for right now, Daryl pulled his arm tighter around the girl and rested his head on top of hers and he let himself exist in that feeling.

  Because even if it wasn't his place, Daryl loved her.

  "Tryna skip out on working, huh?"

  Zeppelin's head snapped up, a small smile on her lips as Vex stood over them, resting an organ pipe on her shoulder.

  "Can I do some?" Zeppelin asked eagerly, slipping out from under Daryl's arm.

  "Hell yeah you can," Vex grinned, "Uncle Dean's setting these up outside--"

  Vex laughed as Zeppelin grabbed the pipe from her hand and hurried to the front of the church in search of her uncle. The woman shook her head, before looking at Daryl who was already staring up at her.

  "And you, Dixon?" Vex questioned, raising a brow.

  "She doesn't want me to go back to Atlanta."

  The words came out before he could register them; Daryl momentarily believed they hadn't even come from his mouth. But once Vex's expression sobered, and she lowered herself onto the ground beside him, he knew he'd been the one to say them.

  "I fucked up," Vex began with a breath, glancing at the man before looking to the ground, "I. . . flew off the handle while you were gone. Think it put her on edge."

  Daryl furrowed his brows.

  "It's a long story," She answered the unasked question, "I was ready to take off and find you alone. Zep stopped me. . . she told me. . . a little bit about what happened while we were all separated. . . I dunno if you were with her yet, but--"

  "I was."

  Vex's eyes met his instantly.

  "I was there," Daryl said tightly, "I couldn't protect her."

  Her mind was reeling. Half of Vex wanted to slap Daryl, and the other half wanted to reassure him. Zeppelin had spared the details, but the information that her daughter had to kill someone was enough for Vex to understand it had been a dire situation.

  "They had Rick and Michonne at gunpoint," Daryl continued, "One was on top of Carl, the other with Zep."

  "And where were you?"

  Daryl had carried the guilt silently, but staring into the quiet anger of Vex Williams, he was drowning in it.

  "Getting the shit beat outta me."

  Vex blinked.

  "She was. . . screamin'. . ." Daryl said, his voice cracking briefly, "For you--"

  "--I don't need to know that," Vex snapped.

  "I got to her when she was already. . ." Daryl continued, "He was already dead."

  His eyes met hers; Daryl could see she was angry. Simmering just beneath the surface. And he was so sure his face was giving all his guilt away, but when it came to Vex and Zeppelin there was very little he could do to hide it.

  "I'm sorry."

  "Daryl—"

  "You told me once that if anything happened to her when she was with me—"

  "I'd skin you alive," Vex supplied almost tiredly, easily recalling the threat she'd spoken all that time ago on the Greene family farm. "I remember."

  Back when she didn't know or like Daryl Dixon at all. Back before they stayed up to keep watch and spilled secrets away from the group. Before Vex watched his back as much as he watched hers. Before things had changed so very much.

  "I raised her to be strong because she was born into a hostile family," Vex said, "She never got the chance to be a kid. I think you know what that's like."

  Daryl felt a surge of emotion, and even he didn't know if it was anger or sadness.

  "She'll talk to me about it when she's ready to," Vex said, "Until then, or until she processes it on her own, she's gonna be on edge about anyone leaving. Anyone she cares about. And the people that she loves. . . she'll ask them to stay."

  Daryl tightened his lips, meeting Vex's eyes again.

  "Most of the time, we can't," Vex said, her voice turning gentler, "But we'll always tell her we'll come back. That we'll find her. . . The thing about kids, Dixon. . . you're gonna have to break their heart a million times to keep them safe. And even then, sometimes, you'll fall short. You won't have enough time in the day, you'll be just a second too late, you'll forget their favorite brand of cookies, or their shoe size, or what their favorite color is that week. You're gonna disappoint them. Pretending you won't is denying reality."

  Vex smiled tightly at him.

  "We can't save her from everything. From other people, from feeling alone, from being left when we have to go take care of shit," Vex said, her smile faltering, "All we can do is try and make sure she has everything she needs for when we aren't there. For when we disappoint her."

  Daryl nodded, but his expression told Vex he was listening, absorbing it. With pinched brows and tight lips; he heard what she was saying, and was trying to accept it.

  "She loves you, Daryl," Vex said softly, "And you have to know by now I trust you with her. If something terrible happens, you have to know that I already understand you did everything you could to protect her."

  A heavy lump formed in Daryl Dixon's throat for two reasons. The first was that Vex Williams said Zeppelin loved him, which he never believed he was worthy of. The second was because he knew Vex like the back of his own hand. Which meant he knew her trusting him with Zeppelin was Vex's way of saying she trusted him with herself, too.

  "You're a good mom."

   Vex breathed out a laugh, pushing herself to her feet.

  "Depends on who you ask," She attempted to joke.

  "Better than mine," Daryl noted, staring up at her for a moment. "Better than most of 'em that I've seen."

  Vex looked down at him for a moment, before holding out a hand. Daryl accepted it, allowing Vex to pull him to his feet.

  "For what it's worth," Vex said, almost hesitantly, "You'd make a pretty good parent, too, Dixon."

  Daryl only stared. His mouth ran dry, unable to form a single word. Vex gave him another tight smile, gently squeezing his arm in passing as she started toward the door of the building.

  Because Daryl had never thought about being a parent. Never dreamed about it, or had it as a passing idea. He didn't even really know what a good dad was supposed to look like, so how was he supposed to want to be that?

  But as Daryl Dixon turned, watching Vex exit the church and light up as Zeppelin leaped into her arms, dragging the woman down with her weight, he felt his lips tug up into an almost smile.

  And he wondered when he had changed so much, and how he hadn't noticed it until now.