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'This isn't happening. This isn't happening.'

What a spiral you've gone through. And in such a short period of time. New record.

'The facts don't connect, they don't align, and I'm already aware they don't make sense. This can't be real.' You clutched your head with both hands. Hair spilling between your fingers, palms pressing your temples as if that could stop the thinking. 'This isn't happening. This isn't--no, shut up, shut up!' You knew if you kept thinking, you'd end up panicking. Which is exactly what was happening. You were shaking in a cold sweat.

Your heart throbbed in your ears and your breathing became irregular. You were overlooking everything. I mean, everything. But seriously, who wouldn't? It's such a confusing situation. Once again, you were at home, in the snow, then in a palace with a weird dude who crushed you and just left. Who has also, never once offered you help. Yeah, no, only comfort. 'You'll get out of this. You'll be able to get out. Just breathe!' As simple as that sounded, you were not in a place where you were up for listening.

'Stop! Stop freaking the fuck out! We can get out! We can get out of this!' You bit your bottom lip to suck in a breath of air through your nose. You repeated this cycle until your heartbeat slowed down a couple of beats. It made your foggy mind climb out of the clouds of rushing thoughts. 'Just... We should leave.' You turned to the door.

You have free will, don't you? So why are you still here? Just leave!

You sighed deeply. You don't even have shoes on. But sure, let's go back out. This palace is deserted on a fucking lake! You'll just end up in another house or flat out, dead in the snow, genius!

But was staying here any better?

You were wishing, on all that was holy, for a road to be nearby. So, you're going to take your chances. You marched up to the door and opened it.

...What the fuck?

You were expecting that same tree, that huge and beautiful one, but instead, you had a solid chest planted right in front of you. You snapped your head up. "Sup!"

God dammit.

Your heart dropped. The last thing--person--you wanted to see, was right in front of you. And he was blocking your path. Douma grinned joyfully, flashing his pristine white canines. "I had a feeling you'd be back up!" You stepped back from the door. He took that opportunity to mosey his way back in. "How are you feeling?"

Honestly, like shit.

You didn't give him that answer. Instead, you gave him a scowl and retorted, "How do you think?"

He was clearly aware of your predicament and strong emotions towards it. So you're sure he'd be able to piece together that answer he wanted. He cocked his head to the side. "I'd say grumpy... Because you're hungry!" He shrugged, "Don't worry, your food will be ready in a quick minute." Yeah, and you'll be out in a quick minute.

You eyed him up and down. He's really acting happy now. Like your previous meeting never occurred. Still no apology or explanation? Yeah, you're out. "I'm sorry, I'll have to pass on the food." You slipped your foot over one another to reach the exit. Confusion decorated his face from this. "Oh? I didn't take you as one to pass up on food!" He laughed. You came to a halt.

Did he just subtly call you big?

"May I ask why?" He was onto you. His eyes dragged over your body then to the open door. But what did it matter? He can't keep you here. You brushed off his small remark and answered, "I'm leaving."

You caught the smile he wore; twitch down. He crossed an arm over his chest and placed his elbow upon it. He pressed his index finger to his cheek. "So soon? I don't mean to pry, but where to?" His voice was upbeat, packed with curiosity. To you, it sounded like he was taunting you. Subtly, again. A queasy feeling swelled in your gut.

You didn't have an answer. He knew. "I called someone. They're going to pick me up." You lied right through your teeth. Why? You're not sure. He can't deny your leave. But you felt as if that was needed. He raised his brows. He reached behind his back. "Called?" You flinched as he reeled his arm back and snapped something big open. You coughed. It was a huge golden fan. With decorative lotus flowers engraved into the material. Painted pink, purple, and green. It was spotless and shining. You could see your reflection in it. Oh god, you got a bad feeling about this. "Did you? I didn't hear any voices coming from this room."

'I feel like I'm breathing underwater! Why can't I breathe?!' Your lungs are oppressed under some kind of stress. The room started to spin. "...I need to go." You fled to the door. It was only a couple of steps away, but Douma crept past you with silent and swift steps. In just a matter of two seconds, he was in front of you, blocking the door. To prevent walking into his chest, you froze. You shivered under his eyes. Your fingertips were cold and tingling, like they weren't even there. Your feet ached, wishing to flee but your body was paralyzed. 'I can't move.' You forced your head up to meet his daunting stare. He wore a broad grin, with a pink blush coating his pale cheeks. The golden fan was right under his chin, fanning delicately over his flushed face.

"I can't let you leave, you silly thing! You'll only end back in the snow." He placed his heavy hand on your shoulder, beckoning you to turn around. "Plus you're not all up to health yet! Why don't you sit back down?" Your eyes drifted to it. 'Don't touch me! Get it off. Get it off! I want to leave. Please move!' Your consciousness begged. He squeezed your shoulder. His nails poked through the fabric of your hoodie and shirt, jabbing your skin. You pushed through the extortion of the weighting atmosphere to lift your hand. You clasped it around his wrist. "Do you have to squeeze me every time you decide to touch me?" You commented irritably before tearing his hand off, "Move." You demanded, not awaiting his response as you shoved him to the side. He only took a step away, willingly, but not because of your push.

You were only able to take one step out the door. You were lugged back by the shoulder once again. He turned you right back around. You stumbled into the room, dumbfounded by the interruption. Once you were steady back on your feet, you swung your body to him. He was in the middle of sliding the door closed. "What the hell?!" You shouted in disbelief, glaring at the back of his head. He slowly turned around.

"I didn't want it to come down to this but..." His rainbow eyes were burning into you with adoration. The sight of you, bewildered, made his lips twitch. "I don't want you to leave." You choked on a breath, forgetting how to breathe for a moment. He tucked his fan into his belt. "You're so cute, [Name]. My heart... It's pounding so loud I can barely hear my own thoughts." He placed a hand over his 'speeding' heart. He sauntered towards you, just for you to back away. Your knees buckled. "I think I'm nervous, I have to be. My face is burning, my body is trembling, and my limbs are crawling with goosebumps." He cupped his pink face with his hands.

"What I'm trying to say is... I think I like you [Name]." The colors dulled and his voice tunneled in. The words hit you like a camera pull--your body stayed still, but the world reeled back. Like you were falling without really moving. "I don't want to lose the one thing that makes me feel so heavenly." You finally stopped walking back. Partly because you were right in front of the door that was open to the outside, and partly because you were in shock.

This is a dream.

Your head sank.

This isn't real.

His clothed feet were right in front of yours.

You're dreaming.

There's not some--some man in front of you confessing feelings towards you: a total stranger. No, this is all in your head. That hug was all in your head, this encounter was all in your head. "I'm dreaming." You uttered. Douma giggled coyly, "Oh? I'm flattered! I know it's a lot to take in. It's not every day a divine creature like me lowers himself to confess such erratic human feelings." You flipped your body around. One of your trembling hands reached up to clutch the doorframe. The other reached up to cup your mouth. The world below you grew distant each second. 'He doesn't want me to leave because then I'll wake up. He doesn't want me to stop dreaming. This is your dream. It's a dream.'

You knew better than to grasp onto such absurd reasoning. But it made more sense than this being real. "This-" The doors behind you slid open. Both you and Douma turned your heads. You had to lean to the side to see past his large frame. It was that bald man from before, placing a tray of food in the room. He was kneeling on the ground. "Ah, thank you Shunsuké!" Shunsuké bowed his head and slid the door closed. Douma turned back to you as you stood straight. 'This isn't a dream, is it?'

You knew the way you dream. If you were dreaming, you'd get that dislocating feeling. That everyone's included in this hive mind besides you. That everyone's slowly deteriorating into a different person. And that everyone has something that would be an anomaly in the real world. You cranked your head up to him. "I'm sure this'll brighten up your mood. Come on, let's go sit and talk about this some more."

Oh.

My.

God.

You're not dreaming.

Holy s--

"WHAT?!" You screamed, all the information collapsing over you like an avalanche. Douma flinched, his guard clearly down. "Are you well in the goddamn head?! What the fuck are you talking about?! I don't know you! And you don't know me! You only know my name!" The words spouted out of your mouth like a popped water balloon. He opened his mouth to respond but you put up a hand. "I'm not staying! You can't keep me here. I'm leaving. I don't know what that weird hug did to you, or whatever the hell it was, but I don't like you in the slightest! Now get the fuck out of my face you lunatic!" Your hand thrusted out to his chest, attempting to move him aside. But your wrist stopped mid-air with a snap so swift you didn't even see him move.

He caught your hand before even a finger could graze over his shirt. Your eyes widened at his reflexes. "Aww... " He cooed, lips pouting, gaze shimmering with exaggerated hurt. "That's not very kind, [Name]. I bear this aching heart to you, and you shove it away?" He leaned forward until your forehead nearly touched yours. His next words came short. "How cold." His rainbow eyes glinted with delight, "Let's not forget who saved you!" You tried to pull your hand away, but he wouldn't let up. "That doesn't mean I have to like you! Let me go!"

"Do you truly want to leave? Like I said, you're not all back up to health." He whispered, catching your attention. You struggled and went limp. You nodded despite his warning. His smile remained, but it had calcified. "Alright, I'll show you the way out!"

Before you could say more, he shoved you, hard. Your breath caught in your throat as your body jolted back with the force, feet slipping. Gravity grasped onto your body as the world tilted. For one agonizing second, you thought you were falling. Air rushed past your ears, your stomach plummeted, and the ground vanished.

You would've shrieked; if not for the sudden, violent jerk on your arm. His hand still gripped yours. He hadn't let go. But he wasn't pulling you in. He was holding you there. Your body swung limply halfway out the door, toes barely grazing the wood of the floor. Below you: nothing but open air and certain death. Your other arm clawed out, grasping for anything but there was nothing there except him. His eyes met yours, glowing with unsettling calmness.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" You shrieked, your voice cracking. You were trying not to look down but failed. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! "Shh," He hummed, lifting his finger to his lips. "You don't want to wake everyone up, do you?" You snapped your head to him, then to his hand. You're here, held between safety and death, your life hanging by nothing but his grip, and he's saying be quiet?! "Stop! Stop! Pull me up! Stop!" You begged, clawing at his wrist with your other hand.

You're seeing double.

Oh, you're gonna puke.

His wicked laugh rang through your ears, joining the rhythm of your buzzing heartbeat. "Oh? But you wanted to leave, no?" The way he sneered at you made you feel helpless. "I wanted to leave not die, you fucking dick!" Tears welled in the corners of your eyes. You were petrified. He shrugged. There was no care behind his eyes. Not even a glint of remorse as he let go of your hand for a split second. You screamed so loud your throat turned dry.

"Stop! Stop it, stop! Please! Please--pull me in! Please!" You sobbed frantically, clutching his hand painfully tight like it was the last thing in the world. "But I'm giving you an opportunity here!" He said sweetly, "You can let go and leave. You'll be free of me and all this... If you survive hitting the roof right there--" He gestured lazily with his free hand, "--and then the water. The lake's shallow, y'know. You won't float, you'll probably fold. But don't worry, if you don't make it, it'll be quick and painless! You won't suffer." He was joking. Your hand burned from how tightly you were holding on. Your legs trembled as they kept straight against the threshold.

He was joking, right? You choked on a desperate "No...!"

"Or I can pull you right up. And you'll stay. You already know I don't want you to leave." Douma's bottom lip protruded out. "So, what'll it be?" You stared at him, teary eyes bulging out of your skull from his proposition. Your chest heaved. You didn't want either, clearly. Staying with him? Hell no. But to plunge down three stories?! With nothing to cushion and make the fall better? Fuck no. You reviewed the two options over and over in your head, looking back and forth between the fall and the warm inside. He leaned in, excited, his grip on your hand tightening just enough to remind you he still had the power to drop you. The moment your eyes met his, he knew what your choice was. You didn't even have to say it, but you did anyway. Your throat tightened.

"Please." You stuttered.

"Please...? Oh! Let go?"

"Please pull me in! I'll stay, please just pull me in, Douma!" You begged, trying to climb your way back into safety from his arm. His eyes then fluttered half shut, as if savoring the words. Within a couple of seconds, you were back inside the room. He pulled you back up, back into his body, effortlessly like you weighed nothing.

You didn't mean to latch onto him. But the moment your feet touched the ground, instinct took over. The same hands that had pushed him minutes ago now clawed to hold him. Your lips trembled. Your fingers twitched. You were safe--actually safe now. Your knees wobbled like jelly, your stomach flipped, and your throat clenched. Douma's arms wound around you, squeezing just enough to steal the breath out of your lungs.

You were too grateful to be upright, too furious to cry, too overwhelmed to care about this hug. All you could do was breathe, shallow and fast, like you'd just escaped a fire. And ran straight into another.

"Aw, you looked like you were about to pee your pants!" His hand curled around the back of your head, stroking it soothingly. You still didn't shove him away. You couldn't. Your brain screamed Get off, but your body wouldn't move. It was still reeling from almost dying. From dangling. From that sickening weightlessness. From that choice. You let him hold you. Because at least now you weren't dead. You sniveled. "Shh, don't worry. You're alright now. You're safe." He crooned, stuffing his face into your hair.

'He almost dropped me. He almost fucking dropped me. This is too much--I can't think.'

Douma pulled back just enough to look at you, and you flinched like he was about to shove you again.

He didn't.

Instead, his demeanor softened into a sweetness that seemed almost too good to be true. His hands cupped either side of your face. "Poor thing." He let out another coo, his thumbs gliding softly over your cheeks to wipe away the leftover tears. His eyes sparkled with a playful glint as he tilted his head in childlike glee. "You must be famished!" His eyes lit up again, "How could I be so careless? Scaring you half to death and leaving you hungry? Come now--let's put some color back into those chubby cheeks!" He pinched your face playfully.

When he turned around, you let out a low breath.

Oh god.

'He's keeping me here. He's keeping me here because he likes me.' You observed him. He was grabbing a low table from the far side of the room. 'He's kidnapping me. He's literally kidnapping me.' Once it was placed in the center of the room, he grabbed the tray from the door and delivered it onto the wooden surface. 'And if I leave... I'll die. He's already shown me what he'd do.' As he walked right up to you, you didn't dare to move. He leaned in, and when you instinctively pulled back, he simply reached behind you to close the door.

It was back to being dark. Your eyes followed his large silhouette as it crept back to the table. "Come on, sit, come sit!"

'And now he wants me to eat with him.' He sat on the opposite end. 'Should I of chosen to fall?' You realized you had drifted and eventually settled across from him without even thinking. The smell of food hit your nose, and only then did you acknowledge how hungry you actually were. You didn't dare move an inch under his overwhelming stare to eat.

"Now that you're staying," He said with a grin, "I should tell you a little more about this place. And about me." On the tray sat a bowl of soup, a cup of water, and a few neatly wrapped rice triangles. "It's a palace, yes, but more than that! It's my sacred temple. A faith. The Eternal Paradise cult!" His voice rose with pride, his arm spreading wide. "A precious gathering of souls who revere me, who worship me... I am the light they bask in. Their god, radiant and eternal, guiding them all to enlightenment."

That was... The most narcissistic thing you have ever heard. 'A god? He thinks he's a god?' He outstretched one hand like he was performing Shakespeare, the other planted dramatically over his chest like a solemn oath. You blinked at him, mind racing. 'This is so much information. So much is happening--so much has happened.'

"Which explains why I'm marvelous at comfort," He added, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Your shaky hand reached out for the cup of water. "So, if you ever need any release," He purred, "I'll be happy to meet your demands." You brought the cup to your lips and drank. It was cold and refreshing. Like it was rinsing every awful thing out of you. You missed the wink he tossed your way. "Like right now." You looked up again. He was smiling, a blush slapped across his arrogant face again. Honestly, you hadn't even been listening. Your thoughts were scrambled, into three different categories:

He almost killed me. I almost died leaving.

I'm so hungry. Just one bite.

Run. Splash the soup in his face and run.

You acted on none of them. Instead, you quietly set the cup back on the tray and stared ahead. Were you going to yell at him? He'd deserve that. Throw the cup? Get aggressive? No. Those thoughts scattered like birds. The decision to deny him again sparked a cold twist in your stomach. Would he get mad again? You didn't want to touch him. Not even a little. But if you left him unhappy again...? You opened your arms. Almost immediately, he scooted beside you and wrapped you in a tight hug, warm and giddy. You shut your eyes and held him back--barely, weakly. "私の愛しの宮殿にベチャッと飛び散るよりは、ずっとマシでしょう？"

This will be over soon. You'll make up a plan. And you won't die. Just be patient.

Translations:

1. "This is much better than splattering all over my beloved palace, isn't it?"