CHAPTER TWO !

THE SORTING HAT
( the philosophers stone )

________________

THE DOOR SWUNG OPEN AT ONCE. A tall, black-haired witch in emerald-green robes stood there. She had a very stern face and Finn's first thought was that this was not someone to cross.

  "The firs' years, Professor McGonagall," said Hagrid.

  "Thank you, Hagrid. I will take them from here."

  She pulled the door wide. The entrance hall was so big you could have fit the whole of the Dursleys' house in it. The stone walls were lit with flaming torches like the ones at Gringotts, the ceiling was too high to make out, and a magnificent marble staircase facing them led to the upper floors.

  They followed Professor McGonagall across the flagged stone floor. Finn could hear the drone of hundreds of voices from a doorway to the right — the rest of the school must already be here — but Professor McGonagall showed the first years into a small, empty chamber off the hall. They crowded in, standing rather closer together than they would usually have done, peering about nervously.

  "Welcome to Hogwarts," said Professor McGonagall. "The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your Houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your House will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your House, sleep in your House dormitory, and spend free time in your House common room."

"The four Houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each House has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your House points, while any rule-breaking will lose House points. At the end of the year, the House with the most points is awarded the House Cup, a great honor. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever House becomes yours." she continues.

  "The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as much as you can while you are waiting."

  Her eyes lingered for a moment on Neville's cloak, which was fastened under his left ear, and on Ron's smudged nose. Finn watched as Harry nervously tried to flatten his hair.

  "I shall return when we are ready for you," said Professor McGonagall. "Please wait quietly."

  She left the chamber. Finn let out a breath.

  "How exactly do they sort us into Houses?" Harry asked Ron.

  "Some sort of test, I think. Fred said it hurts a lot, but I think he was joking." he said

  Finn's heart gave a horrible jolt. A test? In front of the whole school? He only knew a few things—what on earth would he have to do? He hadn't expected something like this the moment they arrived. He looked around anxiously and saw that everyone else looked terrified, too. No one was talking much except Hermione Granger, who was whispering very fast about all the spells she'd learned and wondering which one she'd need. Finn tried hard not to listen to her. He'd never been more nervous. He kept his eyes fixed on the door. Any second now, Professor McGonagall would come back and lead him to his doom.

  Then something happened that made him jump about a foot in the air — several people behind him screamed.

  "What the — ?"

  Finn gasped. So did the people around him. About twenty ghosts had just streamed through the back wall. Pearly-white and slightly transparent, they glided across the room talking to one another and hardly glancing at the first years. They seemed to be arguing. What looked like a fat little monk was saying: "Forgive and forget, I say, we ought to give him a second chance —"

  "My dear Friar, haven't we given Peeves all the chances he deserves? He gives us all a bad name and you know, he's not really even a ghost — I say, what are you all doing here?"

  A ghost wearing a ruff and tights had suddenly noticed the first years.

  Nobody answered.

  "New students!" said the Fat Friar, smiling around at them. "About to be Sorted, I suppose?"

  A few people nodded mutely.

  "Hope to see you in Hufflepuff!" said the Friar. "My old House, you know."

  "Move along now," said a sharp voice. "The Sorting Ceremony's about to start."

  Professor McGonagall had returned. One by one, the ghosts floated away through the opposite wall.

  "Now, form a line," Professor McGonagall told the first years, "and follow me."

  Feeling oddly as though his legs had turned to lead, Finn got into line behind a boy with sandy hair, with Harry and Ron behind him, and they walked out of the chamber, back across the hall, and through a pair of double doors into the Great Hall.

  Finn had never even imagined such a strange and splendid place. It was lit by thousands and thousands of candles that were floating in midair over four long tables, where the rest of the students were sitting. These tables were laid with glittering golden plates and goblets. At the top of the hall was another long table where the teachers were sitting. Professor McGonagall led the first years up here, so that they came to a halt in a line facing the other students, with the teachers behind them. The hundreds of faces staring at them looked like pale lanterns in the flickering candlelight. Dotted here and there among the students, the ghosts shone misty silver. Finn looked upward and saw a velvety black ceiling dotted with stars. He heard Hermione whisper, "It's bewitched to look like the sky outside. I read about it in Hogwarts: A History."

  It was hard to believe there was a ceiling there at all, and that the Great Hall didn't simply open on to the heavens.

  Finn quickly looked down again as Professor McGonagall silently placed a four-legged stool in front of the first years. On top of the stool she put a pointed wizard's hat. This hat was patched and frayed and extremely dirty.

For a few seconds, there was complete silence. Then the hat twitched. A rip near the brim opened wide like a mouth — and the hat began to sing:

"Oh, you may not think I'm pretty,
But don't judge on what you see,
I'll eat myself if you can find
A smarter hat than me.
You can keep your bowlers black,
Your top hats sleek and tall,
For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat
And I can cap them all.
There's nothing hidden in your head
The Sorting Hat can't see,
So try me on and I will tell you
Where you ought to be.
You might belong in Gryffindor,
Where dwell the brave at heart,
Their daring, nerve, and chivalry
Set Gryffindors apart;
You might belong in Hufflepuff,
Where they are just and loyal,
Those patient Hufflepuffs are true
And unafraid of toil;
Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,
If you've a ready mind,
Where those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind;
Or perhaps in Slytherin
You'll make your real friends,
Those cunning folk use any means
To achieve their ends.
So put me on! Don't be afraid!
And don't get in a flap!
You're in safe hands (though I have none)
For I'm a Thinking Cap!"

  The whole hall burst into applause as the hat finished its song. It bowed to each of the four tables and then became quite still again.

  "So we've just got to try on the hat!" Ron whispered to Finn and Harry. "I'll kill Fred, he was going on about wrestling a troll."

  Finn smiled weakly. Yes, trying on the hat was a lot better than having to do a spell, but he did wish they could have tried it on without everyone watching. The hat seemed to be asking rather a lot; Finn didn't feel brave or quick-witted or any of it at the moment. If only the hat had mentioned a House for people who felt a bit queasy, that would have been the one for him.

  Professor McGonagall now stepped forward holding a long roll of parchment.

  "When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted," she said.

"Abbott, Hannah!"

  A pink-faced girl with blonde pigtails stumbled out of line, put on the hat, which fell right down over her eyes, and sat down. A moment's pause —

  "HUFFLEPUFF!" shouted the hat.

  The table on the right cheered and clapped as Hannah went to sit down at the Hufflepuff table. Harry saw the ghost of the Fat Friar waving merrily at her.

  "Bones, Susan!"

  "HUFFLEPUFF!" shouted the hat again, and Susan scuttled off to sit next to Hannah.

Finn knew he was about to go next because of his last name. He was terrified.

"Black, Finneus!"

Finn took a breath and Harry looked at him and smiled reassuringly. He gave a weak smile back and shakily walked up and sat on the stool. The hat was placed on his head.

"Well, well, well. Another Black I see?" The Hat said into his mind. "It's been quite some time since I've sorted one of you."

"Don't put me in Slytherin, do not put me in Slytherin." Finn muttered under his breath.

"Not Slytherin, but your father did amazingly in Slytherin, of course, he had a few rough patches, but he was very well." the Hat spoke. "Surely you'd want to make him proud and continue in his foot steps don't you?" the Hat asked.

Don't put me in Slytherin. Don't put me in Slytherin." Finn said again, terrified.

"Alright then, if you're so sure, better be, GRYFFINDOR!" the Hat bellowed.

With utter relief as the Hat was taken off his head, Finn walked to the Gryffindor table as loud cheers erupted. He could see Ron and Harry clapping and smiling at him. Harry gave him a thumbs up.

  "Boot, Terry!"

  "RAVENCLAW!"

  The table second from the left clapped this time; several Ravenclaws stood up to shake hands with Terry as he joined them.

  "Brocklehurst, Mandy" went to Ravenclaw too, but "Brown, Lavender" became the first new Gryffindor, and the table on the far left exploded with cheers; Finn could see Ron's twin brothers catcalling.

  "Bulstrode, Millicent" then became a Slytherin.

  "Finch-Fletchley, Justin!"

  "HUFFLEPUFF!"

  Sometimes, Finn noticed, the hat shouted out the House at once, but at others it took a little while to decide. "Finnigan, Seamus," the sandy-haired boy that was now next to Harry in line, sat on the stool for almost a whole minute before the hat declared him a Gryffindor.

  "Granger, Hermione!"

  Hermione almost ran to the stool and jammed the hat eagerly on her head.

  "GRYFFINDOR!" shouted the hat. Finn heard Ron groan.

 
When Neville Longbottom, the boy who kept losing his toad, was called, he fell over on his way to the stool. The hat took a long time to decide with Neville. When it finally shouted, "GRYFFINDOR," Neville ran off still wearing it, and had to jog back amid gales of laughter to give it to "MacDougal, Morag."

  Malfoy swaggered forward when his name was called and got his wish at once: the hat had barely touched his head when it screamed, "SLYTHERIN!"

  Malfoy went to join his friends Crabbe and Goyle, looking pleased with himself.

  There weren't many people left now.

  "Moon" . . . , "Nott" . . . , "Parkinson" . . . , then a pair of twin girls, "Patil" and "Patil" . . . , then "Perks, Sally-Anne" . . . , and then —

  "Potter, Harry!"

  As Harry stepped forward, whispers suddenly broke out like little hissing fires all over the hall. He turned to look at Finn and Finn gave him the same reassuring smile, and a thumbs up.

  "Potter, did she say?"

  "The Harry Potter?" Finn heard amongst whispers.

  The Hat was placed on Harry's head. It felt like forever. At long last, the Hat finally spoke — better be GRYFFINDOR!"

  Harry took off the hat and walked shakily toward the Gryffindor table. Percy the Prefect got up and shook his hand vigorously, while the Weasley twins yelled, "We got Potter! We got Potter!" Harry sat down opposite the ghost in the ruff he'd seen earlier and was sitting next to Finn, he noticed. The ghost patted his arm.

Finn could see the High Table properly now. At the end nearest him sat Hagrid. And there, in the center of the High Table, in a large gold chair, sat Albus Dumbledore. Finn recognized him at once from the card Harry had gotten out of the Chocolate Frog on the train. Dumbledore's silver hair was the only thing in the whole hall that shone as brightly as the ghosts.

  And now there were only four people left to be sorted. "Thomas, Dean," a black boy even taller than Ron, joined Harry at the Gryffindor table. "Turpin, Lisa," became a Ravenclaw and then it was Ron's turn. He was pale green by now. Finn crossed his fingers under the table and a second later the hat had shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!"

  Finn clapped loudly with Harry and the rest as Ron collapsed into the chair next to him.

  "Well done, Ron, excellent," said Percy Weasley pompously across them as "Zabini, Blaise," was made a Slytherin. Professor McGonagall rolled up her scroll and took the Sorting Hat away.

  Finn looked down at his empty gold plate. He had only just realized how hungry he was. The pumpkin pasties seemed ages ago.

  Albus Dumbledore had gotten to his feet. He was beaming at the students, his arms opened wide, as if nothing could have pleased him more than to see them all there.

  "Welcome!" he said. "Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!

  "Thank you!"

  He sat back down. Everybody clapped and cheered. Finn didn't know whether to laugh or not.

  "Is he — a bit mad?" he heard Harry ask Percy uncertainly.

  "Mad?" said Percy airily. "He's a genius! Best wizard in the world! But he is a bit mad, yes. Potatoes?"

  Finn's mouth fell open. The dishes in front of him were now piled with food. He had never seen so many things he liked to eat on one table: roast beef, roast chicken, pork chops and lamb chops, sausages, bacon and steak, boiled potatoes, roast potatoes, fries, Yorkshire pudding, peas, carrots, gravy, ketchup, and, for some strange reason, peppermint humbugs.

Finn piled his plate with a bit of everything except the peppermints and began to eat. It was all delicious.

  "That does look good," said the ghost in the ruff sadly, watching Finn cut up his steak.

  "Can't you — ?"

  "I haven't eaten for nearly five hundred years," said the ghost. "I don't need to, of course, but one does miss it. I don't think I've introduced myself? Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington at your service. Resident ghost of Gryffindor Tower."

  "I know who you are!" said Ron suddenly. "My brothers told me about you — you're Nearly Headless Nick!"

  "I would prefer you to call me Sir Nicholas de Mimsy —" the ghost began stiffly, but sandy-haired Seamus Finnigan interrupted.

  "Nearly Headless? How can you be nearly headless?"

  Sir Nicholas looked extremely miffed, as if their little chat wasn't going at all the way he wanted.

  "Like this," he said irritably. He seized his left ear and pulled. His whole head swung off his neck and fell onto his shoulder as if it was on a hinge. Someone had obviously tried to behead him, but not done it properly. Looking pleased at the stunned looks on their faces, Nearly Headless Nick flipped his head back onto his neck, coughed, and said, "So — new Gryffindors! I hope you're going to help us win the House Championship this year? Gryffindors have never gone so long without winning. Slytherins have got the Cup six years in a row! The Bloody Baron's becoming almost unbearable — he's the Slytherin ghost."

  Finn looked over at the Slytherin table and saw a horrible ghost sitting there, with blank staring eyes, a gaunt face, and robes stained with silver blood. He was right next to Malfoy who, Finn was pleased to see, didn't look too pleased with the seating arrangements.

  "How did he get covered in blood?" asked Seamus with great interest.

  "I've never asked," said Nearly Headless Nick delicately.

  When everyone had eaten as much as they could, the remains of the food faded from the plates, leaving them sparkling clean as before. A moment later the desserts appeared. Blocks of ice cream in every flavor you could think of, apple pies, treacle tarts, chocolate éclairs and jam doughnuts, trifle, strawberries, Jell-O, rice pudding . . .

  As Finn helped himself to a treacle tart, the talk turned to their families.

  "I'm half-and-half," said Seamus. "Me dad's a Muggle. Mum didn't tell him she was a witch 'til after they were married. Bit of a nasty shock for him."

  The others laughed.

  "What about you, Neville?" said Ron.

  "Well, my gran brought me up and she's a witch," said Neville, "but the family thought I was all-Muggle for ages. My Great Uncle Algie kept trying to catch me off my guard and force some magic out of me — he pushed me off the end of Blackpool pier once, I nearly drowned — but nothing happened until I was eight. Great Uncle Algie came round for dinner, and he was hanging me out of an upstairs window by the ankles when my Great Auntie Enid offered him a meringue and he accidentally let go. But I bounced — all the way down the garden and into the road. They were all really pleased, Gran was crying, she was so happy. And you should have seen their faces when I got in here — they thought I might not be magic enough to come, you see. Great Uncle Algie was so pleased he bought me my toad."

  On the other side of Harry, Percy Weasley and Hermione were talking about lessons ("I do hope they start right away, there's so much to learn, I'm particularly interested in Transfiguration, you know, turning something into something else, of course, it's supposed to be very difficult —"; "You'll be starting small, just matches into needles and that sort of thing —").

  Finn, who was starting to feel warm and sleepy, looked up at the High Table again. Hagrid was drinking deeply from his goblet. Professor McGonagall was talking to Professor Dumbledore. A professor that Finn didn't yet know, who was wearing a purple turban that looked absurd, was talking to a teacher with greasy black hair, a hooked nose, and sallow skin.

The teacher looked past the professor with the turban, and right at Finn and Harry.

  "Ouch!" Harry clapped a hand to his head, suddenly.

  "What is it?" asked Percy.

  "N-nothing."

  Finn looked at him concerned but didn't question it.

  "Who's that teacher talking to Professor Quirrell?" Harry asked Percy.

'So that was his name?' Finn thought.

  "Oh, you know Quirrell already, do you? No wonder he's looking so nervous, that's Professor Snape. He teaches Potions, but he doesn't want to — everyone knows he's after Quirrell's job. Knows an awful lot about the Dark Arts, Snape."

  At last, the desserts too disappeared, and Professor Dumbledore got to his feet again. The hall fell silent.

  "Ahem — just a few more words now that we are all fed and watered. I have a few start-of-term notices to give you.

  "First years should note that the forest on the grounds is forbidden to all pupils. And a few of our older students would do well to remember that as well."

  Dumbledore's twinkling eyes flashed in the direction of the Weasley twins.

  "I have also been asked by Mr. Filch, the caretaker, to remind you all that no magic should be used between classes in the corridors.

  "Quidditch trials will be held in the second week of the term. Anyone interested in
playing for their House teams should contact Madam Hooch.

  "And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a very painful death."

  Both Harry and Finn laughed, but they were some of the few who did.

  "He's not serious?" Finn muttered to Percy.

  "Must be," said Percy, frowning at Dumbledore. "It's odd, because he usually gives us a reason why we're not allowed to go somewhere — the forest's full of dangerous beasts, everyone knows that. I do think he might have told us prefects, at least."

  "And now, before we go to bed, let us sing the school song!" cried Dumbledore. Finn noticed that the other teachers' smiles had become rather fixed.

  Dumbledore gave his wand a little flick, as if he was trying to get a fly off the end, and a long golden ribbon flew out of it, which rose high above the tables and twisted itself, snakelike, into words.

  "Everyone pick their favorite tune," said Dumbledore, "and off we go!"

  And the school bellowed:

"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,
Teach us something please,
Whether we be old and bald
Or young with scabby knees
  Our heads could do with filling
With some interesting stuff,
For now they're bare and full of air,
Dead flies and bits of fluff,
So teach us things worth knowing,
Bring back what we've forgot,
Just do your best, we'll do the rest,
And learn until our brains all rot."

  Everybody finished the song at different times. At last, only the Weasley twins were left singing along to a very slow funeral march. Dumbledore conducted their last few lines with his wand and when they had finished, he was one of those who clapped loudest.

  "Ah, music," he said, wiping his eyes. "A magic beyond all we do here! And now, bedtime. Off you trot!"

  The Gryffindor first years followed Percy through the chattering crowds, out of the Great Hall, and up the marble staircase. Finn's legs were like lead again, but only because he was so tired and full of food. He was too sleepy even to be surprised that the people in the portraits along the corridors whispered and pointed as they passed, or that twice Percy led them through doorways hidden behind sliding panels and hanging tapestries. They climbed more staircases, yawning and dragging their feet, and Finn was just wondering how much farther they had to go when they came to a sudden halt.

  A bundle of walking sticks was floating in midair ahead of them, and as Percy took a step toward them they started throwing themselves at him.

  "Peeves," Percy whispered to the first years. "A poltergeist." He raised his voice, "Peeves — show yourself."

  A loud, rude sound, like the air being let out of a balloon, answered.

  "Do you want me to go to the Bloody Baron?"

  There was a pop, and a little man with wicked, dark eyes and a wide mouth appeared, floating cross-legged in the air, clutching the walking sticks.

  "Oooooooh!" he said, with an evil cackle. "Ickle Firsties! What fun!"

  He swooped suddenly at them. They all ducked.

  "Go away, Peeves, or the Baron'll hear about this, I mean it!" barked Percy.

  Peeves stuck out his tongue and vanished, dropping the walking sticks on Neville's head. They heard him zooming away, rattling coats of armor as he passed.

  "You want to watch out for Peeves," said Percy, as they set off again. "The Bloody Baron's the only one who can control him, he won't even listen to us prefects. Here we are."

  At the very end of the corridor hung a portrait of a very fat woman in a pink silk dress.

  "Password?" she said.

  "Caput Draconis," said Percy, and the portrait swung forward to reveal a round hole in the wall. They all scrambled through it — Neville needed a leg up — and found themselves in the Gryffindor common room, a cozy, round room full of squashy armchairs.

  Percy directed the girls through one door to their dormitory and the boys through another. At the top of a spiral staircase — they were obviously in one of the towers — they found their beds at last: five four-posters hung with deep red, velvet curtains. Their trunks had already been brought up. Too tired to talk much, they pulled on their pajamas and fell into bed.

  "Great food, isn't it?" Ron muttered to Finn and Harry through the hangings. "Get off, Scabbers! He's chewing my sheets."

  Finn was going to ask Ron if he'd had any of the treacle tart, but he fell asleep almost at once.

Finn said goodnight to Harry, then climbed into bed. Artemis came and curled up beside him and he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.