โโ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ - ๐๐ โโ
|| ๐๐๐๐๐๐ซ'๐ฌ ๐๐๐ ||
The booming clap of thunder and the steady drumming of rain hitting the windows can be heard. The poor girl sat before us, shaking, her breath heavy and ragged. She was now wearing Mike's jacket; he had given it to her when we found her shivering in the rain. The four of us stood in front of her, gazing at her in awe and bewilderment. Lucas and Mike were to my right, Dustin on my left. Mike finally broke the silence.
"Is there a number we can call for your parents?"
"Where's your hair? Do you have cancer?"
"Dustin," I warn. Although, I'd be lying if I said it hadn't crossed my mind.
Before I can stop them, the boys continue to ask her all sorts of questions without even giving her a chance to answer.
"Did you run away?"
"Are you in some kind of trouble?"
"Is that blood?" Lucas slowly extends his arm towards the girl's face; before I can stop him, Mike beats me to it and smacks his arm away.
"Stop it! You're freaking her out!"
"She's freaking me out!"
"I bet she's deaf." Dustin then turns to look at the girl and quickly claps his hands in her face and she flinches back, clearly even more frightened, if that is at all possible.
"Not deaf." He says weakly, shrugging his shoulders.
I draw the line there. "Dustin, seriously? Do you not hear yourself? How would you feel in her position, huh?"
"Y/n's right, okay? Enough, both of you." Mike defended me and looked to Dustin and Lucas as he spoke. "She's just scared and cold." He pointed in the girl's direction as he said this.
Hearing him say that made me realize she was still in nothing but a soaking wet t-shirt and Mike's jacket. I turn to Mike. "We should probably get her some fresh clothes. Do you have any down here?" I ask.
Mike nods and heads towards a laundry basket across the room. I look back at the girl and I see her close her eyes and flinch, shrinking into herself a little as another clap of thunder boomed from outside. I cautiously took a step around to the side of the coffee table and took a seat on the edge so I was near her eye level but not so close I was invading her space.
"Hey, it's okay," I try, my voice gentle. "It's just thunder. You're gonna be okay. You're safe now."
I send her a warm, reassuring smile. She says nothing, but I swear I see gratitude in her eyes.
Mike returns with some fresh clothes.
"Here, these are clean. Okay?" She cautiously takes the clothes from him and looks at them. After a moment she brings them to her face and softly rubs them on her cheek. My sympathy for her grows stronger, who knows how long it has been since she's had a proper set of clothes. She sets them aside and shrugs Mike's jacket off of her shoulders. She rises to her feet, reaching for the bottom of the t-shirt she was wearing, clearly about to undress in front of us.
"No, no, no!" We all yell.
I jump to my feet in surprise, ripping my gaze away in panic while also attempting to reach for her hands to keep them in place. Mike tries to do the same, but he's a bit more shaken up. Meanwhile, Dustin and Lucas began freaking out, their heads turned so as to not see anything. Dustin could not stop saying, "Oh, my God!"
"See over there?" Mike points to the bathroom just across the room. "That's the bathroom. Privacy. Get it?" He asks. The girl looks ashamed and confused. She looks to the bathroom and then to me, her eyes pleading. I can tell she's afraid to be alone. I take a quick, deep breath and look at her. "You... want me in there with you?" I ask gently.
She nods and we are all surprised to hear her speak. "Yes."
"Really? Umm," I look to the guys in shock who all wear the same expression as the scene unfolds. Panicking, but also realizing by now she doesn't understand why I would be, I look back to her only to find fear in her eyes and I feel a wave of guilt. A sigh escapes and I nod. "Yeah, uh, okay. I can do that, but, you're still gonna need some privacy, okay?" I grab her clothes off the couch and I lead her to the bathroom and she looks around in curiosity.
I gesture around the bathroom awkwardly, not really knowing what to do.
"Here, I'm not gonna look, but we should close this so they don't accidentally see anything. Okay?" I gesture to the door.
Panic flooded her features, and for the first time since we found her she wore an expression of absolute certainty, speaking for the second time tonight. "No."
"Hey, its okay, it's just so that you can change in privacy. You know, so they don't accidentally see you changing? How about we close it most of the way? That way you have privacy, but you know you can still get out. Does that sound good?" She hesitates then nods her head slightly. I push the door in so it's cracked open.
I handed her Mike's spare set of clothes, doing my best to offer a small smile. "Alright, here you go,"
For a moment I think, just maybe it's okay to slip out and let her change. But then I see the look in here eyes, and it hits truly me why it's so important to her someone stays.
My smile feels a little more genuine now and it almost seems to put her at ease, just a little. "Don't worry, I'll stay."
I cross over to the other side of the bathroom, taking a seat on the closed lid of the toilet with my back turned to her. For extra measure, I even clamped my hand over my eyes, still trying to figure out my day took such a weird turn. I can her start to move around and figure she's started changing, and briefly I think of how scared she looked when the thunder rumbled.
It reminded me of how bad thunder used to scare me as kid; like really bad, and how Mom helped me through it. Even kept me company until I fell asleep, and it all made a little more sense why she asked me. It was the same reason I recognized the look in her eyes almost at once; Anxiety and genuine fear. Like I did when I was a kid, I needed that company around just to know I wasn't alone.
It only makes my mind race with a million different questions but, they're all silenced when I hear voices coming from the other room.
"This is mental." It was Dustin.
"At least she can talk." Mike defended.
"She said 'no' and 'yes.' Your three-year-old sister says more." Lucas counters. I bite my lip, trying not to yell at Lucas. If he heard her say 'no' to me from the bathroom, that obviously means that we can hear him. As much as I love those guys, they can be really insensitive.
"She tried to get naked." Dustin argued."She brought Y/n in there with her!"
I can feel my face heat up and I wish I could melt into a puddle where I sit. At least that way they could just flush me and be done with it.
"It's not like that! She's just scared," Mike defended.
"There's something seriously wrong with her. Like, wrong in the head." Said Lucas.
"She, just went like..." and then I could barely make out the muffled sound of something falling.
"I bet she escaped from Pennhurst."
"From where?" Mike sounded just as exasperated as I was feeling.
"The nuthouse in Kerley County."
"You got a lot of family there?"
"Bite me."
"Seriously though, think about it. That would explain her shaved hair and why she's so crazy."
"Why she went like..."
"She's an escapee is the point. She's probably a psycho."
"Like Michael Myers."
"Exactly! We should've never brought her here."
"So you just wanted to leave her out in that storm?"
"Yes! We went out to find Will, not another problem."
"I think we should tell your mom." Dustin offers.
"I second that."
"Who's crazy now?"
"How is that crazy?"
"'Cause, we weren't supposed to be out tonight, remember?"
"So?"
"So if I tell my mom and she tells your mom and your mom..."
"Oh, man."
"Our houses become Alcatraz."
"Exactly. We'll never find Will."
There's a brief silence, and I think about everything I just heard. Mike had a pretty good point. And I don't blame Lucas for being skeptical, I just wish he wouldn't be so harsh sometimes. If I can hear their conversation, that means she can. I can't imagine what she must be going through right now.
"All right, here's the plan. She sleeps here tonight."
"You're letting a girl --"
"Just listen! In the morning, she sneaks around my house, goes to the front door and rings my doorbell. My mom will answer and know exactly what to do. She'll send her back to Pennhurst or wherever she comes from. We'll be totally in the clear. And tomorrow night, we go back out. And this time, we find Will."
I feel a light tap on my shoulder and I turn around to see the girl had changed. She had sad look on her face and I don't blame her at all.
"Feeling better?" I ask. She meets my eyes for a brief moment and nods, looking back down at her feet.
I sigh and lower my voice into a whisper, trying to undo all the damage the boys just unknowingly caused. "Hey, I'm sorry they said all those things. You'll be in good hands here with that boy Mike; the guy who gave you the clothes, he's really nice, and it sounds like you'll be staying with him."
I stood up, eyeing the door and my friends who I could barely see through the slat we left open and I turned back to her.
"By the way... You don't have to answer any of those questions if you're not ready. That was unfair of them to do that. If you ever need anything... or someone to talk to, even after we get everything sorted out, well, I'm here." I shrug, giving her a reassuring smile before opening the door, leading her out of the bathroom.
Lucas and Dustin were standing at the bottom of the stairs, ready to head out. I follow their gaze to find Mike had made a small fort for the girl.
Mike was helping the girl get settled inside. "Here you go. This is my sleeping bag."
"You really think she's psycho?" Dustin whispered.
"Wouldn't want her in my house." Before Lucas could head up the stairs I spoke up.
"We heard everything."
Lucas and Dustin stopped and looked at me, worried.
"What?"
"All those nasty things you were saying back there, we heard every word. She heard every word... Just go. Dustin, I'll catch up in a few minutes. Bye." I threw them a flat, angry look as I shook my head and walked away. As I made my way over to the fort I took note of the silence behind me, followed by reluctant footsteps up the stairs.
"Hey, um, I never asked your name." Mike said trying to make conversation. I kneeled down next to Mike.
The girl looks at us both, then without saying anything, she pulls up her left sleeve to reveal a tattoo on the inside of her wrist. It read '011'. My eyes widen in shock.
"Woah," I can't help but gasp.
"Is that real?" Mike asks excitedly as he reaches over to touch the tattoo. She quickly retracts her arm and looks at Mike. There's an awkward silence apart from the booming thunder outside.
"Sorry, I've just... never seen a kid with a tattoo before." He apologized sheepishly.
"Can I ask what it means?" I say.
She looks at me and then points a finger towards herself.
"So, that's your name? Eleven?" I confirm.
She nods her head and then looks down at her lap.
"Eleven. Okay." Mike says, perking up. "Um, well, my name's Mike. Short for Michael, and this is my friend Y/n. He's Dustin's brother." Eleven looks over at me and I smile politely, giving her a small wave.
"Maybe we can call you 'El.' Short for Eleven." Mike offers. She nods her head in agreement. There's a silence and I can tell Mike likes her already.
"Um, well, okay," I say, trying to break the silence. "El, it was nice meeting you. And, like I said, if you need anything at all, I'm here. And so is Mikey here, of course," I say, looking over at Mike, giving him a knowing look, a smirk on my face. "Unfortunately, I have to head home so, I'll see you guys later."
I smile and grab my jacket. As i head for the stairs, I turn to both of them and send them a little wave. "Bye!"
Mide nods at me, the girl, El watching curiously as I go. That's the last I see of them as I dissapear up the steps.
I could hear Mike stuttering a 'goodnight' to El as I make it to the top. Clearly, I caught him off guard. I smile to myself, thinking.
'Ohh, he has so got it bad.'
I parked my bike in its usual spot and made it through the front door quiet enough so my mom won't hear.
Most of the lights were turned off, my mom must have gone to bed already just as I suspected. I heard an obnoxious meowing near my feet and look down to see Mews. I kneel down and pet this attention starved cat knowing that's the only way she will ever quiet down. I don't know how she can be attention starved when Mom doted on her as much as she does.
Mews lets out a deep purr and leans into my hand as I give her head a few scratches. I take off my shoes and set them by the front door before sneaking back into my room.
I flip on the light switch and stare at my slightly messy room and sigh at the events of today. I close my door so I can change into my pj's and tidy up a bit. Once I'm done I open my door so it's ajar, knowing that Mews likes to come and go throughout the house as she pleases. I sit down on the side of my bed and sigh heavily.
My eyes are fixed on the floor, particularly the different shadows that were being cast from my lamp on my bedside table as my thoughts wandered back to the fruitless efforts of tonight.
The stress and constant worrying have taken its toll on me. It breaks my heart to know that my best friend is somewhere out there lost and probably hurt. I guess a big part of me was sure that we were going to find Will in those woods out by Mirkwood tonight. I should have known better.
I feel something on my leg and I look down to see tear stains on my pajama bottoms. I hadn't even realized I had started crying. I sniffle, wiping my nose and grab the stuffed duck that was sitting on my bed. Will had won it for me. I give it a tight hug, a small smile creeps its way onto my face at the memory.
- ๐๐๐๐ฆ๐๐๐๐๐ -
It was the first Saturday of summer vacation and the five of us had gone to the arcade for a much-deserved celebration. We all filed into the arcade, I followed Mike, Dustin, and Lucas as we made our way to Dustin's favorite game Dig Dug, Will and I side by side, buzzing with the excitement of the new summer ahead of us.
There was a brief moment of comfortable silence as we looked around the arcade. We passed by all the familiar games including the infamous claw game. I spare a glance at its contents and notice an adorable bright yellow duck perched in the front of the glass.
I smile and point at the stuffed duck. "Oh! That duck is so cute!" I admired it for a brief moment and catch up with Dustin, assuming Will is still next to me.
( hats off to the folk who understand this reference!! ๐ )
About twenty minutes later I had just beaten Mike's high score on Pac Man. All the boys watched over my shoulder and I couldn't help but cheer out. "Ha! Say, Mike, how does my dust taste?"
"Oh, whatever. You only beat me by," he leans over my shoulder to look at my score. "Holy crap! 1300 points?! Alright, well done." He sighs.
"Hey Will, you owe me 5 bucks!" I turn to my friend only to not see him there. I look around in confusion.
"Wait, guys, where is Will?"
They all shrug.
"I don't know, the last time I saw him he was with you. When we got here." Lucas shrugged.
I look around until I spot the familiar bowl cut by the claw machine. He must have won something since he was leaning down to grab some prize from the machine. I quickly grab my tickets and abandon the machine and meet him by the claw, he made eye contact with me and quickly put his hands behind his back.
"Hey, man. Where have you been? You just missed it. I just annihilated Mike in Pac Man. It was awesome!"
"I, um... Well, I, uh," he scratched the back of his head awkwardly as he stammered.
I breathed out a soft laugh. "Will, it's fine, you're not on trial or anything."
"Well I noticed you seemed to really like that duck and it seemed easy enough, and um, and so yeah, I played a couple rounds and, well here." His words sort of spilled out of his mouth and he quickly pulled out his hand from behind his back and handed me the cute little stuffed duck from earlier. A huge, beaming smile finds it's way onto my face as I take the duck from him.
"Oh, wow!" I gasped as I took the duck from him. "That's awesome, thank you! I love it! Aww, it's so cute!" I gave the duck a big squeeze and held it under my arm.
"Yeah, uh no problem. So you said you beat Mike's score? That's great! By how much?" He seems more relaxed now that he's changed the subject.
"You'll never believe it, 1300 points!" I said smugly.
"No way! Y/n, that's awesome!" He gave me a big smile.
"I know right? Anyways, come on, let's hit up Space Invaders. We've got more records to beat." I motioned towards the machine, but Will doesn't move. His smile only falters. "What's wrong Byers? Come on, we better hurry before someone else gets to it." I give him a smile, silently urging him to come along.
"Yeah, umm about that... I don't have any money left. I um, I kinda spent it all on the claw." He said sheepishly.
"What?" I stare in disbelief. I can't believe he would do that.
"I'm sorry, I just thought thatโ" he stammered.
"No, Will, hey! I'm not mad!" I soothe as I reach out and put a hand on his shoulder to calm him.
"And please, don't be sorry. If anything, I'm sorry. You spent all your money just to get this duck. I know you guys are tight on money right now, and well, Iโ" I stopped, completely appalled at his actions. "Thank you. That means so much to me. You're amazing." I smile and pull him in for a hug.
The hug lingers for a few moments longer than necessary but not enough to make it too awkward. He was hesitant to let go it seemed. I finally broke the hug and gave him another big grin.
"Come on, I am playing Space Invaders with my favorite person, whether he likes it or not. I've still got a buttload of coins."
"But, you don't have to do that."
"You didn't have to spend all your money getting the duck but you did anyway." I point out. He smiles at this.
"Besides," I continued. "You know me, I'd feel way too guilty if I didn't repay you in some way for the duck. This way, we'll be even. What do you say?" I playfully elbow him.
A big grin breaks out on his face. "Yeah okay, cool. Thanks."
- ๐๐ก๐ ๐ข๐ ๐๐๐๐ฆ๐๐๐๐๐ -
I smile fondly as I give the ever so slightly worn duck a squeeze. It quickly became one of my favorite things. A quiet sob escapes my lips as I hug the duck.
"Y/n?" My head shot up to my door to see Dustin poking his head in my room, concern etched on his face.
I sniffle and quickly wipe my nose with the back of my hand as I attempt to stop my sobs.
"Sorry," I mumble, figuring I'd annoyed him.
"Y/n, what's wrong?" Dustin asks worriedly, he takes a seat next to me, not before closing the door behind him.
"I'm sorry, I just," I am unable to hold back another sob, I lean into my brother's shoulder. He wraps an arm around my shoulder as he tries to comfort me.
"Seriously, are you okay? What's the matter?"
"I miss him," I wail. I can feel Dustin's body stiffen for a brief moment at the mention of Will. He sighs and runs his hand up and down my shoulder, trying to comfort me.
"I know," his voice sounds hoarse, like he's trying not to cry. "I miss him too."
"What if, he doesn't come back?" I choke on my sobs.
"You shouldn't talk like that. We'll find him. You know him, he's good at hiding. If something did get him, you just know he's hiding. That's why the clever bastard never bites it in our campaigns, even when we do."
I breathe out a soft chuckle at this. Dustin has a point. It seems no matter what kind of trouble he gets into during our campaigns, he always seems to find a way out. It's become a running joke in our party.
My smile falters. "But what if..."
"Y/n, you can't keep doing this to yourself. No more 'what ifs' it's not healthy, andโ"
"Well, I can't help it, Dustin!" I snap, cutting him off. "I just... I just can't. You don't understand. You think I like it when my brain won't stop plaguing me with these god awful scenarios that gnaw at me every second? I can't help it, it's so draining! Why do you think it takes so long to come down from my anxiety attacks?"
My eyes are welling up again and my vision has become blurry. All I can do is look down back at the ground.
Dustin only sighs. "I'm sorry. I had no idea."
I sniffle and sigh. "I'm sorry too. It just gets so frustrating not being able to communicate my feelings with people who don't deal with anxiety like I do."
"I just... I just hope he's okay." Hot tears slide down my face as I stare at the wall. I heard a sniffle come from Dustin. We stayed like that for quite some time, longing for our friend.
______________
A//N: I put this in because I think it's important that I share this with you all. I don't ever see any fics with a reader with an anxiety disorder and I thought it was important that I do because as someone who struggles with anxiety and someone who has anxiety attacks all the time, I often feel disconnected from the story, anyway I thought that I should shed some light on the subject as well as let readers with anxiety disorders feel included and represented as well as let you know YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND YOUR DISORDER DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. PLEASE DM ME (A LIVING BREATHING PERSON WITH AN ANXIETY DISORDER) IF ANY OF YOU WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO STRUGGLES WITH THIS AND/OR YOU WANT TO ASK QUESTIONS TO LEARN MORE.ย
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