I must've gone to bed and not realised because I wake up with the duvet on the floor and one pillow on my feet. Weird sleeper, I guess.

Last nights memories come rushing back, making me want to sob all over again.
Charlie knocks on my door, and I softly call out a 'come in'.

She opens my door hesitantly, and when I see her I feel tears in my eyes.
"I heard what happened" Her voice is quiet "i'm so, so sorry Ellie"
I smile weakly "Thanks, Charlie"
She comes in, shuts my door and climbs into bed beside me. I rest my head on her shoulder as she wraps an arm around my shoulder and strokes my hair gently.

"He was great for you" Charlie mumbles "you were so happy. And then he goes and does that, the minute her and Liam break up"
I nod "I know. Crazy, isn't it?"
She nods "Yeah, it is"
My phone pings and I see the contact: Harry. I groan and pick up my phone, reading the message from my lock screen.

'ellie, are you ok? im so confused, whats wrong?'

I show Charlie and she scoffs.
"Now he's trying to act stupid. Prick"
More messages in the back-round.
I sit up more "Hey, just because he was lying doesn't mean my feelings are just gone. I liked him too much for them to disappear like that"

Charlie sighs "I get it. You really did like him, we could tell"
I sink lower into the bed "Filming is going to be so awkward"
Charlie looks sincere "Oh my god, yeah"

"I'm opening the messages" I sigh, despite Charlie's protests.

Harry 💗:
el im SO fucking confused
are you ok? did something happen??

"He's either a really good lier or he doesn't have a clue what's going on" I put my phone down because I have no idea which is the right answer.
"Look" Charlie sits up higher and turns to me "I know i'm your brilliant older cousin, and i'm supposed to help you through all this, but what you need to do is think. Think without me, or Gabs, or the lads, or the girls, or anyone. Think, Ellie"

I might cry again "Okay" I nod, feeling every single emotion i've tried to push down since Gabby told me what supposedly happened.
She looks sympathetic but stands up "I'm heading out with Gabby. Do you want to come? We were gonna ask but we didn't know if you wanted to"

I shake my head "I'm grand, have fun though"
She nods, then smiles "Don't be completely disgusting, though. Get changed, you animal!"
I gasp dramatically, grinning "Excuse you!"
We both laugh as she walks to my door, gives me a warm smile and walks out, shutting my door with a click.

I stare at the door before decided to not be a complete animal like Charlie said and get changed.
Charlie pops her head in to say goodbye, and I give her a smile as she leaves and I hear the door open and shut.

As i'm on the couch, minding my business, I hear a knock at the door.
At first I wonder if we're behind on rent and the landlord is coming to give out again. Then I realise that's stupid because I payed it two days ago so I decide to live life on the edge and open the door.

It's Harry.

Usually, I would get all excited and kiss him and wonder what he was doing. Now I want to get sick.
"Harry?-"
"Hold on" He stops me, desperation filling his face. I grip the door frame but nod him on.

"Listen, are you okay? I seriously don't know whats happening, but if I did something you need to tell me" Words fall from his mouth so sincerely and confused that for a blissful moment, I wonder if it isn't true.

"Did you kiss Gabby?" My voice is so quiet I wonder if the words came out, but from Harry's expression I can clearly tell they have.
"What?! Ellie, why would you ask that?"
"She told me you kissed her" My voice is stone cold, sadness replaced with anger at the man in front of me for leading me on "when she asked you for help"

Recognition falls over his features and I feel like I might get sick because oh my god, she told the truth.
"No! No, oh my god, El, she kissed me!"
My stomach drops and my knuckles go white from how hard i'm holding onto the poor door frame for dear life.

"What?" I mumble, looking up at him and finally meeting his eyes.
"When she asked for help! She- she told me she thought we would be better then, well, us? And she kissed me-"
"After she just went through a breakup with the man she's been with for five years?" The anger comes pouring back.

He looks at me, silently pleading "Please, Ellie, I promise"
I shake my head gently "I can't right now, Harry. I've heard so many sides of the same story and I- I need a minute"
The hurt on his face makes me regret the words, but I can't crumble under the pressure.

He just looks at me with hurt and sadness and everything I feel in the same moment, and I wonder is that how i'm looking at him?
He nods, slowly "Okay, Ellie"
And he turns away and walks off, shutting the door behind him.

He just left.

He didn't scream, or shout. He didn't tell me I was being irrational or stupid, or telling me I was an idiot for not believing him. He just left.
I lean against the door, forehead pressing against the dark wood and sob again. I've cried so much in the last 24 hours i'm surprised I have any tears left.

I sob, the loudest and most emotional cry i've had during this whole thing. Tears soak my face and neck as I turn around and sit at the door, legs sprawled along the floor. I sob into my hands, body shaking from each pathetic sound.

My phone pings and I want to launch it at the fucking wall.
"Piss off, stupid fucking phone" I murmur as I pick it up and see Tobi.

toe b 🦶:
moresidemen filming tomorrow
u in?