╔.𖥸. .════════════════╗

𝗖𝗟𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗧𝗬

chapter twenty
you better step away from the
mirror long enough to check
the damage that will always
be right behind you

╚════════════════. .❀.╝

ROUGH COULDN'T EVEN encompass what Alyssa had been feeling lately.

The aftermath of what happened at the arcade had brought the words upside down to a whole new meaning in Alyssa's life. Just like after the school fight, she hadn't been sleeping well at all. The whole fight, and especially the snap, haunted her dreams. Not to mention that she had told everything, and she meant everything to Hawk outside of her house before she had a chance to even think about the consequences. At least Hawk knew now what he had made her feel the past couple of months.

Everybody could tell that she was absolutely tired — not just physically, but emotionally. Dark circles were constantly under her eyes and although she always had a coffee in school, it was way larger than what it used to be, mostly to keep her awake.

Alyssa walked into school that day, clad in a zip-up hoodie over a tank top and leggings, her hair tied back in a braid with two pieces framing her face. She had chosen the comfiest outfit she could — unlike the beginning of the year, she didn't want to fake it till she made it anymore. Maybe she didn't have the strength to. That strength would probably rebuild, but right now . . . it wasn't looking too good.

She approached her locker by herself, which was by Demetri's. Sam wasn't coming to school today, and Demetri would probably be a little behind because of his broken arm. It was also Miguel's first day back at school, and Alyssa had a mission to find him later. She opened up her locker and put some books away before grabbing some, putting them in her backpack.

"Ally," a familiar voice called.

She turned, only to see Cam walking in her direction, and she grinned a little, although it didn't reach her eyes. "Hi, Cam."

Cam stared down at her in concern, taking note of her tiredness. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Alyssa answered, even though she was anything but okay. "It's been a . . . rough past couple of days. But it's whatever. What's up?"

He cleared his throat. "Um . . . can we talk?"

"Yeah, totally." Alyssa shut her locker and leaned her shoulder against it, looking up at him. "What's on your mind?"

"So, I — uh . . . I swung by your place the other day." Cam then noticed her raised eyebrow. "I asked Moon for your address, only because I wanted to . . . I wanted to ask you out in person. Like, properly."

She straightened up — Cam had definitely not come to her house, at least not that she could remember. "Oh?"

"But when I got there . . . I saw you and that Hawk guy on your driveway, and I also heard you tell him he broke your heart."

So that's why. Alyssa had been too busy absolutely spilling her guts and bawling her eyes out to notice that such a good guy like him was coming over to ask her out.

"It's not like that," Alyssa insisted. "I was just . . . I mean, Cam, he broke Demetri's arm. He showed up to my house expecting me to listen to him. I was yelling at him for everything he did."

"But if you're telling him that he broke your heart, there's so much more to it."

She paused for a second, her heart sinking and her voice quiet. "What are you trying to say?"

He sighed. "I shouldn't known from the get-go that he would always be in between us. I mean, both of our dances were interrupted by him." He gave her a sad smile. "I don't know about you, but that doesn't seem like a coincidence. It seems like fate."

"Fate?" Alyssa repeated. "You think me and him are . . . fate?"

"Yeah, I do. There's some kind of way you two look at each other, even if you're feuding, or whatever. Maybe you don't notice it, but everybody else does. Especially me." Cam paused for a moment, his grip tightening on the strap of his backpack. "At Moon's party, you said he was your nothing. But I know, despite all of it, that he's really your everything."

Alyssa was silent. She didn't really know what to say. Maybe it's because everything he said was true. As much as she hated to notice it, Hawk had managed to snag such a big piece of her heart.

"I really like you, Alyssa," Cam admitted. "But I can't be in a relationship with you if it's going to be one-sided."

It hurt. Fuck, it hurt. But he was right. Alyssa had finally admitted to herself that she liked Hawk, and those feelings hadn't gone away, even after everything he had done.

"I'm so sorry, Cam," Alyssa voiced softly.

He shook his head. "It's okay, Alyssa. You can't give me all of you, and that's okay. You can't help who you fall for."

Cam reached out and squeezed her shoulder before walking away. Alyssa stared after him, a conflicted expression on her face. She really didn't know what to feel. Sure, she had just gotten broken up with — before anything could really start — with the sweetest boy ever, even though her heart was calling for her in the complete opposite direction.

Oh, God, she was a mess.

Demetri then walked up to her, a smirk on his lips. His cast shone a bright shade of white on his arm, marked only by Alyssa's name in cursive with a heart in a black marker. He had had it on for a little while now, but every time she saw it, it only made her sick to her stomach.

"What was that all about?" Demetri asked, a teasing tone to his voice. "Did he finally ask you out?"

"No, he actually, um . . . ended things," Alyssa revealed.

Demetri blinked, not expecting that. "Why?"

Alyssa paused for a moment. "Because of my feelings for someone else."

Of course Demetri knew about it. He had known all along, and Alyssa could see that. After all, they had been best friends for years.

Demetri immediately got an understanding look on his face. He extended his good arm out to her, and Alyssa sunk into his side, resting her head on his shoulder. Demetri comfortingly ran his hand up and down her arm.

"Why does it have to be him?" Alyssa wondered out loud. "I should feel nothing but hate for him. And I do, but at the same time, I don't hate him." Alyssa groaned in annoyance and turned her head, her forehead placing on Demetri's shoulder. "I'm confused."

Demetri sighed. "I don't hate him either." He shook his head. "What's wrong with us?"

"We're fucked, that's what." Alyssa picked her head back up, only to see someone walking down the hallway towards them, finally walking. She gasped excitedly. "Miguel!"

She ran forwards, throwing her arms around the boy. Miguel slightly laughed at her and stumbled back a little bit from the force of the hug, but he stabilized himself and wrapped his arms around her waist. Alyssa smiled brightly at how Miguel was rocking them back and forth a little bit. However, she noticed him falter a bit, and when she pulled away, she noticed he was staring at Demetri's cast in confusion. Alyssa let out a small sigh and took a step back to stand next to Demetri.

"Hey, the Comeback Kid!" Demetri exclaimed. "Welcome back. I hope to make a similar triumphant return to the land of the mobile appendage masses."

Miguel gestured to his arm. "What's up with the cast?"

"Proximal radius fracture."

"It smells," Yasmine voiced, stepping up to their little group from her locker.

"I put a lemon rind down there to mitigate that," Demetri replied. He then pulled a marker out of his shirt pocket. "The invitation for you to sign it still stands."

"Hmm, hard pass. At least when you used to be a thorn in my tits, you were getting me an A in science. Now you can't even do that because you're defective."

Alyssa rolled her eyes. "Yas."

"Sorry, Ally," Yasmine said, although she didn't sound sorry at all. "See you at lunch."

"So, uh . . . how'd you break your arm?" Miguel questioned Demetri once Yasmine had walked away.

Alyssa and Demetri shared a look. Her heart sank to her stomach. Miguel had been completely in the dark — well, he had to be, considering he was learning how to walk again. She just knew that this news would be jarring to him, considering how close him and Hawk were.

"We've got a lot to catch up on," Demetri told him.

"Come on," Alyssa encouraged softly. "I'll tell you."

She walked Miguel to his first class while trying to give him the summed up version of everything he had missed. The rivalry between Cobra Kai and Miyagi-Do, what happened with the car wash, the soccer game, and, of course, everything that happened in the arcade.

To say that Miguel was upset was an understatement, but before he could elaborate anything, the bell rang. Alyssa left with a promise to Miguel that they would talk more later. She went off to her usual classes of the day, and when lunch rolled around, she stopped by her locker to swap out her books. Just to make sure she would stick to her promise (although he already knew she would, it was Alyssa), Miguel approached her locker. It was only then he noticed that another person, one he was hoping to see, hadn't been around.

"Where's Sam?" Miguel inquired.

"Wow, and here I was, thinking you came to see me," Alyssa joked.

Miguel shook his head, making her laugh. "You know that's not what I meant. It's just, you two are usually attached at the hip."

Alyssa glanced down the hallway for a moment before sighing. "Sam hasn't been doing too well lately. I mean, none of us have been, but . . . she's been struggling a lot mentally. Her dad pulled her out, and knowing him, he probably took her to some remote location to learn the life lessons of Mr. Miyagi."

"Oh. I — I didn't know."

"How would you? You were learning how to walk again. And just like you overcame your physical struggles, Sammy will overcome her mental ones. She's strong." Alyssa shut her locker and started to walk down the hallway with Miguel. "So, first lunch back. What's on the agenda? Kicking Kyler's ass again?"

"No," Miguel replied. "I'm still not at a hundred-percent."

Alyssa nudged her shoulder against his. "I know, I was just kidding. He's just gotten even more annoying lately. Ever since he joined Cobra Kai . . ." Alyssa shook her head. "That dojo is nothing but trouble."

Miguel's face hardened. "Kyler joined Cobra Kai?"

"Yeah." She looked up at him. "Uh-oh. You look angry. Understandable, but still."

He shook his head as they reached the cafeteria doors. "I need to go talk to Hawk."

Alyssa blinked. "Huh? Miguel—"

However, Miguel had already entered the cafeteria doors. Alyssa hurried in after him. She knew Hawk probably wouldn't hurt Miguel, but then again, nobody knew what was safe these days. Alyssa walked into the cafeteria, only to see Hawk sitting at his usual lunch table with his foot up on a chair. She resisted the urge to scoff. What a God complex he had.

"Oh, hey, man," Hawk greeted, standing up once Miguel approached him.

His eyes momentarily met Alyssa's. She immediately looked away from him, crossing her arms across her chest. Alyssa couldn't really do more than stand there. It wouldn't be good to intervene — one, it was Miguel's conversation, and two, her and Hawk would probably get into another screaming match, or Alyssa would break down completely again.

"I heard about what happened with Demetri," Miguel revealed. "How could you do that?"

Hawk's gaze slid back to Alyssa, just for a second, as if he knew that she told Miguel everything. "You should be thanking me for getting revenge on the Miyagi-Do's. Besides, they're the ones who started the fight. We finished it."

Miguel glanced back at Alyssa for a moment before turning back to Hawk. "Leave her out of this. You've done enough to her. And that's not what our Sensei taught us."

"He's not my Sensei anymore."

"After everything Sensei Lawrence did for you, you betray him?"

"He betrayed us," Hawk argued.

Miguel took a deep breath. "Look, this isn't you talking. It's Kreese, he's gotten in your head. You can change that if you leave Cobra Kai and join Sensei Lawrence's new dojo. If you come, others will follow. Okay? We can show everyone we're not a bunch of bullies. It could be like before."

Hawk looked like he was considering it — Alyssa could tell by the way his face softened at the news of the new dojo. "He has a new dojo?"

"Hey, guys," Kyler's voice announced, and Alyssa looked, only to see him standing in the middle of the cafeteria, holding onto Demetri's arm, who looked embarrassed. "Check this guy out. Standing around with a dick in his hand."

He lifted up his cast. Drawn on in black Sharpie was the image of a dick, right next to where Alyssa's name was signed. Instantly, the whole cafeteria burst into laughter — well, except Miguel, Alyssa, Frank, Little Red, and Abe. Alyssa clenched her jaw in anger as she watched Demetri rip his arm out of Kyler's grasp and walk out of the cafeteria in shame.

She was going to absolutely murder Kyler one day.

Miguel looked back to Hawk. "So these are your friends now?" He then turned to Alyssa, his eyes flashing with understanding. "Can I sit with you?"

"Yeah," Alyssa instantly answered. "I'm sitting with Moon today. She'd be more than happy to have you there. I mean, it's Moon, she's a total sweetheart. But, um, I'm gonna go try and find Demetri and hopefully not run into Kyler. If it just so happens that Kyler is dead by the end of the day, you're my alibi."

Miguel nodded and walked off in the direction of the table where Moon was. Alyssa watched him go for a moment before her eyes caught on Hawk's. Memories of the last time they saw each other flashed through her mind — him breaking Demetri's arm, Alyssa going back home only to see Hawk at her house, her spilling her absolute guts to him and telling him that he had broken her heart, storming back into her house and sobbing everything she had by her front door.

She let out a deep breath, reaching up and adjusting the strap of her backpack on her shoulder before turning around and walking out of the cafeteria, hoping that Demetri hadn't gone too far.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

"I'M OFFICIALLY OVER today," Alyssa began, leaning against the lockers by Miguel's and crossing her arms across her chest, rolling her head against the metal to watch Miguel pull out the books he needed. "Today is the worst. I'm tired and I want to go home."

Miguel sighed. "You couldn't find Demetri?"

"No. I spent all lunch looking for him, but he seemed to have disappeared. Don't know how he managed to vanish into thin air. Anyways, I didn't get to eat, so now I'm tired and hungry."

"Have you only had coffee today?"

" . . . yeah."

He gave her a look. "Alyssa."

"Okay, listen," Alyssa stated. "You know that scene in SpongeBob where his mind is like an office, but then everything is up in flames and all the little SpongeBob's are running around and screaming? That's my mental state right now."

"You know I'm always here to talk, Als."

"I know. Thanks, Miguel."

Somebody then hit the lockers next to them. Alyssa peered over Miguel, only to see the familiar figure of Sensei Lawrence. She raised an eyebrow.

Miguel looked over at him in shock. "Sensei? How did you get through security?"

"I went to school here," Sensei Lawrence answered. "Think I don't know all the secret ways in and out?" He then noticed the girl besides Miguel and nodded to her. "Hey, what's up? Purple, right?"

"Hi, Sensei Lawrence," Alyssa responded. "Long time no see."

He focused back on Miguel. "Hey. Got some good news. Found us a pretty sweet spot for our new dojo."

Miguel immediately perked up, which made Alyssa smile softly. "Yeah?"

"How's the recruiting coming?"

Miguel shook his head and shut his locker. Him and Alyssa started to walk down the hallway together, and Sensei Lawrence followed after them.

"That bad?" Sensei Lawrence questioned.

"It's just everything's changed, Sensei," Miguel explained. "Cobra Kai, they . . . they all drank the Kool-Aid."

"Kool-Aid? What's wrong with Kool-Aid?"

"It's just . . . Sensei Kreese is turning them into an army of assholes. There's no convincing them to leave."

Sensei Lawrence's gaze then settled on something behind them. "Wait here."

Alyssa turned, only to see him staring at where the Cobra Kai's where standing in the lobby of the school. She didn't do what Sensei Lawrence told her and instead followed after him. If she couldn't get to Hawk, and if Miguel couldn't get to Hawk, maybe Sensei Lawrence could. After all, he had been the one to tell Hawk to flip the script. Maybe he could tell Hawk he flipped it a little bit too much.

"Okay, listen up!" Sensei Lawrence shouted, gaining all of the Cobra Kai's attention. At his words, all of them stopped talking. "I screwed up, and I'm sorry. I made it about me, and that's not what a Sensei does. I took the easy way out. I gave up. What happened here at this school . . . it rocked me to my core. I couldn't look myself in the eye, let alone face all of you."

"Yeah, I guess it makes it easier to tell yourself that," Hawk protested, and Alyssa shook her head, averting her gaze down to the ground for a moment. "But the truth is, you bailed on us long before that fight happened. You got soft, and we paid the price."

Sensei Lawrence stepped closer to him, getting all up in his face. "Now, you listen up. When you come into my dojo, you were softer than a baby's ass. Always sticking by Purple's side, but now from what I could tell, you've screwed everything up with her. Mistake one."

"True," Alyssa muttered.

Miguel elbowed her, but there was a small grin on his face. "Als."

"I made you what you are, not Kreese," Sensei Lawrence continued. "He doesn't give a shit about you. About any of you. So if you wanna keep whining about the past like a bunch of pussies, fine. We can play that game. You wanna stick with Kreese? Go ahead. Don't say I didn't warn you when your life ends up in the shitter. Or you could sack up and join my dojo. Havenhurst and Magnolia, tomorrow at four. If you wanna save yourselves, train the right way . . . you better be there. And don't be late!" He then walked away, but not before slamming a kid's books right out of his hand. "Sorry, kid, Old habit."

Alyssa frowned at the kid. "Oh, jeez." She pushed past the Cobra Kai's and knelt down to the ground in front of the kid, helping him pick up his books. Alyssa stood back up, holding his books out to him with a smile. "Here you go. Sorry, about him."

The kid's face flushed a light shade of red. "Thank you."

"No problem."

She was completely unaware that Hawk was looking at her, his eyes softening and a very small grin on his lips. Miguel, however, did notice. He wasn't about to let Hawk screw up anything more for Alyssa or make her even more confused, so he walked up to her side.

"Hm," Alyssa commented, noticing his presence. "His speech was . . . strangely motivational."

"So did he convince you?" Miguel asked, looking down at her. "You gonna join our new dojo?"

"In your dreams. Sorry, but I'm a Miyagi-Do through and through."

"Ah, right. Your breathing exercises."

Alyssa's jaw fell open in shock, and she hit his arm, making Miguel laugh and back away from her. "Fuck you."

"I'm just saying!" Miguel insisted, following after her as she started to walk away.

"I can beat your ass any day with my breathing exercises, Diaz."

He chuckled some more. "Yeah, I know." His expression then got serious. "Do you think he's going to listen? Hawk, I mean."

Alyssa shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, I've tried to knock some sense into him — literally."

A realization that came into her mind. Miguel had just told her she could always talk to him — maybe now was the time to tell him that Hawk had showed up at her house. She hadn't told anyone else for the reason that they would become angry and start another fight. (She wasn't talking about one specific person, by the way.)

"Miguel, I have to tell you something," Alyssa voiced, grabbing onto the sleeve of his shirt, making them the two of them stop. "I haven't told anyone else."

He raised an eyebrow. "Not even Sam? Or Demetri?"

"Especially not them, 'cause they'd flip." Alyssa sighed. "The night that Eli broke Demetri's arm, he showed up at my house."

Miguel's eyes widened. "He what? Als, oh my God, did he . . . did he hurt you?"

"No," Alyssa answered. "Not physically, at least. Emotionally, yes. I cried a lot." She paused for a moment and thought about it. "Like, a lot. And then I threw up."

"You threw up?"

"Yeah, it's whatever."

Miguel stared at her like she was crazy. "Why are you saying that like it's normal?"

"Because I think he may be reconsidering things. The fact he showed up at my house . . . Miguel, he wanted to apologize. Obviously, I didn't forgive him, but I also saw him today. I've known him long enough to see that he was faltering for a second. Maybe it's just my blind optimism or some shit like that."

"Not sure. I'm just glad you're okay." Miguel slung an arm around her shoulders. "How are you and him always at each other's throats, but when something goes wrong, you run back to each other?"

"I wish I knew," Alyssa replied. "But I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me."

•─•°•❀•°•─•

yeah ❤️

hawk rn is so scream from high school musical 3

also writing this book brings me so much joy and idk why