╔.𖥸. .════════════════╗

𝗖𝗟𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗧𝗬

chapter nineteen
nothing happened in the way
I wanted, every corner of
this house is haunted

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trigger warning: symptoms of a panic attack

SAM HAD, QUITE literally, rallied the troops.

Secretly, they had been karate training with Sam leading them, claiming that they needed to be ready to fight — her words, not Alyssa's. Alyssa was a little confused at the sudden switch in Sam's behavior and honestly didn't know what was going on, especially now, since she was striking first instead of Cobra Kai, which for sure went against what Miyagi-Do stood for.

Chris had texted Sam that Cobra Kai was bothering him at Golf 'n' Stuff where he worked. Alyssa could just tell that Hawk was leading it — don't ask her how she knew, she just did. God, couldn't he just give them a break.

Alyssa walked into Golf 'n' Stuff with Sam, Demetri, Stiven, and Jared. She glanced around at all the happy-go-lucky people, wishing she was one of them playing claw machines instead of going to fight. Sam glanced around for a moment before spotting Chris, and the group walked up to him.

"Where are they?" Sam asked.

"They snuck into the old laser tag place next door," Chris answered.

"How many?"

"Four of 'em."

"Six of us," Sam stated. "I like our odds."

Demetri looked down at her. "Are you sure we should be doing this?"

"We're not on school property. This is our chance to fight back."

Alyssa sighed and took out her hoop earrings. "Let's go, I guess." She put them in her back pocket of her jeans before holding onto Sam's arm as they walked towards the old arcade. "Sam, are you, like, one-hundred-percent sure?"

"Absolutely I'm sure," Sam replied. "Come on, don't you want revenge on Hawk?"

"I mean, yeah, sure. It's, just . . . I don't know, I have a bad feeling about this."

She shook her head. "It's going to be fine, Ally. There's four of them and six of us. We have the advantage." She looked over at her. "We can't do this without you. I need to know that you're with me."

Alyssa gave her a single nod and a tight smile. "Always."

And yet, the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach and how her chest felt tight begged to differ.

The six of them snuck into the old arcade, and through the cracks as they went in, Alyssa saw Hawk practicing a kick on a stuffed animal he most likely stole from Chris.

Alyssa felt a pang go throughout her chest. Ever since admitting to herself that she liked him, even now and possibly all along, the thought of fighting him got harder and harder, as if it wasn't hard enough to begin with. She swallowed nervously as Chris stood by the light switch.

She didn't want this.

The lights turned off, and the backup ones came on, turning the entire arcade into a harsh shade of blue.

She didn't want this.

They walked through the door to face the Cobra Kai's, and Alyssa's eyes immediately found Hawk's, her breath hitching in her throat.

She didn't want this.

Hawk glared at them. "What do you want?"

"Payback," Sam responded.

And so they attacked.

Sam pushed away one of the boys who ran up. Immediately, Hawk and Rickenberger approached her, and Alyssa swiftly ran up beside her. She crouched down low to the floor and swept Rickenberger's legs out from under him, standing back up as he fell to the ground. Alyssa then turned and watched as Sam kicked Hawk away, also sending him to the ground.

Wasn't it so crazy how they were in sync with their fighting, too?

Honestly, the fight became a mess and blurs of punches and kicks. Alyssa really did nothing but swing and lift her leg up, a slight sense of satisfaction filling her whenever her her fist or foot connected with something.

For a moment, it seemed like they were winning.

And then everything went so wrong.

"Sam LaRusso," the familiar voice of Tory Nichols called.

She had just kicked someone else to the floor near Sam when the voice rang throughout the arcade. Alyssa felt her heart stop momentarily and she looked over at Sam, who had paused in the middle of her punch.

"Where are you, bitch?"

Sam's blue eyes got real wide and her face turned as white as a sheet. This was not good, this was really not good. Considering the last time Sam had seen Tory she had basically tried to kill her, and Alyssa knew about her nightmares, she could only imagine the fear inside Sam right now.

As if to prove her point, Sam stood up, her chest starting to heave up and down. Alyssa watched as she started to back away into a corner.

"Show yourself, LaRusso!" Tory demanded.

"Sammy?" Alyssa began gently, following her but keeping her distance. "Hey, Sam, it's okay. Just breathe."

Sam placed a hand on her chest, sliding down the wall her back hit. Alyssa crouched down in front of her, her face gentle.

"Breathe with me, okay? Ready—"

Sam's eyes then stuck on something behind her, clearly not focused on the girl in front of her. Alyssa's eyebrows knit in confusion and she turned, only to see that Demetri was on the ground. Hawk was standing over him, holding Demetri's arm all the way back. Her eyes widened. She scrambled up from the crouched position and ran over towards them, momentarily forgetting about Sam.

"Demetri!" Alyssa screamed.

Multiple arms suddenly grabbed her, stopping her in place. Alyssa struggled against them, trying to break free, but it was no use. Their grip only became stronger on her. Her heart thudded against her chest and her breathing became erratic. This couldn't be happening, this couldn't be happening—

"No, no, no, no, Eli," Alyssa began, thrashing again in effort to get away. "Eli, please, you don't have to do this."

"No, please stop!" Demetri exclaimed, his voice high with panic. "Eli, stop! Stop!"

"Eli, stop," Alyssa begged. "Eli, come on, you're better than this. You know you're better than this. Just let him go."

"I-It's me! Don't do it! No! Help me!"

"Take me instead," Alyssa insisted. "Please, just take me instead. Don't hurt him."

Hawk paused for a second. Behind him, all the members of his dojo started to jeer him on, telling him to do it and calling him a pussy. Those who held Alyssa back did as well, and all of their words mixed with the ones she wanted to say were making her mind spin.

"No, no, it's fine, I'll go!" Demetri told him. "I'll go!"

"Please," Alyssa pleaded. "Remember who you are, Eli."

Hawk's face contorted into one of rage.

"No!" Alyssa yelled.

Then there was a snap. It echoed throughout the room, and it echoed throughout Alyssa's head. She was sure she would never forget the sound.

A gasp of horror left Alyssa. Demetri immediately started to let out yells of pain, making Alyssa's eyes shine with tears. She thrashed against the Cobra Kai's again, but they held onto her tighter, laughing at her struggles and the tears falling down her face.

"No!" Alyssa screamed once more. She tried to pull away again. "Let me go!" A sob involuntarily passed through her lips. "Let me go! Demetri!" She struggled harder against the Cobra Kai's, but she could start to feel her legs give out from underneath her from how hard she was crying now. "Demetri!"

"Pussies," Tory commented.

Alyssa looked over at her through her tears, anger filling her eyes. The Cobra Kai's finally let her go, and one pushed her in the small of her back, causing her to slightly stumble forwards. She landed right by the broken figure of Demetri and looked over, clenching her fists as she watched Hawk took all of the praise from his stupid fucking friends like he was some kind of hero.

"This isn't over, LaRusso!" Tory called.

Her and the rest of the Cobra Kai's started to walk away, evidently feeling triumphant. However, one remained. Hawk stood there, seemingly frozen in shock, staring down at Demetri with something matching regret. Alyssa only saw red now.

"How could you?" Alyssa shouted. "How could you?"

"I—" Hawk began.

She reached up and smacked him across the face, the harsh sound bouncing across the walls. "The fuck's wrong with you?"

Hawk looked back over at her, the red mark of a hand print starting to form on his cheek. He seemed shocked. She could've gone for a punch, but a slap just seemed . . . more personal, in a way.

"Get out!" Alyssa stated, more tears falling as she placed her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back. "Get out!"

Hawk didn't try to fight her. He turned around and walked away, following after his dumb friends. Alyssa let out another sob against her own will and turned back to Demetri, trying not to stare at his arm that was bent the wrong way. She sunk to her knees next to him and placed a hand on his head, threading his fingers through his hair for a moment.

"Ally?" Demetri weakly began.

"Yeah, it's me," Alyssa told him, swallowing back another sob. "I'm here, Dem. It's gonna be okay. Here, let me help you sit up."

Using all of her strength, she helped Demetri sit up so he was no longer laying in pain on the floor. His broken arm was limp at his side, but the hand of his arm that wasn't broken was shaking. Alyssa did nothing but reach forwards and put her arms around Demetri's neck, hugging him close. His body shook with sobs as he cried into her shoulder. Alyssa held him tight, placing her hand on the back of his head as she squeezed her eyes shut, tears of her own falling down her cheeks.

"It hurts," Demetri cried, and Alyssa could feel her heart shatter even further with every shaky breath of his. "Ally, it hurts."

He wasn't talking about his arm. Alyssa knew he wasn't.

"I know," she whispered back, pulling him in closer to her. "God, Dem, I know."

"Ally?" Chris's voice faintly asked. "Oh my God, Ally, what—"

"Somebody get Sam," Alyssa choked out, clutching onto the back of Demetri's shirt. "She's not okay either, we have to go."

"I'll get her," Stiven offered, wandering off to go find where Sam was.

"Shit, we need to call an ambulance," Chris stated.

"No," Alyssa refused, picking up her head to look at him, and the sight of her crying made everyone freeze. "No, I — I'll drive. My mom, she — she works at the hospital. I — I can take him."

None of them dared to argue with her — she would probably break down more if they did. So Alyssa, with some help from Chris and Jared, helped Demetri stand up and walk out of the arcade. Stiven, who held a crying Sam, walked out behind them.

They got some pretty weird stares from everyone as they left through the crowded place. Alyssa ignored all of them, the skin on her face feeling hot even though the slightly chilly air. She unlocked her car, and while Stiven went with Sam to her car, Chris and Jared helped Demetri sit in the back seat before sitting on either side of them.

Alyssa started her car and immediately drove away. She didn't know why she insisted on driving because she could barely focus. Her mind was spinning, her eyesight was blurry from the tears not stopping whatsoever, her chest was burning, and she couldn't breathe—

"Ally," Demetri weakly called from the backseat. "Hey, Ally. Can you listen to me?"

She nodded, her bottom lip quivering as she let out a sob. "I'm — I'm listening."

"You're driving right now, and I need you to breathe."

Her hands clenched her steering wheel tighter. "I'm trying."

"I know you are," Demetri said gently. "And that's good. But just follow me, okay? One, two . . . one, two . . ."

It was sort of ironic that the boy with the broken arm was helping Alyssa calm down. But after breathing with such a familiar voice, she could feel her heart rate start to decrease, and it felt easier to breathe. She was still crying, obviously, but at least it wasn't so hard anymore.

After a couple more minutes of driving, Alyssa slowed to a stop in a parking spot at the hospital. She quickly put the car in park, and once Demetri was out, they locked it. Alyssa walked fast into the hospital with Chris and Jared supporting Demetri behind her. She led them to the elevator and pressed the floor where she knew her mother would be. It was a short elevator ride, but to Alyssa, it felt like a million years for the doors to open.

Alyssa rushed up to the front desk. "I need to see Selena Liu."

The receptionist looked up at her. "I'm sorry?"

"Please, I'm her daughter. Something's happened—"

"Ally?" a familiar voice then called, and Alyssa turned to see her mother standing by one of the doors of a hospital room. Her mother approached her, her eyebrows knit in concern. "What are you doing here?"

Alyssa glanced back at Demetri for a moment before turning back to her mother, her voice shaking. "He — he broke his arm. Mom, you have to help him, please—"

"Okay," Selena replied calmly, noticing the panicked state of her daughter. She stopped a nearby nurse. "Camilla, can you take Demetri? His arm's broken."

The nurse nodded and gestured for Demetri to follow her. Demetri was led by Chris to follow Camilla. Alyssa's breathing picked up as she watched the shocked state of Demetri walk away, fresh tears filling her eyes.

"Ally, what happened?" her mother inquired, placing her hands on Alyssa's shoulders.

"It was Cobra Kai," Alyssa let out, sobs started to escape her before she had time to control them. "They're psychotic, they broke Demetri's arm, they broke it—"

Selena didn't say anything else. She just wrapped Alyssa up in a tight hug, pulling her close. Alyssa clutched onto her mother and cried into her shoulder.

"It hurts," Alyssa admitted. "I — they didn't even break my arm, why—"

Selena rubbed her back. "It's because they broke something inside of you, sweetheart."

They paused for a moment. It was silent besides the noises of the hospital and Alyssa crying. Selena had never really seen her daughter get so out of control with her crying before. There was only one explanation for it.

"They broke your heart."

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

ALYSSA HAD ACTUALLY cried so hard that she made herself sick, which definitely did not make anyone's situation better. Her mom had ordered she go home, and numbly with no more tears left, Alyssa had blankly walked out of the hospital and drove home, basically on autopilot.

She got out of her car where she had parked in her driveway, shutting the door and locking it. Alyssa started to walk up her driveway, wanting nothing more than to go under her covers and stay there for the rest of eternity. She had just gotten to where the asphalt of her driveway met the concrete of the sidewalk that led up to her house when she pulled out her house key with one hand, her other hand rubbing against her tear-stained cheek. Alyssa pushed a way of piece of hair as she did so — her mom had tied as much back as she could into a bun, but some of the front pieces hadn't made it.

However, the universe decided that it wasn't done fucking her life up just yet.

"Alyssa."

She froze in her tracks, her hand lowering from her face and the one holding her keys starting to shake. Alyssa turned around, only to see a familiar face followed by a red mohawk, standing outside of the house he had spent so much time in. She gritted her teeth, her headache getting worse just by looking at him.

Alyssa faced back forwards and started to walk again, nothing in her mind except getting inside. The same burning in her chest from earlier appeared again — she had to go, she had to get away from him.

A hand then placed on her wrist. Alyssa immediately flinched and jumped backwards, her keys falling with a clatter to the concrete. Hawk stared at her, his eyes wide, before shoving his hands into his pockets. Alyssa breathed heavily, reaching down and picking up her keys quickly before taking a step back from him.

"Do not touch me," Alyssa stated.

"Lys, I didn't—" Hawk began.

"No. Enough. Didn't get your fill, huh? You may have broken Demetri's arm at the arcade, but that wasn't enough for you, so you came here? Well, if you're looking to break my arm, too, fucking think again."

Hawk shook his head rapidly. "I'm . . . I'm here to talk."

"Talk?" Alyssa repeated, raising an eyebrow. "You think I want to talk to you after what just happened? Yeah, right. You've done enough, Eli. Go away."

"Lys, you have to—"

"Do you need another sense of satisfaction?" Alyssa interrupted. "Fine. Here. I just cried so hard that I actually threw up. Congratulations, you officially made me sick."

"I'm—" Hawk started to say, seeming to struggle with himself as he shut his eyes for a moment, all the thoughts in his head becoming way too much. "I just . . ."

Alyssa clenched her jaw a little bit, understanding what he was insinuating. "No. No, you do not get to tell me you're sorry. Feel sorry for yourself. I don't want your fucking apologies."

"Please." Hawk stared at her, his blue eyes suddenly dark. "Alyssa, please, you don't get it."

"I can say the same thing. You don't get how it feels watching your favorite person suddenly do a one-eighty and become a Grade A asshole. You don't understand how a dojo suddenly reappearing in the Valley turns the one person you thought would always stick by your side into a monster. And you definitely don't understand how scared I am right now that you'll hurt me just like you hurt Demetri back at the arcade. I used to feel so safe around you, Eli. I shouldn't be scared, but I am."

"I don't want you to be scared," Hawk insisted. "You don't — you don't know what I'd do for you."

"What's the point of saying that?" Alyssa asked brokenly. "We both know it isn't true. Because all I want right now is for you to leave Cobra Kai. Cobra Kai isn't just a dojo anymore, don't you get it? It's turning into a fucking cult. And as much as I hate to admit it, the part of me that still cares about you wants you to leave before you're in too deep. You're being manipulated, and hell, Eli, even after what just happened, I'm scared for you. I'm begging you to snap out of it." She let out a humorless laugh. "It's fucked up, isn't it? Me, wanting you to be okay?"

"I — I never . . . it was never meant to get like this."

"I wish it never had." She paused for a moment, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "You know, at the hospital, when my mom asked me what happened, I didn't even tell her that it was you specifically who broke Demetri's arm. And as she held me as I cried in the middle of the hospital, all I could think about was why I was still protecting you after all of this. I've shed too many fucking tears over you just for you to not care."

"I do care," Hawk insisted.

"You really expect me to believe that?" Alyssa argued. "People who care about you wouldn't do all of the shit you've done." Her voice started to shake. "Do you remember? Do you remember what I said the night of the Halloween dance when you and Demetri came back to me without Miguel, and he was left in the locker room with Kyler?"

Hawk was silent, but she saw a small, quick jerk of his head. He nodded. He knew.

"Then tell me." Alyssa's eyes blazed in anger as she stared at him. "Tell me what I said. Say it, Eli."

"Friends don't abandon friends," Hawk recited quietly.

"Friends don't abandon friends," Alyssa repeated. "You apparently didn't take that to heart, because you have abandoned everything. You've abandoned Miguel, because even through your whole Cobra Kai for life, you know this is not what he would've wanted. You've abandoned Demetri, because you let all of your confidence and newfound strength go to your head and decided that even though he is your best friend he wasn't good enough for you anymore."

A pause for a moment, before hitting him right where it hurt.

"And you've abandoned me," Alyssa continued. "Even though I helped you dye your hair, even though I went with you to get that stupid tattoo, even though I let so many things slide because I wanted to watch you thrive, you just left me, like I never even mattered to you."

Hawk lost all of the breath inside of him. "Alyssa—"

"I really fooled myself into thinking that flipping the script included me, but it didn't. I was forced to stand back and watch you leave all of your old life, leave me, behind. And the entire time I was thinking what about me?, because I didn't want to live in a world without you, but you slipped out of my grasp before I even had a chance to hold on. What am I supposed to do with that, Eli? Am I just supposed to take it?"

A beat of silence. Hawk stared at her in shock.

"You don't know what it's like," Alyssa insisted. "You don't know what it's like to look at your favorite person in the world, only to see a stranger staring back at you. And even though you don't recognize them, you still try to be in their lives because the thought of losing them would absolutely kill you."

"I didn't—" Hawk began. "I never—"

"I watched you go, and honestly, Eli, it felt like life lost all of its meaning," Alyssa admitted, her bottom lip quivering. "I had no idea who I was without you and, God, I felt so alone. Miyagi-Do, Demetri, and Sam reminded me that I wasn't. Life went on, and so did we, but it wasn't the same. And you want to know the really sad thing? I miss you. Even after all you've done, even after this, I still feel the hole in my heart, one that can only be filled by you."

"Miyagi-Do," Hawk echoed bitterly. "This would've never happened—"

Her mouth fell open in shock. "How fucking dare you try to blame you breaking Demetri's arm on that. That was your choice, and it was the wrong one. I know that. You know that. And before this, I was waiting for you to see that Cobra Kai isn't healthy, but now, I'm tired of waiting." Her chin shook with emotion as she continued. "You're a good person, Eli. You always have been, and you always will be, but you've let everything inside Cobra Kai get into your fucking head, and it's corrupted you. Demetri would've never done this to you." Her voice then got quiet. "I would've never done this to you."

Deep down, Hawk knew it was true. Alyssa, the one who glowed like moonlight, wouldn't have done anything that he did.

Alyssa swallowed back a sob, but she knew it wouldn't be long now until she totally broke down. "You make me feel like I'm losing my mind, and I hate it. I hate all of this, actually. I don't like the atmosphere in Miyagi-Do, because all of us are on edge, waiting for the next Cobra Kai attack. I don't like taking different ways to get to class so I don't run into people. And I don't like fighting with you." She stared at him for a moment. "I hate that the most."

At this point, Hawk didn't know what to say. Every time he did, it was like his mind blanked, and then Alyssa would hit him with something else.

"You were home," Alyssa admitted, her voice breaking. "You were everything. And it kills me to say that you still are, even if you don't feel the same about me. I don't want to feel that way with you anymore. Not after this. But no matter what I do or how hard I try, I just can't get myself to get over you."

Hawk blinked. "Over me?"

"Over you," Alyssa confirmed quietly. She could feel her emotions reach a boiling point again, and she just had to get out. "But you don't get to just show up here expecting me to forgive you. After this, after everything you've done . . ." She shook her head. "You joined Cobra Kai because you wanted to stop being bullied, but you've taken it too far."

"Lys, just listen to me—" Hawk began.

"No, you listen to me. You broke Demetri's arm. I drove him to the hospital, trying to will myself to stay calm as he cried next to Chris in the backseat of my car. And not just from the pain in his arm — from you doing that to him. But Demetri's arm isn't the only thing you broke tonight." Alyssa saw her vision get blurry with tears again, and her voice lowered all the way to a broken whisper. "You broke my heart."

Silence. Hawk stared at her with wide eyes, clearly not expecting that revelation, but it felt like an absolute punch to the stomach. Alyssa stared back at him, looking completely shattered — tears falling down her face, mascara running from under her eyes all the way down her cheeks, her skin red and blotchy, some of her hair sticking to her face.

"I always had an inkling of hope that the old Eli was still in there," Alyssa continued. "The same sweet boy who watched movies with me and gave me his chocolate milk at lunch when he saw I was having a bad day. I've tried to remind you of him, but I guess he's really gone." She let out a scoff, shaking her head. "I'm so fucking stupid. I've wasted my time, because I can't help a person who doesn't want to be saved."

Hawk looked like he had just been punched in the stomach.

"You've got some nerve showing up here," Alyssa told him. "Now walk away and stay the hell away from Demetri, the rest of Miyagi-Do, and me. Go."

"Alyssa—" Hawk pleaded.

"I said go!"

The scream echoed throughout the quietness of the neighborhood. Alyssa turned around and walked up to the door, trying her best not to just collapse right then and there, because she definitely was about to. With shaking hands, she unlocked her door and got into her house, slamming it shut behind her. She then turned herself around and put her back on the door, sliding all the way down to the floor. Her knees tucked themselves into her chest and her arms fell against the top of them. She leaned her head forwards on her arms, sobs ricocheting throughout her body.

Hawk stared back at the now-closed door from his place on the driveway. Even though they were muffled, maybe from the wood and maybe from her trying to suppress them, he could hear her sobs from inside. A familiar burning sensation of tears pricked at the back of his eyes. He turned around and walked away, leaving her alone just like she asked. It was official now. Hawk truly hated himself.

And unknown to both of them, Cam Williams was walking away from the Liu house, his heart sinking all the way to his stomach at the sight of Alyssa and Hawk on her front porch. A bouquet of flowers were clenched in his grip, flowers that were wasted now.

Broken definitely seemed to be the overarching theme.

•─•°•❀•°•─•

hey maybe DON'T read this while listening to I miss you I'm sorry 🥰 I wrote it while listening to it and could barely see my screen because I was crying so hard

bro when sam was crying into amanda's arms . . . it hurts my heart so bad MY GIRL :( she's so misunderstood but I UNDERSTAND BABY