TWO | DICKHEADS WHO CAN FIGHT

"Just gonna sit, I'm just gonna sit for a minute,"  Luther muttered, taking a seat on the park bench. Five and I sat opposite him, leaning against the wooden benches. "You feeling better?" Five whispered.

"With rashes on my neck, and sweat dripping like global warming came to bite me in the ass. I would say I'm doing fine," I answered, wiping the sweat off my forehead. "That didn't go well," Diego frowned.

"No, not our best work," Five sighed, I inspected the cuts on his face. "Oh, I'm cracking," Klaus complained, hearing his joints cracking loudly.

"You all right?" Allison asked a zoned-out Luther. "I don't know yet, I"ve just never had my ass handed to me like that before, It's like..." Luther shook his head slowly, in disbelief.

Luther cupped his hands together, "Here you go, it's your ass," Allison reacted with a worried look, "Okay, I think Luther's concussed," Allison patted Luther's head.

"Luther, how many fingers?" Klaus raised three fingers. "Oh my god, Vanya," Luther realized Vanya wasn't there. "Oh thank god, you're alive," Vanya stumbled in, relieved.

"You okay?" Allison asked Luther, staring at him worriedly. "Apparently so is Ben," Klaus commented. "Yeah, and he's a complete dickhead," Allison added. "They're all dickheads,"  Diego joined in. "Dickheads who can fight," Luther described.

"Okay, the next person to say dickhead is getting a punch to the throat," Five and I threatened in unison.

"Dickhead,"

"Dickhead,"

"Dickhead,"

"Dickhead,"

Five and I rolled our eyes, unsurprised by our siblings' reactions. "Hey, did Dad tell you why they were calling them his kids?" Diego asked, referring to the group in red. "He sure did! You ready?" Klaus laughed dryly.

"Dad was so repulsed by us back in Texas, that he adopted an entirely different group of kids just so that he didn't have to raise us," Klaus huffed.

"Oh, now that's just peak Dad," Diego commented. "Isn't it?" Luther asked rhetorically. "But..." I looked at everyone in a confused daze.

"Yeah?" Luther asked. "There was a redhead there who..." I trailed off, unable to form the right words. "My god! He hated us except you, Tate!" Luther pieced together at the sudden appearance of a girl similar to me.

"That's was you in your 30s?" Diego asked. "I guess," I shrugged, swinging my arms against the bench, "Same fight position, same attitude, same everything," I muttered, Five brushing my hair out of my face.

"She's pretty," Klaus complimented. "Bitchy but pretty," Five nodded, saying what was on my mind.

"So he didn't want us?"  Vanya asked. "Did he ever?" Allison returned the question. "See? I told you, we shouldn't have asked him for help in '63,"  Luther snapped, raising his hand.

"I think you're missing the big picture here," Five said, causing everyone to turn to him. "If Dad didn't adopt us as kids, he changed the timeline. So who knows what else is different now?" Five stated.

"Shouldn't you know?" Allison pointed to Five sarcastically. "Sorry, Allison. But it might take more than 20 minutes and a traumatic brain injury to figure this all out, is that okay with you?" Five waved his hand, answering with a sarcastic remark.

"No, actually it's not," Allison snapped. "Guys, look it's fine, we still have the Commission's briefcase, so worst case, we just go back in time and fix it," Vanya reassured us. "Great," Klaus agreed.

"Okay, there are two problems with that statement," Five stood up from the bench. "First off--" Five started. "And here we go," Klaus muttered, knowing Five is about to rant on about how time is fickle.

"Time travel is complicated, people," Five continued. "Yeah we know, your job is so hard, just... what?" Diego interrupted, irritated. "And secondly... I no longer have the briefcase," Five showed his empty hands, causing everyone's eyes to widen.

Allison being the first to stand up, said, "Five, where the hell is that the briefcase?" Five tilted his head, wondering the same thing.

As we started walking away from the park, we got weird stares from people. "What are we doing?" Allison asked. "Ruminating," Five answered, his hand shoved in his pockets.

"Why is everyone staring at us?" Klaus questioned. "Cause we look like the damn village people who just lost a fight," Diego snapped, snatching Klaus's hat. "Gimme that," Klaus tried reaching for his hat.

Diego jabbed Klaus in the stomach, causing him to complain. "Cut it out," Five muttered, holding onto my hand.

"You know what? I need to go find Claire, I will catch up with you guys later," Allison excused herself, about to walk away until Vanya stopped her. "Hey, Allison, no. First, let's get somewhere safe, clean up those cuts, and then we'll go find her," Vanya suggested.

"Man, I hate those guys," Luther grumbled, looking at a billboard with the Sparrows. "Look at them, with their... stupid smug..." Luther trailed off, trying to come up with a good comeback. "You can do it, you can do it," Klaus encouraged, walking over to Luther.

"...s... s... smug... smugness," Luther forced out with a sigh. "Keep working on it, big guy. You'll land one, eventually," Klaus reassured Luther. "But honestly, what are we doing? Cause we can't stand here, bleeding out in the middle of this park," Allison asked.

"I don't know but we better gear up fast before they come for round two," Diego urged. "What makes you think they'll come after us?" Vanya asked. "Because I would," Diego nodded. "Yeah, we did break into their house..." Klaus recalled.

"Our house," Allison corrected. "...bust up all their nice antiques and shit," Klaus waved his hand around. "Yeah, I don't think the crime-fighting super nerds are gonna let that go," Luther muttered, his eyes never leaving the billboards.

"Let's just think of someplace off the radar where we can lay low and not draw attention," Five suggested. "What kind of a weird-ass place are we not  gonna draw attention?" Diego asked.

We all looked at Klaus who turned at us with a 'light bulb' moment in his head.

"There were two entrances by the way," Five said, pushing through the revolving door. "Oh, Hotel Obsidian. I missed you, you old slutty dame," Klaus exclaimed, pushing me aside.

"Absorb her. absorb her into your bosom," Klaus waved his hands, urging us to sniff the air.

"You have..." I trailed off, my hand swiping over Five's forehead. "Thank you," Five smiled softly, moving his hand up to cup my cheek.

"You know, 'cause back in her heyday, she played host to world leaders. Roosevelt, Gandhi, Stalin, Gorbachev, Castro, King Olaf of Norway, one of the Kim Jongs, Tito, Dalai Lama, Elvis, and not one but two Kardashians, allegedly," Klaus listed out proudly.

"Wouldn't that-- where are you going?" Klaus asked, watching Allison walk away from the group. "I gotta make a call," Allison responded. "Nowadays, she's a flop house, a party house for those of us not looking to be judged by society's rules and norms,"

"You mean a place to hide?" Luther summarised. "Exactly! Perfect," Klaus agreed. "And the best part of it is, she's gonna look after us, no questions asked," Klaus ended. I shifted to people staring before covering themselves with their newspapers.

"Never ever, right?" Klaus said in a hushed voice. "Come on," Klaus started walking, telling us to follow him. "I might have questions," Diego said warily. "Yeah me too," Luther nodded, following him. "This place is weird," Vanya commented.

"And how will we be paying today?" A man asked as Five and I caught up to the front desk. "Um..." We went silent. "Fine, empty your pockets," Luther suggested. I pulled out a small piece of candy, Debbie's ring, and a crumpled 5 dollar bill.

Diego pulled out his knife. "Condom? Put the knife away," Luther said, hiding Diego's knife. "Can't exchange those for cash," Klaus muttered, looking down at his pile of sugar packets. "Why do you have a hairnet?" I asked.

"Oh, all right," Luther and I sighed as we realized we had nothing. I pulled Debbie's ring off my finger while Luther took his watch. "Ooh," Klaus watched as we handed the ring and the watch to the man. "What does this get us?" Luther asked.

The man inspected the watch closely, testing it with a magnifier. "And the ring?" I questioned when he held up the ring. "It's real, I think 0.8 carat, with a real gold band and actual diamonds wrapped around," I explained, the man examining it closely with the magnifier.

"Three rooms, Mazel Tov," The man pulled off three keys and handed them to us. "Awesome," Klaus muttered, picking up one of the keys. "All right, let's brady bunch this bitch," Allison snatched another set of keys.

"Uh, meet back in the bar in two hours so we can make a plan," Five ordered as we walked towards the elevator. "I have a plan," Diego ran in front of us.

"We attack the sparrows and we take back our house, and then we punch Dad a bit until he admits we're better and he loves us more, boom! done!" Diego suggested.

"You having to find validation from our father is super sad," I said, walking into the elevator. "Shh," Five shushed me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"We're wasting time," Diego complained. "Relax, don't sweat it, man. Those shit birds are staying out for a while," Klaus reassured.

"I bet they're as wiped as we are," Klaus said, stepping last into the elevator. "Really?" Diego asked, hesitant of Klaus's assumption. "Yeah, I mean. Kicking our asses looked exhausting," Klaus said, leaning on the elevator door.