【 F O U R T E E N 】

𝗖𝗔𝗣𝗧𝗔𝗜𝗡 [ 𝗟𝗘𝗩𝗜 𝗔𝗖𝗞𝗘𝗥𝗠𝗔𝗡 ]

Levi's POV

i sat dumbfounded on the cart that is being pulled by the horses back to the walls. anger and sadness are still overflowing on my system and my tears are still streaming down from my face but i let them fall.

fuck it, if Y/N is here, she will surely wipe my tears away and kiss me lovingly.

i watched how we drove farther from Wall Maria which is completely now covered in white, Y/N titan's back sculpted on it. it feels like i already lost my energy and my will to live. everyone that gets attached on me always end up dying. am i bad luck? why do destiny needs to hurt me like this?

i missed Y/N so much. her kisses, her presence, her hugs, her laugh, smile, everything. i missed her so much. and i can't help but to cry harder between my knees. i shouldn't have agreed on her plan. i shouldn't have let her do it. i shouldn't have---fuck it! it's too late. everything is too late.

"When I'm gone, don't ever cry for me okay? Don't mourn."

her voice  rang in my ears. i'm such a disappointment. i cried. i failed her. i mourned. i'm such a failure. how come that she loved someone like me? how come that she can offer her life for someone like me? i want to push people away but why didn't i push her? maybe i tried but she keep coming back so i finally embraced her.

but when i embraced her, she vanished.

"Act as if you never knew me. Act as if I don't happen in your life."

as if i can do that. i will not do that. she will always stay in my heart. no matter how painful, i will still love her. 

Chairs so close and room so small
You and I talk all the night long

i can't help but to recall what happened last two nights ago. the dance. her kiss on my eye. everything. her voice ringing on my ears like an angel is talking to me. i will never forget that night, she told me that she loved me with tears on her eyes. the way how her dress hugs her figure perfectly, she's just so unique.

And it's always so we live under the burnt clouds
Ease our burden, long is the night

no matter how we live under the burnt clouds, we will still end up dying. but i'm not expecting for her to die this early. we haven't been together for a month. we're just starting to make memories together but the universe took her away from me. i want to curse, i want to shout, i want to kill but i know that if Y/N is watching me, she will just be worried at me. 

when i confessed to her, i didn't say that three words to her. i thought that it was too cheesy and maybe, there is still a perfect time to say it to her, but i was wrong. i should have said it to her already. no matter how many times she said those words to me, i will not answer her. how shitty i am right? i don't deserve her love. i don't deserve her life.

when we arrived at our headquarters, i ignored everybody as i head straight into my office as i looked myself inside. i grabbed my wine from my table before heading on the terrace, the sun starting to set. my tears soon fell again as i drank my wine, my heart throbbing on pain. 

"And make sure to marry Petra. So in that case, you'll have kids so someone will take care of you when you get older."

no, i will not marry her. i will only marry Y/N, only her. i closed my eyes before i shout my pain away. no one can hear me, no one will answer me, no Y/N will comfort me. how painful. i cried hard as i drank my wine, thinking if this will help to ease my burden away, but no avail, no. it just makes me think of Y/N again. this feeling is back again. 

We comrades have stories to tell
So ist es immer, that in the evening time
We drink and we sing when our fighting is done

this same feeling when Isabel and Farlan leave me. when they told me to believe in them, they died. i told myself that i'm not going to trust anyone except from myself but why did i believe in Y/N? since i believed on her, she died. she left me. someone left me again. and this is the pain that i don't want to feel again. 

i opened my eyes and i started to feel dizzy and i can sense that i'm so tired. there is only one thing this life taught me,

"Never trust anyone unless you want them to die."

and that trusting is the biggest mistake i did.

before i lost my consciousness, i looked to the sky and i think i saw Y/N, smiling back at me. i lifted my hand, trying to reach the sky before muttering something before i drifted to sleep.

"I love you too, Y/N."

【 F O U R T E E N 】