I was sitting on the wooden floors in the entrance Hall of my estate, just as I had been for the past three hours.

It had been two days since I'd arrived back home in Manhattan, and I hadn't spoken to anyone since.

It was eleven p.m and I couldn't sleep, so I was sitting on the floor as I imagined myself being adrift on a float across the vast Atlantic Ocean.

I dipped my fingers into the water, and chuckled when I saw a group of small fish scatter at the ripples I'd created. "Drifting~" I sang weakly. "Just drifting right along~ lala laa~"

I hummed and wiggled my toes as if they were dangling in the ocean, my eyes turning to crescents as the water was just right to the touch. "I should learn how to surf. Find an island and learn how to surf..." I whispered. "The sharks won't bite... they won't bite..."

"Master Park?"

I snapped my head up at my footman, who I hadn't seen in quite some time. He was looking down at me with a concerned expression, his brows knitted together and his eyes scanning me up and down. He carried a lantern in his hand, which alerted me to how dark it really had become around me.

I hadn't had an actual conversation with Kim Seokjin in over a year. I had almost forgotten the sound of his voice.

"Is everything alright, master Park? Shouldn't you be in bed?"

I rapidly shook my head. "No... no, I don't want that. I'm on a raft. On a raft at sea."

"Master Park..." Jin crouched down beside me, and hesitated before putting his hand on my shoulder. "I think you might be a little tired."

"I'm not tired," I said sharply. "I'm fine. I'm perfectly fine."

Jin sighed and rubbed my back. "Alright, well... is there an island anywhere nearby, dear? Somewhere you can rest?"

I shrugged. "Maybe over there... but it's quite far away."

Jin carefully snaked his arm around my waist and tried to lift me up to my feet. "Alright, then I'll help you get there."

"No, you can't help me get there," I said, shaking my head and protesting while Jin did his best support my weak legs. "I'm supposed to drift!"

"Well, I think we can agree this is a bit faster, isn't it?" Jin said, being quite persistent as he carried me towards the island.

"No! Stop!" I yelled, because I knew the island was the staircase to my room, and I was nowhere near ready to leave yet. I'd been so content with my raft in the ocean. I let my entire body go limp and made myself too heavy for Jin to carry.

"Master Park, please!" The footman groaned. "Should I go fetch Taehyung?"

"He was so small!" I cried out, balling my hands into fists as I lay defeated on the floor. "So innocent and small!"

Jin's eyes widened at me as I burst out into tears. He looked lost on how to handle the complete mess I'd become, but ofcourse he was. He had no idea what the hell I was talking about.

"He hadn't done anything... he hadn't even been allowed the chance to do anything! Oh, God... oh, God, he won't ever forgive me. I sat there and watched it all happen... God won't ever forgive me!"

I cried and cried until my vision was so blurred with tears it seemed I had fallen off my raft and into the depths of the ocean.

Jin tried to bring me back, but he couldn't reach me. To him, the ocean wasn't there. To him, my raft seemed insane.

I sobbed and wailed until my skull felt like it would burst. I dug my nails into the palms of my hand until I pierced my skin. I just seemed insane.

__________

After two weeks of lying in bed and doing nothing but stare at the ceiling of my bedroom, I'd finally managed to bring my self-hatred down to a level where I wasn't suicidal anymore.

Though, doing so had proven to be an awfully difficult task.

"Moj aniol?"

I flinched when I heard Taehyung's voice, and turned my head only to see that my groundskeeper was lying right next to me in my bed. "Oh..." I said hoarsly. "Did... did we fuck last night?"

The groundskeeper chuckled and shook his head. "No. You've been in no state for any of that."

The man reached out to grab my chin, and stroked my lips with his thumb as though he wanted to remind himself of what our kisses felt like.

"I think..." he said. "Something bad happened to you in Italy."

A sharp pain shot through my body. "I don't want to talk about it," I said quickly, the wound still way too sore for any kind of treatment.

"Then we wont," Taehyung said matter-of-factly. "I'll just be here to care for you, and to make you feel better."

The morning birds twittered in the oak tree behind my room, and I stared out my window to watch them cutely hop from branch to branch.

"Doesn't it bother you?" I asked after a while of staring. "The fact that I'm not a good person?"

"You are a good person," Taehyung said without a moment of hesitation. "You are a good person forced into a bad situation. There is a very obvious difference."

"What makes you so sure?" I asked, letting my eyes fall back to the inside of my room. "What if I'm just a demon who's trapped you here. What if everything I touch is cursed?"

"Moj aniol, you are not a demon," Taehyung said, sounding filled with conviction. "Why would a demon care about wether or not he is a demon?"

I pouted my lips as I pondered on Taehyung's question, feeling only slightly better about myself when I couldn't find an answer for it. "I don't know..." I whispered, flinching a little when the groundskeeper suddenly pressed a harsh, wet kiss to my cheek.

"They do not," he said curtly. "Which means you are not one."

The corner of my lips twitched upward, but my eyes remained sad. "I pray you are right about that, Tae," I murmured. "I truly do."

_____________

My father sent me a telegram saying I was allowed to remain in Manhatten for three whole months, but I couldn't say that the idea brought me all that much joy.

It wasn't as though I didn't like spending my days either reading, drinking, or getting fucked by Taehyung, but it did begin to feel like I was slowly becoming depressed.

And the worst part was that I couldn't do anything about that reality. I was forced to just sit and do nothing as my sanity slipped away.

I could use my imagination to pretend my life was different every now and then, but like using a drug, once I came off the high, my actual life only felt ten times worse.

I strolled through my house in nothing but my underwear, carrying a half empty bottle of Jack Daniel's in one hand, and an American blend cigarette in the other. I sang to the tune of I'm Always Chasing Rainbows, and swayed from left to right as the world turned so very slowly. I wondered if I would ever find myself dancing in a club again. I wondered if I would ever find joy in dancing again.

"Master Park!"

I swung around and nearly lost my balance as I was somewhere between tipsy and wasted.

Hoseok had run up the stairs out of the servant's quarters, and looked at me with wideblown eyes.

"W-wha'is it?" I asked, crossing my arms in front of my body in some sort of attempt at hiding my half-naked self.

"It's Taehyung..." The cook said, breathing heavily. "He isn't looking too good, sir."

____________

Taehyung's body was beaten worse than anyone could have ever prepared me for.

I wasn't sure wether I had to be glad I was drunk or not, because even though the servants were definetly judging me for being blasted at 8 a.m, my sober self would have fainted at the sight of Taehyung's wounds.

The groundskeeper was lying on his bed, barely conscious as Jin cleaned the cuts in his skin with a wet cloth.

The man had two black eyes, a missing molar, a nosebleed and a bruised jaw, but his body was just as battered. There were large bruises on his torso that reached such deep shades of purple, Namjoon had to telephone a doctor to make sure he didn't have any internal bleedings.

"What... what happened?" I asked, only for the other servants to shrug their shoulders and apologetically shake their heads.

"A couple... of thugs," Taehyung suddenly replied, making everyone flinch as though they'd thought him done for. "Wrong place, w-wrong time..."

"I don't care, I need names, descriptions, anything that might tell you who they were," I said sharply, my hands balled into fists at whoever had the audacity to come after my groundskeeper. My friend.

But Taehyung's eyes began to slip shut and his conscious ebbed in and out. "I don't r-remember..."

"You don't remember!?" I yelled with a twitching eye, only for Jin to rise to his feet and grab me by the shoulders. "Sir, I understand that this hurts, but he might have a concossion. We should be gentle and patient with him."

"Fuck that," I said, roughly pushing the footman's arms away from me. "I'll figure it out on my own. I'll have those men hunted down and exterminated like the vermin they are. They won't live to see another month. They won't live to see another week!"

"Master Park?" Namjoon said, alerting me to what my words had done to everyone in the cramped little room.

I was being stared at like I was a mad man, but of course I was. These people had never even witnessed a murder. They knew I probably had the means to do certain things, but they had no idea I was a man capable of doing those certain things.

"Tell me when he improves," I said, before hurriedly leaving Taehyung's bedroom. "Or when he can remember anything."

I had phone-calls to make.

______________

Anthony and I walked up the hill where Camp Corleone was located in silence, but I knew that both our minds were filled with many heavy things.

We couldn't trust each other with our problems, because even though our parents pretended to be brothers, they definetly were rivals. So all we could do was be there for each other with a hug, or a smile, or a supportive touch. We both had a fortress around who we truly were inside, and neither of us could ever hope to penitrate it.

"Good morning everyone," Marco said, the wind ruffling up his thick dark hair. "Today, as you all know, is your last real knife-fighting class."

We were all outside again, position in a long line that stretched all fifty students, aged fifteen to twenty-six.

"But before we begin, I have to tell you all about some changes that were made to this final class."

Everyone stiffened up, as changes never predicted anything good.

"Normally, this last class would be done with real knives, and the only thing you'd have to do to win is cut your opponent. But, Capo Park has pushed an amendment where you musn't only cut your opponent, but kill them."

I heard every student draw a sharp breath, and when I glanced at Anthony from the corner of my eyes, I saw the boy tremble.

"He says that he doesn't believe all fifty of you have the potential to be maffiosi, and I do believe him. This challenge will weed out those who have what it takes, and those who do not."

I swallowed thickly as I started to become a little lightheaded.

"Find someone your size, and when you hear my whistle..." Marco's dark eyes dragged past every student's face almost as if he were trying to remember them all before half of them would be gone. "You'll begin."

A/n: so like, I actually made a spotify playlist with a lot of the oldie songs I mention in both of the broken clocks books, but Idk how to share it. If anyone knows lemme know.