"Dreams, just dreams,
my beautiful golden dreams,
it seems my dreams
are missives of sweet consolation.
each dream I dream
turns gloom to a bright sunbeam
since the love that I gave
found a grave, all I crave
are dreams, just dreams."

I couldn't remember the melody of the song that had carried me out of my vivid nightmares. But the words. Those tragic words. They would always stay with me.

I woke up to sunshine, staring at me with those golden-brown eyes full of wonder and confusion.

A treasure. An angel was in my bed, and reached out to comb his fingers through my hair like I was some sort of sad, misunderstood creature deserving of sympathy.

I was naked. I was completely naked, but he didn't seem to care.

He held me, caressed me, smiled at me.

I'd been carried out of the darkness back into the light, but this time, it wasn't my groundskeeper who had done the heavy lifting.

It was the watchmaker.

I pushed myself closer to the sun and tried to make the distance between us disappear. I wanted to kiss him, to feel him, to discover what it was like to be embraced by something so pure and untainted.

But as I ran forward in a desperate sprint, I tripped on my own greed and failed to reach him. Our lips grazed each other, but the moment had ended.

I felt my Taehyungie stir beside me, and he groaned as he awakened. I reached out to stroke his cheek, and let my head rest on the butler's shoulder. Heaven, for a moment. I'd found heaven, just for a while.

__________

It turned out that the butler could sing, and that he'd soothed me when I was plagued by nightmares in the middle of the night.

It was nothing but an act of kindness from a sweet boy, and I wanted to slam my head against the wall for trying to corrupt him with my affection. A demon. I was a fucking demon.

"He's darling, actually," I mumbled after the butler left my bedroom, pouting at his unreachableness.

"Not as darling as you," Taehyung growled into my ear, spooning me from behind and kissing my neck like I was the water to his thirst.

I could feel his hard-on poke against my ass, but for some reason I could only stare at the door through which the butler had left us. "You like him, don't you, mio amore?"

Taehyung made me suck on his finger before he wurmed it into the crevice of my buttocks. "Hm? Ah, perhaps."

"Perhaps?" I asked, looking back at the groundskeeper. "But you two seemed--"

"The boy does not want to be with me," Taehyung mumbled, working his finger into my ass with a bit more frustration than usual.

I parted my lips to say something, but the groundskeeper pushed his cock into me just as I was about to speak. I mewled and gripped at the matrass, the first few thrusts feeling like torture as I hadn't been fucked by Taehyung for almost two full months now.

"Ah-- f-fuck..." I whispered, clenching my fists to distract from the pain.

Taehyung grabbed my leg and brought it up higher, giving himself better access to my ass as he snapped his hips into my trembling body.

I wasn't an idiot.

I knew I was being used like a toy in that moment. I was acting as a replacement for the servant boy who seemed to have rejected my Taehyungie, and my love was pretending it was him he was fucking instead of me.

I felt it in the way he held me. His nails dug wounds into my skin, and he squeezed my body until it became hard for me to breathe. He was angry, and perhaps rightfully so, but he was hurting me. I felt my eyes burn, though I didn't say a word as Taehyung's deep thrusts became more powerful.

Yes, I probably should have asked him to slow down, but the groundskeeper could never do wrong in my world. Not to me, at least.

And how could I possibly demand his gentleness when I willingly sought to be violated every time I came home from Calabria? If this was what my love needed, this was what I would give him. I remained quiet as Taehyung screwed me, and let him live out his fantasy in peace. All the while staring at the door through which the butler had left, and thinking of how badly I wished to apologize to him.

______

Later that day, Taehyung told me he wanted to go out into the city for a while. He didn't tell me why, but he really didn't have to. I knew he would be running off to go hunt down another boy and claim a new plaything. His heart was far from healed, and my company wasn't the medicine he needed.

After failing to satisfy the groundskeeper I'd attempted to go back to sleep, but I just... couldn't. My mind was filled with dead people. Their names and their faces. Their screams and their pleads. The damned souls of the underworld wouldn't let me rest.

So, I spent most of the afternoon roaming the house, and trying to talk myself out of visiting the servant's quarters.

I had already overstepped the new butler's boundaries before, so it wouldn't be right for me to make the exact same mistake again. But still, I felt this pull. This need to say sorry for acting like such a whore that morning.

I dragged myself back to my bedroom and shut myself in like I was Aurora, and the butler was that stupid fucking spinning-wheel she could have so easily stayed away from.

The afternoon turned into the night, the sun dipped under the horizon, and I was steadily going insane.

Pang! Pang!

I was taking shots at the oaktree outside my room with my revolver gun. Because I had convinced myself that there was a spy hidden in the branches, observing me in my home. I reloaded the gun with twitching eyes and aimed for the darkness. It had to be one of Alcalmo's spies. He'd been after my father since I could stand and if he ever discovered this place he would use it as ammunition.

"Fuck off!" I yelled, taking another shot at the tree. "Combattimi da uomo, codardo!"

I shot three more times before deciding that it just wasn't enough.

I burst out of my room and ran downstairs, grabbing a splitting axe before heading outside. "It's over, struntza!" I yelled with a red face, hacking into the two-hundred-year-old oak-tree with no remorse.

It took me three hours. Three full hours to cut down that damn tree.

But when it was done, I still did not feel like I could rest.

I checked the branches and the leaves for a body, though I could barely see anything in the dark.

I gave the fallen tree a kick and threw my axe away, running back into the house.

There had never been a spy.

It had all just been my imagination.

_________

When I found myself in the arms of the new butler the next morning, I spent two and a half minutes debating wether or not I was dreaming.

But the memories of the night before eventually flooded into my head, and I bit into my lower lip as I stroked the soft bicep resting around my shoulder.

My attempt at apologizing to Jeon Jungkook had landed me in his bed. I'd tried to prove to him that I wasn't some cock-hungry slut and yet I'd drifted off to sleep on his bare chest.

What a weak man I was. Still, even now that I was grown. Did I really not have it in me to stay away from pretty boys and leave them the fuck alone?

We hadn't done anything. I knew that for a fact, but I still felt bad. I didn't want this boy to think ill of me. He was sweet and innocent, and I wanted him to keep believing that somehow, a part of me was the same. That I too, could be an angel. Just like him. Just like Taehyungie.

I wurmed myself out of the butler's arms and rolled out of his creaky bed.

It was best if we did not wake up together again, because I would kiss him, and he would let me, and I would hate myself for it.

Keep your enemies close, and your friends as far away as possible.

How dare I break my own rules?

________

"Oh, God~"

What a hypocrite I was.

It had bothered me when Taehyung treated me so roughly the night before. I'd never seen him so frustrated. So upset. It scared me, because the groundskeeper used to always put my needs before his own.

But here I was, the very next day, getting fucked dizzy by an even angrier Tae, while I wondered what it would be like to have the butler inside of me instead of him.

"Hmm~ fuck~" I moaned, wrapping my legs around Taehyung's waist and forcing him to go deeper, harder, faster.

I stared up at the man as he hovered above me, but our eyes just weren't meeting. We were both in different places, imagining different things, longing for the exact same person.

Had my Taehyungie fallen in love? I wondered. Was he over me? Tired of me? Done with me?

I couldn't blame him if he was. I couldn't fault him for it at all, but it fucking hurt. Despite everything, it felt absolutely horrible.

Don't leave me Taehyungie, I wanted to whisper. I know I could never compare to that servant boy, but please don't leave me.

______

"Taehyung told me... that you and him kissed."

I folded my hands behind my back, and observed the butler's reaction from the corner of my eyes.

We were strolling through the garden, admiring the flowers on a lovely summer's day, and there was a tension in the air I wished to dissolve.

Would he be upset with Taehyung for telling me about their relationship? Did he expect my best friend in the world to keep such a secret from me?

Jungkook remained quiet, and I shook my head at myself. Of course he wouldn't be upset. He was too kind for that. Too good.

"I can't help admit, though..." I murmured, biting my lips like a nervous teen. "That it made me a little jealous to hear..."

I didn't mean to be so honest. To let the butler know that his arrival had fucked with my head and ruined what was once so simple. I'd never been possessive over Taehyung before, because it had never been necessary. But I was willing to beg the butler not to steal my love away. I was willing to do anything.

"You were jealous?"

My eyes widened in shock when the nineteen-year old servant leaned in to place a quick kiss against my lips.

He'd kissed me. Well, it was more like a peck, but... he'd kissed me.

My lips broke apart, a thousand different questions circling my mind. Had... had the butler fallen for me? But how? When? Why? How? I never even meant to-- why on earth would-- but what about Tae? Did he not adore Tae? Was it a joke? Or did he... did he fancy us both? Did he desire us both? But how could such an inexperienced kid suddenly want it all?

"You...you surprise me, tesoro..." I whispered. "I thought you only had eyes for Tae..."

The butler wore a mischivous smile, his bunny teeth making a cute appearance. "Well, last I checked my eyes were a pair of two."

I smiled at the boy's innocent reply, but the thoughts in my mind were anything but that.

The watchmaker had no idea what he'd just signed up for.