ᴛʀɪɢɢᴇʀ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴀʙᴜꜱᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴇʟꜰ ʜᴀʀᴍ ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴜɪᴄɪᴅᴇ ᴀᴛᴛᴇᴍᴘᴛ

ᴀɴɴᴀʟɪꜱᴇ ɪꜱ ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴡʜᴀᴛ ʙᴀꜱᴇᴅ ᴏꜰꜰ ᴏꜰ ᴍᴇ. ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇʀ ɪɴ ᴍɪᴅᴅʟᴇ ꜱᴄʜᴏᴏʟ ɪꜱ ᴋɪɴᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ. ᴛʜᴇ ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴅɪᴅ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ. :(

It was my last day of humanity, a day that would have dreaded me if you had told me about two months ago. To become a vampire was a task, a very painful task. My mates had warned me, but I could not be convinced. Marcus would turn me into a vampire today. I would most likely turn over the course of a few days.

I spent the entire day writing. Aro had told me that I would likely forget major parts of my human life. I couldn't have that happen. No, my story would never be a mystery. I couldn't forget the memories that made me the person I am today. I wrote the abbreviated version of my life story.

Dear those who find themselves reading this,

Whether it is myself reading this or someone else who has taken to snooping, hello. This will be my last day as a human being. I am not scared to die, as I know that I will be reborn from the venom. I will still be myself, but immortal.

Over the past 17 years I have learned many things. I'll write my story here. Maybe if the Volturi loses power and I die, the people next will read this, the only entry of this diary. Although I do hope forever truly is until the sun takes over this world, you can never know. Anything can happen. Things change. I have learned that well enough.

I'll start you from the beginning. I was born addicted to a few drugs. My mother's name was Pearl Monroe and who my father is, I have no clue. I can't remember anything from before I went into foster care. Those memories have already dissipated. I most likely did not have a good childhood. When I went to my first home, I did not feel safe. Yes, I was guarded and the people there were good, but I never felt safe, no matter where I would end up going. The names of my old foster parents do not matter. They play little roles here and there, but they never did make much of an impact on me.

My second family was the family that had the most impact on me. They were emotionally and verbally abusive towards me. I did not do very well in math and science growing up. They took that as a tarnish on their reputations and placed me back in the system. In a way, I am glad that I did not have to stay with them any longer than I did. They hurt me in ways that no child should be hurt. I needed help and they gave me away.

By the time that reached middle school I was not doing very well. I had just moved homes and needed new friends. I made some. Guess what, they dumped me as friends on my birthday in 6th grade. Cruel, right? Worst birthday of my life. They turned their backs on me. I became emotionless. I didn't say much after that. I did everything, turned in most of my assignments, only failing a few classes at some points. I was numb.

The only way I could release that emotion was through cutting my own skin. I think that was when my affinity for blood became known. I would have to lick my wounds, not wanting to go and grab a band-aid, lest my foster family figure out what I was doing. Eventually they did find out and placed me in the psychiatric ward of the hospital. The second part of the program was hell. I felt so useless, like nothing would ever get better for me. I felt like some part of me had broken and would be unfixable. I felt like nobody would ever love me again.

I was 12 when I first attempted to kill myself. I had been 11 when I first hurt myself. Nothing I tried worked. In my life, I have attempted to take my life 6 different times, each time just landing me in the same endless loop of depression. I just wanted the pain to stop. Nobody was wanting to listen, to be around me. Everyone called me an attention seeker. They were right, but what I just needed was someone to be there for me and give me love and affection.

In a way, I have never been happy. Something was always wrong. I don't mean in a snotty and perfectionistic sense, either. Something just felt wrong with me. I felt like I didn't belong anywhere, like if I had just died I would have been in a better place. I had hoped I would just get what I deserved in whatever hell could exist after death.

My last attempt was right after I moved to Forks, Washington. I had jumped off a bridge. It was the first time that I met Edward and Carlisle. The doctor, Carlisle, had asked me why I had tried to kill myself. I told him everything. For the first time, I told someone everything that had happened to me. He didn't make fun of me either. I knew that people had it worse than me, had worse situations, and that I shouldn't have tried. I had nobody. I thought that I was some nobody that could just die and nobody would even bat an eye.

I couldn't go back to a psych ward, I knew that. After Carlisle and I had that chat, he opened up to me. Apparently, in his youth, or as he said, a really long time ago, he had tried many ways of attempting to kill himself. He said it was because he hated what he was and that he was just lonely. For the first time, I felt like somebody understood why I did it, why I had tried. He offered to introduce me to his children that were going to go to the same school as me.

Rosalie had been the first one to become close with me. I think she knew that deep inside, I was hurting, no matter how many times that I said I was fine. I wasn't fine. I never had been fine once in my life. At this time, I didn't know that they were vampires.

Now that I know Jasper's powers, I know that he could feel the depression radiating off of me. I feel bad now. I know that my moods would have affected his own. He still stayed by my side. He didn't always say much, but his smile was enough to cheer me up.

With Rosalie came Emmett, her hunk of a boyfriend. He was just a man child. He is a man child. On the inside, he's a teddy bear. He would protect me against any bullies that showed up. I had even started to sit at their table. At that table we would talk about nothing. I had finally made some friends, some really good friends.

I haven't talked much about Edward or Alice yet because they hurt me. You'll soon find out why.

One day, when I was sitting at the table, Jasper had started to laugh at something and Edward said that he should keep those thoughts to himself. It was that moment that they all knew they would have to tell me what was going on, because I knew something was off. They knew that keeping something from me would get me hurt in the long run. I would have spiraled again. I couldn't afford to spiral again, not then, not when I was starting to get better.

I believed them when they told me. They all thought that it was odd that I trusted them that much. I did, I trusted them with my life. I put my heart in their hands. I had told them my story, and it was then time for me to hear their stories. When I went to their house that day, Carlisle and Esme would then tell me their stories. I related the most to Carlisle in Esme, as they had the same problems as me. I felt the worst for Rose. Her story, while not something I would share in this note, is the saddest story I have ever heard. Thankfully, only the beginning was sad. I hope that the end of her story never comes.

When Bella came, everything was crazy. Things were divided. I stayed out of it, instead befriending Bella. She loved me like a sister. Loved, past tense. I bet she hates me now. She will hate me forever. I will never forgive you. Never speak to me again. It hurts when such a beautiful friendship dies. I still don't think I did anything wrong. I did not choose who my mates were. I think that if I could, I would still choose them.

When Bella went into her depression over Edward and the rest of the Cullens leaving, I was there. I was always there. Even when their departure most likely hurt me more than it hurt her. She lost her love, I lost my life. That is what makes us different. In the end, I can handle more loss. In the end, I will always be stronger.

Edward was going to kill himself because he thought Bella killed herself. Alice, Bella and I went to Italy to stop him. We were found out. I was hungry. Fuck, Alice hadn't given me food a month ago and I went crazy.

Funny how a month changes everything.

We had gone inside the throne room. Then I saw him. God, he was so perfect. Standing right before me was Aro Volturi. I didn't realize who he was at first. I didn't know anybody's name. The Cullens had told Bella but not me. I will forever be salty over that.

But seriously, he was perfect. That raven hair, that pale skin. He was truly a god in his own right. When he looked into my eyes, brown versus red, it was like something that I had always needed, always wanted, snapped into place. The snap was the best feeling I had ever felt. It was better than any food, any drink, and any other pleasurable feeling,

We may have to go back on that later, I'm still a virgin at the moment.

When I heard their names I knew. It was like some sort of knowledge been given to me by some divine being. Everything was going to be perfect with them. My life was then truly complete. At least, until Edward and Bella opened their mouths.

They called them monsters. Edward said that they would never love me. My friends, my family, rejected the people that made me whole. It made me sad. I was so upset. It hurt me. I let them in. I finally let someone in. They had taken that and thrown it out the window when they insulted my mates straight to my face. They tried to get me to leave with them. No, I couldn't have done that, not after they betrayed my trust.

You can't just leave a feeling like that. You can't leave that bond to die.

They only thought of themselves. They hadn't thought of what it would do to me, to my heart and to my life. To leave my mates would shatter me, even as a human. I would have been truly broken, never being able to fix. They had become my lifeline when they snapped their bonds into place.

They wanted me to let go of my lifelines.

So I broke their hearts instead of mine. I did what I had to do. If they couldn't love me with my mates then they didn't deserve me. The next day I got angry letters from Edward and Bella. At that moment, Bella became Isabella. I would not use her nickname any longer.

In that moment, I had learned where my true loyalties lie.

I am the queen of the Volturi. I am Annalise Volturi. Not Annalise Monroe. Monroe is the name of the mother that put me into this cruel world and decided she loved drugs more than her own flesh and blood.

I am Queen Annalise of the Volturi, and this is my story.