❝BIG OR SMALL ENVELOPE❞
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⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ chapter sixty-one,
Gilmore Girls — Season Three

𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 𝟏𝟕𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟑
―୨୧⋆ ˚ LUCY'S POV

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          𝐈 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐄 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐔𝐓 𝐊𝐈𝐑𝐊 𝐈𝐍 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐋 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐘 𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐆𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄. Okay, maybe it's not the most important day of my teenage life── according to my father── but it is. Today I will find out if my dreams of going to Yale have come true. But I may never find out if Kirk can't find my mail.

  I cannot believe my future lies in the hands of Kirk of all people.

  He's in the diner, sifting through the mail, and I'm staring with wide eyes and desperate hands. Jess is next to me, prepared to pounce if he sees the words, "Luciana Danes" on any pieces of mail. Dad is nowhere to be seen because I'm supposedly stressing him out with all my rambling and pacing.

  Addy steps into the diner, Nathan following closely behind her. They both have giant smiles on their faces, and I fear they've received their acceptances before me. "Dammit, Kirk."

  "Lucy!" I step over to Addy who is waving around a giant opened envelope. "I got in!"

  "You got in?" I squeal, grasping her arms.

  "I'm going to Juilliard!" She throws her arms around me, cheering and squealing like a little girl, and I join her in jumping up and down on the spot, over the freaking moon for her.

  While I knew she'd make it to Juilliard, there's still that fear of not achieving your dream, but Adelaide Sloane went and did it. She── my incredible, beautiful, and talented best friend── is going to the best performing arts school in the country where she'll dance for the next four years in front of prestigious dancers.

  "I'm so damn proud of you." I squeeze her extra tightly, afraid to let go now that I know she'll be in New York soon. I'm terrified of saying goodbye to her, but I know that we'll be best friends even in our death so I shouldn't worry. I should just be congratulating her over and over again.

  Addy pulls away from me, the largest smile on her face. "You haven't found out yet?" I shake my head, looking over my shoulder at Kirk who is yelling at Patty who also needs her mail. "You will soon, babe, and you will get in."

  "Dad!" I call out, and he peeks his head out from the kitchen. "Addy got in to Juilliard!"

  Dad rushes over. "That's amazing, Ad." He steps towards her, wrapping her in a hug, and Addy hugs back tightly. "Oh, congratulations, kid." Dad pulls back, squeezing her shoulder.

  "Thank you. It would've been impossible without you so..." She beams, her eyes on my dad. "Thank you, Luke."

  He shrugs. "You made it possible, Addy. Congratulations."

  Addy grabs ahold of Nathan's arm, pulling him to join our group. He's also holding an envelope, and I suspect he also got into an incredible college. "Nathan got in to NYU," Addy announces, sliding a hand up his arm. "We're both going to be in New York."

  I smile proudly, a hand over my mouth because my two best friends are going to be in New York together. Addy and Nathan smile at one another, and I'm excited for their future. I can't wait to see where they end up, and now that they'll be in New York together, their future together just got a little bit clearer.

  I step forward, wrapping Nathan in a hug. "God, I'm so happy for you both." I feel tears prick in my eyes because I'll have to say goodbye soon, but I swallow that emotion down because until I receive my applications, I don't know where I'll end up.

  Hell, I could be going to New York too.

  "You heard from Tristan?" Nathan asks, and I shake my head, pulling away from him.

  Tristan and I decided to see each other tonight after we receive── if I ever get mine── our applications. Seeing each other in person is far better than announcing the good news on the phone because then we'll have to talk. The talk we've been dreading will occur soon, and I'm a little afraid of how it may go, but I'm also trying to keep my hopes up.

  Jess steps towards me, holding several pieces of mail but none are addressed to me. "I'm telling you, that guy is useless," he grumbles, pushing the mail into Dad's hands. He looks towards Addy and Nathan. "Oh, and congrats, guys."

  He walks away, and Addy chuckles. "That was so full of love," she comments, brushing her hand against mine. "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you the good news. I'll stop by later, okay? I need to see your face when you get in."

  "If I get in," I correct.

  "You'll get in," Dad, Addy and Nathan say, and I smile at how confident they are in my ability to get into Yale. "They'd be crazy not to let you in."

  I squeeze Addy's arm. "Well, thanks for telling me. I'm really happy for you guys."

  "I'll be by later."

  Once Addy and Nathan leave, I lean into Dad, wishing I could just know whether or not I got into the school of my dreams. Watching Kirk argue whilst sifting through mail is making me anxious, and if I don't do something to prevent this gnawing feeling in my gut, I'll explode.

  Dad pushes a coffee pot into my hands. "Here. You look like you could use a distraction."

  I use working as a distraction. I spend the entire morning serving coffee, handing plates of food to customers, and I even unload the shipments onto the shelves into the back room. I've never been more productive in my life, and while Dad is pleased, there's still that feeling in my gut that I won't be going to Yale.

  I want to see Tristan, but I know he's also waiting to hear back from his colleges, so I don't call him. He's going to swing by later, hopefully after I've received my mail, and we'll talk.

  I'm a little afraid of having the talk about our futures, but it's necessary. If he gets into Oxford, I know he'll go because he loved the campus and the idea of living in England── away from everything── excites him. I want him to go to Oxford if that's what he desires, and even though it'll physically pain me to watch him go, I know he's got to live his dream just like I have to.

I think back to what Jess said at one of our cereal hours. "Your future is far more important than him," is what he said, and that's all I've been thinking about lately. Yes, my dream to go to Yale is obviously more important, but Tristan means a lot to me.

I didn't expect to fall in love at sixteen, and still be with my first love after two years, but I'm lucky, I guess. We've had a too perfect relationship, that's how I see it. Our relationship is hardly flawed, and now we may be separated by an entire ocean, so our relationship will no longer be sparkling and perfect. There will be flaws.

I'm incredibly lucky to have Tristan, and even if he does go to Oxford, I don't want to break up. I just think it'll be hard, but couples do long distance, don't they? It's not... impossible, right? I grimace at the idea of being with anybody else. This sounds ridiculous, but I feel like I've found the one, and I refuse to let that go. So even if an ocean does separate us, I want to make it work.

  What if we do break up? What if he wants to break up?

  I shake my head, refocusing on the task at hand. The water has gone cold so I run the tap again, needing to wash these dishes before the lunch rush comes in. I can't focus on Tristan, not when we don't know what colleges we'll be going to.

  My future is undecided at the moment, and that terrifies me, but I'm going to wash these damn dishes if it's the last thing I do.

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          𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐈𝐒 𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐑. Maisie and Buddy stopped by, and now they're staying until Kirk figures out where my mail is after Dad yelled at him repeatedly. I would feel bad for Kirk, but I'm desperate to get my hands on my application. I need to know if I got in to Yale, and he's really stressing me out.

  Dad is standing behind the counter, pouring me another stress cup of coffee── my seventh cup of coffee today. Jess is sitting next to me, doodling in one of Dad's notepads, and Addy sits on the other side of me, devouring a cheeseburger because Dad offered her free food on account of her getting into Juilliard.

  The door swings open to the diner, and I spin around in my chair to find Lindsay. I sigh, happy to see her but disappointed that it isn't Kirk with my glorious mail. "I'm guessing you still don't know," she says, stepping towards me.

  I shake my head, dragging my hands through my hair. "I just need to know."

  Addy stands up abruptly. "You know what?" We look to her, expecting a big, Adelaide Sloane speech. "We are not going to sit here and mope. No, we are going to get up, find Kirk and ransack his mail bag to find your letters, babe."

  I stare at her with admiration, and I open my mouth to speak but she tuts, shaking her head. "And if we can't find it in that bag of his, we're going to break into the post office and find that bastard acceptance letter, okay?"

  We don't say a damn word, and she looks around at my family. "Uh, can I get an okay, please?"

  "Okay," we reply, and then we set off.

  Lindsay and Addy decide to hunt down Kirk with Maisie and Buddy while me, Dad and Jess storm into the post office. It's been nearly eight hours since Addy received her acceptance letter, and I don't think I can stand to wait any longer so I'm glad we're following through with this plan.

  I would've thought of it sooner but I've been doing anything and everything to distract myself. Now I can't take it. I need to find my letter.

  Dad waves to Jerry── the usual mail carrier who is hardly paying any attention. He's just as useless, but I'm sure he'd deliver my freaking mail on time. "Listen Jerry, we need to check through the mail." Dad slides a twenty-dollar bill over to him, smiling. "Now."

  Jerry accepts the bribe, and he allows us to step past his desk and into the back room where there's──

  "Oh, my God." There's stacks and stacks of letters, all piled up onto tables, and there's reckless piles on the floor. Clearly, somebody has been fighting with the mail in this room because it's a mess. "How the hell are we supposed to find anything in here?"

  "Okay, focus on the big envelopes, not the little ones," Dad says, looking around the mess.

  "Big envelope means success, small envelope means you need to marry rich, Luce." Jess gives my shoulder a reassuring pat, and I nod, not finding him funny but he isn't wrong. If all goes wrong, I guess I'll just marry rich and call it a day, but I hope my future is a little... better than that.

  I clap my hands together. "Let's go!"

  In my crazed mind, ABBA is playing as we rummage through the piles of mail, focusing solely on the larger pieces of mail. However, being in here makes me want to search through my neighbour's mail, especially when I find several letters that appear to be love letters.

  I'm stepping all over the envelopes on the floor, creating footmarks which I can't even feel sorry for because I need to find my mail.

  I really appreciate everybody's help. My two best friends are helping me by hunting down Kirk. My surrogate grandparents── both in their sixties── are chasing a man who can be terrifying when he's under pressure. My cousin and one of my closest friends is ripping any small envelopes and dumping them in the trash which I find hilarious. Dad── my favourite person since birth── is flicking through countless pieces of mail, creating a bigger mess to find my mail.

  I really, really am grateful for the people in my life. Without them, I wouldn't be going to Yale. Maisie and Buddy have always pushed me to achieve more, and now I think I will. Jess helped me write my application essay, and thanks to his help, I may get into Yale. That is a debt I'll never be able to repay, but I'm going to try regardless if I get in or not. Dad is the one who influenced me to be more── to go out there and do greater things like apply to an Ivy League College, and I need to get in to show him that this painful journey was worth it. I want to make him proud.

  I sidestep Dad, looking past his arm to see that he's pushing a giant pile of useless mail into a trash can. I should protest because other people need their mail, but I don't say a damn word. Besides, I know I won't be able to stop him from killing the town's mail in order to find my mail.

  I look to Jess, seeing that he's copying Dad's movements by shoving another pile of mail into the nearest trash can.

  I smile at them, very freaking lucky to have them. They're my family, and I'm damn grateful for all their support and help in trashing the mail in order to find my college envelope.

I step towards another pile of mail, ready to conquer it. I must flick through eighty pieces of mail in this one pile, and the only exciting thing I find is a love letter addressed to Patty by some Spanish dude in Argentina. I make a mental note to tease her about it, but I may forget once I find my letter.

"Wait!" I spin to Dad who holds a large piece of mail. "Never mind. Who the hell is Lucinda Dray?" I've never heard of that name in my life, but it's too damn similar to mine. Bitch.

"Do you think Kirk has it?" I ask, sifting through a new pile of useless mail.

"Nope." Jess pushes another pile of mail into the trash, and I snort a laugh. "Whoever put him in charge of the mail is a nutjob."

  Despite Jess not applying to college, he seems to be very insistent on helping me find my acceptance or rejection letter from Yale. I told him repeatedly that he was capable of going to a great college, but he didn't listen to a word of it. In another life, Jess would go off to college, but in this life he works at Walmart, the diner and goes to school. He's a hard worker, so I imagine he'll find his calling one day. Besides, his help is greatly appreciated because Dad is growing restless of rummaging through the town's mail.

  I watch Dad push another pile of mail away, groaning. "You think Addy's found it?"

  "She'd call, I'm sure." Also we'd be able to hear her screaming down the street if she had found my letter.

  Jess throws a piece of mail towards me. "Luke." I pass it off to Dad, sighing loudly.

  He rips it open. "Great. Another bill from Taylor." He throws it in the trash, and I don't blame him. "Not what I need right now."

  Addy, Lindsay, Maisie and Buddy step into the mail room, their eyes wide. "I just slipped that guy a twenty. Can you believe him?" Addy scoffs, stepping towards me. "Kirk definitely doesn't have it."

  "Addy made him dump the entire bag on the floor of Doose's and read each letter back to her," Lindsay explains, and I crack a smile, loving my best friend a little more.

  "You're a very persuasive girl," Buddy comments.

  She clicks her fingers, holding up a piece of mail addressed to her mother. "That I am..." She scrunches it up and throws it into the trash can. "Ah, throwing away my mother's mail might be the best thing to happen today."

  "Addy, you got into Juilliard."

  She nods. "Still better."

  "How'd your mother take it?" I ask, pushing several piles of mail over to her. Maisie and Buddy take another pile while Lindsay crouches down to check the mail on the floor. I now have my entire family searching for this freaking letter to let me know if I've got into my dream school.

  Addy sighs, flicking through the mail in front of her. "Oh, she smiled, said congrats, and then she said she needed to go to Hartford." Addy smiles, and I give her a friendly, "I'm sorry your mom sucks" nudge. "Anyway, now that I've got into Juilliard, I'll receive my trust fund and be on my way."

  I know Addy is excited to get out of this town, and while I'm so proud of her, I'm terrified to see her go. For the last thirteen years, she and I have been attached at the hip, and now she'll be in New York City which isn't too far but we'll both be so busy. I'm going to miss her a crazy amount.

  I rest my head on her shoulder, and I hold my hand out to Lindsay. While she's a new friend to us, she's still very important. I like that she'll still be here in Stars Hollow while she works out what she wants to do in the future. Our trio will not be split up, I can promise that.

  Addy wraps her arm around my waist. "I'm going to miss you," I say, feeling tears prick in my eyes.

  "Not nearly as much as I'm going to miss you."

  "Promise me you'll visit," Lindsay says. "Both of you. I just got you guys, I don't want to lose you."

  I crack a smile, throwing my arm around Lindsay's waist. "You won't lose us." We give each other a reassuring squeeze. "We're friends for life, alright?"

  "And I will come back," Addy assures. "I'm going to need my Stars Hollow fix every few weeks, don't worry."

  "I love you guys," I say, and I mean it.

  We're standing in the mailroom, on the verge of tears, looking for my application. I'm about to separate from the girls just as I hear Jess say, "Hey, Luce." I sniffle, wiping my eyes as I turn to look at him over my shoulder.

  We each look at Jess who now holds a large envelope in his hands. "Is that──" I step towards him, my mouth agape, and Jess pushes the envelope into my hands.

  The large envelope. The Yale stamp. My name.

  "I got in," I say quietly, staring at my name. "I-I got in." A laugh falls out of my mouth, and I turn to my family, holding my acceptance letter. "I got in to Yale!"

  An outburst follows that statement.

  I'm swept into my dad's arms first, and I start crying. Years of hard work── of tears and sweat── for this moment. I've worked every single day to achieve this, and now I'm standing in a freaking mailroom, crying to my father because I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him.

  I pull back, and he holds my face, tears in his own eyes. "I knew you could do it, kid." He pushes a kiss against my head. "I'm so proud of you." He pulls me into him again, and I wrap my arms around him.

  "Thank you," I whisper, clutching my Yale letter in one hand. "Thank you for everything."

  From Dad, I move to Buddy and Maisie who sweep me into an emotional, beautiful embrace. They kiss me, tell me they're proud of me, and I thank them over and over again because their support means everything to me.

  Lindsay and Addy hug me, congratulating me over and over again, and the tears keep on falling, even when I step over to Jess who found my freaking application.

  "Thanks," I say, moving forward regardless of how he feels about affection. I throw my arms around him, and even though he's definitely taken aback by the action, he still wraps a hesitant arm around my back. "Thank you," I say again, and he hums.

  When I pull back, I smack the application against his arm, smiling widely. "I knew you could it, Luce."

  I stare at the application in my hands, tears glistening my eyes. "I did it. I got into Yale."

  "Looks like you'll be on that Hall of Fame after all." Jess nudges me, and I crack a smile, moving back to Dad who throws an arm around me, insisting that we celebrate but I couldn't possibly ask for anything.

  I have everything right here.

  I have my family, my friends, and my ticket to Yale. Well, there is one thing missing, but he's standing outside the diner with his head hung low and two letters in his hands.

  I nearly get hit by a car as I run across the street to greet Tristan. "Tristan!" I yell, waving my letter in the air. "I got in!"

  He looks up, smiling proudly, but I can sense there's something wrong. I stop in front of him, out of breath, and I look down at the letters in his hands before I meet his gaze. "Well done, Blue," he whispers, stepping forward to push his lips against mine briefly.

  "Everything okay?" I ask, a little worried because he seems both happy and defeated, but today is a good freaking day.

  He holds his letter up── two giant envelopes.

  "I got in to Oxford."

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authors note

it's my birthday so here's a chapter!!

i love, love, LOVE this chapter . . . it just makes me so damn happy because she did it :')

so i know my plans for this story (up until the end of season four) but i have no damn clue how to write it so . . . yay?

for all of you that have followed this story, and who love lucy and tristan as much as i do, thankyou bcos they're probably my favourite couple ever and they aren't even real :'(

thankyou so much for reading!