❝THE REAL INFLUENCE❞
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⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ chapter fifty-one,
Gilmore Girls — Season Three

October 3rd, 2002
( on october 3rd, he asked me what day it was . . . it's october 3rd hehehe )

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[ LUCY'S POV ]

❝WHAT DO YOU THINK?❞

This question has been said eight times over the past four days, and each time, I get the same response of "Shh". I can't say I'm surprised, especially since I ask it repeatedly in the space of ten minutes, but I have every right to know.

I sit across from my cousin── the one who has read all eight of my trial essays over the past four days. While I appreciate his help, the look on his face always remains neutral. He doesn't look pleased, satisfied or amused by any of my essays, and every time he reads one, he just puts it down on the table and says... "It's fine."

   I stare at him blankly, contemplating strangling him to death. "It's fine?" I mock, raising my hands to express my frustration. "You've said that about every single one. Can't you tell me anything else?"

   He hums, tapping his fingers against the wooden table in the apartment. His foot hits the hardwood floor several times, and I can see that he's just trying to stall── probably because he can't think of a lie to tell me.

   I sigh, leaning back in my chair, defeated and exhausted. "They aren't good, are they?"

   "Like I said, they're fine..." I look over at him, really hoping he'll give me something else, and he does this time around. "But──"

   I clap my hands together. "Ha! I knew there was a but," I interrupt, a little too excited about receiving some hopefully helpful advice. "Sorry. Continue."

   "They're all missing something," he tells me bluntly, and I nod, understanding him, but still hoping he'll continue to criticise. I chose Jess to read my essays for college over my dad because, while I love my dad to pieces, Jess and I have a very brutal, honest relationship── one that is full of love and hatred. We co-exist together, live in the same space, and we tell each other the harsh truth even though it hurts. Dad would praise me regardless on how bad my essay is, but Jess knows how to criticise. He knows how to piss me off, and he does a splendid job, but I really appreciate the brutality in his honesty when writing my college essays.

   Surprisingly, we've not been fighting so much lately, actually seeing eye-to-eye regularly. Sure, we bicker, usually about stupid things, but we've managed to get along pretty well with one another over the past few months. It's actually fun having him around, as crazy as it sounds to say that.

   I shuffle forward on my chair, wincing at the scraping noise the chair makes on the wooden floor. "Okay... What's missing?"

   "You know how to write, really, but you don't sound..." He inhales sharply, shrugging his shoulders. "Your words don't sound like you. You don't sound genuine. It just seems like you're picking a stranger to write about for this essay when you should be picking the real influence."

   I stare at him, surprised that so many words came out of his mouth and formed sentences like that. But do you see what I mean about the brutal honesty? I can always count on Jess Mariano to tell me the truth no matter how annoying it is to hear.

"I am influenced by each of these people," I argue, but I know deep down that I'm not. In fact, I'm not even moved by a single person I've wrote about over the past four days, I've just wrote about them for convenience.

Jess scoffs, pulling out one of the first trial essays I wrote. "You're that influenced by Jack Kerouac, really? You've read "On the Road" once, and you've done nothing but complain about it since."

That's true, but I act like it's not. "It was a good book. I thought that the writing was──" Jess continues to glare at me, waiting for my honest answer, and I cave. "Fine. I don't know why I wrote about him. I was just testing different people."

"Do you know what will make you stand out?" I shake my head because I genuinely have no idea how I'll stand out against the thousands of applications that come through. "If you take something that not a lot of people have, and turn it into words── words that make those fools at Yale realise you're different from the thousands of kids who will pick any seemingly good author to write about."

I know what he's talking about, and I've considered it, I have, but every time I try to write it all down, I freeze up. "Will they really care about an essay about that?"

"I guarantee you'll make several of them cry with how good you can write." I chuckle, shaking my head. "Seriously, Luce, you're a great writer, so imagine how well you can write when you talk about something you're actually influenced by."

I slouch forward, head falling into my crossed arms. "You think I can do it?"

"Get into Yale?" He shrugs. "Sure, but you've got to try a little harder if you want to be on that ridiculous wall at school."

"It's not just about the wall," I argue, even though that's part of the reason I want to go to an Ivy League School. "There's another big reason."

"Yeah, and he's downstairs serving burgers── that's who the real inspiration is."

I nod my head. "Yeah, that's the real influence." I smile, realising that I should've been writing about my father this entire time. He is who I'm inspired by everyday, and he is the one who deserves to be written into an essay, or a book. "I'll write about him," I say, snatching the old and useless essays off the table.

   "The freaky relationship you and Luke have is something not a lot of people have," Jess tells me. "Write about that── about the diner owner being your biggest influence── and you'll stand out against all those boring, regular essays."

   I huff out a laugh, pleased that I confided in Jess about my college essays. "You know, you could go to college if you wanted to," I say. "Seriously, you're smart, and I've seen you write. You know what to do. You could──"

   "Whoa," he interrupts. "I said I'd read your essays, I didn't say you could analyse me, okay? I'm not going to college, Luce." I clamp my mouth shut, deciding that I shouldn't talk about this, not with Jess. If he doesn't want to go, I respect his decision, but I still think he could do greater things if he just screwed his head on tighter.

   I pull my pad of paper to my chest. "I should try and write a new one."

   "Show me it when you're done."

   I smile, lifting myself out of my chair. "Thanks, Jess. Seriously."

   "It's no problem."

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   FOURTEEN SCREWED UP BALLS OF PAPER, THREE MENTAL BREAKDOWNS, EIGHT CUPS OF COFFEE, AND TWO POWER BARS LATER, I've somehow managed to write my new an improved college essay about my dad── the real influence in my life since the day I was born. I don't know why I didn't just write all this out from the beginning, especially given that writing about him makes the most sense literally.

   After rambling on and on and on in my essay, I realised I went way over the word limit, and I annoyingly had to cut it down, but I kept all the important, heart wrenching details about my dad.

   And now that it's finished, I need to have Jess proofread it and I need to talk to my dad. I know he won't mind that I've chosen to write about him, but I'm sure he'd still like to know.

Jess is talking with Shane who walked in half-an-hour ago. They're sitting in the kitchen while I tap my pen against my pad of paper mindlessly. Shane keeps giving me dirty looks, and just as I'm about to question her, she rushes into the closet upon hearing the footsteps of my father from outside the door.

She's shutting the closet door as Dad walks in with Lorelai hot on his tail. "Sorry to barge in," Lorelai says once she closes the door behind her.

"No problem," me and Jess say, watching as she pushes my father to his side of the room, obviously wanting him to do something. She's dressed rather nicely, and I can't imagine what she wants my dad to do, but it's no surprise that he's following her orders.

Lorelai steps forward, pulling open my dad's closet, and she begins to rummage through it. Dad looks over at us, and we smile sarcastically. "Hey, why don't you two go downstairs and help out Caesar?"

I hold up my pad of paper, waving it around. "I think my college essay is more important, Dad." I'm not opposed to helping Caesar, I'm just really comfortable right now.

Dad shifts his eyes over to Jess, raising a brow, obviously wanting him to move. "I think my education comes first, don't you?" Jess holds up the book that he hasn't touched until right now, and I roll my eyes.

Lorelai pulls a shirt out of Dad's closet, and I look over at Jess, whispering, "It's upside down."

Before Dad can look at us again, Jess flips his book so it's the right way up, and we look over at Lorelai who is staring at the hideous shirt from my dad's closet. "Jimmy Buffett?" she questions.

I snort out a laugh, forgetting that Dad owned that hideous, strange looking Hawaiian shirt. I recall him stuffing that so far in the back of his closet just in case anyone sees it, and now his secret has been revealed. "Put that back," Dad demands, looking over his shoulder at me and Jess who are trying not to laugh.

Lorelai ignores him, still waving the shirt around. "You like Jimmy Buffett? He's so mellow."

"I've just been to a few shows, that's all," he claims, but a few happens to be seven of his shows, but I don't say anything.

"A few shows? Oh my God, you're a Buffetthead," Lorelai laughs, and I hide my laugh behind my hand, turning away to avoid Dad's very annoyed scowl. This is why he never allows anybody up here.

Lorelai looks back to the closet and she pulls out a new, less-Hawaiian shirt. She's still grinning as she says, "We've got ourselves a winner." She pushes the blue shirt into my dad's hands, insisting that he change into that.

He takes the shirt and walks toward the bathroom. "Just change in here," Lorelai says, but Dad still steps into the bathroom and closes the door behind him. "I've seen you swimming at the lake so I've seen you with your shirt off!" she yells through the closed door, and Dad doesn't say anything.

Jess turns in his chair, looking back at Lorelai. "Lately? Cause he's really let himself go." Lorelai looks to Jess, obviously hearing him, but she doesn't say a word.

"Lose the baseball cap, too," she tells Dad.

"You run the risk of his head falling off without it," Jess jokes, and I laugh. Dad rarely takes that cap off, and I seriously imagine he'll wear one when he has to walk me down the aisle one day.

Lorelai looks to Jess, smiling strangely. "I think he'll be okay." Jess turns away, looking over at me and saying, "She still doesn't like me" with his eyes, and I nod my head because that's definitely true.

Lorelai looks to the closet, her eyes curious, and I sense that she knows Shane is hiding in there. However, Shane deciding to jump in the closet wasn't Jess' fault, she just jumped in there regardless when she could've stayed right here. But I'm not totally opposed to her being in the closet because she definitely doesn't like me.

I tilt my head towards Lorelai, and Jess peers over his shoulder. "Something wrong?"

Lorelai shakes her head."Uh, no... no, I just... No." There's obviously something wrong, but she won't say a word, not to Jess.

And just then, Dad decides to walk out wearing a shirt that he's tucked into his pants. He's also removed the freaking hat. "Happy?"

"Thrilled," she replies sarcastically. "Now a tie with that would be just great."

Dad snatches his coat. "We're leaving."

They begin to walk to the door. "Have fun!" I yell, still having no idea where he's going because I don't think he told me.

"Talk good," Jess calls out just as the door slams.

I look over at Jess. "Where's he going?"

"He's doing some talk at the school about being a diner owner." Jess shrugs, sounding the least bit enthused.

I stand up, pushing the pad of paper towards him. "Okay, I'm gonna head downstairs. Read that please, let me know what you think."

Jess hums. "Kay."

"Oh, and tell Shane that she can come out."

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   I SIT IN SNIFFY'S TAVERN WITH MY NOTEPAD AND A SLICE OF MAISIE'S FAMOUS CHOCOLATE CAKE. I'm not kidding when I say that the cake I will be having on my wedding day will be this exact cake, but we're not here for cake tonight. I suggested going out for dinner when I overheard Dad's little spat with Jess, and now I think would be the best time to let him read over my college essay── the one that's about him.

   He's been drinking the same beer for the past hour, tapping his fingers against the glass mindlessly as I've talked about all sorts. I rambled about school, about Addy's impromptu decision to pack all her bags now even if she doesn't get into Juilliard, and about Tristan's exciting, yet terrifying, decision to apply for Oxford. He listens to me, but he doesn't say much, just nodding his head.

   I push the notebook in front of him, realising that my words will either cheer him up or make him more mad. "Read," I demand, my heart pounding in my chest because Dad is going to read all I have to say about him being my biggest and only inspiration.

   A smart person said to me that I should "take something that not a lot of people have, and turn it into words", so that's what I'm doing. I'm taking something that many people take for granted, and turning it into an inspiring essay.

This essay is about my father── the wonderful, talented man who gave me my name, my home, and everything in life. He gave me a life that many would die for, always offering me the entire world on a silver plate. His influence on me growing up has turned me into the woman that I am today.

My father── businessman, friend and father── taught me many things growing up, said many meaningful words, and impacted me enormously. Whether we're working together, or going out for dinner, my dad is always teaching me something. He's a strong-willed, resilient and hardworking man── someone who has worked for everything without accepting anyone's help.

I hope to be him one day. In fact, many say that I am him, and I find that to be the highest compliment of all times. My dad is my best friend, he is who I am most influenced by every single day, and without him, I don't know where I'd be right now. He is one of the reasons I am applying to this school because there is nobody on this planet that I'd rather be than my father. He didn't go to college, barely graduated high school, but he raised me flawlessly, and inspired me to become something great.

I hope that I can be twice as great as he is one day. I hope I can make him proud. I hope he understands just how heavily he has influenced be growing up. I love my father, and am extremely grateful for all that he has done for me. He is the reason I am here, he is the reason I feel loved and accepted. I will never, ever take our relationship for granted.

A smart person said that I should "take something that not a lot of people have, and turn it into words", and I hope I've fulfilled the question by talking about the greatest influence in my life── my father.

   I stare at Dad, waiting for his response, and I watch him hold the pad of paper tightly, emotion in his eyes. I hold my breath, a little afraid of what he may say. Will he be upset? Angry? Happy? I'm unsure on what he's thinking or feeling, and I suddenly wish I could read him. Usually, I can tell what he's feeling, but right now he's unreadable.

   I tap my foot against the floor anxiously, waiting for him to say something── anything.

   And then he asks, "What's the red notes?"

   "Jess' critiques," I explain, still finding his question to be a little strange, but at least he said something to me. "He's, uh, very strict."

   Dad nods, his face still expressionless. "Well, I, uh..." He sniffles, shrugging his shoulders. "I think it's pretty good, kid."

   I smile warmly, nudging my foot against his. "I mean every word, Dad. I wrote countless essays── all pointless── because I was trying to write about people who I couldn't care less about when you, the biggest influence in my life, were right there." He looks me in the eye, and I can see that he's emotional, but I don't comment on it. "You inspire me everyday, Dad, so I hope it's okay that I chose to write about you."

   He nods, clearing his throat. "It's definitely okay."

   "Really?"

   "Really," he confirms. "It's, uh, nice actually. I know I've been an okay dad but──"

   "The best dad," I correct.

   Dad smiles. "There's something about it being written down that..." He sighs. "I don't know, it's not just nice to hear it, it's nice to see it in writing too."

   "Well, I meant every word."

   Dad pushes the pad of paper back towards me. "Thanks, kid. If they don't let you in, they're goddamn fools."

   I raise my glass of cherry coke. "That they are." I clink my glass against Dad's.

   "Hey, who was the smart guy you quoted?"

   "Jess," I grumble, but I'm the fool who chose those words. "It isn't a surprise that he didn't have any critiques on that sentence."

   Dad laughs, finishing his beer. Finally. I think I've managed to cheer him up after his disagreement with Jess, and while there's always going to be bickering and bitching in the Danes' household, at least we're bickering and bitching like a real family would.

   It's strange that in the space of a few months, I've sought comfort in the little family I now have with Dad and Jess.

   I guess it's nice to have them on my side, especially in my getting into an Ivy League school. I think Jess wants the best for me even if he'd never, in a million years, admit that. And Dad has been wanting the best for me since the day I entered his life.

   All in all, I'm pleased I chose to write about my dad in my college essay, and I appreciate all the help Jess offered me.

   At the end of the day, Dad will forever be the person who has influenced me the most.

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authors note:

trying to update a little more regularly like i used to, and im back with a cute little family chapter where u get to see more jess and lucy and more luke and lucy

also the "essay" is literally NOT ivy league worthy whatsoever but i ain't actually the best writer── especially not when it comes to college essays, so i tried but it ain't the best, but it's not realistic whatsoever hehe

im getting super lazy with spell checking and rereading so there's probably a few typos, but at least the chapter is up right? yay!

hope you enjoyed :) comment and vote till your heart's content, appreciate you all !!