❝DON'T BLAME HIM❞
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ chapter forty-two,
Gilmore Girls — Season Two

April 30th, 2002

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

[ LUCY'S POV ]

     JESS MARIANO IS MANY THINGS. An asshole, a rebel, a bend-the-rules kind of guy, and even a friend to some. However, the one thing he's not, is academic. While he's smart and quick-witted, taking enjoyment in arts and literature, he's not motivated academically to achieve anything — and I mean anything.

He and I could not be more different from one another in school and in life.

Jess is failing school. He has been since he arrived in this "hellhole of a town", as he likes to describe it as, and because I'm classed as the "Einstein of the family", I'm supposed to drop everything and help the bastard I call a cousin. Well, I should drop everything and help him, but today I can't. Today is one of the many days I tutor Addy, and while Jess needs help, he doesn't take priority over my best friend.

The thing I don't understand is that Jess is smart. Hell, he's smarter than most and he could ace any class, but he doesn't apply himself, instead choosing to give up and ditch school without my dad knowing.

     Well, now my dad knows.

I left the school that afternoon with my dad after he'd been called to the principal's office to discuss Jess' behaviour in and outside of school. Principal Merton informed Dad that Jess hadn't completed any of his homework, hadn't participated in class since starting, and hadn't been attending most classes throughout the day. Jess shows no interest in school activities or other students, unless you count Addy and I, who are the only ones who spend any time with him in school. Well, I spend time with Addy, and he just follows us around, bothering me.

I listen to Dad rant about Jess, and then he asks me what I think, and I fear that whatever I say will only make matters worse. "Uh, he's..." I splutter, trying to think of an appropriate response. "He's flunking, yeah."

"Also, there's an issue with the disappearing baseballs," Dad then tells me, and I stare at him for a whole two minutes, more confused than ever before because what?

"Excuse me?"

"Every baseball on campus has disappeared. Do you know if he's stolen them?"

"Do I think Jess has stolen hundreds of baseballs? What kind of..." I pause, trying to think whether he would do something like that, and then I sigh, realising he would. "You should probably check."

"Great." Dad sighs, sitting himself down at the table in the apartment. "Can you really not tutor him, Luce? You're the smartest one in the family."

I smile, and shake my head. "Thanks, but I really can't. Addy's grades have been all over the place, and she really needs my help."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I don't know why." Addy's been a little stressed over the past few weeks, and her shift in attitude has been very noticeable. Tonight when we study, I want her to actually talk to me rather than ignore me and just do the work. We always used to talk, but recently she's been so distracted. "Anyway, you know I'd love to help." I'd rather not help. "But Addy needs me, so why don't you ask somebody else?"

"Like who?"

I hit my foot against the floor a few times, trying to think of somebody who could help Jess. It has to be somebody that has the patience and tolerance to stand Jess for more than ten seconds, and only one name comes to mind. "What about Rory?" I suggest.

"Rory?"

"Jess will listen to Rory... I think. He likes Rory, and they get along, and if you want Jess on a path like Rory's then I suggest asking her."

Dad only takes a few seconds to agree as he knows it's his best bet. "Okay. I'll ask her."

The door to the apartment opens, and Jess strolls in. I look to Dad, offering him a sympathetic smile because I imagine the conversation they're about to have will not go well, so I'm gonna leave before I have to witness it.

Jess walks to the fridge, and I pick up my books off the desk. "Okay, I have to go to Addy's. I won't be home till late."

"Okay. Have fun, kid."

"Yeah, Luce, have fun," Jess mocks, and I glare at him as I go to grab the door handle.

"Bye, Dad." I smile in his direction, then turn my head towards Jess. "Bye, failure."

Just as I leave the apartment, I overhear Jess say, "What she yapping about?" Bastard.

     I move away from the door quickly so I don't have to listen to the argument I know will inevitably happen. "Sorry, Rory," I whisper as I round the corner into the diner, because I really, really am sorry that she'll have to deal with him tonight.

     Anyway, I'm happy because I won't have to, but my best friend isn't any better right now. She's been in a foul mood for weeks, and I'm determined to get to the bottom of it tonight.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

❝HOW MANY LINES DO SONNETS HAVE?❞ I ask Addy again for the fifth time tonight because she's hardly been paying much attention to anything I've been saying. I've been explaining Shakespeare's sonnets to her, trying to get her to understand what I'm saying, but she isn't because, once again, she isn't listening.

She doesn't respond, so I offer another question, "Okay. How many sonnets did Shakespeare write?"

No response.

"Okay, how are sonnets written?"

No response. Again.

I close my literature book, drag the chair across the floor and kick my legs up and onto the bed. Addy is sitting cross-legged on her bed, staring mindlessly at the pages of her English textbook, and I want to kick her, but I refrain from doing so.

"You know, the only way I can help you, Addy, is if you open your mouth and speak to me." I give her a friendly nudge, trying to ease her out of this hole she's dug herself into but she won't even look over at me. "Addy, come on. What's going on?"

She clears her throat. "Fourteen lines. He wrote one-hundred and fifty-four sonnets. Written in iambic pentameter," she answers, her eyes staring down at the textbook which shows the glossary page.

"Correct. Correct. And correct," I praise, leaning back in my chair and nudging her leg with my foot. "Now, how about you talk to me?"

Addy sighs, and she lifts her head, leaning back against the bed frame. "About what?"

"No offence, but you've been in the biggest mood for the past few weeks. Now, I've narrowed it down to a few reasons." I sit forward, clasping my hands together. "One, your mother. Two, dance. Three, Nathan. Four, pregnant. I hope it's not four, but I've got your back and I am here, and if you need—"

"I'm not pregnant," Addy interrupts, and I breathe a sigh of relief. "Surprisingly, it's not my mother. Dance is going fine. A couple of new girls have joined the class, and they're great. And Nathan and I are still a bit rocky." She smiles. "Anything else?"

     "What's wrong, Ad? I can tell something is bothering you." I've known Addy for twelve years, I know when there's something wrong. We can read each other like a book— like a sonnet if you will.

     "I'm scared," she admits, surprising me because I hadn't expected that to be her answer.

     "Of what?"

     She chuckles, exasperated. "Of everything," she tells me. "We're starting college next year, and if I get in to Juilliard, I'll be in New York and you'll be at Yale and—" She pauses, pulling her knees up to her face. "I know I've been talking about leaving forever but... I'm just so scared of leaving this freak show of a town that I feel safe in, you know? I'm scared to leave the bubble and try and make it on my own in New York City of all places. For years, I've been dreaming of being the next Ginger Rogers, and I want, I really do, but I'm terrified."

     "And you will have that, Addy, you will," I assure her. "And it's okay to be scared. I mean, I'm freaking terrified and I'll only be half an hour away from home." I chuckle softly. "I am really gonna miss you, Addy, but I am so proud of you, and I'm not gonna forget you, okay? You and me are going to be friends forever, I mean it."

     "Even when we're old?"

     "Especially when we're old," I agree. "You and I are gonna sit on the porch in our rocking chairs, drinking wine and gossiping about our early years."

     "Are you sure?" she scoffs, and I stare at her with my head tilted, confused because I want to grow old with her. "I imagine you'll be celebrating your seventy year anniversary or something crazy with Tristan. You two are never breaking up." My face reddens at the idea of Tristan being around forever. I want him to be around for as long as possible as I have a really good feeling about us, but I don't know. Anything could happen. "Look at you, so in love. Just remember, I was your matchmaker."

     "God, how can I forget?" I chuckle, and I lower my head as my face burns. "And I hope we're together. I have a good feeling about us, I guess. I mean, don't you feel good about Nathan?"

     Addy inhales sharply, and I fear I've overstepped but before I can apologise, she says, "I don't think he's the one." I frown because I had hope for them, I always had hope for them. "He's a great guy, Luce, but he's a great guy for somebody else."

     "That's okay," I tell her, but I am a little disappointed that they couldn't figure it out. I thought they suited one another, I don't know. "It doesn't work out for everyone, but you should tell him how you're feeling, Addy. He doesn't deserve to be led on."

     "I know." Addy nods. "I will talk to him."

     "Is there somebody else?" She glances over at me, and I've noticed her face has flushed white in surprise from the question I asked. I don't know what possessed me to ask, but I just thought I should ask in case there is somebody else. "Sorry, I just thought I'd ask."

     She shakes her head. "No, it's okay. There's..." She pauses, swallowing the lump in her throat. "There's nobody else."

     I raise a brow knowingly because that didn't sound all that convincing. "Do you want there to be somebody else?"

     She looks down at her hands, and I notice she's twiddling with her thumbs which is a nervous twitch of hers, so I reckon she does want there to be another. "Maybe," she exhales, continuing to toy with her thumbs. "Does that make me a bad person?"

     "No, Ad, it doesn't," I assure. "But you have to talk to Nate first, okay? Please. He's a good guy, and he deserves to know how you're feeling."

     "I will talk to him, I promise."

     "Okay," I reply softly. "Now who's the other person? Is it someone at school?"

     "It's nobody you know," she tells me but a part of me thinks she's lying, but if she doesn't want to discuss it, I won't say another word.

     I move from my chair and I sit next to her on the bed, wrapping my arm around hers. "Do you remember how we wanted to be astronauts when we were younger?" I ask, reminiscing over simpler times from when we were just helpless kids. "We were going to travel to the moon to find aliens, and then we'd ask them if we can live with them forever and ever."

     Addy hums, resting her head on my shoulder. "Can we still do that?"

     I pat my hand against Addy's. "Yeah. When?"

     "Now." She sighs, laughing softly, and her eyes start to close as she rests against me. "I'd like to just run away with you, then we don't have to go to college and be apart from each other."

     I laugh, resting my head against hers. "Yeah. I'd like that too."

     "Just don't forget about me when you're an Ivy League girl."

     "As if I could ever forget about you."

Before either of us can say another word, my cellphone starts to ring and I reach into my pocket to grab it. I recognise the number to be that of the diner, and I lift it to my ear. "Hey, Dad. Everything okay?" I ask, sliding away from Addy who is picking her textbook back up. Dad starts talking on my ear, and I listen carefully to each word, my entire body stilling as he tells me the reason behind his call. "I'll be right there."

I hang up. "Everything okay?" Addy asks.

"There's been an accident."

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

     RORY IS IN THE HOSPITAL AND JESS IS BEING SENT BACK TO NEW YORK.

     What I've learnt is that Jess and Rory decided to go and get ice cream with cones, and they chose to take a detour which resulted in Jess swerving the car to avoid hitting something, and ultimately crashing Rory Gilmore's car— the one her boyfriend made for her.

     Dad called me after he found Jess at the lake, and I chose to meet them back at the diner. I very briefly explained the accident to Addy before I rushed off, and when I arrived home, Jess had a bag over his shoulder, indicating that he was leaving.

     "You're leaving?" I look from him to Dad, but Dad just stares at the counter, unmoving. "Why are you leaving? It was just an accident. It's not like you purposefully crashed her car, right?"

     "No, I didn't," Jess replies bluntly.

     "Well, then you don't have to leave."

     "Rory's in the hospital," Dad tells me like he hasn't already mentioned that, and I just stare at him blankly. "Lorelai hates his guts. She yelled at me. This whole town will just—"

     "Who cares what the town thinks," I argue, stepping forward to take a seat before I throw something. "It was an accident. They happen, okay? That's why there's the saying, 'accidents happen, move on'." Okay, I don't know if that's the actual saying, but I embellished it. "Yes, it's bad that Rory's in the hospital, but she's not dead, is she?"

     "No," Dad replies. "She has a fractured wrist."

     "And did you make sure she was okay?" I turn my head towards Jess.

     "Yes," he responds.

     "See, you did the right thing, and if anyone in this town wants to accuse you, let them. They don't know what happened, but you do, and it was just one silly accident." I don't know why I'm so adamant on fighting about this, but I truly believe that Jess isn't a bad person because of what happened tonight. I don't even think he's a bad person at all, but maybe I'm going insane. He shouldn't be blamed and scowled at for what happened tonight, and I won't let him be. "Now, unpack your bag, and let's move on from this."

     "I'm going back to New York, Lucy."

     I sigh, my head falling against my hand. "You didn't do anything wrong, Jess."

     "They need somebody to blame, and that somebody will be me." Deep down, I know that to be true, but that doesn't mean I won't fight every single person who decides to blame him without really knowing what happened. "So, I'm going back to New York."

     I ignore him, turning my gaze back towards my dad. "And why is Lorelai mad at you? What the hell did you do?" Before he answers, I say, "Nothing, that's what."

     "Luce..."

     "No, seriously. What did you do? Nothing. She's yelling at you because her kid is in the hospital, but your responsibility is Jess, and you didn't even know if he was okay, so she has no right to yell at you." I like Lorelai, everybody knows that I do, but she doesn't get to yell at my dad. She may be feeling emotional and angry right now, but my dad did nothing but care for Jess. He's a good guy, and he took in his nephew, no questions asked. "You gave Jess a chance, so she doesn't just get to be upset with you when you did nothing wrong. Either of you."

     "Rory is in the hospital," Dad repeats, but I know she's in the freaking hospital. "She's upset because Jess supposedly put her there."

     I scoff, and I drag my hands through my hair in frustration. "He didn't do it on purpose." I know he's standing right there, but he's also not saying a word. He's just watching us bicker about him. "And he made sure she was okay, and I'm sorry Rory's in the hospital, but Jess could've been just as hurt."

     "I'm fine," is what he decides to contribute, and I glare at him. "Look, Luce, thanks for this, but I'm leaving, okay?"

     "She better apologise to you," I say, looking back at Dad. "If Lorelai doesn't apologise, I'll make her. She shouldn't be yelling at you."

     "Lucy, it's fine," Dad insists, lifting himself up.

     I blow out an exhausted breath, feeling suddenly angry and tired all at the same time. "Sorry, I'm just..." I shrug. "Jess, you shouldn't be blamed."

     "Thanks," he utters, pulling his bag up to rest back on his shoulder. "I should go."

     Twenty minutes later, the bus pulls up just across the street and we have to say goodbye now even if I don't think it's right. Apparently what I think doesn't matter, not when Rory Gilmore is in the hospital. Whatever, right?

     The door to the bus slides open, and Dad moves forward to pay the driver while Jess turns to me just before he gets on. "You know, we started getting along in the end," he tells me, and I chuckle.

     "Yeah, I guess we did." Surprisingly, Jess' company over the past few months hasn't been all that bad. In fact, it was actually kind of fun to have somebody my age around the house, even if he was a jerk at first. "Shame you had to go and ruin it, huh?"

     He scoffs, shaking his head. "Yeah, sorry 'bout that." It's not your fault is what I want to tell him, but I've already said that plenty of times tonight. "Oh, also, I left you some books I know you don't have," he adds on, and I smile, appreciating the sentiment.

     "Thanks." He then reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a copy of Jane Austen's "Emma". I take it, and stare at it, puzzled.

     "Give that to Addy," he instructs, and my mouth gapes, shocked. He wants me to give her one of Jane Austen's books— a book I've recommended to her thousands of times over the years.

     I stare at the book in my hands, and everything suddenly starts to click into place. The Jane Austen book she was reading last month makes sense, and every book she's read since makes all the sense in the world to me now. The annotations on the pages aren't from her. They're from Jess. She hasn't been buying the books. Jess has been giving them to her despite me saying I would lend her anything she wanted.

     All this time she's been lying to me. I thought she was reading them so we could discuss them, but she's been talking about the stories with my cousin without me knowing. I've been trying to get her to read these kinds of books for years, and all it takes is for Jess to come to town for her to cave. Why?

   I then recall the conversation she and I had earlier about there potentially being another person in her life— somebody she likes, and it makes all the more sense why she wouldn't tell me.

   "Who's the other person? Is it someone at school?" I had asked, and she had replied with, "It's nobody you know."

     Nobody I know, my ass.

     She lied to me. My best friend lied to me. She's never freaking lied to me.

     Is Jess the reason she and Nathan are going to break up? Is he the reason she's been acting so strange around me lately? Is he the reason for all of this chaos? Oh, God.

     I stare at the book and then back at Jess. "It's you," I realise, my voice low.

     "What?"

     I shake my head, clearing my throat. "Nothing. Uh, call us when you get back, okay?"

     He nods, and then he turns to get on the bus as Dad steps off. Dad pats him on the shoulder. "Call us, okay?"

     "Sure," he replies bluntly. I don't know if he will actually call us, but I hope he does just to let us know he's back home. Hell, part of me actually hopes he returns again for good.

     Six months ago, I was cursing this boy out, wishing for him to run back home to New York, and now it's going to be strange not having someone around to bug me every morning. Strangely, I'm going to miss my dick of a cousin.

     Just before he leaves, I call out, "Bye, Jess."

     "See ya, Luce."

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

authors note:

jess has left... and addy has been lying WELP

i wasn't sure how to go about this, and i'm considering writing a book for addy to go into detail about her and a potential love interest. some of y'all like addy and nathan, and that's nice, but i never had plans to keep them together as i wanted to show that not all high school romances last i guess.. i don't know okay :')

what do you guys think i should do? should addy stay with nathan or should she branch out and find a new boy? let me know, kay! thanks . . .

hope you don't hate me!

also i've been posting chapters left right and centre... i need to focus on other stories ah

anyway, thanks for reading, hope you're having a good day, night, afternoon, morning (wherever you are) x