CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
THE SINFUL TRUTH

In the year: 1950

THEA hated this time of the year. She fucking hated December.

She hated the cold breeze that reminded her of the moment her human life turned to shit. She hated seeing mothers and daughters out shopping, she hated seeing mothers holding their babies.

She fucking hated it.

Not because she despised them but because she wished she was them.

"Thea." Carmilla brings Thea, who was staring blankly at the floor, out of her thoughts.

"He's turning eleven this year," Thea whispers, feeling so defeated.

"I know." Carmilla nodded softly as well as spoke softly.

"...I have to tell Alice." Thea runs her fingers through her hair.

After the moment at the playground she had with Alice two days ago, she wanted to tell her everything but not everything. She wish she could ignore it. She wished it would go away.

"You don't have to tell her anything." Carmilla reminds her.

"She's going to hate me." Thea curses under her breath.

"I doubt that, Thea." Carmilla chuckles.

Thea's arms fall lazily. "How am I supposed to tell her that I—what I did to my mother and sister, how am I supposed to look her in the eyes and say hey, by the way, I'm sorta psychotic and kinda killed my whole family, still wanna hang out?"

"Thea, what you did wasn't good. You did it and now you have to live with it. Simple." Carmilla doesn't sugarcoat her words, "You can only do better from here, accept it and grow from it."

"How do you grow from something like that? Who grows from that?" Thea looked disgusted with herself.

"You can, Thea."

Thea blinks, being careful with her words, "No. I won't. I will never grow from the fact that I don't have my child, I will never grow from the fact that I lost everything.

"Thea—"

"I will never grow from it. I will never get over it!" Thea snaps, storming out of the session.

✸

     All The Cullen women, plus Alice, were all in a car together going shopping for the boy's Christmas gifts. Esme drove, Rosalie was in the passenger seat, Thea sat behind her and Alice sat behind Esme.

Rosalie and Esme seemed to be talking about something. Thea had her head laid on the window, her face void of all emotion.

Alice taps her shoulder when she notices and when they lock eyes, Alice smiles and Thea smiles as well but Alice could tell it was forced.

When Thea immediately turns her head back to the window, Alice frowns and sits back.

Was she freaking out over their time at the park? Did I do too much? Alice questions herself.

"So what are you girls planning on getting?" Esme makes conversation with everyone in the car.

"Fabulous clothing for everyone!" Alice was quick to say with a wide smile. She loved fashion.

Rosalie and Esme chuckle. Rosalie was next to answer, "I'll figure it out when I get there. Emmett always tells me he doesn't want anything but I like to get him something anyway."

"Same for Carlisle." Esme rolls her eyes in slight annoyance.

When Thea fails to speak, Esme looks at her through the rearview mirror, "Thea..."

Thea blinks, clearly not paying attention, "yeah?"

"What are you gonna get the boys for Christmas?"

Thea shrugs, "not sure." She goes back to looking out the window.

Esme slightly frowned at the look on Thea's face, she knew how much Thea struggled around this time of the year.

Thea had a habit of going silent and isolating herself and Esme hoped Alice could break that habit.

✸

     When they arrived at JCPenny, they all seemed to part in different directions to look for their gifts. Thea was currently following behind Rosalie as if she were a lost puppy.

"Thea, why are you following me?" Rosalie asked as she looked down at her watches.

Thea was still quiet but answered, "Trying to figure out what to get Emmett. Just like you."

Rosalie turns her golden hues, squinting, "Thea, don't lie to me."

Thea raises her brows, slowly walking while slightly leaning from side to side. "I'm not."

"Thea, what's going on?" Rosalie turns, tilting her head.

"You know what's going on." Thea mumbles.

Rosalie frowns, "I thought it would be better because of Alice..."

"Nope. It's..." Thea hesitates, pointing to her temple, "Still here. And Alice...she knows. I know she knows.

Rosalie nods. "I'm sorry, Thea...and Alice is a sweet girl. She won't budge the truth out of you."

"I know that." Thea crosses her arms, eyes guilty, "but I feel horrible for all of a sudden going from all smiley to Miss Bitchy all over again. She doesn't deserve that."

Rosalie grins, finding it all so adorable, "Well maybe it's time you change that."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm saying, don't let this time of the year ruin you. Turn it into something special that you can share with someone." Rosalie suddenly looks right past Thea, and she uses her head to signal towards something behind her.

Thea turns to identify the person and sees Alice Cullen walking towards them with a cart full of clothes. She wore a smile, "I found some really cute things!"

Rosalie smiles at the girl, "I know they'll love it." She chuckles and nudges Thea's arm as she turns around and leaves the two women alone.

"Have you found anything?" Alice wonders.

Thea shakes her head, "Not yet. I've been talking to Rose a lot." She reveals a sheepish chuckle.

Alice laughs too but soon they fade. "Thea did... I do something wrong?"

Thea immediately shakes her head, "No, of course not."

"Sorry, it's just...you've been distant again and I thought—"

"Trust me." Thea cuts her off, not even wanting her to think the things she was, "It's not you."

"Then what's going on with you?" Alice asks out of pure concern.

Thea looks around. She didn't want to do this here. "I will tell you, just not here." She explains.

Alice nods in understanding.

✸

     The Cullen women arrived home with their gifts and wrapped them to put them under the Christmas tree. Esme ended up with a cinnamon-based candle that filled the entire house with a nostalgic Christmas fragrance.

Alice came down with her wrapped gifts to place under the tree, and her eyes scanned for a certain vampire. "Where's Thea?"

Rosalie looked over her shoulder at Alice but still cuddled next to Emmett, who was busy watching TV, "probably at her lake." 

Alice nods, turning but soon being stopped by Rosalie. "Before you go, can I talk to you for a second?"

The pixie frowns but nods, "of course."

Rosalie walked near the staircase where there was nobody around. "I'm amusing Thea is gonna tell you what's been going on with her for the past few days."

Alice wore a tight smile and nodded slowly. "Yeah."

"Listen, Alice," Rosalie chose her words carefully, "I know that you don't judge anyone, I know that but Thea has a fear of being judged."

It was true. Thea always cared about people's opinions. Her mother's, especially. She wasn't as confident as she may have seemed.

If anything, Thea McCarty was insecure.

"Please," Rosalie spoke with a stern tone, "just be her safe space, okay?"

Alice couldn't help but think of all the things that Thea could tell her. "I will."

✸

     Thea felt on edge as she sat above the river.

What was Alice going to think? What was she going to say? What if Thea doesn't live up to the image Alice had of her?

What if Thea ruins the one good thing she could have?

"Hey." The voice of Alice made Thea flinch.

Thea chuckles nervously, "I didn't even hear you."

Alice grins, shrugging, "I'm known to be like a cat."

Thea watches as Alice takes a seat beside her. "So...what's been going on?"

Thea felt like she was going to throw up. Her words melt in her mouth and she swallows them. Her hands lace in each other and she tightens them.

Here she goes.

"I have a lot of problems, Alice." Thea was shocked that words left her mouth. She fiddles with her locket for comfort. "All of them stem from...my mother, my family, and the way I was raised."

Alice doesn't interrupt her but nods.

"In 1939...I was pregnant."

Alice looked dumbfounded. She was not expecting that.

"My mother was very religious so she didn't support me being pregnant and not married. Especially by a man who was not as...wealthy...as our family."

"She cared about our image and she didn't want us ruining it so she pretty much kept me hidden for a whole nine months until I had the baby." Thea takes a second.

Shit.

"On the night of December 18th, I gave birth to him." Thea explains, "But I also had a lot of complications because of the birth and a doctor wanted to save me but mother was so afraid about our image being destroyed that she was willing to risk my life just to keep it intact. So didn't make it. Or at least...that's what my mother and sisters thought."

Alice's eyes were filled with a mix of shock, anger, and sadness.

"They tried covering up my death by suicide. Carlisle saved me at the hospital when I was scarcely alive."

"After I was reborn as this," Thea signals to her cold body, "I went back...I went back home."

Calm down. Thea tells herself.

"I didn't go there planning to do what I did." Thea tells Alice before continuing, "I just wanted my baby."

"I told them that. I tried to reason...I tried to be calm." Alice sees Thea's eyes start to grow colder and colder as she speaks, "but I was just so angry."

"Angry about everything they'd done to me. How they'd treated me like some doll." Thea muttered. "I have never been so angry...so enraged. And I've never been that angry since that day."

"Thea," Alice spoke quietly, "what happened that night?"

Thea finally locks eyes with her. Alice is going to hate her after this. "I killed them. I killed my mother and one of my sisters."

Thea was waiting for Alice to run from fear or tell her that she was a horrible person.

Alice's silence was making Thea nervous.

Thea turns her body towards Alice, "I am asking you not to hate me...please." Her voice trembles. "Alice—"

Alice wraps her arms around Thea in a tight hug. Thea doesn't hesitate to wrap her arms around Alice's waist. A weight lifted from Thea's shoulder.

"Can I ask you something?" Alice whispers.

Thea nods.

"What happened to him? Your baby."

"Hey named him Arthur," Thea unwraps her arms from Alice and unhooks her necklace. She opens the locket, revealing the picture of her baby boy, "he was adopted and he's turning eleven this year."

"I don't want him to have this life." Thea shakes her head, "being a vampire can be very..."

"Lonely." Alice finishes.

Thea nods.

Thea soon looks back down, trying to gather her thoughts.

Alice is hesitant but leans to let her forehead rest on Thea's. They soon lock eyes, "You will never be an evil person in my eyes, Thea."

Thea's eyes were soft and lost in Alice's. What is this girl doing to her?

✸

     The Cullens were used to Thea being quiet all of December for a very understandable reason but things had changed.

For the past three weeks, Thea seemed happier. More relaxed and interested in things around her.

Whenever they saw this new side of Thea, they saw a common denominator.

A certain pixie named Mary Alice Brandon.

Today was special, Christmas Day.

Instead of Thea sitting by herself as she did every year, she sat close to Alice on the couch.

"Okay, okay!" Alice was so excited, that she grabbed a small rectangular box and handed it to Thea, "open it."

Thea tried to bite back her smile but she had to admit, she was excited as well.

Rosalie and Emmett share a smile.

When Thea unwrapped it, she examined blue and white reflecting gems hooked onto silver. But one gem stood out from the rest, it seemed to be cared into the shape of a tree.

"It's supposed to represent the river, I know how much it means to you," Alice explains with a smile.

Thea was smiling wide.

"That's new." Emmett jokes and Rosalie roughly hits his side.

Edward grins.

"It's beautiful, Alice." Thea thanks her, "Can up put it on me?"

Alice does so and it complimented her skin perfectly.

Alice was next to open her gift from Thea. She grabs the bag.

"I'm not a great gift giver so please go easy on me." Thea apologizes, making the rest of the Cullens laugh.

Alice removes all the colored tissue paper to see a matte jet-black handbag with the silver letter "A" as the clasp. She looks further into the bag to see a letter "A" necklace to match.

Thea knew Alice was all about fashion, all about looking nice.

"Jasper look!" Alice squeals, turning to Jasper as if he didn't have vampire vision.

All the Cullens chuckle and Alice turns back to Thea, almost jumping in the girl's arms and almost making her fall backwards.

Carmilla walks out wearing a robe, slippers, and a bonnet. "Oh shit, did I miss the gift giving?!"

Things go silent for a moment before everyone busts out into a fit of laughter. Except for Carmilla, who was confused.

"What's so funny?"

Safe to say, Christmas was good this year.

ragerwrites, Longest chapter thus far!

What are you guys'd thoughts on Thea just as a character and what are your thoughts as Thea with Alice?

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