CHAPTER TWELVE
FACING THE FEAR

In the year: 1941

    "ETHEL Quarts was a complicated woman." Thea looks down at her snake ring, "they all were...but especially my mother."

"When you think about your mother." Carmilla begins, "What emotions do you feel?"

Thea went silent for a minute.

"Anger."

"Explain that to me."

"...She caused the most painful moments of my life." Thea's eyes shifted randomly, seeming lost. "But she also caused some of the best."

Thea glances up at Carmilla, "like I said, she's complicated."

"There was this one time...I was around five years old and at the time, I was close with my father." Thea begins to explain, a smile spread on her lips at the thought, "he had to go out for work that night and...I remember I was crying because I didn't want him to leave."

"I remember she held me that entire night while I cried before I fell asleep in her arms." Thea blinks, her thoughts being pulled back into reality. "...my father died that same night."

Carmilla sadly sighs, "Is that was caused your mother to change so much...your father's passing."

Thea nods, "Yes...it broke her. Broke me. She had to raise three kids all alone and she became a completely different person, we all did."

"And this made you angry?"

Thea shrugs, "It made me a lot of things. My mother just...changed. She got aggressive and mean. I thought following her words would make it easier, one less thing she would have to worry about. But no matter what I did, how good I was, or how amazing I became. It was never enough."

Thea plastered a fake smile on her lips, "It was like playing a game and the rules kept changing."

"And...it was like this with your sisters as well? Did they undergo the same treatment?"

Thea nods, "they did. But it was different."

Carmilla gave her a look that said keep explaining.

"I was close with my mother but I was a daddy's girl before he passed away," Thea smiled sadly, "One night...my mother got very intoxicated, so much so that she couldn't even walk upstairs to her room. So I tried helping."

"That night she told me that I reminded her of dad." Thea's lips were now in a straight line, "she didn't say it sweetly...more of a...disgusted way."

"I reminded her of him because I practically have his face." Thea sighs, "I could never do right in her eyes because he could never do right in her eyes."

Thea felt a wave of emotion wash over her. "I would like to stop now, please." Thea stands up and walks out, leaving Carmilla to evaluate the session.

✸

     Rosalie knocked on Thea's door, listening for Thea and once she did, she walked in with curious eyes. "So..."

Thea drops her book flat into her lap. Her back pressed against the headboard, "so?"

Rosalie rolls her eyes, "how'd it go? The therapy."

Thea nods slowly, her eyes wandering around the room. "It was fine."

Rosalie frowns, squinting, "What happened?"

Thea chuckles, "nothing happened. I just...talked about my family and it was...very...uncomfortable."

"Well, I overheard Carmilla talking to Carlisle. She told him you just walked out."

Thea hums, eyebrows raising. She opens her book back up to where she left off.

Rosalie closes her door completely shut, "Don't ignore me."

"I don't have to tell you anything." Thea instantly got offensive, her eyes snapped up to her.

Rosalie didn't seem phased, "you're right. You don't." She sits on the edge of Thea's bed, looking up at her, "but are you okay?"

"I still feel the same...clearly talking about it didn't help at all."

Rosalie chuckles, "Thea, it's only your first day. Nobody heals overnight, that's not how it works."

Thea huffs, shutting her book and tossing it to the side. She runs her finger through her hair. "I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I'm ready for it."

"Sometimes, you have to force yourself to face your trauma even if you're not ready." Rosalie wore a sad smile, "If you just suppress it...then you'll never heal."

Thea pulled her knees up to her chest, a habit she realized she'd do whenever she got nervous or scared. "Was it easy?"

Rosalie's eyebrows knitted together.

"Facing your trauma."

Rosalie immediately shakes her head, "god, no. I was terrified. But Carmilla helped me just like she's helping you."

Thea's eyes soften.

"It gets easier...things get better," Rosalie slowly nods, "I am as healed as I can be."

Thea took a moment to think. "I'm scared, Rose." She leans her face down into her knees at her confession.

Rosalie nods, "I know...can I—can I hug you?"

Thea smiles slightly, "you don't have to do something you're uncomfortable with just to make me—"

"No, I want to." Rosalie scoots closer.

Thea smiles fully. Even though they both possessed cold skin, the hug was warm to their souls.

✸

     Thea wanted to get better but she was also scared shitless of the process and the realities she would have to face. Yet here she was, barging into the office where Carmilla sat. She was drinking her blood out of a teacup and reading a newspaper. She was surprised to see—"Thea?" Carmilla says.

Rosalie was right. She couldn't keep hiding. She had to face it.

"I killed my mom."

Carmilla sits down her newspaper and teacup. "I know."

"I killed my sister too."

Carmilla sat there and listened to her go on.

"I have a..." Thea pauses, and a knot gets stuck in her throat. She fiddles with her necklace. "I have a son...he's one-years-old."

Carmilla smiles, "what's his name?"

"They named him Arthur."

Carmilla shakes her head, "No, what's your name for him? Not theirs."

"I was going to name him Hart." Thea grins, "Because as soon as I saw his little face, for just a second, I could've sworn I felt a heartbeat in my chest."

"I am a...complicated mess." Thea shrugs, "I hate my mother but I also wish I hadn't killed her, same thing for my sister."

"I am angry, all the time." Thea grunts in frustration and sits down on the couch across from Carmilla, "I am filled with regret, sorrow, fear...and it's always there."

"So, those are my problems." Thea now bit her lip, her eyes connecting with Carmilla, "This is the part when you tell me I'm too fucked up to be fixed and then you send me on my way."

Carmilla clicks her tongue, "Well this seems like a challenge."

Thea looked down, she knew it. She was too messed up to be—

"But I like a challenge." Carmilla grins, pulling out her notebook and pin.

ragerwrites, Rosalie and Thea may be my favorite thing in this book rn!

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