CHAPTER ELEVEN
THE HEALING PROCESS

In the year: 1941

CARLISLE Cullen was always intrigued by Thea's bloodlust. He'd never seen a newborn in such control of their bloodlust like Thea was. She'd spilled blood, had herself covered in it but she'd never had a drop hit her tastebuds.

Thea liked to describe it differently. She saw it as one of the things she could have control over in her fucked up life. She'd never had a choice, always had someone else making decisions for her. So she saw her bloodlust as something she could control.

Maybe this was one of her pathetic ways of trying to redeem all the fucked up shit she'd done.

That was also the reason she'd stopped using the last name Quarts. She didn't want to associate herself with the last name, so she was just Thea.

Esme and Carlisle had told her repeatedly that she was allowed to take the last name Cullen but Thea wasn't ready, she wasn't ready to fully label them as her family.

Thea fell harshly on her back, sighing in disappointment as she'd been beaten by Rosalie Hale for the third time in a row.

Rosalie holds out her hand and Thea accepts it, brushing the dust off her pants.

"Emmett and Edward, you're next." Carlisle watches as Thea and Rosalie exit the center of the circle they'd created.

Emmett pats Thea's head, "Maybe you just suck at fighting, Thea." He grins playfully and Thea punches his side harshly, making him wince.

"I'll kick your ass one day, Emmett, just wait." Thea threatens, itching for the moment to hurry.

Emmett smiles, turning his sights to his brother.

"Kick his ass for me, will you, Edward?" Thea asks.

"Of course," Edward mumbles, grinning up at Emmett, who pops his knuckles.

Emmett runs forward, using his arms to tackle Edward to the ground. Edward blocks him from moving closer by placing his boot on Emmett's chest and pushing, making him fly back and hit a tree.

Edward immediately jumped up when Emmett quickly bounced back. Emmett's hits came in strong and precise, he was able to get in two good hits before Edward used his quick speed to kick Emmett's feet from under him and place his foot on his chest, signaling that he'd been beaten.

"Maybe you just suck at fighting, Emmett," Thea suggests innocently.

Emmett rolls his eyes, lifting his head to make eye contact with Thea. "You suck."

Thea grins, "I know."

✸

     Thea knocks on Carlisle Cullens's office door, soon entering. Carlisle looks up at her, smiling, "Thea, your training went well today."

Thea frowns at his lying, "I lost all my rounds against Rosalie, how is that well?"

Carlisle chuckles, "Rosalie has been doing this for eight years, you've only been training for a year, you'll improve—you already have."

"Thanks." Thea chuckles, placing her hands in her pockets, "But I've been having a little more trouble than that."

Carlisle was quick to stop moving, all his attention shifted to her, "What's wrong?"

"There's been a lot of great things here and I appreciate you and Esme for opening your home to me," Thea thanks them, "but I've been having trouble with my feelings and I think they sort of—blocking me, from taking another step when it comes to your family. There are...emotions...that I can't explain."

"Feeling the way you're feeling is normal for any vampire," Carlisle explains, "and if you want—I know someone who could help."

Thea furrows her brows together, "who?"

"An ancient vampire who guided me for some short time," Carlisle admits, "I think they'd be willing to help. They also helped Rosalie after her transition into a vampire."

Thea nods, hoping this would be the start of her healing.

✸

"And just like that, This war turns London into a broken wasteland. I thought I would have to hideout somewhere again but I ended up getting a letter from Carlisle," the ancient vampire sips on the animal blood in the teacup, the golden-eyed vampire examined Carlisle's old office that he'd gladly let her use for their therapy sessions, "oh my, his office is quite nice, don't you agree?" Her British accent was strong.

Thea stared blankly, this was supposed to be the woman to help with her with her problems.

Thea lips parted to say her name, "Carmilla—"

"God these couches are so comfortable," she smiled widely, "I should ask where he brought them."

"Mhm." Thea hums, "Carmilla?"

"Yes?"

"The session."

"Oh, right! Silly me." Carmilla giggles, sitting her tea glasses on the coffee table in the middle of their couches.

Carlisle had gotten Carmilla to travel down to them. Her immediate response was "no." But after hearing about Thea's intriguing past, Carmilla couldn't pass up the opportunity to learn more about her.

"Carlisle has given me some background information so that I have a place to start." Carmilla opens her small book, documenting the date: August 5th, 1941.

"Let's start simple, how was your day?" Carmilla asked.

Thea frowns, "Is this gonna help my—oh, well...my day was okay."

Carmilla smiles, her pin clicking on and off, "I was informed the Cullens went on a hunt all together this morning and you didn't go," they lock eyes, "may I ask why?"

Thea shrugs, "I knew this was my first session and I was feeling...anxious."

Carmilla begins writing something in her journal, "Well it's normal to feel that on these kinds of sessions. Now I want to discuss your relationship with The Cullens, how do you feel about your growing relationship with them?"

"It's different, very different from my family." Thea fidgets with the cloth of her dress.

"In what ways?"

"Well with the Cullens...they make me feel more alive." Thea chuckles at her choice of words and Carmilla grins slightly, "With my family, it felt more like a job. An exhausting one."

"Does that change of dynamic make you happier that you met The Cullens?"

"Yes, but no." Thea sits up, "a lot of the time...I find myself wishing that..."

Thea couldn't finish the sentence.

Carmilla sways side to side slowly, "Thea, whatever you decide to say to me in this room, stays in this room."

Thea still seemed hesitant, she looked down at her lap when she confessed her next words, "I wish that I was dead...completely. My life has been a living hell ever since the day I was born and this life," she gestures to her current predicament, "I can't say it's much better."

Thea touches the silver locket around her neck.

Carmilla jotted down a few notes before crossing her legs, "Let's try this, honey, think of your vampire's life like this...a new start, a fresh start. Seeing this in a more positive light may help you leave behind any negative emotions about your human life."

"I can't let it go." Thea becomes unsteady even though she is sitting on a couch. She felt the need to jump out of her skin.

"Why not?"

Thea suddenly stops moving, becoming still, "They took it from me?"

Carmilla frowns, "I'm not sure I understand."

Thea's teeth are clenched, her thumb grazing against the necklace, "my life. They took it from me."

"Who are they—"

"My family!" Thea suddenly snapped but unlike others, Carmilla doesn't flinch, she didn't even bat an eye. "My mother, my sisters, they ruined my life!"

Thea shakes her head, "How can I still be so angry by someone that I killed? How does she still hold so much power over me and she no longer walks this earth?" She asked Carmilla genuinely.

Carmilla tilts her head and Thea notices the expression, it is the same expression the Cullens wore when they realized Thea did an unforgivable thing.

"You didn't know that." Thea blinks.

Carmilla shakes her head, "No, I did not."

Something twisted inside Thea's heart. A feeling she was growing fond of each day. Panic.

She'd said too much. She'd spoken too much.

Thea was afraid Carmilla now saw her the way she saw herself...a monster.

"I'm sorry." Thea immediately apologizes, her voice in a hushed whisper, "I'm sorry."

Carmilla tilts her head. "Do you feel ready to talk about this trauma?"

Thea looks up, "In all honesty...no," she admits, "but I know that I have to or else..."

"Or else what?"

"Or else I'll never heal, I'll never be at peace," Thea felt a weary chill in the back of her darkened heart at just the thought.

Carmilla's eyebrows lift at Thea's self-awareness.

"I would like to start from the very beginning." Carmilla flips a page in her notebook, "Your childhood. This is commonly where a lot of trauma stems from."

Thea sits up on the couch, her body leaning slightly forward, clearly more engaged. "Where would you like to start?"

"Your mother."

Bianca Lawson as
CARMILLA HARRISON, the therapist
❝ I have seen the minds of many but yours, Thea, yours is extraordinary. ❞

ragerwrites, These next few chapters are just a few short important parts of Thea's journey developing more into a vampire. I understand y'all are ready to see Alice but these scenes are very important.

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