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𝗕𝗜𝗚 𝗣𝗟𝗔𝗡𝗦

chapter fourteen:
one day I'll watch as you're leaving
and life will lose all its meaning (for
the last time) !

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VIOLETTA THOUGHT HER and EJ were going to have a Troy and Gabriella summer. She just never predicted that the Gotta Go My Own Way part would apply to them.

When Violetta found her boyfriend, he was in the backstage area of the stage, staring at his director's binder for Frozen. Violetta felt her heart sink all the way to her stomach and she crossed her arms across her chest, as if she was trying to keep the crumbling pieces of herself together.

"EJ," Violetta called.

He looked up at her, a wide smile adorning his features, but this time, it didn't make her feel happy — it only made her limbs start to shake. "Hey, Angel."

Her heart hurt at the use of the nickname. "Put down the binder."

EJ stared at her for a moment. "You're mad at me, aren't you?"

"Yeah, what gave it away?" Violetta watched as he shut his binder and put it down. "Do you want me to tell you why I'm mad at you or do you want to guess?"

He paused in confusion. "My suit doesn't match your outfit?"

Violetta scoffed incredulously. "Are you being serious right now?"

"Hey, please don't put that drink on Elsa's castle, we need it for tomorrow night," EJ instructed to a kid, who had just placed his cup of punch down on the set.

Violetta could feel her stomach dropping now. Everything seemed like it was spinning out of control. He couldn't even focus on their conversation for one minute before getting caught up in the show again. It was almost like he cared more about the show than her.

EJ looked back at her. "Sorry."

Violetta pursed her lips together. "I told you promise was a big word, and you promised you would be there for the last dance. But guess what? You weren't there."

His eyes widened. "Oh my God, V, I'm so sorry. Hold on, let me put on a song and we can—"

"That's not the point, EJ," Violetta protested, making EJ stop in his tracks. "I wanted you to dance with me when you promised to." She clutched onto her arms when her hands started to shake more. "When this summer started, I believed it was going to be you and I, no matter what. But we've been having two completely different summers."

EJ hesitated for a moment, taking her words in. "I know I've been distracted, but opening night's tomorrow—"

"It's deeper than opening night, Eej. You graduated from East High, which means your world is getting bigger. Mine is starting to as well, but I still have another year. I'm stuck at the photo booth taking silly pictures with Athena until June."

"I can do that, too."

"The thing is, you already have," Violetta continued. "You've been a camper here for years, but this year, you're not a camper. Look what happened in these last two weeks, yeah? You missed the Woman in the Woods and haven't helped with the bucket list, which has actually been really fun."

EJ's jaw clenched. "Those two things have the same person in common, Violetta."

Violetta felt anger start to surge through her veins. "You have to stop making everything about Ricky. It doesn't make any sense. Ricky and I were never and will never be a possibility. I wouldn't do that to Athena. I wouldn't do that to you."

"I know there's history there."

"You better be thinking of all the times I tried to confront him about his feelings for Athena and almost slapped him across the face to knock some sense into him. Ricky and I don't have history. Besides, he wouldn't even glance at me in that way. You must be blind or something, because he stares at Athena like she hung the moon and the stars."

Violetta stared up at him, both of them stuck in tense silence. Their silences were never tense. Not until camp.

"All this time, ever since we started dating in December, I was trying to make a future with you and make us last because you mean everything to me," Violetta said quietly. "And I know you're overwhelmed with everything. I get it."

"Then why can't you just wait until tomorrow?" EJ questioned.

"Because I'm tired of being pushed away!" Violetta cried, her heart sinking even further than it already had. "We said we would communicate with each other when something's wrong, but you haven't even talked to me in days! I'm always the one initiating conversations."

"This is me communicating right now, then." EJ argued. "All of this, it's all for you. I told you that if my dad saw how successful this docuseries is, he'll let me stay in Salt Lake."

"And leaving me to the side is your way of doing that?" Violetta shook her head. "No thanks, EJ. If I'm not going to be one of your main priorities, then whatever. I've never been a main priority to anyone except for Athena, Ricky, and Big Red. Then you came along and you cared for me unlike anyone has ever done, but now you've torn it all up."

They stared at each other. Something had broken between them, something that Violetta didn't know could be fixed in that very moment. With horrible clarity, she knew what she had to do. It was going to hurt like hell, but maybe she'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

Violetta let out a shaky breath before giving him a bitter smile. "We were something, don't you think so?"

"What do you mean were?" EJ inquired, but once he realized, hurt flashed across his face. "V, no—"

"I came to the dance by myself," Violetta said, her voice trembling. "And I'm going to leave by myself, too."

EJ placed his hands on either side of her face, trying to get her to look at him. "V, baby, please—"

Violetta pushed his hands away from her, taking a step back from him. "You can't kiss me to try and fix it every time." Tears involuntarily pricked at the back of her eyes. "Could you just try to listen?"

"I'm listening," EJ insisted.

"No, you're not. It really sucks, you know, watching everyone else have fun around you when you're hung up on a guy who made a promise." A tear fell down her cheek involuntarily. "I left Homecoming with hope that we could become something. And I'm leaving Prom with hope that you'll just let me go, because I'm tired of being the only one fighting for this."

EJ slightly recoiled. "Violetta, please, don't do this. You and I are meant to be together, you know that."

Violetta stared up at him, more tears falling down her cheeks now. "I love you, okay? But I can't just stand by and let you . . . tolerate it. If that's some kind of preview to the future where I'm giving you all my love and you're just taking it and not giving any back, I don't want it."

EJ seemed breathless, tears of his own starting to fill his eyes. "I never wanted to make you feel like that. V, please, I love you."

Violetta said nothing else. She just sniffled and reached down, slipping the silver ring that said screw it off of her finger, the very same one EJ had gotten her for Christmas and the one she was never seen without. Her finger instantly felt cold and empty without it, just like her heart felt right now. She held it out to him, her hands shaking, and her eyes begging for him just take it. EJ took it from her and placed it in the palm of his hand, curling his fist around it.

Seb then came into the room, his usual sunshiney grin on his face. "Elton John?"

Even his preciousness couldn't lift Violetta's mood. She reached up and placed a soft hand on EJ's face for a second. EJ instantly leaned into her touch, but Violetta quickly dropped it. I'm no world could she handle that right now. She clutched onto the string of her bag and brushed past EJ, tears falling faster now and her chest starting to heave up and down as sobs started to build in her throat.

Violetta Chase wasn't one to cry over some boy. But this . . . this was different. EJ wasn't just some boy. He was her sunshine in the pouring rain. He was the one who managed to crack through all the walls around her heart. He was the one who truly made her feel like herself. He was the one who she loved and the one who reminded her that she was loved, too.

She guessed that only love could hurt like this.

Violetta walked out from backstage. The dance had started to die out and people had started to leave. She saw Athena and Ricky standing next to each other — just like Violetta had asked, Athena had stayed. At least somebody kept their promise.

"Vi," Athena stated softly, stepping forwards upon noticing the state she was in. "Hey, Violetta, hold on—"

And then Violetta dropped her bag.

Such a little thing, such a stupid thing shouldn't have set her off. But it did.

It fell to the floor, opening up and spilling its contents on the floor, much like Violetta had opened up and spilled her feelings to EJ moments before. She couldn't take it, she couldn't take it. Violetta sobbed loudly, not able to control it now. She bent down and attempted to pick up everything that was on the floor, but her hands were shaking so bad that she just kept dropping everything again.

"Violetta," Athena said again, getting down to her level. "Violetta, breathe."

She tried. God, she tried, but she couldn't.

"I — I can't," Violetta let out. Her shaking hand dropped another thing she tried to pick up, and she sobbed again. "I — I can't breathe."

Ricky bent down too and helped her pick up her things. "Hey, Vi, it's okay. It's okay."

Athena and Ricky put everything back in Violetta's bag. Violetta took her bag back and immediately stood back up, walking out of the barn with more tears falling and her chest heaving up and down at a more rapid rate. She ignored the stares that she was getting from people around and went to the back of the barn, where she knew it would be quiet.

Violetta placed one hand on the wall and basically collapsed onto the ground. Her knees tucked themselves into her chest and she let her forehead fall onto them. She was crying so hard she thought she was going to be sick. The mixture of her heart hurting, her spinning mind, her churning stomach . . . it was all way too much.

A person suddenly sat down next to her. Violetta didn't have to pick up her head to know who it was. She knew Athena would come after her. And she knew Athena wouldn't judge her. So, Violetta just continued to cry into her knees. Sobs came again and again and again, and her body shook each time, her heartbreak ricocheting throughout her.

Her face suddenly felt hot against her knees, and everything was warm, and she couldn't handle it. Violetta lifted her head up and threaded her fingers through her hair, pushing it back in effort to get it away from her face. It completely ruined the half-up-half-down she had it in, but she didn't care. She already knew her face was bright red and blotchy and her tears were hot against her skin. No matter what she did, she couldn't cool down, and she couldn't stop.

"You ended it," Athena stated quietly. "Didn't you?"

Violetta nodded. She pressed the heels of her palms to her temples, like it could suddenly stop how much her mind was spinning.

"I'm so sorry, Vi."

"I'm stupid," Violetta admitted brokenly. She continued struggling to breathe, her chest still heaving up and down. "I'm so stupid."

"Violetta, come on," Athena argued softly. "You're not stupid."

"Yes, I am. I'm so stupid to believe that he and I would work. I should've never let my guard down."

"Vi, hold on a second."

"I should've never tried," Violetta said, using the back of her hand to wipe away some tears — and some mascara and eyeshadow. "I should've known that it would turn out like this. My entire life it's been pain, after pain, after pain. I was hoping this time would be different."

"You had a right to believe that," Athena responded. "EJ treated you so well. He might be distracted by the musical, but you didn't deserve to be left to the side."

"I . . . I love him," Violetta admitted. She looked over at Athena, her bottom lip quivering and her vision getting blurry with tears. "I still do."

Athena only gave her a sad smile. She then reached over and wrapped her arms around Violetta, bringing her in close. Violetta let her head fall on Athena's shoulder, and Athena rested her own head on top of Violetta's. She immediately felt herself start to calm down a little bit just from it. No matter how much it happened, Violetta was always surprised by how much Athena could make her feel safe.

"Hey, Vi?" Athena asked.

Violetta sniffled. "Yeah?"

"For whatever it's worth . . . I love you."

Violetta sobbed again at the phrase and tucked herself into Athena's side more. "It means everything."

Athena squeezed her a little tighter for a moment. "Come on. How about crying on the grass behind the barn, we take you to go cry in the Honeycomb?"

Violetta nodded her head against Athena's shoulder. "Okay."

Athena unwound her arms from around her and stood up from the grass. She extended her hand to Violetta. Violetta sniffled again and took it, using it to pull herself up. Her limbs still were shaking and he honestly felt pretty dizzy. Athena immediately laced their fingers together and squeezed Violetta's hand. Together, the two of them walked back to the Honeycomb in silence. Violetta let out quiet sniffles as they made their way there. Her tears had slowed down, but they were still there.

They entered the cabin. All of the other girls were in there as well. Kourtney and Ashlyn were sitting on Kourtney's bunk while Maddox and Gina were standing by their own bunk beds.

"Hey," Violetta greeted quietly to them.

"Hey," Maddox responded. Her eyebrows then knit in concern at the sight of her ruined hair and running makeup. "Are you okay?"

Violetta glanced at Athena, who gave her a small nod. She had admitted it to herself and in the form of a nod. Saying it out loud now would positively break her even further. And, to be honest, she didn't want to delve into a conversation about the breakup with anyone else.

"Um, she just broke up with EJ," Athena explained, and the girls immediately looked shocked. "So, maybe let's not mention him for the rest of the night, okay?"

"I guess tonight did end with a bang," Ashlyn voiced.

"Well, as long as it ends soon," Kourtney stated. "I mean, who knows? Maybe I can wake up as someone else."

Violetta let go of Athena's hand. She took her bag off of her shoulder and put it down on her bunk. Violetta then walked back up to stand beside Athena.

Ashlyn stood up from the bunk. "Hey, Kourt, can I borrow your prayer?" Kourtney nodded in response, and Ashlyn's singing voice immediately filled the cabin. "You're not alone."

"You're not alone," Gina and Ashlyn sang together as Gina stepped up to stand next to Ashlyn.

Violetta found her voice, and she sang. "You're not alone."

Athena and Maddox had joined in with them, too. And on that line, Athena had slightly elbowed Violetta, singing those words directly to her. Violetta gave her a small smile, her eyes getting glassy with tears — not from sadness, but from relief, because with these girls here, she knew they had her back. Kourtney also stood up from her bunk and Violetta and Athena moved closer to her.

"You're not alone," they all recited. "You're not alone."

There was only one way for Kourtney to conquer her anxiety and face her fears. Climb the wall.

All of the girls left the Honeycomb cabin and went to the climbing wall, the very same one that Violetta had climbed yesterday. Kourtney got on the helmet and harness before Maddox hooked her up to the rope. She stared up at the wall for a moment before really going for it and climbing the wall.

Violetta watched as Kourtney climbed higher and higher on the wall. Somewhere within her, she found the strength to at least put a small smile of pride on her face. Athena then wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pull her closer to her side. Violetta rested her head against Athena's head and leaned comfortably into her side. Ashlyn moved closer to Violetta and put her arm around her waist, holding her close. And Athena, ever the sweetheart she was, put her other arm around Gina, despite all the fighting they had been doing at camp.

Kourtney finally reached the top of the wall. Violetta clapped, but her strength was pretty dwindled and her happiness was kind of gone, so she didn't cheer like the others did.

"Hey, Gadget?" Ashlyn began, putting her other arm around Maddox. "You know you're one of us now, right?"

Kourtney climbed down from the wall. Her, Maddox, Gina, and Ashlyn all went back to the Honeycomb. Violetta and Athena, however, started to take a walk around camp, which was Athena's suggestion. They walked aimlessly around the place they had spent the past two weeks in with Violetta's arm linked through Athena's. Her tears had stopped — maybe they had run out for the time being. Now all she had left was a raging headache and a broken heart.

"I'm sorry for ruining your night," Violetta told her.

Athena's eyebrows knit in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"You were supposed to spend it with Ricky—"

"Ricky isn't the only one who I was supposed to spend it with. I was supposed to spend it with you, too. And I am."

"Yeah, with me crying," Violetta said.

"I admit that isn't the way I imagined this night going, but it's okay," Athena replied. "Violetta, seriously. You didn't ruin my night at all. I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm not."

(She really wasn't.)

"It's okay not to be. You just went through a lot." Athena bumped their shoulders together. "You need someone right now, and I'm way more than willing to be that person. What are best friends for?"

"Athena . . ." Violetta trailed off, a question popping into her head. "Um, is this how you felt? When you and Ricky broke up? All empty inside?"

She looked down at the ground in thought for a moment. "Yeah. It was."

Ricky then suddenly appeared in front of them. His hair was wet, his shirt was half-buttoned, and there was a towel slung around his neck.

"Hi," Athena greeted.

"Hey," Ricky responded. He then looked at Violetta, taking in her appearance. "You look . . ."

"Awful?" Violetta finished before letting out a watery laugh. "Yeah, I know."

"I was going to say sad, but all right."

Violetta blinked at him, honestly getting confused as to why his hair was damp and why he had a towel. "Why are you wet?"

"Long story," Ricky revealed. "Uh, so, were you two going somewhere?"

"I decided to take Violetta for a walk around camp to get some fresh air . . . even though we were already outside," Athena told him.

"She's trying to distract me from my first breakup," Violetta explained.

Ricky's eyes widened. "Oh. That's why you were—"

"Absolutely bawling my eyes out? Yeah. Rough time."

Violetta then looked over Ricky's shoulder, and her eyes caught on someone in the distance. EJ. Just like Ricky, his shirt was half-buttoned and he had a towel over his shoulder. Violetta felt her heart freeze. She wasn't counting on seeing him again tonight, but now that she did, it felt like an absolute punch to the stomach. Violetta, no matter how hard she tried, couldn't look away. It was like she was stuck with all of her emotions washing over her like a tidal wave. EJ then turned around and walked in the direction he had come from.

"I — um, I actually think I'm gonna go back to the cabin," Violetta revealed softly. "Maybe go cry in the shower."

Athena frowned at her. "Vi—"

"I just need some alone time, if you don't mind."

She knew that Athena didn't want to leave her alone. However, Violetta needed to be alone. She looked at Athena, her tears clouding her vision again and her eyes pleading.

"I don't mind," Athena agreed. "I'll be back later, okay?"

"Okay," Violetta responded quietly. "Hey, can I borrow your phone? I want to listen to Dear John through my headphones while laying in my bunk and hugging a pillow to my chest."

"That was oddly specific. And sure. It's on my bunk by my pillows."

"'Kay. I'll see you later. Night, Ricky."

"Night, Vi," Ricky replied.

Violetta then turned around and walked back to the Honeycomb. She blinked, and fresh tears fell down her face again, her face burning from the feeling. Violetta entered the Honeycomb and ignored how the other girls, who were getting ready for bed (big day tomorrow) looked at her in concern. She said nothing and reached into the bag she had brought, pulling out her headphones.

She took Athena's phone from her bunk and plugged in her headphones. Just like she said she would, she put on Dear John. She sat down on her bed and looked to the side. Her eyes immediately caught on the pictures that were on her bulletin board, the ones she had put up her first day of camp. Violetta felt her bottom lip quiver again as she reached forwards, taking off the picture of her and EJ and the solo picture of EJ. She stared down at them for a moment before placing them face down on her bed.

"Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you . . ."

∘ ₊ ✧ ──── ✧ ₊ ∘

OH GOD I'M SO SORRY

just saying that if you don't agree with violetta's decision or anything she said, that's okay! sometimes we make decisions based on built up emotions, and vi is quite obviously frustrated primarily with ej and she reached her breaking point. as much as I love her, she's not perfect :)