ONE DAY TO FINAL CHŪNIN EXAMS

I slide the door to Naruto's room open, dragging the rolling medical pole inside it behind me. Today, the medicine in this one is supposed to reduce how much pain I'm in as I recover from my final surgery I'd had earlier in the week. I'm grateful that I've recovered and healed enough to be able to be up and walking, but I still use this pole as a crutch, just to keep my balance. Sitting in a wheelchair or in my bed all day long... In the wise words of Shikamaru, "what a drag" that'd been.

And speaking of Shikamaru!

"Oh! You're here, too?" I realize, sliding the door shut again. Shikamaru raises his hand in greeting.

"Hey, how you feelin'?" He stands up out of his chair. "Do you want to sit here?"

"No, thank you," I say quietly, realizing Naruto to still be asleep. "The chairs here aren't exactly comfortable for my condition." He nods, seeming to understand when he settles back into it with a bit of a scowl sent down at it. In front of him, I realize, sits a table with a strange board and flat pieces on its adorned squares. "What's this?"

"It's shogi," he answers. "Wanna play?"

"I... don't know how," I admit, feeling embarrassed. "If you teach me, I'd give it a go."

Shikamaru shoves the table, and then his chair, closer to me. I roll the machine to my other side and shimmy myself to the edge.

The game is simpler than I thought it'd be.

The board has eighty-one squares – Shikamaru says they're rectangles, but they look like squares – and eight game pieces, each with their own names: one King, two Gold Generals, two Silver Generals, two Knights, two Lances, one Bishop, one Rook, and nine Pawns— a total of fourty pieces on the board.

A two-player game, each player has twenty pieces. For some pieces, initially, they allow a certain number of moves-forward, backward, or diagonal. Some can only move forward, some can only move diagonal, and some can only move one space at a time, namely the King and its Pawns. When you move a piece to the third last row of the other player's side, it gets "promoted", so you flip the piece over, and it gets a new set of moves.

Naturally, since this is my first time playing, I end up losing not too long after he explains this.

"Crap!" I exclaim. "I totally suck at this!"

"Just remember – you said it, not me," Shikamaru says, his laugh a little mocking. I sigh, laying back on the foot of Naruto's bed.

"What a drag," I mumble. Naruto turns over on his back and continues to snore, clearly unbothered by my outburst.

"Man," Shikamaru huffs. "Is he ever gonna wake up?" He hums in thought. "Maybe the kid croaked?"

The fact that that Master Naruto mentioned was some kind of "toad sage" makes his comment extremely funny.

He sighs again.

Apparently, Chōji is in the hospital, too. Rock Lee has been here since my first day, as well, still resting. Chōji's condition isn't nearly as bad as mine had been, thank goodness, but Lee's worries me. He hasn't woken up in all this time.

About two hours of conversation with Shikamaru passes when I finally stand up to steal the candy from beneath Naruto's pillow. It's small and red and incredibly sour, my entire face puckering, but it distracts me from the boredom, and even makes Shikamaru laugh.

"Huh?" Finally sitting back down, letting out my last wheezing cough, my watering eyes follow the direction of Shikamaru's, where he stares at the wooden hourglass sitting next to the shogi board. "The sand stopped," he notes. "What's up with that?" Did they forget to wind it or something? Ugh, what a drag."

At that moment, Naruto stirs, his eyes slowly opening into a squint from the bright light around him. Looking between the two of us, he ends up groaning.

"So, you decided to wake up, huh?" Shikamaru says.

"Morning, Naruto," I greet, smiling.

"W... Where am I?" Naruto asks, his voice cracking from lack of use. He props himself up onto his one arm, trying hard to blink the fatigue from his eyes. "What is this place?"

"The hospital," Shikamaru answers. "They'd said you'd been out cold like this for three days straight."

"Three days?!" Naruto repeats in a shout. After exchanging a look with him, we nod. For a moment, Naruto is silent. For a moment. He jumps up onto his mattress, eyes wide. "Three days straight?!?" I'd yelped, having nearly been bounced off the edge, grabbing the footboard at the last second to steady myself.

"Uh, y-yeah – more or less," Shikamaru mumbles.

"When does the final competition begin?!" Naruto demands.

"Tomorrow!"

"What?!" Naruto grabs the front of Shikamaru's shirt, in his face. "Why the heck didn't you wake me up sooner?! I can't be lying around here at a time like this – I gotta be getting ready!"

"Hey, calm down, kid!" Shikamaru says through gritted teeth. "Get a grip!"

Letting go of him, with Shikamaru wiping Naruto's spit from his face, he whirls in my direction, startling my heart. "And Pervy Sage! Where is Pervy Sage?! That old coot's supposed to be supervising my training!!"

"I-I don't even know what your Pervy Sage looks like!" I croak loudly. Naruto starts tossing up his sheets, all of them falling on top of me and nearly knocking over my medicine pole, which Shikamaru catches for me. "T-Thanks..."

"Gah, where are my clothes?!" Naruto shouts, eyes scanning the entire room frantically, jumping around on the bed, nearly shaking me off it. "Where'd they put them?! Where are my clothes?!" I cover my ears and groan. "Oh, come on! Someone stole my clothes—!"

"Man, I think I liked him a lot better when he was in a coma," Shikamaru grumbles to me – I note the vein pulsing from his forehead and nod. Fed up, he finally snaps. "Would you knock it off?!"

Naruto pauses, his behind in the air as he looks underneath the bed.

"Now listen," he says, his voice firm, "you don't want to be freaking out the day before a big competition. Resting can be the best thing!" When Naruto still doesn't move or speak, Shikamaru's expression softens. "Are you... okay? Is something wrong?"

And then Naruto sits back down, his back facing us, and arms moving to wrap around this stomach when it growls. My lips instantly purse.

"Y-Yeah," Naruto says, eyes watering. "I'm just really starving."

"Is that all?" Shikamaru deadpans at him. "Man, stop scaring us like that. Oh – look at this." He bends over to lift a basket full of different kinds of fruit onto the bed. ""I went to all the trouble of getting all this stuff for Chōji, and then the doctors told me he couldn't have it," he explains. "Such a drag. But at least we can eat it."

"Chōji?" Naruto says, shocked. "You mean, he's here in the hospital, too?"

"Nothing to worry about," Shikamaru assures him. "All he's got is a bad case of indigestion. He ate one short rib too many."

Naruto bursts out laughing. "I should've figured! That's just like him!"

Shikamaru chuckles. "Yeah, well, you two are just lucky I'm around of you wouldn't have any visitors." He tosses him an apple. "Kari, want one?"

"Sure," I say, and I'm handed a peach.

"Oh, wow, this looks delicious!" Naruto exclaims, rubbing it into his shirt. He's about to bite into it when he pauses again.

"What?" Shikamaru asks, tone nervous. "What is it now?"

Naruto covers his mouth with his hand and sniggers.

"Let's eat it in front of Chōji," he suggests. "It'll drive him crazy!" I bite through the peach, smiling.

"Man, that's mean. I like it!"

As Shikamaru leads us to Chōji's room, we pass by a room that I... somehow know contains Lee. Lee, and something much, much colder. With my bare feet on the ground, I pause at the door and place my foot next to the gap under it. There isn't a breeze. It's not an open window.

Then, it's the same sensation of what I felt of Lee.

"Hey," I whisper-hiss to the others ahead of me. "Do you think we could check on Lee first, since we're here?"

"Yeah, sure," Shikamaru says. I thank them with a nod and reach to grab the handle, only for it to be startled out of my grip when a scream – Lee's scream, the same horrible one he'd let out during the preliminaries – tears through the air around me. I'd yelped, apparently startling him and Naruto.

"What's wrong?!" Naruto demands.

"Y-You didn't just hear someone scream?!" I ask back, my pulse now throbbing harshly in the side of my neck.

"No one screamed, Kari," Shikamaru says, his expression panicked. "We're right here – we would've heard it, too."

I back away from the door, pulling my machine with me.

"But... it was Lee," I murmur. I can feel their eyes on me and hear Shikamaru's soft sigh before he's stepping in front of me to open the door, himself.

Then, he gasps. "Shadow Possession Jutsu!"

"Shikamaru!" Naruto rushes into the room, myself following as quickly as I can with my pole behind him. Near the top of Lee's bed stands Gaara, his sand snaking around him like, w-well, a snake. Naruto balls his fist up, runs at Gaara, and launches it into his cheek.

Shikamaru cries out, and when I turn to him, he's sporting a new fist-sized red mark on his own cheek.

"What the heck do you think you're doing in here, you rat?!" Naruto shouts at him.

"Hey, man, go easy!" Shikamaru says, rubbing his face. "I'm using this Shadow Possession Jutsu, so when you're bashing him, you're bashing me."

"Oh, sorry, Shikamaru!"

"Explain what you're doing to Lee," I demand, "and fast."

When he doesn't respond, "Well?" Naruto says. "Are you gonna tell us?!"

Finally, Gaara lifts his head to face us, eyes crawling around the room until they meet mine. My heart nearly stops from the feeling I get when it drags on for too long. I just... feel like crying. For him? Or because of him?

"There's so much pain in your eyes," I'm saying out loud, finding myself thankful that it's in a whisper only I can hear. "So much hate."

Eyes still on mine, "I was going to kill him."

My breath catches in my throat, drying it out. "W-What?"

"You already beat him once in the competition," Shikamaru reminds him. "What's your problem? Wasn't that enough for you? Do you have some kind of personal grudge against him or something?"

"I have nothing against him," Gaara says. "It's nothing that complicated. I simply want to kill him. That's all."

"You know what?" Naruto growls. "You're sick in the head. You're crazy!"

"Yeah," Shikamaru agrees. "You think we're gonna just stand by and let you do what you want? You sick, selfish psycho."

Gaara had been that cold feeling I'd felt back in the hallway. I'm starting to think that what I'd felt was chakra. What I've been feeling, and seeing, all this time. How, I have no idea. But I have Gaara and this horrifying stint he's trying to pull to blame – or thank, I haven't decided yet – for it.

"And if you don't stay out of the way, I'll have to kill you three, as well," Gaara adds.

"Oh, really?!" Naruto challenges him. "Well, let's just see you try it!"

"Hey, whoa, kid – take it easy!" Shikamaru turns to Gaara, and for a moment, all he does is stare at him. "Yeah, yeah, we watched your last match against Lee," he says. "We know you're tough. But you know... Kari, Naruto and I have a few little tricks up our sleeves, as well. We were holding back during the competition– there are things you haven't seen yet. On top of that, hey, it's three against one. So, don't be a fool, okay? Just take my advice and go, quietly.

"I'll say it once more." Gaara narrows his eyes at him. "If you get in my way, I'll kill you."

"And I'll say it again – let's see you try it!"

"Naruto, quit it!" I hiss, pulling him back by his shoulder.

"We don't wanna go there," Shikamaru adds, his arm stuck out in front of Naruto. "This guy fights like he's mad, like he's a demon, or something."

"He can act like a demon if he wants to," Naruto says, the corners of his mouth turned up, "but you know what? I've got the real thing inside of me!"

"You idiot – leave this to me. What's the point of getting him mad?"

I turn my focus back on Gaara and notice that he's closed his eyes.

"A demon, huh?" he says, his voice only slightly higher than a whisper. "My demon is as real as yours is.

"From my birth, my upbringing was not what most people would consider a happy one. To ensure that I became the strongest of Shinobi, my father had cast his Ninjutsu on me, infusing my unborn-self to a sand spirit. I destroyed the life of a woman that gave birth to me. I was born a monster.

"Its name is Shukaku," Gaara continues, "and it's the living incarnation of an old monk of the Sand Village who'd been sealed up in a jar of tea."

"Yeah, some kind of demonic Jutsu," Shikamaru says, "but to use it on a baby? Before it's even born? Man, that's creepy."

Another demon... another child's life ruined by having such a thing sealed inside them. The strength of my grimace has me shutting my eyes. It's not fair.

"Gee," he goes on, "what a swell guy your dad must've been. He really must've loved you a lot."

I want to tell Shikamaru to stop talking – to not say anything like that again. Gaara hadn't chosen to have this happen to him – he hadn't chosen to have the terrible father he was given, to have this Shukaku sealed inside him, to turn out... like this. Naruto didn't choose this life, either. Who wants to be picked on and discriminated against for simply existing, to not understand why people are so terrible to you because it was such a horrible secret? Love... love didn't exist for Gaara.

"You speak of love?" Gaara says. "Don't measure me by your standards. Love... family... The only emotional ties I have to my family are the ones I'd like to wrap around their necks." My heart falls into my gut. "They're only ties of hate.

"Given life by the death of my mother, I was brought into being and nurtured as the salvation of the village. I was the Kazekage's child. My father taught me the inner most secrets of the Shinobi; he pampered and protected me and left me to myself. For a time, I thought that was love. And that was when everything started."

"When... everything started?" I repeat, my body growing cold. Gaara doesn't immediately speak.

"Are you gonna tell us or not?" Naruto demands. "Go on! What was it?!"

Gaara's eyes snap open, startling me.

"In the six years until I became six years old, my father tried to destroy me more times than I could count!"

"B-But I thought he pampered and protected you?!" I exclaim.

"Those who get to be too strong are apt to become feared," Gaara tells me. "The Jutsu that gave me birth unbalanced something in my mind. Even the fools in my village finally realized I had... emotional problems. My father, the Kazekage, created me as the ultimate weapon. But I eventually became a threat to the very village I was meant to save.

"By the time I was six, I became a figure of terror to the villagers. To them, I was a relic of the past they wished would disappear. So, you see, I had failed at the one purpose for which I was given life. What then was left for me in this existence? Why go on living? For a long time, I couldn't find an answer to that.

"But in order to live, you need a purpose – to exist for no reason is the same as being dead."

"What is this guy talking about?" Shikamaru whispers to us, his own eyes wide.

But it's easy to understand. It's true – everyone needs a purpose to continue. Makara-sensei, for example... I think she'd lived a hard life, despite being this Uchiha Matriarch. She'd lived through wars and the deaths of her friends and family and whatever else she never told me. But she received a final purpose, I think... and that'd been me.

"Then, in time," Gaara goes on, "the answer came to me. To put it simply, my reason for living is in the killing of others.

"For years, I had lived in fear of those who were sent to murder me. But now, I'm at peace. I killed many would-be assassins, and it was while I was doing it that the truth was made clear to me: I live solely for myself; I love only myself. As it was the death of my mother that first gave me life, it is the death of others that sustains me and almost makes me happy to be alive. And there's no end to it, as long as there are people to kill in this great, wide, crowded world. I will never disappear."

Living for yourself? That's so sad. My thoughts quickly drift to Naruto, and then to Sasuke and Sakura and Kakashi-sensei, and everyone else I've met here in the Hidden Leaf. He shouldn't have this kind of terrible purpose, let alone needing to think like this in the first place. You're all alone, aren't you, Gaara?

... could Naruto have turned out like this if he didn't have someone? Iruka-sensei? ... me? Who did he have before I came to the village and met him? Anyone?

Suddenly, Naruto's stepping back from him, from us, his expression terror-filed.

"Where are you going?" Shikamaru asks him. "What's wrong?!"

In the corner of my eye, something moves, but I think I'd felt it before I'd seen it. Sand starts spewing out of the massive gourd on Gaara's back, consuming the room around us before gathering together and separating into three.

"Naruto!" Shikamaru shouts.

"Naruto, snap out of it!" I plead, shaking his shoulder. With Shikamaru using his Shadow Possession Jutsu, "I'm not strong enough to protect us! Please!"

"Oh, man, what a drag!" I hear the sand shift toward us – I whip back around, pressing my hands together in a hand sign.

I'm not supposed to be doing this in my condition, but I have to try!!

"Now," Gaara says, "let me feel alive!!"

I step ahead of Naruto and Shikamaru, pole at my side, over the shadow connecting Gaara to him, and finish forming the hand signs for the Jutsu I'm about to release at him in the hopes of turning his sand into mud, when the door of Lee's room slams open.

"All right, that's enough," Guy-sensei announces. "Save it 'til tomorrow – that's when the final competition begins." Gaara's sand falls to the floor; Shikamaru releases his Shadow Possession Jutsu; the water that'd just creeped up out of my throat and into my mouth puddles out and onto the floor, and I cough, undoing the Jutsu. "You're just wasting it today – is that what you want?"

All of a sudden, Gaara grabs at his own head and hair, small moans and groans coming from his mouth. When I step back from Shikamaru, I feel something soft but coarse beneath my bare feet. Gaara's sand, I realize, looking down at it. But when I look back up, I don't see what I'm supposed to.

I'm seeing a young child – Gaara, of all people – standing alone and in the middle of a sandy street.

"Don't leave me alone!" he's begging to the air around him. He claws and clutches at the fabric over his chest and chokes back a sob. "I-I'm not bleeding, but it hurts a lot!"

I see a kind-looking woman in a photo; a man covered in blood? His own blood.

"What am I?" Gaara's voice demands. "What am I?!"

I lift my foot off the sand and take in air sharply when I realize I'd stopped breathing. The rest of Gaara's sand finally piles back into his gourd. Panting heavily, Gaara trudges past us and out of the room. He stops just at the doorway, before Guy-sensei, and glances back at us.

"All the same," he says, "I will kill you. Just you wait. I'll kill you all."

Great.

Updated April 13th, 2022 | 3,470 words