You look up from the pages of your book when the doorbell chimes, letting you know that a customer has entered your store. As soon as you recognise Agnes, you grimace.

Agnes, a pushy middle aged women who loves to gossip.

Knowing that you won't be able to continue your current chapter should she become aware of your presence, you discreetly try to hide. Flattening out as much as possible, you eased off the plush sofa and let yourself slide to the floor.

Remaining low to the ground, and on all fours, you expertly navigate yourself around obstacles, deliberately breathing quietly to prevent you from being heard.

Fortunately, your cosy reading spot was tucked away in the back of the bookstore, away from the attention of customers entering via the front door.

"Mina dear, are you here?" she yelled, "Come out-come out, wherever you are"

Your gut immediately tightened.

Agnes frequently vocalised her words in a sing-song style which you found to be extremely annoying. It sounded like nails on a chalkboard to hear her sing the same phrases over and over again.

Even more bothersome were her unscheduled visits, which always occurred at the most inconvenient time. She's interrupted your heavy smut reading session before, and this time is no different. The chapters naughty section was just about to start, and you were in desperate need of some explicit reading.

Urgh, why now Agnes!... of all the times to bother me.

"Youhoo, Miiiiiiinaaaaa... are you back there?"

God, she's doing it again, drawing out the sound of your name to the point of nausea.

You've mistakenly backed yourself into a corner as her footsteps draw nearer and you chastise yourself for not making an immediate exit out the back door.

Surely she won't enter the staff-only area? I should be okay— she has never wandered back this far.

You frantically tell yourself.

You hear the latch on the tiny counter door click open followed by her fast approaching footsteps. She walked right through the personnel area and into the back room where you're currently hiding. And now your heartbeat has accelerated as the panic of being discovered surges.

"Please God, in the name of all that is holy, either make this woman leave my shop or bloody murder me right now." Despite the fact that you don't practice religion, you find yourself pleading with god to make this woman disappear.

"There you are silly billy! Didn't you hear me calling?" she questions, poking her head around the bookcase you're hiding behind as though smelling the anxiety that emanated from you. "What are you doing down there? You funny girl" she chuckled, her wide eyes beaming down, completely oblivious to the jump scare she had just caused you.

She startled you to the point where your heart almost felt like it leaped out of your chest. And as you stumble to your feet, you silently curse god for not saving you.

"What was that Mina, are you praying? Is that why you're down there. Oh, then you will love, love, love what I have to tell you!"

She seizes your arm and drags you across the shop floor. You can now be seen by passersby and for the one hundredth time you regret renting a shop with such a large front window.

"How may I help you Agnes, do you require a book? We have some new authors and—..."

As usual, Agnes has cut you off before you could even finish.

"Oh no dear, you know I don't read silly stories, I read what the good lord has written" she reaches in her handbag and pulls out a compact bible "The true scripture is all I need" she continued, waving the small book in the air.

She never wants a book, she only ever enters your store to gossip and chastise you for not being wed. You're thankful she hasn't suggested making tea because you know she's in for the long haul if she wants a cup of tea.

"I'm going to make Tea, do you want a cup too?" she was far too impatient to wait for your answer. "I'm just going to make you one anyway, I have a lot to talk to you about"

Oh for fucks sake, she wants tea.

Agnes strut to the kitchenette and put the kettle on, and knowing that the next hour or so will be spent in tiresome chit-chat, you slouch down against the smaller sofa with a huff.

You groan deeply as you once again wish that you had rented the store across the street instead of this one, since the harsh sunlight coming through the window now blinds you.

"Here you are, let us talk while enjoying a cup of tea"

You take a sip of the steaming tea Agnes made for you and notice a big improvement in your state of relaxation. You had to admit, regardless if she bugs the hell out of you, she does make a terrific brew- it makes her that bit more tolerable.

You've also come to learn that you need to let go of all your triggers when speaking with her, otherwise you may be tempted to swallow your own tongue and choke yourself to death.

"I'm so happy you've settled in well in our little town, and we the community are thankful you're such a good young women. We were of course worried at first, you being a young girl moving into a new town, all alone, with no husband to look after you. But then you open up your own little business, selling books. We were just so thankful it wasn't a brothel in our religious town. Although, I'm not happy with the x rated books you have on the shelves" she looked at you questionably before continuing "some people have said they read a chapter from what they thought was a self help book, and it mentioned vibrating toys!" she exclaimed, before leaning in and lowering her voice to a small whisper "Toys that insert in the, you know, down below, the lady garden"

Agnes continued to point downward as if you weren't aware of the meanings of down below and lady garden, and in an effort to avoid upsetting her, you choke back a laugh.

"Well Agnes, it is a form of self help. Sex toys are a great way for female masturbation, or as a way to spice up the bedroom between couples"

Agnes covered her mouth with her palm and stared at you in disbelief. Your statement seemed to be so stunning that it would damn your soul for all eternity.

"Oh Mina, we really need to get you a husband. You poor thing, relying on man made mechanics to pleasure oneself. You know god made Adam, who is a man, with the perfect toy attached to his body" she paused "and that's of course not sinful to get pleasure from—but only if you're married first, do you understand dear?"

Yes of course I understand, you mean sit on a dick thats attached to a man, not a vibrator. Oh and make sure I'm shackled by a ring first. Got it....

You're thankful she can't hear your thoughts. Grateful that you can scrutinise her words within your head at least.

"Yes, I understand Agnes, anyway, what was it you wanted to tell me" you quickly change the subject away from sexual deviances, and remind yourself never to keep your laptop open when she's around. If she saw some of the explicit fanfics you write, she would no doubt arrange an exorcism, convinced the devil has taken over you.

"Well dear, you know how I keep inviting you to church to talk with the old town priest and you never actually do" she gives you a disapproving glance.

"Yes I've been meaning to" you assert "I'm sure I'll get around to it eventually. I'm still sorting books and what not—running a business is busy work you know. Besides, it's not as if he's going anywhere" you snort, "he lives at the church doesn't he?"

You never intended to visit the elderly priest, you were not religious in the slightest. You lived a rather heathen life so going to Sunday mass was not something you ever wanted to do.

"Well, yes dear, he did go somewhere. To the pearly white gates" she stated hastily, but it was obvious she needed to clarify based on the confused look on your face—"he's dead dear" she said abruptly.

You're taken aback as you glance at Agnes, absorbing her words. You hoped she were joking, but Agnes wasn't one to make light of such things.

"Oh, I'm so sorry—was he a friend?" you stupidly ask, "I mean, of course he was a friend, he was old, and always lived in this town, so he must of known you since you were a child" you ramble, uncertain on what to else to say in awkward situations like this "I'm really sorry that I didn't get to meet him, and um, I'm so sorry for your loss"

Feeling uncomfortable causes you to babble too much in socially awkward situations. The fact that you were really able to string together a few lines that made sense was enough to make you extremely grateful.

And, although you were sorry that Agnes lost him, you weren't sorry that you hadn't met him.

You wonder what else you say in these instances.

I suppose I have to offer the usual line...

"If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask me. I'm here for you"

Her literal interpretation of your words worried you as you clench your jaw and watch her nervously. You prayed that she would realise it was only a figure of speech, a kindness of words, and nothing more. Yet with a smug smirk, she suddenly took your hand and placed it on her lap, seemingly anticipating your offer.

Shit, shit shit... what did I just do!.

"Well yes, it is indeed sad he is gone and i'll always regret not using corporal force as a tactic to make you attend church, but I've learned my lesson and I will not make the same mistake"

You gazed at Anges in surprise, corporal force?

"Anyway" she said with no hint of sorrow behind her tone "I have great news! We have a new priest, and this one is young and oh so handsome. I want it to be me who introduces you to him" she grins "he's the talk of the town you know. His style of teaching is so different. You'll enjoy the weekly events I'm sure of it!"

"Weekly events?! What's this now?" you exclaim.

"Silly Billy. You know, every Sunday, attending church, then after we have a picnic outdoors in the church garden" she spoke as if you should know, but your impious self has never attended church in your life. You had no clue they held picnics. "Make sure to bring some home cooked food, and nothing store bought. You have to make an effort dear" she sharply added, "Oh I can't wait! They will all praise me for bringing in a lost child, bringing you to God" she grinned proudly.

What have I done..damn you Agnes and your dead priest. Why couldn't he have died before I arrived in town.

In the vain hope that Agnes would just disappear, you unwillingly agree to go to church with her on Sunday. She continued to talk, though, offering recipes you might want to prepare and bring along for the picnic.

You decide to make a dessert after a lengthy conversation. A classic Victoria sponge cake, as the new priest is reportedly a big fan of English delicacies, claims Agnes.

More banal topics were discussed as the conversation went on, until Agnes finally finished the pot of tea and left. But you were so stressed out by what had just happened that you made the decision to close the business and go home.

You groan; the desire to complete your sleazy chapter was now gone; you could no longer concentrate on words when your mood was low. Instead, you make the decision to start a bath and immerse your body in the floral-scented bubbles.

You gradually fall asleep. Relieved that your  unconscious mind transports you from your mental difficulties and plunges right into an explicit dream.