_____________________

Choose your last words
This is the last time
'Cause you and I
We were born to die

_____________________

YEOSANG

The long sigh that pushes itself out between Yeosang's lips, is almost heavy enough to be the exact reason his head tilts backwards at the same time, bumping against the wall behind him. Tears are resting on his lower lid, and even the smallest blink will set them free.

With another sigh, Yeosang makes his way towards the bed where he sits down, feeling completely empty inside. His hands glide over the cerulean colored sheet, where he and San had lied together earlier that night - although it feels like an eternity ago now.

While Yeosang so desperately had hoped San would answer his question with a simple yes, he now finds himself thinking that all he had been was nothing but just that - desperate.

Thinking back, he can't escape the fact that he always has been desperate for love, to the point where he didn't care about himself or how much it would hurt him. Everything from his first boyfriend, where things had ended so horribly wrong, to his relationship with Taeyong - and now sitting alone in his apartment after having fallen in love with a complete fuckboy.

Having to admit the last part to himself hurts deep inside. But it is the truth and it was proven tonight. San doesn't care about him, he doesn't care about anyone. San is the type of guy who sleeps with his own brother's fiancé, someone who has one-night stands in a nightclub bathroom stall, and someone who never say the words "I love you" to anyone. And especially not Yeosang.

Falling for someone like him, would make you a fool - and Yeosang feels like the biggest fool of them all.

And with that in mind, he slowly finds his phone. Only seconds later the dialing tone is running through his ears. As soon as the call is answered, he spares no time making his request.

"Hey, it's me... I-I'm sorry about earlier. Where are you now?"

✦

Yeosang should have went to bed, he really should, it's way past 2AM and he already knows that he most likely will miss out on his morning classes in five hours. But there is one thing he has to do to take at least one step in the right direction.

The silky, blonde hair falls back in place right after Taeyong has run his fingers through it. While clearing his throat, he folds in hands in his lap while waiting for Yeosang to speak up. Looking at him like this, it's like the very first time Yeosang has ever laid his eyes on that beautiful face.

"Why did you come to Korea without telling me?" Yeosang then says, breaking the silence and trying to distract himself from falling for the charms of Lee Taeyong yet again.

"I'm sorry," Taeyong says, a sigh leaving with his words, "I just felt that it would be better if we talk about this in person."

"Talk about what?" A small hint of obliviousness sneaks out with the questions, although Yeosang is well aware of what is meant.

"You know what I mean..." Taeyong mumbles, his eyes shining faintly in the dim light from the small lamp on the night stand, "We are breaking up, aren't we?"

Yeosang leans against the window sill, the same spot where San had been standing earlier, and although it might just be his imagination - he swears that the scent of the older still lingers in the air.

"Were we even together this time around?" he then says, looking at Taeyong who is sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I don't know..." the other replies with a small shrug of his shoulders. "I thought... That I wanted it. To make you mine again..."

Their eyes meet, and Yeosang feels a lump forming in his throat. He thought he wanted it too, maybe not as much as he should have for it to be real, but still. Taeyong had been the love of his life, for three years at least, but Yeosang finally feels ready to let go of him. And this time for good.

"I was never yours, because you weren't truly mine to begin with... You never were..." The words are hard to speak out loud, but Yeosang knows it's necessary - despite the pain that follows.

Taeyong parts his lips just slightly, but instead of speaking right away he rises from the bed and walks towards the window.

"Yeosang..." he says, softer than ever, hesitantly laying his hands on each of Yeosang's shoulders, "I loved you more than anything, don't ever think otherwise. And... You loved me too, right?"

"Yes... I did. But... We haven't loved each other for a long time, have we?"

"I guess not..."

The silence that slowly sneaks in between them, is not uncomfortable as the one during their first break up. Taeyong sends Yeosang a wry smile, while his eyes sparkle from the tears that are welling up.

"I hope you find happiness somewhere else," he then says, "and, I'll never forget you, Kang Yeosang."

"I'll never forget you either... Taeyong..."

Yeosang lets himself be embraced one last time, and as Taeyong starts pulling away again it just feels more than right to let their lips meet in one last kiss. Not a kiss of lust, love or anything like that. Just a beautiful, fragile symbol of both of them letting go of each other, but with the last reminder that they did use to love each other. This just wasn't their time.

"Bye, Yeosang..." The soft whisper tickles against Yeosang's lips as the kiss ends, and Taeyong looks into his eyes with a look more vulnerable than Yeosang has ever seen in those golden hazel eyes.

"Bye, Taeyong..."

With a gentle peck on Yeosang's cheek, Taeyong sends him a last smile before leaving the apartment. Yeosang exhales for the longest time, as he walks over to throw himself on the bed. He finally did it.

He finally set himself free.

But there is still one more thing he has to release himself from, and this might not be just as easy.

✦

"Is it true? Did you really quit?" Hyunjin asks, his mouth gaping by the surprising news.

Yeosang nods a few times, as he gets seated on the opposite side of the small café table. Hyunjin smacks his lips, as if he's trying to digest the disappointing information, while the ham and cheese sandwich he has ordered is waiting patiently in front of him.

It has been less than a day since Yeosang made the decision to quit his job at the night club, and when Hyunjin had texted him to meet up, including the word urgent, he had hoped it would be about anything but his resignation.

"Why though?"

And Yeosang has the perfect answer prepared for that exact question. One that doesn't need too much explanation, nor does it seem too stupid or unrealistic. But most importantly; it hides the real reason, the fact that he can't be around San anymore.

"School," Yeosang says, shrugging his shoulders, "It's taking up all my time, so..."

"Really?" Hyunjin huffs, a brow raised as he leans across the table, "There is no other reason, at all?"

"What do you mean?"

Yeosang's eyes fall to the table, staring at it like it's the most interesting thing in the world. He can feel how Hyunjin keeps looking at him, like he knows something he shouldn't.

"You've been acting really strange lately," Hyunjin replies, finally leaning back in his seat, "And San too..." he adds.

Hearing that name makes Yeosang's stomach turn. He quickly clears his throat, looking up with his best attempt in pretending that he doesn't care at all, although he feels like burning up inside of himself.

"S-so? And whatever San is doing has nothing to do with me..." he mumbles quietly, tugging the ends of his sleeves.

"Did something happen between you two? Like... You know?"

Hyunjin's question is direct, and it takes Yeosang by surprise. As silence is the only thing that leaves Yeosang's lips, Hyunjin nods understanding - taking the lack of answer as a confirmation.

"Don't worry. I'm not Felix, okay, I can keep a secret!" he laughs gently. "I knew I wasn't just imagining things! I've never seen San behave as he did after you came into the picture. He's changed so much... Only to... Fall right back into the same old pattern. What happened?"

A brief smile touches Yeosang's lips. Hyunjin's voice is so full of concern that his questions don't feel too pushy although they are hard for Yeosang to reply to. He wants to, but he isn't even sure if he knows the answer himself. Or maybe he does, but he is too ashamed to say it out loud.

"I... I honestly don't know..." Yeosang whispers. His shoulders fall at the same time as his eyes, and he feels like crying having to think about everything that has happened with San. "I wish I knew. But... It doesn't matter anymore. It's over anyway."

Hyunjin sends him a wry smile, before their conversation goes on. While talking a bit back and forth, soon about other things too, Yeosang slowly starts to feel better. At least he has found a friend like Hyunjin, and eventually he'll meet someone who can be more than a friend. Hopefully. But the idea of love being all that great, is something that he is slowly starting to push aside.

"Will you be okay, having to show up for the rest of your shifts this month?" Hyunjin asks, looking even more concerned.

"I guess. I mean, I have to, it's in the contract. I'm sure it'll be okay..."

"Can I ask you one last question though..." Hyunjin catches Yeosang's eyes, and he hesitantly nods, "Are you in love with San?"

✦

"You're in my way," San growls under his breath, as he tries to walk behind the bar with a tray filled with clean cocktail glasses.

Some famous actress is throwing a big birthday party at the night club later that night, which means everyone has been called in to make sure everything is ready. Before opening hours, a low, calm lounge music playlist is put on - but there is nothing calm about the atmosphere inside the club.

Yeosang turns his head, San's eyes staring into his - but without looking at him at all. Everything about him seems so distant and cold. Hyunjin was right, San's behavior has become more and more strange lately. But as the older has chosen to completely ignore Yeosang since that particular night, Yeosang hasn't felt the need, nor want, to ask what is going on.

Not that he is given much opportunity to do so anyway. San always walks away, when Yeosang shows up for work. The last four shifts just need to be over and done with as quickly as possible. 

"Just walk around him, you idiot," Seonghwa suddenly snaps from the other end of the bar.

"Mind your own fucking business, Park!" San shouts back, so loud that it makes Yeosang flinch as the older walks past him.

He anxiously watches, as San almost slams the tray down, the glasses clinking against each other - threatening to fall over. San then walks towards Seonghwa, who rolls his eyes when he sees his most hated co-worker coming closer.

The others at work had been thrilled to notice how the war between Seonghwa and San had seemed to calm down, and how San had become somewhat nicer and more pleasant to be around. But everything has returned to how it used to be - and maybe even worse than before.

"I am trying to," Seonghwa scoffs, being the first to be fed up with San's old, bad behavior, "but you're making it goddamn hard with your shitty attitude!"

"And that is coming from you? I swear, I feel sick every time I look at your fucking face!"

"Not my fault you can't stop looking at my handsome face," Seonghwa mocks, "But maybe you should take a good look at yourself, you look messed up! But, for real, could you just shut up? You are making both me and Yeosang uncomfortable here."

Seonghwa sends a quick look Yeosang's way, but San doesn't seem to care about neither of them. While Yeosang tries to carry on with work, doing his best to ignore the loud shouting from the other end of the bar, he suddenly hears something that makes his heart stop.

"Oh, I'm sure Yeosang doesn't mind," San snorts with a cold laugh that pierces into Yeosang's chest, "I can just fuck him later, and he'll be happy again. It usually works so..."

"Choi! Shut up!" The new voice that mingles into the argument, is coming from the other side of the bar, getting louder as the person comes closer with rapid speed.

Hyunjin is running towards them, his eyes darting between San and Yeosang, as he rushes behind the bar, pushing San against the counter. "Stop!"

"What? It's the truth though? And it's ironic too, right? I know Yeosang has been judging all those naive girls I take home, and it turns out he's no better than any of them."

"San!" Hyunjin cries out, his hands squeezing around San's cheeks trying to hold him still, "Please... Stop..."

San pushes him away, his eyes burning as he glares at his best friend who has tears in his eyes from what is happening in this horrible moment. Yeosang feels his heart in his throat, and tears filling up his eyes as San looks at him. Yeosang wants to just run away, but he can't move at all. Instead he clings onto the bar counter, praying that San has run out of hurtful things to say.

But unfortunately that isn't the case, and Yeosang's tears break free the second San's next words reaches him.

"Turns out our precious little SKY prince is just the same," San scoffs, "just a pathetic slut."

Suddenly everything happens too fast, and Yeosang's vision is blurred by his own tears while his own heartbeat is taking over his hearing. Seonghwa's fist hits San right in the face, and the dark haired male stumbles back, while Hyunjin is screaming at both of them at the same time.

Some other people are joining, trying to get San and Seonghwa away from each other, while cuss words and clenched fists are thrown all over the place.

"Why are you all acting like I'm the bad guy?" San frustratedly shouts, in the middle of the chaos, "I'm not the one who has been begging to get fucked, while being in a relationship with someone else. Hey, Yeosang, how is Taeyong doing?"

"I fucking swear, Choi! You shut the fuck up right now!" Hyunjin growls, and had Yeosang not been too far gone in his own misery, he would've felt scared too. Hyunjin has never sounded like that, and the way his clenched fist tremble not to punch San in the face is a sight no one could've ever imagined happen.

"Or what? What are you going to do about it, Hwang?"

Yeosang crumbles together in the corner of the bar, the humiliation and hurt is too much for him to handle, and he cries into his own hands. It doesn't even matter if anyone sees him cry like this, everyone at work has heard and watched the argument that escalated too quickly. Everyone has heard San call him a pathetic slut. To ever think that this guy could've fallen in love with him. Maybe those words are exactly what Yeosang is after all...

"Let's get you out of here," a voice suddenly says, and a hand pulls Yeosang up from the floor. "Come on."

With stumbling steps, Yeosang lets himself get dragged out of the mess behind the bar. The taller male holds him up by the waist and leads him up the stairs to the staff room.

"S-Seonghwa?" Yeosang mumbles, as he dumps down onto one of the chairs in the corner of the room. "How did you... Get out of the fight?"

"I just took the opportunity to get to punch that jackass once more, then I let him and Hyunjin fight it out. And Chen and Han too," Seonghwa shrugs. "Should we call you a cab? Do you want to go home?"

"Yes..." Yeosang nods, staring at the floor, trying to stop more tears from falling, "I want to go home."

"Okay, I'll make the call. What's your address?" Seonghwa squats down in front of him, phone in hand and ready to call a cab.

"No I..." As he closes his eyes, more tears are rolling down his warm cheeks, and Yeosang lets out a painful sigh as he finishes his sentence, "I want to go home... To London."

_______________________

♫ Lana del Rey - Born to die

1st A/N: Okay, I had been going back and forth between giving Taeyong a some kind of redemption. At first I had decided not doing it, and just having him stay the asshole he had turned out to be.

But this somehow happened, and I feel it's for the better. We must remember that they, at some point, did love each other - being together in this life just wasn't possible for them. And I also believe that this was the best solution to have Yeosang move on from their relationship, for good this time. (IDK, am I putting too much thought into this stupid story haha?><)

AND NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER! THIS IS NOT HOW I HAD PLANNED THINGS TO HAPPEN! OKAY! BLAME THE COMEBACK! MY MIND IS A MESS AAAHHHHH!!

2nd A/N: I - AM - SCREAMING over this comeback! Like... For real, screaming!! I'm glad I'm alone in my apartment at the moment lol! And also, SAN PLEASE STOP BIAS WRECKING ME! T_T (what is a bias even at this point? ... JK, it's still Yeosang <3 And I was aww'ing over him smiling when sitting across from fake-Yeosang. Even Yeosang makes Yeosang smile. Lol ok I'm leaving, bye!)