Title: YOU'LL NEVER KNOW //Jikook

Author: weirdoBtsArmy

Reviewer: Anika

• TOTAL MARKS- ①⓪⓪

|- ⑤ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ.
-3/5

In Prologue, there are many comments and but in further chapters, the comments start to reduce to only one commenter/reader.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴄᴏᴠᴇʀ.
-1/10

The image of your cover doesn't match the plot. This moment of Jikook was indeed beautiful amd memorable for entire fandom but keep this in mind that the cover should match the plot and the designing should attract the readers. The image isn't suitable for mature book that includes torture etc. It should be intimidating and scary. There are so many effects, so please remove them. The paper tear effect is cutting Jimin's leg and if you notice it looks like there is extra leg too, at left side. Human's legs are not that long to stretch out plus it is shifted upward. There are three texts with different fonts. The fonts are beautiful but every texts aren't at the same place. It would be much better if they are together. Make the reader move their eyes around in admiration, not for reading the texts. Write ff in full form like "A Jikook Fanfiction" with normal type font, not fancy one so that it will give professional look. The theme is purple and it looks beautiful but remember the story plot isn't beautiful so it doesn't match the mood. The theme should be dark.

|- ⑤ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴅᴇsᴄʀɪᴘᴛɪᴏɴ.
-3/5

The blurb is too short but it caught reader's attention. Every beginning word of sentence start with capital letter so "Y" of "You'll" should be in capital letter. Don't use tilde ( ~ ) Use minus( - ) with Jungkook's name because his quote is serious and tilde ruins the serious mood. Remove exclamation mark ( ! ) It refers to exclaimation point such as shouting and yelling.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴛɪᴛʟᴇ.
-9/10

The title seem mysterious and interesting and it grabs reader's attention but add vertical pipe ( | ) instead of slash (/) and write first letter "J" of Jikook in capital letter.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴘʟᴏᴛ.
-9/10

The flow of story is so interesting and remarkable that I got distracted and had to stop reviewing in middle of it. First I read the whole book as reader then twice as reviewer. Things that were happening in the story were unexpected and interesing but at some points things were rushed. I love how author made Taehyung and Jimin as ambitious youngsters that strive for their dreams instead of lazy young boys, it gave light to their character throughout the whole book.

In Prologue, Jimin's pov he claims that in 2nd meet he portray jungkook as villian but in story Jungkook meet him as good Teacher. Why he called him a villian?
I was wondering why Dori was special one, I'm curious and it leaves cliffhanger. Overall plot is amazing but first I thought Jungkook is the only psycho here who kills for satisfaction but it turns out he works for agency (yeah but it doesn't make him less psycho). I'm curious to know what kind of illegal agency Jungkook works for and why they murder everyone.

•|- ②⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀᴀᴍᴍᴀʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴠᴏᴄᴀʙᴜʟᴀʀʏ.
-16/20

The dialogues are good but sometimes there are many typos and grammatical errors. You use past tense in present simple. Avoid that.

In 1 Chapter, the sentence is overwritten.
"The young man grunts after getting hit by a leg on his shin."
First of all, word "Hit" doesn't apply for this sentence. If we are talking about leg then use "Kick".
Second, He got kicked by foot, not leg.
Third, No need to write "By the leg" The picture you are trying to portray in writing is understandable if you only write kick. Overly written sentences ruins the mood.

2. "This one is a special one"
You wrote "one" two times. Remove the last one.

3."They are making hard for themselves"
But it turns out that "they" was only one "She" not multiple people. Edit that.

4.This sentence "Unclear words due to gag in the mouth" confused me. I was wondering what author is trying to say until I realized some girl is held hostage, when I read further. I advise Author to write in complete details picturing every scene such as "His eyes averts on invulnerable girl tied on chair infront of him. She couldn't deliver clear words due to the gag stuffed in her mouth" (It's just a example) this way it's more easy and understandable for readers.

5. After that, you wrote: "The man made his way toward the figure tied on chair" Even though she just kicked his shin before. Suddenly where this huge distant came from? If it is small distant then write something like this, example: "He take few steps toward her again." For better understanding.

6. "The man walked behind her and caressed her back so she can calm down"
Caresses means to stroke someone gently and tenderness. Use words such as "Rub" or "Pat" for this sentence. You used past tense in this sentence. Write "the man walks and caresses her back so she could calm down" (There are many sentence like this, fix them)

7. Remove "Cause" and write "As you Know, I'm not a genie" and "He suggested, smiling"

8.Don't only use past tense "said" everywhere. There are another words too such as uttered, claimed, affirmed, asserted, opined etc.

9.Describe how she felt sharp pain when Jungkook cut her neck. When neck was open, describe the details of blood spitting out or her head hanging backward.

In chapter 4, "She isn't back now" sounds more like he is still waiting for her to come back. Change it into "She will never come back again"

1."Yah Chanyeol, you atleast know your one's name"
Replace "one's" with "Target" I was confused for a moment reading this dialogue.

Chapter 8,
Pout doesn't rest, it stuck out or bend. (Bottom lip)

There are much more including typos, if you like I would gladly comment next to it and you can delete my comments later.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs Fᴏʀ ᴘʟᴏᴛ ᴛᴡɪsᴛs ᴀɴᴅ ᴀᴛᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ.
-5/10

Out of many reasons, why readers decided to read your book is because they got to know in description that Jungkook is psycho. Now tell me how many times Jungkook behave like psycho? The answer is: Only once with Dori. Throughout all the chapters, he only wore mask of a kind and respected person but remember reader came for psycho or mature kind of scenes, for thrilling drama and you didn't wrote any. I will give you advise to write some separate scary scenes along with him being kind too, readers will really portray him as crazy psycho in their minds. It would be really thrilling for them. (I'm fully aware you already labelled in prologue "mature and violence as light" and "torture as maybe")

In chapter 8, It looked little off that he can see view of city from building of university. He is not a CEO or some sort of office worker.

I really love cliffhangers in your book and I can't wait for new updates. They were few plot twists that shocked me, especially Jungkook one that he is not only one person behind all these murdering cases and summarising everything gives message to readers not to trust anyone and keep an eye around your surroundings because psychopaths are everywhere. They could be students, professor, police and your friends. I can't wait to see how granny will play a role in this fanfiction and I have feelings she gonna play important part.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ᴅᴇᴠᴇʟᴏᴘᴍᴇɴᴛ.
-7/10

While reading Jungkook's part, I get creepy, danger and mysterious vibes which means you was successful in delivering his emotions but emotion of victims are important too. You didn't describe her fearful state or how she was feeling from inside except for crying. Emphasise about her more to make readers feel it, her fear.

In Chapter 1, Jimin and Jungkook interaction was unrealistic. When a stranger invades a personal space. The first question comes out from mouth is "What are you doing?" But instead Jimin stuttered making excuse to escape the situation, he even attempted to pushed him and it totally sounded like he is fragile little kid. That's not how people behave even if they are shy (Jimin isn't shy, if he curses loudly in class and interact with strangers without any problem) and there was no logical reason for Jungkook to do that. "His attempt to push him back was fruitless because he is intimidating" that doesn't make sense. He was stronger that's why he wasn't able to push him away.

In chapter 3, when Jungkook roasted a student for nails. She didn't display any sign of suprise or offend reaction. She simply went back to her nails like nothing happened. That's totally unrealistic. For drama and to spice up things, write realistic reactions.

Conclusion: Emphasise on details and emotions too.

There aren't any character development yet. In chapter 9 he kissed Jimin and broke the rule but I think that escalated pretty quickly because they had only little chemistry between them.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴠɪᴛʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴀʏ ᴏғ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ.
-9/10

Your writing style is smooth and easy to read. You just need to improve writing details whether it's physical or mental then everything is perfect. It's like your writing is good but it need sprinkles over it to look more appealing.(Remember, readers try to imagine or feel all the things you write in book) I notice some improvement in your grammer but typos were still there.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴘɪɴɪᴏɴ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴏᴋ.
-8/10

Your book is masterpiece, in some points I even relate to them. The quotes matches the story plot and it excites me to further. The banners are so creative and alluring. The picture in prologue was the best too! It made me feel different sad emotions because Jikook looked very happy together but we all know Jungkook might hurt him in fanfiction. I like how there is cute bunny emoji in chapter title of scary fanfiction, it gives off psycho vibes in part of Jungkook. I really like involvement of many characters, I can't wait to know everyone's past, secrets or insecurities, their reasons and character development. I really like how you write character profiles after their entry in the story, It help to remove any doubts. I love the shifting of different scenes and new places. Your book is great, keep working!

TOTAL MARKS: 70/100

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