Book Name: Hey eomma, hey appa

Author: SongYeEun2500

Reviewer: Bun little_squishy_bun

Cover: 03/05 

The cover suits the futuristic and sci-fi theme which your book started with. It also depicts the relationship between the main leads through the pictures. 

But the ‘censored’ strip on Jungkook’s eyes doesn’t seem pretty. You could’ve manipulated the eyes or the face to make it look different, or used the help of any graphic designer.

Also, it would’ve been better if the brightness of Jungkook’s face (middle) was lowered; it’s too bright and does not look pretty.

Title: 03/05 

The title is one of the main things which attract a reader to the book. Thus, it should be relevant, beautiful and creative.

In this case, it was relevant to some extent,  but it wasn’t beautiful or creative. It seemed quite bland and simple, and wasn’t attractive. 

Synopsis: 06/10 

The synopsis was quite relevant to the story. It made sense and gave hints about the story in a subtle way.

But it’s quite messy and isn’t beautiful. 

First, refrain from using all caps to indicate shouting. I’m sure it is quite popular and many use it, but it doesn’t look good and is very unprofessional. You can add an action tag to it to show that the speaker is shouting. 

Second, do not use multiple punctuations. Only one is sufficient. If you need to show the extremity of a situation or emotion, rather use the right tags and words than multiple punctuation marks.  

Execution: 06/10 

The execution of a story plot is a very important factor which hooks the readers to the story. It should be done with perfection to make the book nice and good.

Your execution wasn’t as bad, but it wasn’t good either. The story wasn’t emotional or interesting due to it.

Your dialogues weren’t interesting, and they seemed bland and lifeless in the conversation. 

The pace of the story was quite uneven too. There are some parts where you are clearly rushing the story for no good reason. Don’t do that, rather go with a steady pace which brings out the best from the plot. 

Plot: 10/20 

Though the plot is great and nice, I clearly remember seeing the ‘time-travelling and saving the parents’ plot as the main theme of a movie. Though I am unable to pinpoint the name, I’m aware it isn’t completely new. 

Also, there are some elements which don’t make sense. 

Like, how did Jungkook and Hyejin accept that Jungsoo is their son. Hyejin was too quick to admit it, and Jungkook felt that too. It didn’t take them time to accept that their son had time-traveled either. It’s not an era where time-travelling is as common as taking the tram. 

Also, Hyejin saw the resemblance between Jungkook and Jungsoo, then how did the others didn’t? Even Jungkook’s mom wasn’t able to, so how did Jungkook’s friend do?

Also, why wasn’t it suspicious for the others when Jungsoo appeared after years and vanished back? 

These things should’ve made more sense...

Writing Style: 5/20 

Let’s look at the flaws in the writing style one-by-one. 

Wrong punctuation. 

There are many instances where you haven’t used punctuation in dialogues. Well, dialogues are sentences which deserve punctuation too. You haven’t used full stops at many places in dialogues too. 

Also, an ellipsis, a punctuation mark to indicate the omission of a few words or discontinuation of sentences, consists of three dots. Anything more or less than three dots is inappropriate. 

Now, about the commas in dialogues. When a dialogue continues after the tag in between, it is marked with a comma to indicate it’s continuation. 

For example:

“Dare to say that and” she paused for a second and continued with a threatening smirk, “and I’ll tell appa about your basement’s secret” 

See how you’ve haven’t added a comma after ‘dare to say that’,  and a full stop after the dialogue ends. 

Unnecessary capitalization. 

Throughout the story, you have capitalized many words that absolutely didn’t need to start with a capital letter. It looks very unprofessional and ugly, also irritating at some point. 

Use of all caps for shouting.

However common and overused it is, typing in all caps does not look good. It’s wrong and doesn’t look good. You could always go for an action tag to show that the speaker is speaking.

Also, refrain from dragging words. As common it might look, it is not appreciable, and shows unprofessionalism towards writing. 

Also, don’t use multiple punctuation marks, like a question mark or exclamation mark.

Now, coming to the pov’s, here are a few things I suggest you learn. 

Author’s pov

Author’s pov, or maybe narration, should be  used when the author wants to give a description of the environment, or the characters’ emotions, or maybe the ongoing events. You don’t use the author’s pov for any of them, and the writing wasn’t descriptive. 

Character’s pov

This is used to give a detailed impression of the feelings of the character, and the thoughts that flow around in their mind. It is used to show one’s response in a situation, and to depict the things they might be going through. 

But you were not able to capture the right emotions when you used any character’s pov. It was a blur of emotions, and it didn’t make much sense. 

Also, you shifted povs without some mentions, and it’s confusing. 

Grammar & Vocabulary: 12/20 

Good grammar and vocabulary helps conveying your idea to others in a simple and understanding way.

Let’s start with the vocabulary. Though your use of words was nice in some places, it wasn’t good and it made the scenes bland and lifeless. 

The grammar wasn’t good either. 

Mistakes with tenses.

“Wait, why did she came so early?”

Here, it is “come”, the past form, instead of “came”. The sentence should be written in the past form here since he’s speaking in a story and it’s past. 

There are many instances where you have messed up the tenses. I suggest proof-reading and gaining more knowledge about tenses and their use.

Sentence formation

Your sentence formation is quite poor too. There are several places where the sentences aren’t good. 

As soon as I blurted that, a very hard smack on my head that made my forehead clash with the dining table.

Here, for example, it seems incomplete, and doesn’t have the consequence or foremath of the action. 

There are several mistakes in the book which require some proof-reading and editing. 

Characters & Development: 6.5/10 

Here, Jungkook was a shy boy who wouldn’t confess to his crush because she had a crush on someone else. If he didn’t stop being friends with Hyejin after that, then wasn’t it weird of him to stop being friends after she dated that boy.

Moreover, he started talking to her once again after that one night when Hyejin decided to climb up his window. How come he won’t feel the same heartache when he’s near her now?

Hyejin’s character wasn’t very stable either. It was very strange of her to expect Jungkook to talk to her when she herself was seen forgetting about him around her crush. 

Again, this could be due to your writing style. Maybe you weren’t able to show their true characters due to the writing style. Lack of description  and use of words. 

I’d suggest improving on this. 

Total: 51.5/100 

Final Note:

Your book would be an amazing read with proper execution and some improvements. The plot is nice, and the characters are cool too. Try improving on the things I mentioned, and I’m sure this book would be an amazing thing.