Book: FACELESS ENEMY -JJK

Author: _kingjungkook_

Reviewer: Anika

• TOTAL MARKS- ①⓪⓪

|- ⑤ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ.

-⅘

There are alot of comments in the intro but as the story goes on, only two readers interact with the book.

|- 10 ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴄᴏᴠᴇʀ.

-5/10

The choice of image and theme is perfect. Jungkook face is half hidden with bucket hat and that look mysterious and matches the title. It is eye-catching but some mistakes ruined the mood. Use different position and colour for the title in the cover. It's black and barely visible. Make it look more visible and remove the white pen link hiding the text. There are different stickers or designs in picarts to hide the text for making it look more scary and mysterious. I advise the author to use different font for "You can't even" the middle text.

|- ⑤ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴅᴇsᴄʀɪᴘᴛɪᴏɴ.

-1/5

The description wasn't attention-grabbing but it made me confused what kind of relationship Y/N and Jungkook have. It is short and doesn't have any special quotes. In the 3rd line of first paragraph, "A nice" letter (A) should be written in small letter "a nice" because it's 2nd word. Make the description more special. It made me curious but not so attention-grabbing. Only use one question mark (?) and remove quotation marks (") to make it look more like mysterious. It seems like dialogue more than thoughts.

|- 10 ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴛɪᴛʟᴇ.

-2/10

I don't understand the hidden meaning in the title. It is attention-grabbing but it didn't match the story exposition yet. It should match or relate to the plot in upcoming future chapters. Remove minus (-) Add vertical bar ( | )

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴘʟᴏᴛ.

-4/10

I didn't understand the plot quite well. The title, description and flow of story is totally different. Y/N was married to her step mother's nephew Seokjin who used to treat her badly. After few months of divorce, she got another proposal from Jeon family. The book have only 5 chapter plus one intro so the story isn't on track of plot yet.

|- ②⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀᴀᴍᴍᴀʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴠᴏᴄᴀʙᴜʟᴀʀʏ.

-2/20

I point out many mistakes to improve your writing for next chapters. I hope you don't get demotivated. Fix them.

Vocabulary:-

Chapter 1,

"She didn't want to remember her past , her bad memories"

Correction: She don't want to remember her past, those bad memories. Reviewer: It was happening in present. So use present tense.

Chapter 1,

"Don't you remember what happened some months ago?"

Correction: "Don't you remember what happened (few) months ago?"

Chapter 1,

"Isn't is so soon mom?"

Reviewer: You wrote "is" two times. Correction: "It isn't too soon mom?"

Chapter 1,

His day would never ends without making me cry.

Correction: His day never ended without making me cry. Reviewer: We are talking about past here, not present.

Chapter 1,

I was used to live in servant quarters. Correction: "I used to live in servant quarters" Reviewer: Don't use helping verb here.

Chapter 1,

"Mom, I can't drag myself again in the same hell I was used to live in."

Correction: "Mom, I can't drag myself again in the same hell I lived once."

Chapter 1,

She was so ashamed for what had happened even tho it was not her fault.

Reviewer: Never use shorts forms such as "tho" or "cuz" especially in narration, if it's not a dialogue.

Chapter 2,

"WAKE UP YOU SLEEPY HEAD!!!" He said almost shouted because of excitement

Reviewer: "He almost shouted"

Chapter 2,

Her eyes become wide open after realizing what she just said

Reviewer: "Her eyes widen" or "Her eyes become wider" No need to add "open"

Chapter 2,

Jimin said holding his hands at the back of his head like he was surrounding. Correction: Jimin said resting his head on the back of his head.

Chapter 2,

"So what movie we are going to watch angel?" Her mom said with smile."

Correction: "So (which) movie we are going to watch angel?" Her mom (asked) with smile.

Chapter 2,

"They were at 20 minutes away from their home"

Reviewer: We use "at" to indicate the place or event where something happens or situated. Correction: "They were (almost) 20 minutes away from their home.

Chapter 2,

"He tried to stop the car but it was of no use it was like breaks got failed.

Correction: "He tried to stop the car but it was of no use, (as if) the breaks got failed"

Chapter 3,

The smile which was like box dancing on his lips.

Reviewer: Dancing is locomotion but smile stays still.

Chapter 3,

"I don't even reach the door knob"

Correction: "I (can't) even reach the (doorknob)"

Chapter 3,

"He was show casing his all teeth"

Reviewer: Don't give space between "showcasing"

Chapter 4,

"It's three days and I didn't saw my oppa.

Correction: "It's been three days"

Chapter 4,

"Ofc he was also missing her so much" Reviewer: Don't write in short forms.

Chapter 5,

Actually Mr Jeon had saw you at your dad's office." Her mom replied of her unspoken question

Correction: Actually Mr Jeon had (seen) you at your dad's office." Her mom replied (to) her unspoken question

Chapter 5,

Y/N was in the middle of Taehyung and Jimin and Jungkook was sitting in front of them on chair.

Correction: "Meanwhile Jungkook"

Punctuation:-

Chapter 1,

Her eyes were full of emotions pain,guilt,regret but her face was emotionless

Reviewer: Give space after comma

Chapter 1,

"Nightmare!!seriously mom!!

Reviewer: Give space after exclamation mark. Write letter (S) of seriously in capital letter because it's after the mark.

Chapter 1,

She didn't want to remember her past , her bad memories Reviewer: Don't give space before comma.

Chapter 1,

Voice was still low but full of emotions .

Reviewer: Don't give space between before full stop.

Chapter 2,

What did you just said sweetie?"Jimin said

Reviewer: Jimin (asked) not said. It was a question.

Chapter 2,

Don't you dare to take another step toward me."Y/N said Reviewer: Give space after Quotation mark.

Chapter 2,

I'm older than her but she said : 'YAH PARK JIMIN' .Isn't it rude dad? Reviewer: Don't give space before Colon (:) and full stop.

Chapter 2,

"YAH!! you better don't call me that or else"

Reviewer: Use minus (-) instead of underscore ()

Chapter 2,

AFTER FEW HOURS :

Reviewer: Don't give space before colon (:)

Chapter 2,

"Their mom and dad was talking and laughing and her dad was driving" Correction: Their parents were talking and laughing, her father was driving.

Chapter 2,

She said embarrassed

Reviewer: Add comma after word "said"

Chapter 3,

His head was same like the painting of red boy me and oppa had drew

Reviewer: Add comma after "boy"

Chapter 3,

He suddenly pulled back and shouted "mom she is awake"

Reviewer: Add exclamation mark (!) To indicate shouting and you know capital error again.

Chapter 3,

"Yes sweetheart me and your dad works at the same place"

Reviewer: Add comma after "sweetheart"

Chapter 3,

He was covering his both ears with his palms no actually he was trying to protect his eardrums.

Reviewer: Add fullstop after "palms" and add comma after "no"

Chapter 3,

"what are you saying Y/n. Can you say it a little louder?"

Reviewer: You didn't add question mark again, after "Y/N" besides "n" should be in capital.

Chapter 3,

"should I ask or not"

Reviewer: Capital letter and question mark.

Chapter 3,

"Y/n? What is it just spill it I won't mind I promise."

Correction: "Y/N, what is it?"

Chapter 3,

"Y/n just say I'm curi_" his sentence cutted off by Y/N

Correction: "Y/N just say! I'm curi-" His sentence got cut off by Y/N

Chapter 4,

"There is nothing to worry about."He said.

Reviewer: Give space after quotation mark.

Chapter 4,

"You promised me to bring me there didn't you?" She said with teary eyes.

Reviewer: "Take me" "She asked" add comma after "there"

Chapter 4,

"No mom problem is not that actually she wants to meet her family." Taehyung said

Correction: "No mom, the problem isn't that. Actually she wants to meet her family"

Chapter 4,

"Awww so you want to go home because you are missing them??"She nodded innocently.

Reviewer: Same mistake. Use one question mark only.

Chapter 4,

"Hey! How can you say that. You are my only little angel I can't stay away from you don't you know!!?

Reviewer: Question mark after "that fullstop after "angel" and comma after "from you" and one more thing, use question mark before exclamation mark and only one.

Chapter 4,

"Oppa please stop making those weird faces let me tell you he is Taehyung oppa and he is really funny and Taehyung oppa already know you are Jimin Oppa"

Reviewer: Add comma after "faces" and fullstop after "you" remove "and" before "he is really funny" and add comma there.

Chapter 4,

Then he spoke

Reviewer: Add comma in last.

Chapter 4,

"Y/N, mom is in heaven with angels but don't worry dad said she is looking over us."

Reviewer: comma after "worry"

Chapter 4,

Why she left so soon.

Reviewer: Add question mark.

Chapter 5,

"Y/N why are you so nervous.

Reviewer: (?)

Chapter 5,

Taehyung said back hugging Y/N.

Reviewer: Comma after "said"

Chapter 5,

Because she knew that she had to move from that house after marriage she had to live alone after all without these loving and caring brothers.

Reviewer: Fullstop after "marriage" "Move (out) from (this) house"

Chapter 5,

Hyung come on I'm really excited to meet the person"

Reviewer: Add comma after "come on"

Chapter 5,

"Let's go Y/N and be relax your brothers are here and your dad will be here soon" Correction: "Let's go Y/N and be relax, your brothers are here and your dad will "arrive" soon"

Chapter 5,

Everyone was talking to each other except Jungkook and Y/N they were just quietly sitting there.

Reviewer: Add comma after "Y/N"

Chapter 5,

Mrs. Jeon said out of blue and Jimin and Taehyung burst into laughter. Reviewer: Remove "and" before Jimin and add comma.

Chapter 5,

And they suddenly stop making others laugh so hard.

Reviewer: Add comma after "stop"

Grammer:-

When we are talking about past such as flashback or recalling previous memories, the usage of past tense is understandable.

But during present activity, you can't use past tense. Please change every past tense into simple present in your book.

Chapter 1,

She didn't want to gave up on her life decision so easily

Correction: "Give up"

Chapter 1,

"She didn't want to marry anyone who she don't even know"

Correction: "She don't want to anyone who she doesn't even know"

Chapter 1,

She was feeling so guilty

Correction: She felt so guilty

Chapter 2,

Jimin shouted making Y/N flinched Correction: "Flinch"

Chapter 4,

She started clapping and jumping. Taehyung joined her too.

Correction: "Start" and add comma instead of dot after word "jumping"

Chapter 5,

"Ahhh you can't ruined your makeup like that Y/N they will be here anytime."

Correction: "Ahhh you can't (ruin) your makeup like that Y/N, they will be here

(anytime/soon)

Reviewer: Comma comes after Y/N's name

Ellipsis:-

In the field of writing, it is rule to add only three dots/fullstops (...) You can't add more or less than that, this is the list of ellipsis mistakes in your book.

1.Chapter 1,

"But......."

2. Chapter 1,

"Not for your step mom at least for your dad and brothers.........."

Reviewer: The dots are 10-

3.Chapter 2,

"MOM........ DAD........"

4.Chapter 2,

But suddenly something unexpected happened............

5.Chapter 3,

"but suddenly something unexpected happened........."

Reviewer: Minus

6.Chapter 3,

"OPPAAAA...." "OPPAAAA....."

7.Chapter 3,

"Umm.... C-can I ca-call....umm I mean"

8.Chapter 4,

"Wait...... Y/N are you crying sweetie??"

9.Chapter 4,

"Ummm..... Maybe in three seconds."

10.Chapter 4,

"Ahhh...... Y/N it's not fair. I'm also here. "She heard her dad's words.

11.Chapter 5,

" No no no its not that actually......."

12.Chapter 5,

"Wait........ Where are your two stupids??"

Spelling mistake:-

Chapter 2,

"Drag her down from the bad"

Correction: bed

Chapter 2,

"Ahhh you little drama queen .Or else I will never give you that teadybear"

Correction: Teddybear

Reviewer: Don't forget the space mistake.

Chapter 3,

Toothpaste-comercial-worthy teeth

Correction: Commerical

Chapter 5,

"It's going to be Oky sweetheart."

Correction: "Okay"

Chapter 5,

"Y/N you are just thinking so much as I said his father is your dad's buissnes partner"

Correction: "Business"

Chapter 5,

"But-"she was about to say something but her mom cutt her off

Correction: "Cut" Reviewer: Space too.

Chapter 5,

Hyung come on I'm really excited to meet the person who has that much patience to accept out crazy girl for his whole life" Correction: "Our"

Chapter 5,

Y/N's dad said and Taehyung, Jimin and their mom noded.

Reviewer: "nodded"

Capital letters:-

Names, first letter of first word of the sentence, letter (i) and every first letter of every word in the heading should be written in capital letter.

In chapter 2, you wrote almost all Jimin names in small letter and sometimes wrote "Y/N" as "y/n" or "Y/n"

Here is the list of mistakes:-

1.Chapter 1,

"you can't imagine these past years of my life mom"

2. Chapter 2,

jimin and Y/N was looking at each other confused

Reviewer: Don't give space between word "eachother"

3. Chapter 2,

"apology accepted my little angel"

4. Chapter 2,

"don't worry"

5. Chapter 2,

Her dad said in fake Sad tone

6. Chapter 2,

"don't worry dear there is a problem with front wheel" Reviewer: Comma after "dear"

7. Chapter 3,

"kim Taehyung"

8. Chapter 3,

"canicallyoumyoppa?"

Reviewer: In this (i) should be capital too.

9. Chapter 4,

"At taehyung's home:"

10. Chapter 4,

He knew that she will never come back then Taehyung spoke "don't worry angel I will tell my dad to take care of your mom."

11. Chapter 5,

"After two hours :"

12. Chapter 5,

Mr park I like y/n so much I want them to marry as soon as possible." Mrs Jeon said.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs Fᴏʀ ᴘʟᴏᴛ ᴛᴡɪsᴛs ᴀɴᴅ ᴀᴛᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ.

-4/10

There aren't many plot twists except for Y/N was already married to Seokjin and her cousin is Tahyung.

Chapter 5,

Jungkook marrying Y/N when they already know about her past is suspicious.

You are really good at cliffhangers. If you only improve your writing, readers will die from curiousity.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ᴅᴇᴠᴇʟᴏᴘᴍᴇɴᴛ.

-3/10

Chapter 3,

You shouldn't paste cute/soft image at the beginning of the chapter, especially where tense moment is about to come. Make the reader feels the emotions through your writing such as sad, thrilled, happy, curious, worried etc. It was accident scene and the reader's worry should be at edge, so don't drift their attention or focus by adding a photo. That's not how your story will look attractive.

Chapter 3,

After the accident, when little Y/N was shaking and apologizing Jimin. I literally got goosebumps. It was really sad and heartbreaking

I didn't feel any emotions in first chapter when Y/N was crying. It didn't even break my heart, it was boring.

Chapter 3,

He was in same age as my oppa probably younger than him.

Reviewer: A small girl can't be sure that random boy is of age just like her brother. Or should we say, she can't guess correctly. This was unrealistic.

Chapter 5,

"From Taehyung's mouth and at his words Y/N's eyes widened and Jimin was about to riped his head off of his shoulders but it was just accident Taehyung didn't want to said that................."

Reviewer: You ruined the cliffhanger here (Don't forgot the ellipse) It would be must better if you have written the dialogue Taehyung have said and their reactions should have been cliffhanger.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴠɪᴛʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴀʏ ᴏғ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ.

-3/10

Your writing style lacks details, synonyms and have cliche words. Readers imagine, feel or empathize everything authors write. Read your book as reader not a author, and dive in the reader's imagination to experience what kind of world they created in their mind through your words or scenarios written in your book.

Chapter 5,

"Mom-"

"Y/N I'm telling you to not worry about this."

Reviewer: Give space between these two sentences. Paragraphs in your book isn't too long nor too short, they are perfect but sometimes space is necessary too. You can see how unattractive the above sentence look.

Action tag:-

Chapter 3,

(Bold is for Taehyung, italic is for third person and the simple is for y/n)Reviewer: Never do that again. It seem like you have problem in action tag and writing description of feelings, appearance, expression and emotions. I advise you to read famous fanfictions and try to learn their vocabulary.

Chapter 4,

"Ran downstairs towards the front door. She saw Jimin was standing there.

Reviewer: When I read this sentence, I thought you skipped the part when she opened the door. If it's true then don't skip the details ever again because I was confused when I read this. But if he was already standing there then write "doorstep" or "doorway" in the end.

Synonyms:-

Chapter 1,

Instead of "awkward laugh" write scoff.

Chapter 2,

Who was 9th year's old hovered in her room like thunder storm and drag her down from the bad and she was rolling and groaning on the floor.

Reviewer: Definition of hover is "Staying in one place or move slightly in nervousness" So this synonym is wrong. I suggest to use words like "burst in her room" You forgot to mention details like how Jimin grabbed Y/N and what he grabbed? Hand? Wrist? There is spelling mistake too, it's "bed" not bad

Chapter 2,

Throughout the book, you address Y/N's parents as Mom and Dad only. It was cliche, you can use other words too like Father, mother, wife or husband while addressing them. Cliche:-

Chapter 1,

You indicate Y/N speaking in low but angry voice multiple times. You don't have to mention that again and again because it becomes cliche

Chapter 2,

You wrote many times that her mom, dad and brother laughed. Remember this, Reader imagine everything you write. It was getting weirder as they keep laughing.

Chapter 5,

"So.... What about next week?" Mr Jeon said making others shocked even Jungkook and his mom was also shocked but Y/N's mom and dad agreed making them shocked even more because they were all satisfied.

Reviewer: Just write "making everyone shock" You don't have to address every single individual present there. (Ellipsis)

Chapter 1,

"He used to force me to cook for his drunken friends almost every night."

Reviewer: If you notice, you wrote "used" numerous times in one paragraph. Two times it's fine but if there is no synonyms then it becomes unattractive. Correction: "He forced me to cook--"

Chapter 4,

Taehyung said with sad expressions because he was feeling sad seeing her like that. Reviewer: First of all expression is only one so don't add letter (s) in the end and once you told readers that he is sad. They are going to imagine his facial, talking way and vibes all sad. Don't mention twice because it's cliche.

Chapter 3,

"I just nodded and just because it was really hard to not to smile infront of his innocent face so I smiled back."

Reviewer: You wrote "to" twice.

Correction: I just nodded with smile because it was hard not to control in front of his innocent face.

Chapter 4,

She was missing him so much so unknowingly tears started falling from her eyes.

Reviewer: You wrote "so" twice.

Correction: "That unknowingly" and "start"

Chapter 4,

She dragged Jimin towards Taehyung's room. When they both entered in Taehyung's room Jimin was looking at Taehyung with confused expressions.

Correction: "When they both entered (inside his) room, Jimin was looking at (him) with confused expression.

Reviewer: Add comma with "room" and remove letter (s) from expression.

Chapter 5,

"Ooooo." She said and her mom chuckled at her cuteness. "Y/N you will never change." Her mom said with little laughter

Reviewer: This paragraph have both synonym and cliche error. You indicate that her mother laughed two times.

Correction: She trails off

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴘɪɴɪᴏɴ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴏᴋ.

-4/10

You need to improve a lot. I advise you to study especially about Freytag's pyramid. Don't be demotivated, work hard. I'm looking forward to your next chapter only, I want to see correct minors mistakes such as punctuation and vocabulary. You can take time in writing style because you have a lot to learn in that.

TOTAL MARKS: 31/100