Caitlin sucked on her teeth as she spotted the knife on Jax's belt and the gun well hidden under the kutte he wore. A reaper adorned his back, which was depicted on the leather kutte. Last week Jax had already told her more about him and she was okay with him being part of a club. But maybe she should've gotten more information and asked more questions about his lifestyle.

Right now she felt anything but safe or comfortable, her world was too different from his. Ironic, right? She should feel safe precisely because he was carrying a gun. On the other hand, she was aware that he was carrying the gun and knife with him for a reason. There was a reason for everything.

She had often spent weeks in Boston, so she knew that it wasn't unusual for someone here in the US to own a gun, but not everyone carried them around so openly. Jax, however, wore the gun like other people wore a necklace, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

And Jax also seemed to notice how uncomfortable she was feeling. With his fingers clutching his kutte, he adjusted it before sitting down next to Caitlin, who was sitting on the edge of his bed. Then he studied her pretty face, which looked anything but relaxed.

"This is just for safety, darlin'", he began, pointing to the knife hanging from his belt. "But it's necessary. None of us leaves their house without it."

She looked at the blonde with furrowed brows. "How come? Is your life so dangerous that you have to be ready at all times? That you need a knife and a gun?"

"I can't explain everything to you now or let you in on certain things. But yes, we prefer to be prepared at all times", Jax nodded slightly, his gaze remaining on her. "Abel and you are in no danger, Caitlin."

"And who can assure me that nothing's gonna happen, Jax?", she asked with urgency in her tone, straightening her back slightly.

"I can." He could. Nothing would happen to Caitlin and Abel. He wouldn't let his son get in danger again, not after he already got kidnapped once.

"Abel has been kidnapped before", the redhead argued, fear evident in her tone. "I need to know that my son isn't in danger here. Whether your lifestyle can be dangerous for him. Please Jax, the truth", she practically begged.

With a sigh, he ran his hand over his blonde beard, then over his face. He'd probably lose them with the truth. Jax was sure that Caitlin would take Abel and probably leave Charming today. Once again he doubted, struggled with himselfᅳ that was exactly the reason why he had left Abel behind. Fearing his lifestyle could once again get his son in danger.

"I can't give you hundred percent assurance. But this is who I am, darlin'. I can't change it. But I'll do everything to protect my son, and you tooᅳ if you give me the chance", he finally replied with a weak smile. "It's up to you what happens next."

Caitlin huffed, a hint of panic awakening within her. "Do not do that. Don't say it's my up to me what happens next. I don't want to end up looking like the bad guy just because my son's safety is my priority."

"No one would think you're the bad guy, Caitlin", he assured her with a slight shrug. "You decide about Abel's life. As much as I want him and you to stay here, I can't force you to."

"So you would just leave him behind again?" Disappointment appeared on Caitlin's face at Jax' words. She couldn't believe that Jax would actually do thatᅳ she hoped he wouldn't.

"I didn't say that", Jax corrected, looking into Caitlin's skepticism-filled eyes. "I'll fight for him no matter what I have to do. But as I promised, you will always be his mom."

Caitlin gritted her teeth, not sure what to make of the situation. Abel liked it here, and so did she. Her son had mentioned more than once since yesterday how great he thinks it is here. And she saw her son blossoming more and more every day now that he finally had a father in his life.

Could she ever forgive herself if she took all of this away from Abel? And did she even want that? She was probably just so insecure because the shock sat still deep. The shock of finding out that Jax couldn't feel safe leaving the house without a gun or/and a knife.

The Peters woman didn't want to put Abel in danger, but she also didn't want to break her son and Jax's hearts by separating them again. And trying to change Jax and to convince him to give up all this to come back to Ireland would be wrongᅳ it would only make her feel bad. But if she stayed here, accepted everything here, she would have to change.

"How high is the chance that you or Abel could get hurt?", she asked, her voice calm.

"Pretty low, darlin'", Jax told her and, after a moment's hesitation, reached for her hand. To his surprise, she didn't pull it away. "The chance of something happening to me is greater than something happening to Abel. Shit can go down at any time, and that's what my life brings with it. But a lot has changed in my club in the last few months, it has become safer."

"What exactly has become safer?" Caitlin asked, still quite confused by Jax' whole lifestyle.

"We aren't at war with anyone right now. We get on well with other clubs, which is a huge step forward. We have illegal business, yes, but we are in the process of taking the club in a different direction, getting more into legitimate business", he explained before giving her a moment to process all of the things he had just said.

"And if I know that my son is here and will stay here, I'll do everything to ensure that we find a way out of the gun business and only do legitimate business in the future", he added after a moment as he studied her thoughtful side profile.

Caitlin lifted her head and ran her hand through her hairline, gently closing her fist around a bundle of hair before letting out a sigh. "That's a lot to think about and that's probably not even half of it, huh?"

"No, it's not. There's a lot more",Jax answered honestly, squeezing her hand that was still clasped in his. "I can't tell you more at the moment. But we also need a quiet moment for this, not with Abel sitting in the other room."

Abel was playing in the living room and could burst in at any time. Which didn't bother him, his son was allowed to come to him at any time. But he didn't want Abel to notice the tense atmosphere. His time here should be carefree and fun.

"Is it okay if we go first and Abel gets to know the others before I have a reasonable answer to all of this?" Caitlin asked, looking back at Jax who gave her a faint smile.

"Sure. Maybe you should get to know the rest of my family before you make a decision." He gave her credit for not wanting to run away immediately but for giving Abel the chance to get to know his family.

"Thanks, I appreciate it, Jax." Now a smile fought its way onto her lips, even if it was only a weak one. "Wanna go?"

"Yeah, the others are probably already waiting." Without letting go of her hand, Jax stood up and pulled her to her feet, causing her to bump into him. The last time she was this close to him was when they slept together.

As she slowly looked up at him with her hand resting against his chest, she noticed that he was also looking down at her. And the look said more than words could say. Not just his, hers too. As if spellbound, she literally stared into his eyes, which contained less pain than they had two weeks ago, then her gaze wandered to his lips.

Her breath hitched in her throat by just thinking about how good his lips had felt on her skin as it explored her body last time. Caitlin's fingers clutched his white shirt, leaving wrinkles in it. What just happened to her? She wanted to kiss him, explore his body againᅳ she wanted to feel him, all of him. The well known warmth between her legs was back at the thought of feeling him inside of her.

She had always believed that Jim was her true love, that everything felt right and real with him. But now, since she met Jax, she realized how much she had actually missed out with Jim. Not once, not even on the day she stood in front of the altar with Jim, had she felt the butterflies in her stomach like she did with Jax when she just looked at him.

"We should go." She quickly pulled away from him and awkwardly tugged at her top after Jax had pulled her closer to him. The redhead knew that if she wouldn't push him away now that she would have lost it and right now was absolutely not the right time for sex.

"Stop thinking so much about everything and live your life, darlin'", Jax whispered against her lips after leaning in again and gave her a small smile before he left her standing in his bedroom to check on Abel.

"That's easy to say", she huffed, shaking her head. However, she only felt so attacked because he was rightᅳ she thought about everything way too much and that ruined a lot.

ᚔ

Erin linked arms with her sister while the two of them stood somewhat awkwardly in the back while Abel was greeted and welcomed by a whole crowd of people.

"Hey, I'm sorry about yesterday", Erin said forgivingly, lifting the corner of her mouth. "It was all just too much. The fear that you will stay here, that something unexpected will happen. You know that I have your back no matter what, right?"

Caitlin smiled at her sister before nodding curtly. "Of course I know that, and I have your back, too. I'm always there for you. And if you're scared about anything, please just talk to me, Erin."

"You know this isn't easy for me." A faint smile crossed Erin's face as she pulled Caitlin closer to her and bumped her shoulder against her sister's. "What's bothering you, sweetie?"

"The knives, the guns, knowing that Jax is running illegal businesses", she answered without hesitation, her voice low. With Erin, she knew she could talk about everything. "What am I doing, Erin? I don't know if I can or will ever get used to this."

Always careful that no one was listening, Erin looked back and forth between the crowd and Caitlin before her eyes finally settled on Abel, who couldn't stop laughing and giggling, and even Erin couldn't help but smile broadly.

"He's happy, Caitlin. I think that's a good reason to at least try to deal with it, right?" Erin asked the younger Peters, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. "And Jax can't keep his eyes off you. When he's not looking at Abel, he's looking at you."

Caitlin dared to catch a glimpse of Jax, who winked at her with a smile, causing her heart to flutter. What the hell was it about this man that made her knees feel weak all the time? She gave him a shy smile and and waved at him.

"And you're telling me you don't like him that way", Erin chuckled, watching in amusement as Caitlin became shy around Jax.

"I never said that", Caitlin countered calmly and hunched her shoulders slightly. "But you are right. Abel looks happy, maybe I should give it a chance."

"That sounds a lot better", Erin nodded happily, crossing her arms over her chest. "And I don't think Jax will let anything happen to Abel again. I'm sure deep down you know that too."

While Erin seemed a lot more relaxed when it came to the guns and knives, inside she was just as tense and anxious as Caitlin. However, she noticed the looks between Jax and her sister and Abel also seemed absolutely happy here. But if she would tell Caitlin how worried she was, the redhead would jump on the next plane to Ireland and ruin a future that could make her happy.

ᚔ

In the meantime, Caitlin had also gotten to know all of the Samcro members. Clay, Jax' stepfather, had given her a relatively friendly welcome and assured her that she could come to them at any time if she needed anything. Thanks to Abel, she was now part of the family according to them. Then there was the Scot, Chibs, with whom the redhead had been talking for a while about Ireland and shared a few great stories.

Tig, who was sitting next to her, had left no attempt at flirting. However, Caitlin wasn't annoyed by it but rather amused and besides Tig's awkward pick-up lines, the man with the black curls was really nice.

Across from her sat Juice, who probably radiated the most joy here and yet there was something empty and sad in his eyes that Caitlin knew from herself. Even though she was happy now, it hadn't always been this way. That's why she immediately felt a certain connection with Juice.

Sitting next to Juice was Happy, who looked anything but happy. To be honest, Caitlin didn't know if she just had a lot of respect for him or if it was bordering on fear. But she had never seen anyone with such a cold, stoic, intimidating gaze. However, his features softened every time he spoke to Abel. Sometimes he even let out a laugh.

Then there was Bobby, who seemed to like baking quite a bit and had already offered Caitlin that they could do bake together after she told him that she and Erin also liked baking.

And while she mentioned Erin; For what felt like an hour her older sister had been sitting next to the same guy who was about two heads taller than her and was bringing out a side of Erin that Caitlin had last seen a few years ago when her sister had the last real crush.

Apparently this giant biker named Opie, who also happened to be Jax's best friend as Caitlin had already found out, had to be pretty nice, otherwise Erin wouldn't have such a long conversation with him.

Ope's father, Piney Winston, immediately welcomed her warmly and thanked her for taking care of Abel and giving him a real home. To be honest, his words had touched her the most, but fact was that everyone here immediately included her and tried to get to know her a little. And Erin wasn't left out either.

"Is everything okay? Or do you wanna go inside for a moment?" Jax, who also sat next to Caitlin with Abel on his lap, asked when he noticed that Caitlin was lost in her thoughts.

"Huh?" The redhead lifted her head to look at him. Only then did she realize that he had asked her something. "Sorry, I was lost for a moment. What did you ask?"

"Do you need a moment for yourself, darlin'?" Jax asked again, this time with some concern in his voice.

The redhead frowned in confusion. "No why?"

The blonde tried to find the right words without sounding rude. "You seem a little.. overwhelmed."

"Well", Caitlin let out a soft laugh. "Wouldn't you be overwhelmed if I introduced you to a bunch of people at once?"

"Well, you have a point." Jax smirked before loosely wrapping an arm around her shoulder after Abel climbed from his lap onto Chibs' lap, who was sitting next to the blonde biker.

Just as he was about to say something else, the gate that they had closed for this afternoon opened. And Jax immediately recognized who the car belonged to. Just because his mom hadn't said a word to him in the last few years didn't mean she hadn't been around.

This was the moment Jax had feared the most. He had no idea how Gemma would react, how she would act towards Caitlin.

"Who is that?", Caitlin asked, who watched with curiosity as a woman in her fifties slipped out of the car and approached the group.

Jax sighed quietly. "My mom."

The crowd fell silent as Gemma got noticed by the others, who were eagerly waiting to see what would happen next. Then there was a long silence. The tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

Gemma being Gemma, didn't hold back and walked straight to where Abel was, who looked at her curiously and smiled shyly. However, he didn't quite dare to say anything yet and climbed back onto Jax's lap and squeezed himself between him and Caitlin, whose closeness the almost four year old always sought when he got nervous.

"Hi baby, I'm Gemma." She gently placed a hand on his cheek and swallowed hard. Gemma wasn't one to show emotions in front of others, but this was different. She finally had her grandson back. "Your Grandma."

"Mom." Jax glared at his mother, who had decided to tell Abel who she was without asking Caitlin first if that was okay for her.

"What? Can't I tell my grandson who I am?", Gemma asked, sounding clearly offended.

As expected, Gemma didn't hold back, and Caitlin noticed that pretty quickly, shifting uncomfortably. Her arm rested over Abel's shoulder as she looked down at her son.

"Hello", Abel waved with a shy smile and snuggled more into Caitlin's side. "I'm Abel."

"I know, baby", Gemma beamed, running her thumb over his cheek. "You don't know how much I missed you. But now you're back with your family, where you belong."

"Excuse me?" Erin snorted from the back and raised an eyebrow, not at all pleased with Gemma's choice of words. "He belongs to us just as much, just in case you've forgotten. We're his family, too."

"My wife didn't mean it like that", Clay chimed in before things could escalate before they even started. "Of course Abel belongs to you, too. We're just that happy he's back."

"Mhmm.." Erin just shook her head and threw a worried look at Caitlin, who didn't say a word, which only happened when she was deeply sad or afraid of something.

Gemma wanted to say something, but Clay's warning look stopped her. Apparently he was now on Jax's side instead of hers. And her son didn't look thrilled either as pulled the redhead closer to him protectively, careful that he wouldn't hurt Abel who still sat between them.

"You must be the the woman who adopted him then?" Gemma looked Caitlin up and down as if she was trying to find something to complain about. But the matriarch couldn't find anything.

"Yes, Abel's mom", Caitlin replied, her tone sharp. Yet she was trying to remain friendly. "I hope we can get along for the next two weeks."

"The next two weeks?" Gemma's eyes widened, anger reflected in them as well as panic. Then she glared at Jax. "You're letting him go again?!"

"We're not discussing this in front my son, Gemma." Jax' cold, warning tone reached Gemma, who snorted in offense. But Jax ignored that. "A word, now."

Without another word, Jax stood up, gave Caitlin an apologetic look, and ruffled Abel's hair. "We'll be right back, buddy. You can tell the others what great things there are in Ireland."

The confused look on Abel's face was replaced with one of eagerness, a toothy smile on his lips. "I'll do that!"

"Be nice, baby." Caitlin planted a kiss on her son's head before standing up after Jax told her to come along. Then she followed the blonde and his not very happy looking mother into a small office next to the workshop.

The next two weeks would be super funᅳ not.