“Juice!” Gemma barked at the Puerto Rican, who was currently sitting carefree on one of the black, worn leather sofas, chatting with Tig, who chuckled in amusement after Juice flinched briefly.

The calm was definitely over now and Juice wanted nothing more than to disappear in the back and in his room like a teenager to avoid the trouble and drama that he could almost smell. Gemma wasn't so pissed off for nothing.

“Jeez, do you always have to be this feisty, Gem? You scared Juicy”, who he slapped on the shoulder, whereupon Juice just gave him a warning look. But Tig wouldn't be Tig if that would stop him.

“You know he's a sensitive guy”, the man with the black curls added, smirking.

“Not now, Tig!” The matriarch just snorted, her hands on her hips as she practically stared into Juice' soul. “I know you know where Jax is”, she raised her hand, pointing a finger at him. “Don't even try to lie to me, we all know you're the nerd here and the only one who can use that damn thing”, she nodded towards the laptop on the small table next to the couch.

“Uh”, Juice glanced at Tig, who was also quiet now and just cleared his throat. Juice shifted nervously in his seat and rubbed the back of his neck. “I can’t, Gemma. Try calling Jax and ask him yourself.”

“Oh, you think I haven't tried that, smartass?” Gemma scoffed, shaking her head in disbelief. Didn't they know her by now? “I want the address, now. This is about my grandson!”

“I'll get us a drink.” Tig quickly scurried off to get them a beer, or maybe something stronger. Not only him but especially Juice could need a strong drink right now.

“Gemma, leave him alone.” With a sigh, Opie joined the duo after Tig scurried off to get a break while Juice had to sit there being stared down by a fuming Gemma. He had listened to their conversations from the other table and had quickly sent Jax a text that Gemma knew where he was.

“You guys need to stop telling me what to do”, the matriarch snarled before crossing her arms across her chest, looking up at the much taller man. “You're really not going to tell me? After everything I did for this club and you guys?”

“Don't start this shit, Gem. I can imagine how hard this is for you, but Jax wanted to do this alone”, Opie explained as calmly as possible. “Please just accept his decision.”

“Accept it?”, she looked at him in shock as if he had said something impossible. But if Ope didn't even give her more information, neither would the others. “You have no idea how hard this is.”

Defeated, she sank into the empty seat next to Juice, who, like Ope, looked at her understandingly. They knew that Gemma was a family person and how much she had already suffered after Jax left Abel in Ireland. But as harsh as it sounded, Jax' decisions were none of their business. And none of her business.

“He was determined not to come back without Abel”, was all Ope could tell her; he didn’t have any more details himself.

Gemma shook her head and let out a hopeless laugh. “Abel is with a family who won't just give up on him. If the adoptive mother loves Abel anywhere near as much as I love Jax, she won’t let Jax take him away from her.”

“Maybe not, but Jax was really determined. I don’t think he’ll just give up either”, Juice interjected with a slight shrug of his shoulders, hoping to improve the matriarch’s mood and stop her from doing anything stupid. “Or they can find a solution together. All we can do is wait.”

“Juice is right, that’s all we can do. Don't make this harder for us, especially Jax, than it needs to be”, Opie told her firmly and pushed his hair back.

“Yeah, got it”, Gemma replied with a snort, not happy at all and the scowl on her face showed it.

If there was one thing Gemma couldn't handle, it was being patronized. Being told she had to wait was terrible. But if no one gave her an address, she would have no choice but to wait. What was she supposed to do? Search for Abel and Jax in every corner in Ireland? No, she had to wait for better or worse until Jax came back and hope that Abel would be with him.

If that wouldn't be the case, she would start looking for Abel herself. No matter how long it would take.

ᚔ

[Belfast, Ireland]

Whining, she let her face fall into the pillow that rested on her bent legs after watching Jax sleep peacefully for the last ten minutes. How could she think sleeping with her son's father was a good idea? She couldn't even blame him for it, after all, she was the one who had taken the initiative.

Damn alcohol.

Annoyed with herself for letting her lust get the better of her, she raised her head again and dared to take another look at the man next to her. And again she bit her lip as her eyes once again scanned his body, which was only partially covered by the thin blanket they had shared.

He looked so good and attractive, she couldn't deny that and when she thought about last night she immediately felt that tingling sensation in her abdomen and the heat rising between her legs again. Why couldn't he just be a normal guy she could have fun with? Why did he have to be Abel's father?

Before she would drive herself crazy, she decided to get up and get ready, after all, she had to pick up Abel from Erin soon. To wake Jax, she threw the small pillow that was on her lap at him.

“Hey, get up. I have to pick up Abel soon.” With her hands on her hips after she stood up, she eyed the blond as he stirred in bed, revealing even more of his body as he turned onto his back.

“Oh, fucking great”, the redhead murmured under her breath and averted her gaze, which was now wandering somewhere across the room. “I'm going to take a quick shower. You can help yourself in the kitchen if you’re hungry.”

Caitlin didn't really give him the chance to answer before she disappeared from the bedroom. Shortly afterwards the bathroom door slammed shut before you could hear the gentle patter of water through the apartment.

Today it was just a quick shower. Her hair still looked good, so she could wait another day to wash it. After fifteen minutes she was dressed and quickly applied mascara and a subtle reddish lipstick that was hardly noticeable. Her hair ended up in a high braid.

Since she didn't have to work and would probably be spending the day at some playground with Abel and Jax, she had opted for comfortable leggings and a simple top with a hoodie. Maybe it was even a good idea not to choose the sexy outfit option so as not to make things even harder for both of them.

After sending Erin a quick text to let her know that she would be with her in about half an hour, she went into the kitchen and scratched her eyebrow awkwardly when she saw Jax there.

“Good morning, darlin'”, he winked. Unlike her, he apparently was pretty chill about last night.

“Uh, hey”, she mumbled as she grabbed some yogurt from the fridge and sat down across from him, although her eyes were fixed on the yogurt cup in front of her so she didn't have to look at Jax. “Sorry I woke you up so roughly.”

“Nothin' to be sorry about”, he said with a shrug, and she could literally feel his eyes on her. “You can just throw me out if you want some peace, Caitlin.”

“That’s not the problem”, she sighed, putting the spoon in the cup, finally ready to look at Jax too. Oh, why did his eyes have to be so pretty? “Your company doesn’t bother me, in fact I enjoy it. But last nightᅳ”

“It can’t happen again, I know”, he finished the sentence for her, lifting a corner of his mouth. “I still liked it though. But don't worry, that doesn't change anything. I still want to spend time with my son, I hope we can continue to do this without a weird awkward silence between us.”

Grateful that he had finished the sentence for her and felt the same way as she did, she nodded with a slight smile. “I think we can. Besides, I started it, not you. And that wasn’t appropriate, sorry.”

“Everyone has their needs. It’s nothing to be ashamed of”, he replied relatively calmly and took a sip of the iced coffee he had found in the fridge earlier. “Sometimes things happen that weren’t planned.”

“Yes, but they shouldn’t”, she snorted quietly and stirred her yoghurt somewhat absently. “It can ruin way too much.”

Sometimes she hated that she couldn't be as spontaneous as others. She thought about everything way too much and often missed out on the fun in life. But after Jim left, she just became more cautious. She wanted to do everything right for Abel; in her eyes, something like this could only be done with structure and precise planning.

The redhead knew that it was nonsense, but it was still difficult for her to simply live in the moment. That's exactly what she had done last night and it had felt so good. And yet it could have led to complications. But Jax seemed to understand, which in turn calmed her down a bit.

Jax also noticed that the redhead was thinking far too much, something he had noticed over the last few days. In addition, she always seemed a little tense, almost afraid. Typical for overthinkers.

“But it didn’t ruin anything”, he reasoned with an encouraging smile. “You have to start living, for real. It’s not my place to say anything, but I think last night was good for you.”

“So are you suggesting that I sleep with guys on a regular basis now?”, she asked, there was something amused in her tone, which elicited a laugh from him. “Jokes aside, I know what you mean. Sometimes it’s just hard for me to let go, you know?”

“And why's that?”, the blonde asked with interest.

“There are many reasons”, she stated with a shrug. After putting a spoonful of yogurt in her mouth, she continued speaking. “Since Jim left, I have to do everything. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom, but sometimes you just want a partner at your side who supports you and takes on some of the work so you can take a breather. And even though I have Erin, it's not the same. Which is why I attach so much importance to structure. I also still get checked twice a year by CPS since they have to make sure Abel is in good hands with me.”

“I can imagine it’s not easy”, he admitted sincerely, especially admiring single parents. If he was honest, he didn't know if he could do it all by himself. And in his eyes this Jim guy was just an idiot who had no idea what he had lost. “Even though I tend to live spontaneously, I can understand why structure is so important to you. But you can’t forget about your needs.”

“I know that”, she nodded in agreement. Jax was absolutely right with what he said. “But every time I want to do something for myself, I feel guilty. I wanted a child so badly, and now that I have one, I can't just give it to my sister or a babysitter all the time. Abel is with Erin so often anyway.”

“Yes, because you have to work so you can give him what he needs and the life he deserves. There's nothing wrong with that, darlin'”, Jax emphasized, sounding almost empathetic. “It’s not a crime to take time for yourself.”

She shrugged her shoulders a little uncertainly and rubbed the tip of her nose. Why did she reveal so much about herself? Usually she only ever told Erin about her insecurities. But with Jax, the words just seemed to flow out of her mouth, as if she knew he wouldn't judge her.

“Many people here see it a little differently. Everything here is a bit, well, uptight. Quite a few people have a stick up their ass and still have that old school way of thinking”, she sighed and pushed her half-empty yogurt aside before forcing a smile onto her lips. “Is it also like that where you live? Or more relaxed?”

She had always been interested in the States in general and more than once she had considered moving in there with her father. Since, thanks to him, she had two citizenships, she wouldn't have any problems with moving over there. But Erin was here and the redhead also had a secure income here.

“A lot more relaxed. You quickly notice that it’s different here, even I can say that, even though I’ve only been here for a few days.” And Jax could imagine that society was putting additional pressure on young parents, or parents in general, let alone single parents. “California is pretty cool. Most people mind their own shit. Of course there are exceptions, but it’s definitely more relaxed and people accept you the way you are.”

“That sounds really great”, she hummed softly. Maybe one day she'd do it.

“Why aren't you coming with me? Just for a few days or weeks. Then you would get out of here. And Abel would see where he came from. Of course we don’t have to tell him about it.” She didn't miss the hope in Jax's tone, nor the hopeful glint in his blue eyes.

“I don’t know, Jax.” Sighing, she tilted her head slightly and tapped her fingernails thoughtfully on the surface of the kitchen island. “I'd love to show Abel where he comes from. I'd also like to offer him something different than the same places over and over again here in Ireland.”

“But?” Jax asked, a small smile forming on his lips. “What’s stopping you?”

“Iᅳ”, she let her shoulders slump down while she hesitated for a moment. What was it that actually stopped her? The fear that Abel might like it better there? That Jax was trying so hard to keep his son close to him? “I just don't know if it's a good thing if you, well, spend so much time with Abel. I mean, could you even let him leave with me again?”

Plus, she also had a job. Even though her boss was generous and quite nice, he also had his demands. And who knows if she would even get so many days off so she could go on vacation.

“You still think I want to take Abel away from you?” His features hardened as he leaned back, but he couldn't blame her.

“Well, do you want to?”, she asked without sounding judgmental, more curious with a hint of fear. “I saw the way you look at Abel, how proud you are of him every time he accomplishes something. You even have his name tattooed on your chest. And I think any idiot would see that you want him back. And that's understandable, Jax, I would feel the same way. But if you plan something, at least let me know so I can get prepared.”

What now? What should he do? Caitlin was so understanding that it felt wrong to fight for Abel, and yet he couldn't give up on his son again. But was he really willing to ruin the life of a young woman who had wanted nothing more than a child? He was many things. A criminal, even a murdererᅳ but he never wanted to hurt innocent people. And Caitlin was innocent, she didn't deserve the pain he would cause her by taking Abel away from her.

“I'll be honest with you”, he began sincerely, running a hand over his tired face before looking at her again. “I want Abel back”, he paused again as tears immediately welled up in Caitlin's eyes, but her look told him that she had already expected to hear something like that.

“I knew it”, she whispered, her hand clutching the pendant of her necklace as if she were trying to hold on to it, and this only increased Jax's guilty conscience.

“Let me finish, please”, he asked with a pained smile. “But just because I want him back doesn't mean I want to take him away from you. But don’t you think we could find a solution for both of us to be a part of Abel’s life?”

“How is that possible?”, Caitlin asked desperately while trying to hold back her tears. “I live in Ireland, you live in America. None of us can just move. And what tells me that I can rely on you, that I can trust you? And what would we tell Abel?”

He looked at Caitlin in silence, a lump in his throat that was getting bigger and bigger. All the concerns and questions that were running through Caitlin's head made him doubt too. Was it even possible to find a solution that benefited everyone involved? He didn't know, but he wanted to try.

“I don’t know”, he admitted honestly, the smile from before had now completely faded, but he still brought himself to smile again. “But we could come up with solutions together, right? I mean, would you be up for it?”

“Do I have any other choice?”, she asked with a desperate laugh, swallowing hard as she nervously played with her necklace.

“Of course you have”, Jax assured her, who glanced at his phone when he received a message. He then closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.

“Is everything okay?” Even though she didn't know what to feel at the moment and was completely overwhelmed herself, she still noticed that something seemed to be bothering Jax.

“I'm not sure”, he replied with a sigh before resting his elbows on the counter and put his face into his hands, rubbing his face with them with a soft groan.

Gemma knowing where he was and why he was here was exactly what he wanted to prevent. He probably had no choice but to finally answer his mother's missed calls and make it clear to her that she needed to stay where she was. Excusing himself, the blonde stood up and walked out the glass door that led to the balcony so he could give Gemma a call.

ᚔ

authors note; I know this is kind of a weird place to end the chapter but I couldn't come up with a better ending. 😬
Thanks for all the votes and comments you guys left in the last chapters, I appreciate it a lot! ❤️ 

  Question; Would you like to see Gemma cause some drama at first or not? I'm really not sure if I want her to cause trouble or not, lol.