It's strange, the way something can feel terrifying and right all at once. Like walking a tightrope in the dark, but knowing someone is waiting on the other side, arms open, promising that they won't let you fall.

For the first time in a long time, I feel... lighter. Not fixed, not better, but like I'm allowed to breathe without guilt filling up all the space in my chest. I keep waiting for the crash—for something to snap and remind me that happiness doesn't last long in my world—but it hasn't come. Not yet.

And maybe that's the miracle.

Because today, the sky didn't feel too heavy. I laughed—really laughed—at something Minho said, and I didn't feel like a fraud for doing it. I didn't flinch at my reflection. I didn't brace for an apology I couldn't remember needing to give.

It's quiet, that kind of peace. It doesn't shout or dance. It just settles in slowly, like sunlight creeping through the blinds when you're still half asleep.

I think I'm starting to believe that maybe I'm not too much to love.

I don't want to get ahead of myself. I still have a hundred fears stacked in the corners of my mind like forgotten boxes. But for once, someone's helping me unpack them without flinching. No running, no judgment—just steady hands and quiet presence.

And maybe I'll never be easy to hold. But I'm learning that I'm still worth holding.

For once, the world doesn't feel like it's against me. My thoughts aren't screaming over each other. I'm not bracing for another version of me to take the wheel. I'm just here, right now. Present. A little shaky, but real.

It's such a simple thing—to exist without drowning in your own mind. But it feels like freedom.

And I want more of this.

I want mornings where I wake up knowing I didn't disappear in the night. I want soft smiles and shared coffees and conversations that don't end in apologies. I want to let someone in without fearing the parts of me that might push them away.

I want to stay. Not just for him—but for me.

And maybe that's the start of something good.

"I swear if you're not listening to me again—" Minho's impatient tone snapped me back to reality. His eyebrows were furrowed like he was one step away from strangling me.

"Sorry, what is it?"

"What's up with you? You seem... weird."

"Define weird."

"I don't know, you're all smiley and happy. Did something happen?"

"Is that what you were asking when I wasn't listening?"

"No screw that, tell me what's up with you." He smiled mischievously, whispering so the professor wouldn't hear us. "Did you speak to Newt?

"I'll tell you after the lecture is over."

"Oh come on," he nudged my arm, whining like a small child. "She's explaining the same topic for the fifth time!"

"Okay fine, yes. We talked a bit."

"Did you tell him?"

I sighed, my smile fading slightly. "Yeah."

"Look, I know you didn't want to but—"

"It's fine, it actually felt good to finally tell him."

He nodded, smiling in relief. "Good. I like that both of you are finally in peace."

"Yeah, it's weird though. I feel like everything will fall apart again."

"It won't if you take the help you need and stop distancing yourself from your friends."

I didn't answer, just nodded and tried focusing on the lecture again.

"So what's the relationship status?"

I sighed in frustration, looking at him once again. "Can you shut up?"

"I will if you answer,"

"I don't know, friends? Leave me alone!" I hissed, trying not to draw any attention to us.

"Friends? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! Date already!"

"Shut the fuck up—"

Thomas turned to both of us from his seat, his expression annoyed but also curious. "I agree with Minho. You two are not friends. We are friends. But you are madly in love with him dude and he feels the exact same, if not more!"

I felt my face heating up as I groaned quietly in frustration. "We are dating!"

"Congratulations on your relationship, Mr. Evermore," the professor said, her tone dripping with irony. "But could you three focus on the lecture for just ten more minutes? I'm sure your love life can wait that long." She smiled like she'd just scored a point and went back to her notes.

Minho glanced at me and raised an eyebrow. "Well, that was something."

Thomas smirked, leaning back in his chair. "I think she's just jealous. I mean, we're all here for it, Kallias."

I sank lower in my seat, wishing I could disappear. "This is the worst."

"It would be worse if Newt was here too."

"He is here, you idiot! Just a few seats back!" I hissed, hiding my face in my arms, praying for the lecture to be over soon.

I spent the next ten minutes with my face down on my desk, trying to avoid any type of communication with anyone. When the lecture was over I felt a nudge on my shoulder, which made me lift my head slightly. "Oh okay, I thought you died."

"You little—" I got up, moving towards Minho to probably push him but Newt's sudden appearance interrupted me.

"Dating, huh? When did we make it official?"

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to make them shut up, that's all."

"Relax, it's okay," he chuckled, leaning against the wall. "If you say we're dating, then who am I to say that we're not?"

"Don't say that—"

"I'm messing with you." He smiled, pushing off of the wall and putting his arm around my shoulders. "You need to stop taking things so seriously."

Touch was familiar, comfortable even, but a strange knot formed in my chest. I didn't pull away, though. I couldn't bring myself to do it, not when I realized how much I wanted him close, even if it was new to me.

"You're gonna get comfortable with that soon, you know," Minho said, glancing between us with a lazy grin.

I didn't respond. My attention stayed on the front of the room, but my mind was elsewhere, trying to focus on something other than the warm weight of Newt beside me. The whole thing felt too... easy, like it shouldn't be this way. But then, I didn't know what it should've been either.

"You're thinking too much again," Newt's voice broke through my thoughts, and I felt his hand nudge my shoulder, pulling me back into the moment. He leaned in just enough to make sure I heard him clearly. "You know I'm not going anywhere."

I didn't say anything. It felt like if I opened my mouth, I might accidentally spill too much. So I stayed quiet. He wasn't expecting a response anyway.

"Okay, seriously," Minho continued, his tone more teasing now. "Are you two dating or did you really just say it to shut us up?"

"We're dating, alright? I said that already." I muttered, avoiding eye contact.

Thomas snorted. "Wow, what a revelation."

I could feel my face heat up, but there was no real embarrassment. Just that old feeling of not being sure what to do with it.

Newt shifted next to me, his arm still resting there, and I felt it again. That odd mix of comfort and uncertainty. Maybe it was because I hadn't really been loved like this before. Maybe it was because I was still learning how to let someone in. But for now, I was okay with it. At least, I told myself I was.

"At least you're talking," Thomas said, more amused than anything. "That's progress."

I exhaled sharply, glancing at him. "Yeah, well, we're not exactly talking."

"Yeah, kissing is a more accurate thing to say" Newt added, smiling mischievously as I felt my face heat up again.

"Did you have to say that?" I pushed him off, only for him to put his arm around my shoulders again and chuckle loudly.

"Oh come on, it was a joke!" He looked at me but I wasn't smiling, so he toned it down a bit, lifting his hands in defeat. "I'm sorry, I won't joke like that again."

I scoffed, shaking my head as we started walking towards the exit.

Do you want me to move my arm?" Newt asked, his voice low enough that only I could hear it.

I looked at him, momentarily caught off guard. I hadn't expected him to ask. He was always so nonchalant about everything, but now... he was checking in.

I wasn't used to anyone caring about what I wanted.

"No," I muttered before I could stop myself. It was a simple word, but it felt like I was admitting something, like letting myself be this close to someone, letting someone in, was a bigger deal than I wanted to admit.

The corner of Newt's lips twitched, but he didn't say anything. He just adjusted his position, making it more comfortable for both of us. And I, for the first time in a while, felt like I could breathe. The tension in my chest that had been building up for days eased slightly

I couldn't hold back a smile, even though I wanted to remain serious. Maybe it wasn't all perfect. Maybe it never would be, because we weren't perfect. But it was enough for me, and as long as it was enough for him too, that was all that mattered.

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