WHEN HAYDEN OPENED HER EYES, SHE WAS IN A PITCH BLACK ROOM.

It wasn't her own room because she'd recognize the outlay. It wasn't Logan's apartment and it wasn't Miguel's.

It was black for miles and miles, even when she walked it sounded hollow. Like she was walking on an abyss.

Hayden stood in the middle of nothingness. The pitch-black void stretched endlessly around her, silent, suffocating. She turned, trying to find something-anything-but there was nothing.

Then, voices.

Soft at first, whispers crawling along the edges of the darkness. Then louder. Familiar. Sharp.

"Pathetic."

"Embarrassing."

"You were never good enough."

A light flickered on. A single, blinding spotlight. Hayden flinched at the sudden brightness, her eyes adjusting just in time to see them stepping forward from the shadows.

Daniel LaRusso.

Arms crossed, eyes filled with disappointment. "I gave you a second chance, and this is how you repay me? All that training-for nothing."

She shook her head frantically, turning in the opposite direction to run but she'd seen someone else.

Sam stood in front of her, her expression smug, victorious. "You thought you could be one of us? You don't belong here."

"Shut up," Hayden gritted out, turning the opposite way. This time, Eli stood in her way.

Eli shook his head, almost laughing. "All that talk about being a badass, and you couldn't even finish the job."

She looked around, the voices starting to overwhelm her.

Miguel was there too, his face unreadable. But his words cut the deepest. "I believed in you." He took a step back, shaking his head. "I shouldn't have."

Robby.

She didn't want to look at him, didn't want to see the way his features twisted with anger, with betrayal. But she couldn't stop herself.

"You switched sides for what?" His voice was sharp, bitter. "You betrayed me, and you still lost."

Hayden's breath hitched. She took a step back, shaking her head. "No, I-I tried-"

Another voice slithered in from the shadows, deep and taunting.

Terry Silver.

"You didn't try hard enough. I knew you weren't good enough to be a champion." A menacing, low, dark laugh escaped his mouth.

The darkness behind him shifted, and Kreese emerged, his cold eyes piercing right through her. "Weak."

The voices rose, overlapping, surrounding her.

"Pathetic."

"Embarrassing."

"Never good enough."

"Weak."

The walls-if there even were walls-felt like they were closing in. The shadows twisted and stretched toward her. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't move. She was drowning in their words, their disappointment, their judgment.

And then-

She fell.

The ground disappeared beneath her feet, and she plummeted into the abyss, the voices still ringing in her ears, clawing at her mind-

Hayden's eyes snapped open.

She shot upright, chest heaving, heart hammering against her ribs. Cold sweat clung to her skin, her hands trembling as she clutched the sheets beneath her.

Her breathing was ragged, uneven. The darkness of the room pressed in around her, but it wasn't the same. It wasn't that darkness.

It was just a nightmare.

Just a nightmare.

But the feeling remained. That sinking, gnawing weight in her stomach. The echoes of their voices still lingered in her head.

She pressed a hand to her forehead, shutting her eyes.

She didn't go back to sleep.

-

The reminders were everywhere.

Hayden didn't mean to look for them, but they found her anyway.

The first came when she got out of bed, her limbs feeling heavy, her body still sore from the tournament. As she reached for a hoodie to throw on, her eyes landed on the folded white gi draped over the chair in the corner of her room. The embroidered Miyagi-Do crest stared back at her, the fabric still carrying the weight of what it was supposed to mean.

What she was supposed to mean.

Champion. Winner.

But she wasn't.

She clenched her jaw and looked away, yanking the hoodie over her head.

-

In the kitchen, Logan had the TV on though she wasn't even really watching it. It was just playing in the background while she absentmindedly scrolled through her phone.

Hayden wasn't really listening until she heard the words:

"And in an intense, hard-fought battle, Tory Nichols of Cobra Kai emerged victorious as this year's All Valley Champion-"

Hayden clenched her jaw, flashes of her tiny mistake in her head.

She walked out, slamming the door behind her.

-

Later that day, she opened the bathroom cabinet and froze.

Bruises. They were still there, faint and yellowing, scattered across her ribs, her arms, her legs. Some were old, some were fresh. All were a reminder.

Silver had done this to her.

The training. The conditioning. The breaking.

She could still hear his voice in her head.

"You want to be the best? Then act like it."

"No mercy, Sanders. Not for them, not for yourself."

"You're not good enough yet. Again."

"Pathetic."

She gripped the edges of the sink, breathing through her nose, trying to ground herself.

It wasn't just the tournament.

It was the months leading up to it. The pain, the exhaustion, the feeling of being stripped down to nothing over and over again just to be built back up into something stronger.

Except she wasn't stronger.

She was just tired.

Hayden let out a shuddering breath and shut the cabinet.

-

That night, she laid in bed, staring at the ceiling.

She thought about how she had spent a year pushing herself beyond her limits, giving everything she had just to prove she was something.

And in the end, it still wasn't enough.

The thoughts wouldn't stop.

She turned over, curled into herself, squeezed her eyes shut.

It wasn't just losing the tournament.

It was what losing meant.

That maybe Silver had been right.

That maybe she was never going to be enough.

Hayden couldn't stay in her head for much longer.

It felt like the walls of her room were closing in on her, the weight of everything pressing down. Her mind was full of nothing but the echoes of every failure, every moment where she was almost good enough, and then not.

She grabbed her jacket, threw it on, and walked out the door. The cool air hit her face, a welcome distraction.

She didn't know where she was going at first. She just needed to move, needed to breathe away from the weight of everything-of her own thoughts.

The familiar climb up the hill felt like a relief, as she took each step, letting the wind whip through her hair. The view from the top was always calming, the sprawling city lights below reminding her that she was just one small part of something bigger.

But at that moment, it felt like that small part was all there was.

She climbed the familiar path, her breath steady and slow, and as she reached the top, she sat down, pulling her knees up to her chest. The city lights sprawled below her, but it was the night sky that drew her in. The vastness of it-how far away everything felt-gave her a sense of freedom. If she just sat there long enough, maybe it would clear her mind. Maybe it would make her feel like herself again.

But as she sat there, her mind wandered back to the weight of it all-her loss, the pressure, the constant cycle of disappointment. All the moments where she tried to do enough, but it never was.

Her body had carried her through the All Valley, but her mind felt broken. And she wasn't sure how to put it back together.

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Mind if I join you?"

The voice broke through her thoughts, and when she opened her eyes, Miguel was standing there, his gaze soft but earnest. She hadn't noticed him walking up.

"Yeah," she replied with a small smile, her voice barely above a whisper. "It feels quieter up here."

He nodded and sat beside her, not too close but close enough that their shoulders brushed. "I know what you mean. I used to come up here when things felt too loud."

Miguel sat next to Hayden on the cool grass, the city lights stretching far below them. The night was quiet, the only sounds coming from the distant hum of cars and the occasional rustling of leaves. Hayden had been silent for a while, staring out at the skyline, her expression unreadable.

Miguel had been watching her the entire time. He was always watching, always observing her.

Not in an obvious way, but in the way that someone notices when something-or someone-feels just a little off.

Hayden wasn't one to fidget. She was always still, controlled, a presence that didn't waver. But tonight, she was different.

She was quieter.

Not her usual, calculated silence, but something more withdrawn. Like she was here, but not really. Like she was watching the world move around her, detached, barely part of it.

And then there were her eyes.

Miguel had always liked Hayden's eyes, even when they were narrowed at him, full of that sharp, seething anger energy. But tonight, they were tired. Dark circles, a dullness in them that made his stomach twist.

She hadn't been sleeping. He knew it.

And he knew exactly why.

Cobra Kai had done this to her.

It had pulled her in, chewed her up, spit her out. It had made her believe she had to fight until there was nothing left of her. That if she wasn't pushing herself past her limits, she wasn't good enough. That no matter how hard she fought, she had to fight harder.

And when she lost-when all that pain, all that suffering, amounted to nothing-he knew it had broken something in her.

Miguel hated seeing her like this.

So he spoke before he could stop himself.

"You okay?"

Hayden's gaze flicked to him, brows barely furrowing, as if she was surprised he had asked. "Yeah," she said automatically.

Miguel sighed. "No, you're not."

She stared at him, lips pressing into a thin line. "I don't need a lecture."

"I'm not giving you one," Miguel said simply. "I just... I can see it, Hayden. You're not yourself."

She looked away, jaw tightening. "I'm fine."

He exhaled, leaning forward slightly. "You don't have to be."

Her fingers twitched against the grass. He saw the way she hesitated, the way she considered brushing him off again. But then, just barely, her shoulders slumped.

"I don't know how to be anything else," she admitted quietly.

Miguel's heart ached.

He reached out before he could think better of it, brushing his fingers lightly against her wrist. A test, to see if she'd pull away. She didn't.

"You don't have to be what they made you," he said, voice steady. "You don't have to carry this alone."

Hayden swallowed, still staring straight ahead. "It was just... one mistake." Her voice wavered slightly. "One mistake, and I lost everything."

Miguel shook his head. "No, you didn't."

She let out a slow breath. "It feels like I did."

Miguel squeezed her wrist gently. "You're more than Cobra Kai. More than that tournament." He hesitated. "More than winning."

Hayden let out a short, humorless chuckle. "Easy for you to say."

Miguel frowned. "Hayden-"

"I'm okay, Miguel."

Miguel studied her for a long moment. He could push, could keep telling her what she didn't want to hear, but that wasn't what she needed right now.

So instead, he just nodded, slowly releasing her wrist.

"Okay."

Hayden blinked, like she hadn't expected him to let it go that easily.

Miguel smiled faintly. "But, y'know, if you ever do wanna talk about it..." He tapped his chest. "I'm right here."

Hayden finally looked at him. Not the quick glances she'd been giving him all night, but really looked at him. And for the first time, he saw something else in her eyes-something softer, more vulnerable.

It was only there for a second before she masked it again.

But Miguel had seen it.

He had learned not to push when it came to her. She would talk when she was ready. But right now, he didn't want to sit in silence-not after everything.

"I never apologized," he finally said, voice soft but firm.

Hayden's gaze flickered to him, brow slightly furrowing. "For what?"

"For leaving. For not telling you," he admitted, exhaling as he ran a hand through his curls. "I just... I couldn't sit around and pretend like everything was okay when I felt like this huge part of me was missing."

Hayden didn't say anything, just kept watching him. It made him nervous. She always had this way of looking at him, like she could see right through him.

"I didn't even think," he continued, shaking his head. "I just got on a bus and left. And I didn't even stop to think about who I was leaving behind."

Hayden finally spoke, her voice quiet but steady. "You felt like you had to go."

She knew the feeling. She might've been the only one to understand it, which is why she wasn't as upset as she wanted to be with Miguel.

She wished Robby saw it that way.

Miguel nodded. "Yeah. I needed answers. I needed to know if there was some piece of me out there that would finally make me feel whole." He let out a small, dry laugh. "Turns out, there wasn't."

Hayden tilted her head slightly, waiting for him to continue.

"My dad... he's not a good guy," Miguel admitted, his jaw tightening. "My mom kept that from me for a reason. And when I finally saw it for myself... I just wanted to go home." He glanced down at his hands, then at her. "And then I saw you, and it felt like I could finally breathe again."

Hayden's lips parted slightly, something flickering in her expression-surprise, hesitation.

"I was worried about you," she admitted, barely above a whisper. "You didn't even tell me. I had to find out from Johnny."

Miguel winced. "I know. I'm sorry. I just... I didn't want you to try to stop me."

Hayden huffed through her nose, shaking her head slightly. "Like I could've stopped you."

He smiled at that, but she didn't smile back. She was still watching him carefully, still holding herself at a distance. Miguel wasn't stupid. He knew Hayden didn't let people in easily, that trust wasn't something she gave away without hesitation. But she was here, sitting next to him, listening. That had to mean something.

"I hate that I made you worry," he admitted, leaning back on his hands. "That's the last thing I wanted."

Hayden exhaled slowly, shifting slightly beside him. "I get it. I do," she said after a moment. "I just... I don't like feeling like I don't matter."

Miguel's stomach twisted at that.

"You do matter," he said, sitting up straighter. "Hayden, you-" He stopped himself, inhaling sharply before continuing. "You're the last person I ever want to make feel that way."

Hayden didn't look at him right away. She just stared ahead, her fingers pulling blades of grass from the ground. He wanted to reach for her hand, but he knew better. She wasn't ready for that.

"I don't like losing people," she admitted after a moment. "It's happened too many times. And when I thought maybe I lost you, too..." She trailed off, swallowing.

Miguel's heart clenched. He hadn't realized how much his leaving had affected her.

"I'm here," he said softly. "I came back."

She finally met his gaze, and for the first time all night, something in her expression softened. It was barely noticeable, just the smallest shift in her eyes, but Miguel saw it.

"Yeah," she murmured. "You did."

They sat in silence for a while after that, the night wrapping around them like a quiet promise.

Miguel glanced over at her again, the corners of his lips twitching. "So... do I still get to tutor you, or did you finally catch up on everything?"

Hayden rolled her eyes, but there was no real annoyance behind it. "Unfortunately, I still need your help."

Miguel grinned. "Good. 'Cause I wasn't gonna let you fail anyway."

Hayden scoffed, looking away, but Miguel swore he saw the tiniest hint of a smile on her lips. And for now, that was enough.

For a while, neither of them spoke. They just sat, looking at the city below, and the silence felt comforting. Hayden didn't need to explain herself, and Miguel didn't push her to.

Maybe that's what made her spill.

"I've been thinking a lot," Hayden said, her voice cracking slightly. She wasn't sure why she felt the urge to talk, but it came spilling out. "About everything. About how hard I tried, and... it never felt like it was enough. No matter how much I put myself through, it wasn't enough."

Miguel glanced at her, his expression softening. "Hayden, you did everything you could."

She shook her head, her chest tightening. "But it wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough."

Miguel didn't say anything right away. Instead, he just looked at her, really looked at her. "You were." His voice was quiet, but firm. "You just... you pushed yourself too hard, and when you did that, you lost sight of what really mattered. You didn't have to be perfect."

Hayden let out a bitter laugh, wiping her eyes quickly. "Yeah, well, I've learned that the hard way."

Miguel didn't respond at first. He just nudged her shoulder lightly, a small, comforting gesture. "You're not alone, you know."

Her heart ached at the simple words, and for the first time in what felt like forever, she let herself lean into someone.

"I just need a break," she murmured, staring at the stars. "From everything. From being so... angry all the time."

Miguel shifted, so his eyes met hers. "You deserve peace, Hayden."

There was a small pause as she processed his words, and then, slowly, she allowed herself to believe them. She wasn't sure why, but something in Miguel's gaze made her feel like, for the first time, it would be okay to stop fighting so damn hard.

"Thank you," she whispered, her voice barely audible.

Miguel smiled, a small but sincere thing. "Anytime."

They sat in silence again, but this time, it felt different. More at ease. Like maybe, just maybe, things would start to get better.

After a while, Miguel stood up and stretched. "We should probably get back, huh?"

Hayden nodded, standing slowly. As they started walking back down the hill, side by side, something inside her felt lighter, like the weight on her shoulders had lessened even if just a little.

-

Hayden didn't sleep. The nightmares suffocated her to the point where her body refused to even doze off.

Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Silver's masochistic grin or heard the same voices telling her she wasn't good enough until it was practically embedded in her brain.

She wasn't good enough.

The wind felt sharp against her skin, the night air too cold, too quiet. She pulled her jacket tighter around herself, but it didn't stop the weight pressing down on her chest.

She wasn't okay.

She had spent weeks pretending otherwise. Telling herself she was fine. That she was just tired, that she'd get over it, that it didn't hurt that bad. That the loss wasn't eating her alive. That the bruises Silver left on her body hadn't settled deeper than her skin.

She had spent years believing she had to be strong. That no one would stay if she wasn't. That love was something you had to earn, that it was conditional, that the second you weren't good enough, people left.

And people had left.

Her father. Logan. Robby. Miguel. Grayson. Eliza. Tory.

Hayden clenched her jaw. She shouldn't care. She didn't care.

But she did.

The anger had been there for so long, tangled with everything else-guilt, loneliness, the constant need to prove herself. But now, it felt like it was turning inward.

She had to be better. She had to be strong.

So why did she feel so fucking weak?

Her fingers dug into her palms, knuckles turning white.

She hated this.

Hated the way her hands shook. Hated the way every time she closed her eyes, she heard Silver's voice tearing her down, felt the weight of Tory's strike, saw the way Daniel, Sam, Eli-all of them-had looked at her after she lost.

Hated the way she could still feel Cobra Kai under her skin, the way its lessons still lived inside her like a sickness.

Her breathing was uneven. She pressed a hand to her chest, trying to steady it.

Before she could overthink it, she pulled out her phone and dialed.

It rang twice before Amanda picked up. "Hayden?"

She exhaled shakily, voice tight. "I need to talk to you."

-

Amanda didn't ask questions. Didn't make her explain anything over the phone. She just told her to come.

By the time Hayden arrived, Amanda was already sitting at the dining table, smiling at Esme who was growing more and more concerned with every minute she didn't know what was going on.

"Sit," Amanda said gently, pulling out a chair.

Hayden hesitated before sinking into it, suddenly aware of how small she felt.

Esme's worried eyes scanned over her, her mother's hands hovering, like she wanted to reach out but wasn't sure if Hayden would let her.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Esme asked softly.

Hayden stared at the table. Her throat burned.

For a long time, she didn't speak. Couldn't.

Amanda didn't rush her. Just sat across from her, waiting.

Hayden swallowed. When she spoke, her voice was quieter than it had ever been. "I'm not okay."

She admitted it like she were ashamed to even speak those words.

Esme sucked in a breath. Amanda leaned in slightly, her expression unreadable.

Hayden stared down at her hands, flexing them open and closed. "I-I thought I could handle it. I told myself I was fine. But I'm not. And I don't think I have been for a while."

Her voice wavered. She clenched her fists, like that would steady it.

But the more she spoke, the harder it was to keep it all inside.

"I can't sleep," she admitted, almost like a confession. "I keep waking up. I have these-these nightmares. About Silver. About the tournament. About losing."

Her breath hitched.

"I can still hear him in my head, telling me I wasn't good enough. Telling me I had to keep pushing. That I had to win. And I didn't."

The words caught in her throat.

Esme's hand finally landed on hers, but she didn't flinch away.

"I keep thinking-if I had just done one thing differently, just one thing, it wouldn't have ended like that. That I wouldn't feel like-like I wasted everything. That I wasn't-"

She stopped, but the words were already sitting there, heavy and suffocating.

That she wasn't a disappointment.

Her hands shook beneath her mother's.

Esme squeezed them. "You are not a disappointment."

Hayden swallowed hard.

Amanda leaned forward. "Hayden, what you went through... what Silver did to you, what Cobra Kai taught you-it's not something you just shake off. It changes people. You are not weak because it's still affecting you."

"I don't know how to make it stop." Her voice broke. "I don't know how to stop feeling like this."

Esme rubbed slow, calming circles against the back of her hand. "You don't have to figure it out alone."

Hayden exhaled sharply, staring at the table.

For so long, she had convinced herself she couldn't ask for help. That she had to be fine, that it was just in her head, that she could deal with it on her own.

But she couldn't.

And maybe she didn't have to.

Her eyes burned. She blinked rapidly, refusing to let it happen.

But then Amanda's voice softened. "It's okay to cry, Hayden."

And something snapped.

Her shoulders trembled. Her fingers curled around Esme's hand like a lifeline.

She ducked her head, squeezing her eyes shut.

And for the first time in a long, long time-she let herself break.

She cried. The tears rolling down her cheeks was foreign to Hayden; she couldn't remember the last time she let herself cry.

But today, she let herself cry until she couldn't anymore.

She wasn't okay.

authors note
i've reread this chapter and the other two like five times to make sure their good and to post them PLS