Chapter Thirteen
"luck"

❣︎

We couldn't find anything on the coast, so we continued searching through the Last City. The next day, we finished inspecting the city and went one mile north, east, south, and west.

We have the whole area cleared, yet found nothing.

Thomas throws his water bottle against an abandoned wall, the metal clanking in a harsh manner as we walk back to the boat. We just finished our tour in the east. The Safe Haven is on the west side of North America, so we have two miles left to walk.

I often wonder what's going on in other continents. It seems obvious that South America is going through the same, but what about Europe? Africa? Asia? Would we be able to live a proper life in those continents?

I've heard that the Flare spread worldwide, and so did the Sun Flares, but does that mean they're in the same situation as us, or are they long gone? How many people died there? How many other Safe Havens exist?

All the questions are unanswered and I'm afraid we won't be able to answer them until decades later.

"I'm sorry, Thomas," Aris says quietly. "But we knew this could happen. Now we will just go back to the Safe Haven and fight the Grayshades away. We can live safely."

"No."

"Yes."

"No. I told you we're not stopping."

"I told you several times that we would stop after searching a mile within the Last City," Aris explains, his tone calm. "We're going back, whether you like it or not."

"We've been gone for five days. That's not enough. They'll think we barely tried–"

"Thomas."

"We're not stopping."

"Yes, we are."

"I'm not."

"We've been over this multiple times. You know damn well we're not going to find anything."

"I know that we're giving up while we're close to finding something."

Aris shakes his head with a sigh. "We need to go back."

"No! We haven't even searched through any abandoned buildings yet. He could be hiding there!"

"Along with Cranks, yes. Besides, we haven't come across those buildings."

"WCKD obviously got rid of them. They didn't want Cranks close to their walls."

"Then how do you explain the place Gally stayed at?"

"I don't know. It's burned down by now anyway." Thomas's shoulders drop in disappointment, but it's no sign of giving up. This might just be the beginning. Even if he agrees to go back, this won't leave his mind for a solid year, if not longer. Even if we go back to the Safe Haven, he'll come back here eventually. There is no talking him out of this.

"We can search one abandoned place, but after that, we will leave," Aris suggests. "Can you agree to that?"

"If we don't find anything, we will search another one."

"No. We will only search one."

"Then I can't agree with that."

Even reasoning with Thomas is impossible.

Maybe if I'd speak, I'd leave an impression? I don't know. I imagine Thomas either unbothered or very surprised, nothing in between. And if he's unbothered, it'll be for nothing, and I'll feel ashamed.

"You know we're not leaving you on your own, so you can bicker all you want, but–"

"Exactly. No matter where I go, you're not able to leave my side. And you're not going to drag me back to the boat."

"At this point, I think we will."

"You won't succeed."

Aris's jaw clenches–he's beginning to get irritated. "Lower your attitude. You're not impressing us. You're making yourself look like a fool."

"And so what? I'm not the one who's giving up."

Finally, I step in front of Thomas. He nearly falls at the sudden blockage, then looks at me with a questioning expression.

I shake my head, arms crossed. "You're coming back to the boat with us," I manage, my tone as low as a whisper, but enough to leave him shocked.

My eyes wide. I press my teeth together. Too much air in my throat again. The tickling begins–the pain, the sudden pressure on my vocal chords trembling everywhere. Don't cough, don't cough. If I show how much that hurt, Thomas will push me out of the way and might even let go of a laugh at the ridiculousness of this.

Tears fill my eyes. My hands spasm, their first instinct to reach out for my throat, but I force myself to remain standing.

The pressure in my throat becomes unbearable. I can't hold it back any longer—a harsh, guttural cough bursts from me, tearing through my throat like broken glass. My knees buckle slightly, and I press a hand to my chest as another cough wracks my body, leaving me gasping for air.

"Adelaide!" Aris's voice is alarmed. He moves toward me in an instant, his hand steadying my shoulder.

The world tilts, my vision blurring as my head spins. I grip my throat instinctively, the pain spreading like fire. My body feels weak. I try to breathe, but every gasp feels as if my lungs have forgotten how to work.

"Sit her down." Aris is at my side now, holding me up as I sway. Thomas steps closer, his stubbornness replaced with panic.

Embarrassment floods me, crashing over me in waves that make my already unsteady breaths feel even more suffocating. My cheeks burn despite the cold sweat slicking my skin, and I can't bring myself to meet either of their eyes. This wasn't supposed to happen—I wasn't supposed to let my body betray me like this. The idea of appearing weak, of needing help, has always been unbearable, but this is so much worse. My voice was barely there, strained and broken, and now I've collapsed like I'm some fragile thing they have to protect. Aris is still holding me, steady and calm, but it only makes the shame worse. I don't want to be someone he has to catch. And Thomas, his frantic movements, the worry in his voice... It's too much. The tears welling in my eyes aren't just from the pain in my throat; they're from the humiliation of falling apart in front of them. I should have stayed silent, should have let Aris argue with Thomas instead of stepping in and proving to everyone, especially myself, just how incapable I am of speaking.

My hands twitch as I instinctively try to cover my face, to hide from their gazes, but it's useless. The damage is done.

They try to hold me up, but I shake my head weakly, trying to resist. Unfortunately, the dizziness is too much, my strength draining with every passing second. The coughing fit continues, each one worse than the last, until I can't fight it anymore. My knees give out completely, and I fall.

Aris catches me before I hit the ground, lowering me gently onto the cracked pavement. "Breathe, Adelaide. Focus on me," he says softly, his voice steady despite the urgency. He looks at Thomas. "Grab her bag—there should be water in it."

Thomas pulls the bag from my shoulder and fumbles with the zipper. I want to tell him to slow down, to stop panicking, but I can't form the words.

Aris shifts me so I'm leaning against him. "Stay awake. Just a little longer."

I focus on his words, on the sound of his voice, trying to push past the haze threatening to pull me under. The pain in my throat shreds through flesh with each cough, leaving behind a raw feeling as if molten glass has been poured down my throat.

When Aris lifts my chin and pours water into my mouth, it feels as though that glass hardens. It's sharp. Sharp like needles, or maybe knives, peeling my body from inside out. I choke, but force the liquid down my throat, only for another load to follow.

By the time I feel like I can breathe again, the water bottle is empty. Everything stings, and I know it will be like this for the rest of the day. Perhaps for the rest of the week, if I'm unlucky.

Aris harshly looks up at Thomas. "Now you better come back with us. She went through this for you."

That's a better way to look at it, I guess. More positive, less embarrassing.

Thomas's cheeks catch a faint color of red, almost like he blames himself while it was clearly my choice to speak. And yet, "I can't. I'm sorry. But I really, really can't."

Mentally, he wants to, but physically, he's forced to stay. His own body doesn't allow him to leave. Or maybe the other way around: mentally, he needs to stay, but physically, his body is begging him to return to safety.

It could be either. I'm too shaken to think it through.

"Are you okay?" Aris asks tenderly.

I nod, and it's an obligation at the same time.

"We should head back once you're ready." Then, he leans in, lowering his voice for only my ears to hear. "We need to think this through tonight and might have to sail back while Thomas is asleep."

I shake my head. That will only make things worse. I make a 'talk' sign by repeatedly clapping my thumb against my other four fingers. We need to talk with him. Properly.

If that's possible.

"He won't listen," Aris murmurs.

I grab my notepad. With my hands still shaky, I write, 'We can inspect one abandoned building for his sake and then convince him somehow.'

"We can give it a try, but I doubt it'll work."

'If we're lucky, we find something, and then all of us will be satisfied and encouraged at the same time.'

Aris reads the note, his expression softening, though his brows remain furrowed with concern. He exhales heavily, running a hand through his hair before nodding. He often does that. Often runs a hand through his hair. "Okay. One building," he decides. "But if it's too dangerous, we're pulling out immediately. Agreed?"

I nod.

Thomas, overhearing us, steps closer. "I don't need you to pity me," he says, his tone defensive but his face betraying his guilt. "I'll check the building alone if you're all so worried."

Aris shoots him a glare. "You're not going anywhere alone. That's not how this works. We're a team, even when you're being stubborn."

Thomas looks like he wants to argue, his jaw tightening as he opens his mouth, but I quickly scribble another note and hold it up before he can speak.

'We're in this together. We'll search one building, and then we'll return. No more. I will think it through tonight. Maybe there is a reasonable spot to go to, so we can keep our hopes up.'

His eyes dart between the note and my face, conflicted. For a moment, I think he might refuse again, but then he sighs. "Fine. One building. But we search it thoroughly. Until we find something."

Aris nods, partly satisfied. "Deal. But first, you need to rest." He glances down at me. "No rushing into anything, understood?"

Even as the embarrassment of earlier lingers in the back of my mind, I nod.