˖ ࣪ AGAIN, AGAIN, 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡
AGAIN. . . !

━━━━━ ( 033. real life )
✶ ・・❛ HE'LL NEVER TOUCH YOU AGAIN ❜

TW !
mentions of abuse. . .physical violence

( ☾ )

THE AIR IS THICK AS chris and clementine sit on separate ends of the huge sectional couch taking up a portion of astoria's garage. she can feel the tension in the air as she stares into the floor in front of her and she hates it. it was different when she was in control of that sort of thing, but now that she's the one at fault, it's so much worse.

she toys with the strings of her hoodie and tries to discreetly sneak a glance at chris, but he's already looking at her, his lips a thin line. she instantly looks elsewhere, feeling a familiar burn in her heart that's similar to the one she'd get from a fire.

the air conditioner feels excruciatingly loud with how silent they both are, and clementine wishes a hole would spawn in the ground to come and swallow her whole. a pin could drop and she'd hear it as clear as day.

she continues to feel chris looking at her, so she pulls her legs up to her chest in attempt to feel less uncomfortable. it doesn't work, and she hesitantly looks his way once more. his face is the same and it makes her frown, which seems to be the trigger for him to snap out of it.

"so," his voice catches her by surprise, not having expected him to break the silence first. she hopes her eyes are not too stupidly wide and presses her lips together in anticipation of his next words. "are you going to tell me why you won't be with me?"

immediately, clementine feels herself sit up with the sigh that leaves her lips. "chris," his name on her tongue causes him to sit up straighter as well, and his expression remains stoic after she continues, "it's complicated. it's not that i won't, it's that i can—"

"do you not realize how ridiculous you sound?" he cuts her off when he knows where it's going, refraining from scoffing at her words. "you continue to call it complicated. and you have yet to explain."

clementine presses her lips together once again, feeling silenced since she knows he's right. he's completely right. she looks down to her hands and lets out a breath, "that's because it's hard." a beat of silence follows after she's spoken, so she looks up to find him continuing to look at her like she's stupid. she's starting to feel sick, so she can't help but sigh in frustration, "can you stop looking at me like that for one fucking second?"

she knows snapping at him before their discussion even really starts isn't smart in the first place, but when chris' eyes instantly narrow at her raise of voice, she's harshly reminded of that fact. "sorry," he mutters sarcastically before propping himself up to face her. "sorry that it's hard for me to believe this has been any harder for you than it has been for me. need i remind you, you walked out on me this time! do you even know how many times i've had to watch you go back to him now?" his rebuttal is quick and built on frustration, clementine's eyes widening at the outburst she caused as he continues, "if you wanted to get back at me for christmas, congrats, you did, but you know how i feel about you. and i would never lead you on if i was just gonna go ba—"

"i don't even want to be with him, chris!" clementine cuts him off after growing too annoyed with him running off of his own assumption, fed up with his accusatory tone of voice.

chris only grows angrier with her response, the fact that he just doesn't understand clouding his better judgment. "then why are you?" he doesn't mean to yell as he sits several feet on the couch from her, but he does.

and he catches the way she flinches as clear as day even with the amount of distance between them, feeling his tough exterior suddenly deflate as she clearly struggles before him. he watches her shake her head, trying to internally come up with her response before she says it. "i have to be." she can see the way her answer doesn't satisfy him at all and actually seems to frustrate him further, so she quickly decides to blurt out, "i tried to break up with him."

the quick argument chris already had queued and ready to go dissipates on his tongue with her last words, his brows scrunching together slightly. "tried?" he questions, the shortness of his reply asking her to specify onward.

she purses her lips, feeling pathetic with how this is something she seriously has to explain. she shrugs and prefers not to meet his eyes when she says, "he wouldn't let me."

"clementine," she's disappointed when chris immediately groans in response, purposefully keeping her eyes elsewhere as she hears his disapproval. "he can't force you to be with him, you realize that, right? that's when you're supposed to—"

she hears him stop mid-sentence and curiously raises her head, finding him to to have paused midway. the crease between his brows intensifies as he shakes his head to himself, backtracking and mumbling, "wait, hold on." clementine sits there silently as chris replays her flinch in his head, suddenly getting a feeling in his gut that he doesn't like. somehow, he's already feeling stupid before he even knows if he's right, and just hopes he couldn't be so oblivious to something horrible happening in front of him. carefully, after getting his thoughts together the best he can, he meets clementine's eyes to ask, "what do you mean he wouldn't let you?"

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, clementine?" clementine walks dead straight through the ring of fire when she opens chris' front door and steps onto the front porch to meet the hostile eyes of her boyfriend.

"jax," she begins with a sigh, already feeling the urge to rub her temples as the door shuts behind her.

"i don't know what the fuck you were thinking coming here, but everyone has heard about it by now. we get into one bullshit fight and you come crawling to your ex that already left you?" he emphasizes the last part of his rage-filled tangent, "that's fucking pathetic, clementine." her jaw goes slack at his audacity as he goes on to ridicule her, "you want to come at me for getting with other girls but the second i leave you alone you go running to chris, you fucking slu-"

"don't you dare start that bullshit, jax!" clementine cuts him off in mere disbelief as soon as she hears the remark begin to leave his mouth, scoffing to herself loudly. "stop talking about chris like you know him. i obviously came here for a reason," she tells him pointedly, refraining from raising her voice as she defensively crosses her arms over her chest instead.

"yeah, because you're stupid enough to believe his lies, which i should have known giving your track record," jax continues to talk like he knows chris personally, leaving clementine to huff profusely. he takes a moment to frustratedly adjust his hair before he ultimately sighs and takes a step back, looking into the distance and expecting clementine to just follow blindly when he says, "we can discuss this in the car."

"excuse me?" clementine questions dubiously, giving him a blank expression when he turns back to her with his brows drawn together. she drops her arms to her side and steps slightly closer to him to deliver her message more harshly when she tells him, "you have done nothing but treat me like dirt throughout our entire relationship! everything i convinced myself to feel for you was based off of lies and my own hurt, i don't want anything to do with that anymore." she watches the realization wash over his face and decides finally, "i don't want anything to do with you anymore. i mean it when i say that i'm done, jax."

jax is the one staring at her in disbelief this time once she's finished speaking, and she almost wants to laugh.

clementine blinks repeatedly, pulling herself out of the trance this conversation put her in and moving to turn around and go back inside. that's when jax's hand capturing her wrist stops her. "nah, nah, nah," his chilling voice causes her to freeze and turn back around, meeting his now hard expression. "what are you trying to say, clementine?"

"i'm saying i'm breaking up with you," she answers furiously, pulling her wrist from his grip aggressively and only seeming to anger him more. she ignores this completely. the exit is right behind her; he can't scare her. "we're done," she drills it into him further with an annoyed sigh.

"you're trying to break up with me?" jax seems to finally come to terms with this after a few beats of silence, but worry fills clementine's chest with the dry laughter that follows. she can tell she's in for the worst before he even takes a threatening step towards her, but her heart still drops all the same when he does. he lowers his voice to tell her, "clementine, before me, you were nothing but sturniolo's girlfriend, and without me, you will just be nothing and i'll make sure of that." she gulps, and he menacingly tilts his head. "i could ruin your life, you realize that, right?"

clementine tries to hide it on her face, but her heart sinks at his words because she knows it's the truth. they're from two different worlds; his dad could run for mayor and win and she lives in a three bedroom apartment, for fucks sake. still, though, she glances over the features of his unrecognizable face and replies, "being with you has already ruined me enough."

"ruined?" he repeats absurdly, his jaw clenching clearly in the broad daylight. "you're nothing without me!" he gets the point across for the second time, clementine unable to stop herself from flinching at the raising of his voice. "i've bought half of your entire closet since we got together."

"i never fucking asked you to do that!" she reminds him aggressively.

"well, maybe, i didn't want to be seen with such tra-"

in the heat of the moment, all clementine can feel is her inner rage building and building up until the point where it finally bursts. unthinking, and again, in complete disbelief at his audacity, clementine raises her hand in a flash, moving to slap him across the face. her face instantly stings red with embarrassment, however, when jax stops her before she can even do it with a firm grip on her wrist. she sucks in a sharp breath, and the two of them participate in a heated staring contest before he squints. "you sure you wanna do that, baby?" he asks her mockingly.

she squints back, feeling all the rage that just tried to leave her body with the slap re-enter her immediately. she uses all of her strength to pull her wrist from his tight grasp and wishes that she had the courage to slap him correctly. she doesn't though, so she has to hurt him with her words instead. she simply hums and purposefully mumbles with a shrug, "sounds better from chris' mouth."

his jaw goes so tight she's afraid he might snap a bone in it right in front of her. his tongue rolls over the inside of his bottom lip and she can see the thoughts filling his mind before he suddenly reaches for her wrist for the third time. she tries to pull it away immediately this time, but he tightens his grip and starts pulling her in his direction before she can. she scoffs loudly, being dragged as he turns and rushes them down the porch steps.

she nearly trips on the way down, so she begins resisting as much as she can once they reach the side walk. "let the fuck go!" she groans, pulling back with all of her might as it only makes him drill his fingers into her skin more and more. "you're hurting me, you asshole! god, i am so done with you and your bu-"

jax stops walking abruptly, causing her to bump into his back as he suddenly lets go of her hand. before she can even process this freedom however, he turns around and gives her just enough time to register the complete lack of anything in his eyes before his hand comes flying in her face.

she's hit by a wave of shock as her head swings to the side following jax's sudden slap. she hears sirens blasting in her brain telling her to run, but she's frozen in place. she's never had a man put his hands on her before...until him. she just stands there in shock, lips parted as she continues to stare in the direction his slap left her looking in.

she can't even tell time is still passing until jax's cold hand on her chin causes her to flinch, forcibly pulling her out of her trance. her eyes are wide as they snap back to him, and she finds his still as lifeless as they were before he laid a hand on her. "when chris had you crying in the library like a baby and all of your so-called friends chose to talk to him instead of you, i was the one who fucking put you back together," he reminds her harshly. "i fixed you, clementine, and you repay me by going back to chris?" he questions in an almost pained voice, as if he really can't understand. "all he's going to do is hurt you again, again, and again," he tells her definitely.

clementine remains silent, unwanted tears beginning to well up in her eyes as he continues. "we are not going to break up," he starts, clementine's heart sinking immediately. "we're not going to take a break. we're not going to do anything—because i love you and i'm willing to look past it," he tells her confidently with a sigh, stopping her from moving when she tries to shake her head. "don't try to throw away everything we've built for whatever bullshit he's selling you."

"jax," she practically whimpers, trying her best to ignore the huge lump in her throat and the heaviness of his touch still on her chin. "we'd be much happier without each other," she tries to convince him.

he only shakes his head. "i love you."

clementine breaks, a tear finally falling down her cheek as she forces herself to look away from his empty eyes. jax notices this, and she hears him sigh again before he takes a step closer to her. "hey," he lifts his other hand to her face and grabs her cheeks, forcing her tear-filled eyes to meet his. "i love you and we can just forget about this all."

clementine shakes her head until his hands lose their grip on her face. "i don't want to forget about this!" she strongly tells him. "you were with other girls, jax," she reminds him, leading a wave of frustration to wash over him. "and i—" she struggles at her first try, "i.. love ch—"

"don't you fucking dare, clementine."

she looks him dead in the eye and lets out a deep breath. "i love chris, and i think you know that."

jax looks down to the concrete, clicking his tongue to himself before he begins subtly shaking his head. when he looks back up at her, there's this condescending expression on his face that she just hates. "yeah, that's not gonna work though, is it?"

"jax," she sighs defeatedly, giving him a pleading look for him to leave her alone already.

"no," he quickly lets her know what she wants will not be happening. a crease between her eyebrows forms as he begins, "you know my family. you know what i'm capable of. it's why you haven't made a run for the door yet." unfortunately, he's right again, so it's her turn to look to the concrete. he takes one last threatening step towards her and tells her, "now, get in my car and we can go back to my place and settle this."

when she looks up to meet his eyes, she decides to continue fighting with the very little of her dignity she las left. "don't do this."

"get in the fucking car, clementine," he seethes.

and just like that, clementine knows it's game over.

she takes in a pitiful breath and looks back to the concrete, frowning at it as she begins walking down the sidewalk at a dreadfully slow pace. she feels her misery consume her the closer that she gets, and when she finally reaches the car, she looks back to him before reaching for the door handle. his expression is stoic, and it encourages her to tell him, "for the record, jax, love is too out of reach for you to even speak of it."

jax raises his eyebrows at her bold statement, approaching her from where he was still stood on the sidewalk and stopping only when he's way too close to her. he leans in to lowly taunt her, "and what has love done for you, clementine? because to me, it looks like all it's done is brought you right to me."

once clementine realizes she can't even argue that, she accepts her haunting fate and climbs inside the vehicle.

CLEMENTINE ANXIOUSLY WATCHES chris for his reaction, her thumbnail in between her teeth. for the past minute, he's sat there pinching the bridge of his nose in silence, and she can't tell what he's thinking. she doesn't want to speak again until he speaks, but the urge to break up some of the tension grows stronger the longer that they sit there.

just when she's surely about to break, she hears him let out a sigh and finally lower his hand. before she's able to get a good glimpse at his face, he stands up from his place on the couch. clementine's heart drops, her eyes following him when he begins walking towards her side of the couch. her eyebrows furrow and just as she whispers his name, he plops down right beside her, confusing her even more. she curiously glances over to him when she feels him scoot close enough for their bodies to be touching, and feels her eyes soften when she gets close enough access to see the tears glazing his eyes. he can barely look at her, and casts his gaze to the floor as she finally relaxes enough to lean against him. "should've told me," he murmurs.

clementine frowns at the slight red tint to his face she can now see clearly, joining him in looking at the floor. "i'm sorry," she shamefully apologizes. she knows she should have; she just hadn't felt strong.

at this, chris realizes his emotions are not first priority. he frowns, looking over to her and finding her gaze on the floor. he stretches his arm out to wrap around her and pulls her close so that she can lay back on him. "no, i'm sorry, clem," he tells her softly, lowering his head to press a gentle kiss to her shoulder blade. she looks over to him with the touch, and watches him pull back to continue, "'s not your fault. i can't believe i was so hard on you."

they hold eye contact for a long moment before clementine breaks it with a sniffle, feeling the need to look to the floor again so that she can speak. "i don't know what to do," she quietly admits, feeling the safest she has in a while in his arms.

chris watches her in her most vulnerable state and feels so angry with himself for ever being harsh with her. he rubs at her shoulder so that she'll look at him and he tells her surely, "you be with me, that's what you do." his face remains serious as they lock eyes, and he feels the need to reassure her as much as he can as soon as he can. "clementine, you aren't just stuck with him. that's not how it works," he explains to her gently, taking in a short breath before growing quieter to add, "just stay with me. you're safe with me."

she feels her bottom lip tremble, overwhelmed with a multitude of feelings due to his words. she lets out an embarrassingly shaky breath and feels like the universe is about to walk in and call this all a prank. "you promise?" she asks, feeling small.

the corner of chris' lips turn upwards, feeling his chest expand with an unfamiliar relief. "i promise," he assures her.

then, she sighs. she sighs heavily and scoots close to him, suddenly desperate to be near him after feeling so apart from him for so long. she wraps her arms around his torso, filling him with a sense of warmth he'd almost forgotten and causing him to sigh against her as she rests her head on his side. he drops his arm from her shoulder and pulls her into him by wrapping both of his arms around her back, causing her head to fall into the crook of his neck as he sighs for the second time. he hasn't felt this good in a while, so he's struggling to comprehend that she's real, and this is happening. they're really hugging.

"i missed you so much," he whispers into her hair as he squeezes her tightly, his eyes automatically closing due to the solace he finds in her touch. he was convinced he'd never get to experience this again, and now that he knows that won't be happening any time soon, he also knows he won't be able to let it ever even be a possibility again. he's not sure he'll even be able to let her go after this hug.

his thoughts are interrupted when he feels a muffled sob in his neck, and the corner of his lips instantly twist downwards. "hey, hey, hey," he's immediately attempting to comfort her, seeming to make it worse as he carefully picks her legs off of where they were nearly falling off of the couch, and tries to adjust them on his lap instead. clementine takes over and readjusts herself, finally raising her head and giving him a chance to look at her growing puffy face. "baby," he frowns, the nickname sending clementine over the edge as she instantly covers her face to prevent from crying in front of him. he reaches for her hands the second she puts them up, and his voice is quiet as he soothes her, "it's all okay now. what's wrong?"

she shakes her head, struggling to speak. he knows that's what she's trying to communicate, so he gives her time and lowers his hands. eventually, she lowers her hands herself and attempts to tell him, "i'm just sorry."

his frown deepens the second she opens her mouth. "you don't have to apologi—"

"no, but i am," she interrupts him with a pained sigh, chris slowly closing his mouth. he realizes she needs to do this and allows her to continue on, "i'm sorry i went to him in the first place." chris nods his head to encourage her to go on when she seems unsure of her words. "it was to make you mad. it was always just supposed to be to make you mad, but it got so real and..." she trails off for a moment. "it never should've happened," she admits with a single shake of her head. she feels prone to tell him, "a part of me always missed you."

"oh, clem," he sighs, reaching a hand forward to tuck a stray hair of hers behind her ear as the other rests on her backside. "none of that matters anymore, it's over now," he tells her comfortingly, feeling satisfied when she nods her head in agreement. "besides, you know i just would've waited."

chris adds his last sentence to keep things light-hearted, but clementine only frowns. "but you shouldn't have to," she says, still somewhat defeated at all the time she's wasted recently.

chris shrugs, completely honest when he tells her without shame, "i'd wait for you for the rest of my life if that's what it takes, clementine."

clementine feels her heart swell in her chest, smiling at him for the first time tonight and allowing herself to feel happy that they finally got here. "i'm through with waiting," she sighs, feeling her tears begin to dry as chris lazily smiles back at her. "he was never you," she says the four words he's been dreaming of since the first horrid day he saw her with jax, and he immediately feels oh-so-content with the journey it took them to get here, no matter how rough it's been.

chris gives her a toothy grin before both of his hands slide up her backside to pull her into him. "i know that's right," he mutters lowly, catching the playful roll of her eyes before he leans in and closes his eyes to finally connect their lips. the second her lips match his movements like they always have and he feels her hands find their rightful place in his hair, he truly sees himself sliding a ring on one of her fingers someday.

her posture straightens on his lap the more intense their kiss quickly grows, passion with how far apart they've felt from one another igniting their every move. chris finds himself sitting up more and more to meet her as halfway as physically possible, smoothly sliding his tongue into her mouth after he feels her nails dig into his scalp just the way he likes. his hands slide up underneath her hoodie, coming in contact with her bare back when she suddenly giggles against his lips.

the noise has him unable to resist from breaking apart from her to smile, finding her expression to match his and reaching forward to kiss her cheek. "mine," he mumbles, pulling back and earning a giggle from her once more. it sounds like music to his ears, so he quickly aims to hear it again. "mine," he kisses the tip of her nose, feeling it scrunch up in response of his touch and grinning to himself. he then kisses the corner of her mouth and repeats once more, "mine."

clementine smiles at him, feeling like she's been hit by the love bug for the first time in a long time. it feels good. she reaches a hand forward to hold his sharp jawline, momentarily admiring the way it feels in her hand since it's been so long, and leans down to meet his lips again. she feels him smile against her before he kisses her back, his hands returning to the underneath of her hoodie.

the warmth of chris' touch dances across her skin, spreading from her back to her entire body and providing her with an overwhelming sense of home. his touch is so soft, and so comforting, and so opposite of jax's, that she can't believe she hadn't come running to him sooner. when they have to break apart for air, chris mumbles just barely so that clementine can hear him, "he'll never touch you again." his words comfort her far more than he understands, and she just melts further into his touch. his lips are soft and his kiss is soft and he's so soft. he's perfect.

he kisses her again, again, and again before he deems it enough—and he means for the time being, because it could never really be enough. when they finally separate, they're both out of breath, and it reminds him of all the good times. now that he knows there's more ahead of them to come, it feels like walking on clouds. "you think clint will welcome me back?" he asks once they're left in silence.

clementine immediately laughs at the question, thinking on it and her father's hatred for jax for a moment before she decides, "i think he'll be relieved."

"good," he sighs, that genuinely making him feel better. he then glances over the softness of her features, unable to help himself from grinning for probably the billionth time. "i know i am."

💌

a double update in this economy? absurd i tell you

babies r home for good 🫂

<3
jaden